At the risk of stating the obvious, it is easy, satisfying, there is no stress to please another person and it creates no feelings of obligation to another person. (I know all about problems with obligation too well.) Don't misunderstand, I say this as someone who is dying to love another person again. Heck, I'd be absolutely thrilled to have intimacy with someone else just three to four times a YEAR, dressed or notOriginally Posted by ReineD
FACT: Women can be "thrown off their sex drive" much easier than men. For all kinds of reasons.
FACT: Women are physically designed to have a much harder time reaching orgasm than men. [when having an orgasm WITH a partner] Just good ol Evolution at work.
Also, some women can become accustomed to "faking them" IF a guy never figures out what she needs OR she can't/won't tell him.
^^^ None of this has anything to do with CDing but is something you should keep in mind.
So, YES, at times, it might be better for a man [OR a woman] to literally take matters into their own hands if they have an itch.
It's really sad Tara, that you don't understand even in the most elemental way, how a woman feels.
Stephanie S hit the nail on the head...we can tell the difference.
Last edited by ReineD; 06-21-2012 at 04:41 PM. Reason: Sending you a PM.
[SIZE="4"]Momarie[/SIZE]
AberdeenQueen, everything in your post (#51) was relevant to the thread topic, and criticism of it was a bit unfair in my opinion. I liked the honesty, telling your situation as it was and as it is. Anyway....
For some, sex is very important in their marriage. It will be difficult for some to understand that for some marriages, great sex isn't a requirement for a great marriage. Likewise, some couples that have great sex can have a lousy marriage. Sex is only one of many factors, and vary in importance for different marriages.
Interesting thread. People change over time, some become more intimate, some less so. Some people take to skydiving too. Over 33 years of living with the same woman and falling in love with her everyday, I think I know why MY SO has slowed down sexually. That doesn't make her any less desireable to me but it does leave me 'high and dry'. After two kids (one a mystery baby at the age of 42, in England and we just KNEW it wasn't jet lag or the water), a career that takes 12 to 14 hours out of her day, we grab what ever time we can grab just to be in the same room with each other. Having been through all of this and still doing the career thing, being 62 years old and years past the big 'M' (she looks better than and out works any 30 year old), my lady prefers the idea of just 'aging gracefully'. Sex is not a priority for her though my personal sex drive is still about what it was when I was 20. She is TIRED and I really mean exhausted at the end of the day. She is also aware of my high sex drive. So what to do?? My Love is more than aware of and approving of my proclivity for feminine attire (Mainly under dressing and it is NOT an intrusive part of the bedroom scene). She herself has bought me clothing made of the softer, more feminine fabric, saying it is a shame that my skin has to be subjected to the rough fabric that most mens clothing is made of. She even bought me a really nice nylon tricot sleep ensemble two days ago. Said the top was for her and the bottoms were for me. With her, it is the painfulness of intercourse that even personal lubricants can't always take care of that seems to be part of the problem.
MY response?? I do everything I can to make her life easier and stressfree. A weekend at the beach, time in the country, a clean house, a warm meal prepared by me or our daughter when she is home from University, a glass of wine. At night, a long hot tub, all over massage, etc. Yes, it is frustrating for me when she falls asleep and leaves me 'high and dry' after she has gently had her satisfaction. I could go somewhere else I suppose, but since this began over 10 years ago, I haven't. Many opportunities, even from her co-workers and close friends who are aware of the situation have presented themselves. Temptation is always there. Even old friends of mine from high school days (really pretty ladies) have made the offer. I have a really vivid imagination though and have been able to take care of 'business' on my own. No,it isn't the ideal, but I have a beautiful, fine lady that I love very much. She understands me, I understand her, we have two great kids (my daughter is TG and knows I CD) and a good life. I can indulge my feminine side whenever I wish, inside or outside the house.
I'm at peace I suppose.
I wish you well in finding your peace and fulfillment.
So absolutely true. If both great sex and a great marriage share the same relationship, that's fine. If it's not to be, one has to weigh which is more important.
Last edited by Tamara Croft; 06-21-2012 at 11:02 PM. Reason: Multiposting isn't allowed, posts merged
Since when is it unfair for members to give their opinions? If you were a GG reading that post you'd find a lot to criticize as well. You're not, hence my observation this may be a "Venus and Mars" thing, meaning that men and women are on entirely different planes with their thinking.
