For some folks perhaps, but I was married for 20+ years before I started actively CDing. I'll therefore have to look elsewhere for the answer to the Eternal Question.Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels
For some folks perhaps, but I was married for 20+ years before I started actively CDing. I'll therefore have to look elsewhere for the answer to the Eternal Question.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I can't tell you how many posts I've read from CDers who've said they also thought they dressed because they didn't have a SO in their lives, until they discovered after they'd been in the relationship for awhile that the desire to CD always came back.
Honestly I think the thrill we all experience (CDs, non-CDs, & GGs) when we're in new relationships or newly in love is akin to euphoria, or at least it was for me. Every time I saw my SO or talked to her in the first few years, my heart went pit-a-pat. It makes sense that some CDers who feel this way might believe as if they no longer need to feel the euphoric feeling that comes from dressing, so they stop for awhile (if they haven't accepted themselves to the point of sharing this with a SO). Many members have said they've stopped dressing for a few years after the beginning of a relationship.
... but then relationships mature and go into phase 2, as they all do. The deep feelings are there, but the particular "thrill" that comes with new love will have abated. That's when the need to CD starts up again, for the CDers who had put the dressing aside for awhile. The reasons for dressing are internal, not because someone is not in a relationship.
Last edited by ReineD; 07-03-2012 at 05:42 PM.
Reine
Same dancers in the same old shoes,
You get too careful with the steps you choose,
You don't care about winning ,
but you don't want to lose...
Name that tune
Wow! Sounds to me like someone has been watching too many bad movies
In my teens and University years I dabbled with CD thinking it was exploration and yes, I did this more when I didn't have a 'steady' girl-friend (GF). My first serious GF I gave up dressing... then went to Uni and it was always there, but subsiding in times of great girl activity and coming back at others. I always saw it as an alternative means of 'exploration'... I never realised what was really going on!I can't tell you how many posts I've read from CDers who've said they also thought they dressed because they didn't have a SO in their lives, until they discovered after they'd been in the relationship for awhile that the desire to CD always came back.
Honestly I think the thrill we all experience (CDs, non-CDs, & GGs) when we're in new relationships or newly in love is akin to euphoria, or at least it was for me. Every time I saw my SO or talked to her in the first few years, my heart went pit-a-pat. It makes sense that some CDers who feel this way might believe as if they no longer need to feel the euphoric feeling that comes from dressing, so they stop for awhile (if they haven't accepted themselves to the point of sharing this with a SO). Many members have said they've stopped dressing for a few years after the beginning of a relationship.
... but then relationships mature and go into phase 2, as they all do. The deep feelings are there, but the particular "thrill" that comes with new love will have abated. That's when the need to CD starts up again, for the CDers who had put the dressing aside for awhile. The reasons for dressing are internal, not because someone is not in a relationship.
In my marriage of 'umpteen' years, I have dressed more in the 'downturns', but I didn't really start getting a handle on this until maybe ten - twelve years ago when it started to bite hard... Ironically I was at my most sexually active ever (heterosexually)... so there was now no link with no SO at all... or lack of sex...
This may be a short term reason for experimentation, but if it persists it comes from within...
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
There are so many Pyschological reasons that might drive me to crossdress. I think I do try to mimic when dressed the kind of women I find attractive. I also like looking at myself while dressed. It's far more than creating my ideal woman though. It's projecting by an outward appearence what I feel inside, not just what I would like to have but have not found in a real GG.
If the above was the main or only reason for crossdressing, then all crossdressers would be content to crossdress only in private and not want to ever leave the house or interact with anyone. I think if all CD's only wanted to crossdress in private and cared nothing for interacting with others the theory of creating in yourself what you cant find IRL might be be valid.
Reine, and Toni made me think a lot. I see where i would still have the urge to dress, even if i had a SO. Maybe not as much.
I've said that about the male me, who is now merging and allowing me to become a whole woman.
A prisoner in a kings disguise - Styx
Originally Posted by Lorileah
I would date me if I could but I know I wouldn't want to marry me.
Right on sister!
It's all about the illusion. Unlike our SO, we command and are in charge of the replicated female that we create. In our mind's eye, she takes on an amazing sense of beauty. So we want to see her again and again as we gain greater skill in our artistry of making her what we want her to be. We become attached and may even fall in love with her -- ouch!
This is our hologram, and we become so dependent on her that we never want to forsake her. Yet she is us. We cannot part.
ADDENDUM: BTW, the first reason to cross dress is because we are born with it. Multitudes of reasons fall into place behind that reason including substitutions. Me thinks anyway.
Last edited by TeresaL; 07-04-2012 at 01:11 PM.
I'll kill anyone who accuses me of that!
Or maybe not, just give me that short-term thrill.....now, now!
Rebecca x
In all seriousness, I do love a one-size fits all description, that in reality fits no-one.
Married for so many years, same girl since my early teens, I most certainly do not substitute in any way.
I just love being femme.........oh, full stop!
Is there only one reason for anything?
Is life not layered into a hierarchy of reasons compelled by wants and within these wants some are necessary to support physical life and others to give a reason to make the effort to sustain life. (a reason to have a reason)
Everything is a relationship between pleasure and pain but each must define what is pleasure and what is pain for and to them.
No one thing can be substituted for another because each is unique so no two experiences are exactly the same even if we treat them as such.
If someone substitutes CDing for a personal relationship than there was no relationship only the illusion of a relationship.
People do this in countless ways, with the television, affairs with other people, escape into addiction but the actual problem is two people forcing themselves on each other instead of choosing to be together, the absence of freedom kills love because love is a gift not a contract.
If someone CD's to fulfill the need for a relationship than is this not like having a pet as a companion but instead you use yourself.
If so this could actually protect the person from entering into a relationship with the wrong person and for the wrong reasons and so protect the other person they may
enter into a relationship with.
Cding will not cure loneliness but it may buy you a temporary reprieve but only by learning how to be a part of life will satisfaction with life be possible.
There are as many ways to have relationships with others as there are people.
Some lovely words there..............
Reine and Teresa, I think you are right. We are born with it. Like being left handed. It just happens. True, it subsides a bit during courting and early years of marriage--but then it comes back. In the mature years we need a bit more intense experience to get the same thrill we got when we were young.
I thought it would disappear foreveer as soon as I got married. It didn't work out that way.
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