My Dear Regan
My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers. Once things settle down a bit. Let her know that this is just a rollercoaster ride in the fog, but be prepared to be her side constantly and lovingly. Also be ready to give everything up(put away or throw away the rollercoaster and tracks) and pray w/ her about. Now, the guys on the phone, Im afraid that one is yours.
Thera
Regan,
My heart goes out to you. Your situation is similar to my own in many ways. I hope that things work out for you and your family. The road ahead will be long and rough, I hope you and your wife find the strength to weather this storm.
Shannon
If you're still attracted to your wife then you aren't gay. There is a possibility of being bi or the gray area between the "regular" idea of "straight" and bi. Or just straight.
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher
Wow, I understand this one. After 2 years, every text, every call, every email, every look, every everything is from another CD.....I have a gazillions CD friends all over the universe.
Not so. Women seem to often forgive unfaithfulness far better than they do crossdressing, because crossdressing can easily change whether they are sexually attracted to us, or not. There are plenty of women who remain attracted to men who are involved with other women; but there are far fewer who are attracted to feminine men, or worst case, transexual MtF persons. Only we CD'ers see a 'little' girl dressing as no big deal (that's one effect of being on these forums and becoming overcome with the 'pink fog' that makes us forget how the rest of the world REALLY thinks about us!), the rest of the world see it as a really BIG deal!.Originally Posted by STACY B
All I can say, Regan, is to be prepared for the worst possible outcome. It may not come to that, but be prepared anyway.
Then, LaLachic wrote:
Uh, no. If you know they are male, and are sexually attracted to them, doesn't matter what they are dressed as, gorilla suit, evening gown, or fire hydrant; you are at least bisexual.Are you attracted to men only when they're in women's clothing? Then you may be "straight [
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
The CDing is actually the secondary problem here. In their case, the major issue is that the poster could be gay and was apparently flirting with another man. That's a much bigger show stopper than CDing.
Thanks everyone I am seeing a good therapist and my wife and I are doing a lot of talking. She does not care about the dressing, her main issue right now is the lies and killing the trust. I am not sure where the dressing will fit but at least we are working on keeping the marriage together for now. There have been a few blow ups, which she deserves, but all in all things are o.k. right now and have good chance of coming out o.k.. I also do realize at anytime she can decide not to continue the marriage but I am trying to do everything I can to find out who I really am and be the husband she deserves.
Regan
Best of luck, Regan, and it's good of you to update us. Keep the communication open with her at home and know that I'm sending you good thoughts on how this turns out.
Awws Regan....sorry to hear that she found out that way....
Maybe from an objective female perspective this can give you some understanding....the CD is not really the big deal in this situation...her issue is the texting and chatting w CD's and men is the big issue. The potential for cheating that could have happened is what she is mostly fearing...cheating w a man is that hardest because she feels if it was a woman she could at least have a chance to compete and win u back but, with a man she can't even begin to compete ...she has absolutely no way to compete and win.
as for the possible gay issue...
a few things that may help u to figure out.....think back when you were a kid back before you really thought about sexual things : were you attracted to males or was your first crushes girls. this may be an indication of which way you lean....most first crushes on real people/movies stars are fairly true to which way you lean.
2nd...if you have children you may at least be Bi...pardon my crassness ....if you could get it up w her to have relations you are at least Bi. possibly staight w femme tendancies towards guys. I have many gay friends that state that they would now way be able to get it up w a woman w/o some serious fantisizing. Most gay men cannot.
Being a CD is something you were born with, just like your personality, and whether one is gay or not. . It is who you are cannot change what is intrinsically who you are. You can only modify behaviors.
Just hang in there .....evrything will turn out for the best. It will be alot of work.....
Good luck! HUGS! take care of you .
Like any of us who have ever "come out" or been caught, my wife asked me if I was gay or "turning". I assured her that I was and am not.
While I have some virtual friends on this forum who are crossdressers, It has never occured to me to contact them privately, call them on the phone, or meet them in person. It's nothing personal, just not a relationship I want.
I can easily see that a woman who found out her husband was secretly seeing men on the side and especially while dressed as a female would be really upset. I'm not sure a woman wouldn't be more upset to find her husband running around with a man than if he was running around with a woman.
None of us here can fix this for you even if you want it to be fixed. It's something you and your wife will have to work out for yourselves. I wish you the best of luck.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Lady Panda
You are correct about what is really upsetting her. We are working on the whole thing and I am seeing a good therapist about all my issues. I realize the cd thing is something from birth and so I just need to get clarity around the gay\bi issue. Thanks for your input you are very insightful
Regan
Regan,
you are very welcome. I have been around the block so to speak many times. I have talked many times with friends about many things ...lot of gay people that I have worked with. I am a Hair dresser.
I have helped many friends of My daughter that are teenagers helping to come to grips with coming out being gay and lesbian.
I live my life by my heart.
My SO is also a CD.
I am prone to long walks just contemplating things......and a few psych classes ... was considering being a councellor for a time. Stilll I like to help when I can.
Good luck with your woman.
Pease keep us posted ...and if you wanna talk .....you can post or message.
BIG HUGS!!!
I have been working with my therapist that the gay portion could be an addiction to the idea of being with a man. I am also looking at the dressing in the same manner. I let him know Saturday that I just cannot see the dressing in the same way, I do not know if I can give it up. He did suggest I talk to my wife about the possibility of bringing the dressing side of me into our relationship, if she would be open to it. She told me in no uncertain terms that she does not like the dressing and does not want to have anything to do with it. The problem also is the kids and I cannot risk screwing them up and so I have to decide how what to do with my urges to dress. I can see more and more that the gay portion might be an addiction but I really cannot see how I am going to put the dressing away. Well I just keep working on it and will keep you updated. Also thanks for all the support and I especially appreciate the fact that everyone here is not afraid to tell me how it is, I really need that right now so thanks.
Regan
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