How do you tell your SO you want to meet other TGs?

[mscatie85]

First I would like to start off by saying my fiance already knows about Megan and is supportive even going as far as to helping me with makeup and giving opinions on clothes. She says it is like having a girlfriend and fiance all rolled up into one.

I am still in the closet with my dressing, except for the two makeovers I have had I have not been out of my house as Megan. Lately I have wanted to connect with other TGs in person. I feel being able to connect with another individual who has gone down my path or is on the same path as me will be beneficial to understand who I am as a complete person and not someone who has this double life.

Ultimately I know talking will be the key but I reach out to the community to ask of your advice on how best to approach the subject. Should I write a letter before hand. Should I suggest going to a support group. Is there something like reading material or websites that could help shed some light on my reasoning.

Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks.

[jillleanne]

I understand how you feel. For me it was the fact I had something I have in common with someone else and only they can apprecciate the fulll meaning of it all. I simply told my s/o that there are many other people like myself and there are support groups locally that are attended by both the spouse and the tg person. What say we both go and see just what it's all about? We did. We went to Tri-Ess in Kissimmee, Fl. where we wintered annually. We met some wonderful people who remain in our hearts to this day. One tg is a member here and a pure delight to know and have as a friend.

[josrphine]

I too am in Florida, an my s/o an I have been going to the Tri Est group in Ft Myres. MY GG an I have been together for almost 7 yrs. She loves coming to out meetings and is now giving lessons on make up for some of the other gurls. We also help with other couples that the wife has a problem with her Hubby dressing . I have the best of both worlds plus her an I are the same size in cloths an shoes. when we first met an I moved in with her she wore more of my cloth then I did. JO

[DonnaT]

Just talk to her about it, but make sure you invite her along, just in case she might get the wrong idea. Could be a support group meeting, or a (lesbian) night club, where y'all can have fun as girlfriends.

[Bree Wagner]

Megan,

I'd say the key thing to do is just let her why you want to do it. You did it very succinctly in your post here, you can probably use just about the same words. I don't think the format of how you tell her is the terribly important. Point out the benefits to you and her that could happen as a result. If it does help you better understand yourself, how can that not help you express yourself to her and hopefully strengthen the relationship?

Good luck,
Bree

[Mimi]

Just talk to her about it, but make sure you invite her along, just in case she might get the wrong idea. Could be a support group meeting, or a (lesbian) night club, where y'all can have fun as girlfriends.

I agree completely with this answer. A support group would be a great place to start, and inviting her along would probably alleviate any fears she might have about you meeting other people. If there is anybody on this forum you have been communicating with, and the two of you would like to meet, you could invite her along for that as well. It really depends on your typical way of handling your social lives--if she always accompanies you when you go to social events, then she might feel left out if you didn't invite her. If the two of you have your own separate friends and activities and you are both comfortable with that, then I could see her being comfortable with you going out by yourself with a CD group or CD friend so you could openly discuss your feelings and not bore her or upset her. I would definitely discuss it with her, though.

[ReineD]

Ultimately I know talking will be the key but I reach out to the community to ask of your advice on how best to approach the subject. Should I write a letter before hand. Should I suggest going to a support group. Is there something like reading material or websites that could help shed some light on my reasoning.

A few questions:

You are completely open about the CDing with your fiancee. There are no secrets. So why do you feel cautious about telling her that you want to meet other TGs? Is there a particular reaction that you fear and if so, what is it?

Also, you ask about suggesting a support group. Is there a particular group that you'd like to join? Or, have you already made TG friends that you'd like to meet? Also, would you like her to come along or would you feel awkward about this and if so, why?

[Karen Francis]

For one thing, you have to "tell all" to your fiancee, before a final decision is made for marriage. That includes going out to support group meetings, with or without her. Her reaction to the event will tell volumes about how she really feels about your TG personna. I told my wife before we were married, but stayed in the closet for the 1st 30 years of marriage. She was fine with it, until just like you, I wanted to go to a support meeting. That was 9 years ago. Kids were grown, I was going to be very discrete about public activities, neighbors/most friends wouldn't know, doing things in towns 40+ miles away etc.
The more I did the less she liked it, she went to a meeting or 2, very uncomfortable. Didn't even like me dressing at home. She outed me to try to embarrass me into stopping.
I filed for divorce in May 2012.

Don't kid yourself into thinking "everything will be fine" Verify first.