If after a 17 year marriage my SO said to someone that he had loved me dearly but the best sex he had ever had was a one night stand with a man, I should hope this person might ask him if he didn't think that was a very sad comment to make. Women are sexual creatures too, and when they're not, there's a reason.
Reine
I get the impression that you try and get your wife to dress up in order to get the most out of your sessions of passion... And I can see trying to make the most of it, when you get it... But to your wife, it probably seems like she isn't important other than as a warm blooded mannequin holding up lingerie you like.
It is possible that she doesn't have sex with you more often because she doesn't feel desired or wanted enough. What if you fixed one problem at a time, starting with communication? Talk about why your frequency of sex is the way it is. If there is an issue in the way, deal with it. Then you can work on increasing the frequency of sex, and then try to see if you can do a dressed up sex once you have had plenty of the normal sex that your wife likes. It is important though to make sure she is feeling desired even when dressed up.
Yes, it is bad to get more pleasure out of dressing than out of sex.
I could type out a huge essay and discuss the various side topics that have inevitably sprung up during the course of this thread, but really... It all boils down to one simple truth. And really, if my language bothers you, better /ignore me now.
People taking shit for granted. Not appreciating what lucky crap they have in their lives, etc.
Yes I do Momarie. But the definition of masterbation does not become different just because what gender is speaking of the definition of masterbation.
And of how a woman feels, I follow what Stepfanie S was saying and of how when a cd gets sexually arroused and then comes to her for releif that she can resent that the cd is using her and that she may resent that it wasn't her that got him in the arroused state. I feel you there. But wouldn't it be the same if a wife sees a show on tv or she goes out with the girls, or if a wife watches some porn one night and she becomes arroused and intitiates love making with her husband, is she using him the same way. Isn't a wife or husband or partner supposed to be there for the other one when one partner finds themselves arroused and comes to thier partner, even if it wasn't thier partner that got them sexually arroused? I think, of course, yes, but it is not masterbation, that was all I was saying. I've had my wife wake me up to initiate loving from me, just after she has had a dream about another,I don't feel insulted nor used in those scenerios, it is good for both of us, M'bation is not what it is. I do connect and understand a women's feelings in this, I feel I come closer to that by being a cd myself.
Last edited by Tara D. Rose; 06-22-2012 at 07:55 PM.
It's not a simple answer because it's all a matter of degree. Yes, both men and women get turned on by many things including fetish wear or some fetish activities, or porn, etc, and these things are used to spice up their sex lives. This is fine. But when one partner is into a fetish to the point it has become a paraphilia (he simply can't orgasm without it, or sex without the fetish is flat, or in the OP's case he prefers the fetish to having sex with his wife), then the couple has an issue if the wife isn't into the fetish as much as he is. She begins to feel like an accessory.
So no, it's not the same thing.
Reine
Best answer. .....very smart, very true.
there is a distinct, may I say thick, line between paraphilia and gender identity.
I love being a girl in the deepest public spectrum, it is me. I want and need no sexual aspect of it. I merely want to be on the girls team. that's a gender identity issue.
Last edited by NathalieX66; 06-23-2012 at 12:27 AM.
No way faberge!
IMHGSO, NOT AT ALL....but now for the disclosure: I am long on-, whoops, wrong forum! Okay now, I might be a bit biased because I never got married (I'm 52) and never even had a girlfriend because doing so would have interfered with my extremely indulgent crossdressing! Serious! Yep, and in fact, I dated less than a dozen times in my life because almost each of every date I did go on DID keep me from crossdressing and hence, after the some-odth time I decided I would have no more of that and that absolutely nothing would ever again (as long as I could help it) keep me from my unquestionably-most-favorite activity in all of life in all the world!
But that said, I also have an [almost] pre-packaged response to such a question that even hints at involving those nasty words (non-words in my vocabulary!): could[have], should[have] sort-of 'is it right or wrong; bad or good, okay or not okay' can-o'-mincing, effeminate worms: Bad by who's definition!? Good by who's definition? It all relates to that rote, concrete, solid bottom line: If it makes you happy, hurts no one and causes you no grief or stress...danged right it is GOOD! Ya know what I means, Sis? like the gist of what I'm trying to say? Even more simplified: remember that old catch phrase from - when was it? the 70s?: "If it feels good, do it."
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