The rollercoaster ride continues.

[patti1569]

A few months ago I was chronicling my first trips out dressed. I’ve been out a handful of times since then, but not lately for a number of reasons. One big reason is how I have been feeling about myself and my dressing. My trips out were preceded by my divorce from my wife who ultimately rejected me for being transgendered. The exploration of myself, and my new freedom from my wife led to going out into the big bad world and I was luving it!! Soon I started to feel very bad, lonely and isolated. I got a tremendous amount of attention when I went out, but not really the type I was looking for. I started missing my family and my wife. I really desire to have a woman in my life to share everything with, even going out dressed. I started feeling rotten because I don’t think that I will ever find someone who will accept me for who I truly am. Most of this is rooted in the fact that my ex-wife is the only person (other than a few therapists) that I ever told about my dressing, and she hated it. The thought of telling someone I meet and have feelings for is terrifying to me. I stopped dressing and shaving my legs/body feeling that anyone I may meet would find it strange. I’ve been dressing since I was a child, so despite my recent feelings I knew it was temporary. I didn’t purge anything and never plan to. I started to shave again and began to feel much better (I loathe body hair). I’m dressing more too, and starting to get the itch to go out again. I’m hoping that these ups and downs start to lessen with time and that my dreams come true and I meet that special woman who will share my life with me including my (mostly) hidden self. Thanks for letting me share my feelings here!! It always helps to put it out there. Hopefully soon I will have more positive things to post about!!! Xx Patti.

[Cynthia Anne]

I feel your pain! I done that for many years! I finally realized the dressing was not going away! I to feel that's why I'm destine to be alone! That's the down side of it all! Good luck to you! Hugs!

[STACY B]

I dont understand why all you ladys are tripping about finding a woman to be with ? There are alot of GGs right here on this very site ,,,,,,,, That LOVE CDs---- TS chix,,, Just holla at them ? They would love to hear from ya Im sure ,,I talk to alot of them all the time ! An I do meen SINGLE ONES !!

[Marleena]

Hi Patti, I always hate to hear of breakups just because we are transgendered. I say get dressed up pretty and start enjoying yourself. Start dating again too but in guy mode. They don't need to know upfront you're transgendered because it takes awhile dating to find somebody you'll click with. Once you find somebody you click with just feel them out subtly about TG issues. Their reaction will let you know if it's worth pursuing because being TG won't go away. I can honestly say every girl I've been serious with picked up on me being different. CDing was never a dealbreaker because I treated them well, probably better than they were used to. My first marriage failed but had nothing to do with CDing.

[Rachel Morley]

I really desire to have a woman in my life to share everything with, even going out dressed. I started feeling rotten because I don’t think that I will ever find someone who will accept me for who I truly am. ...... The thought of telling someone I meet and have feelings for is terrifying to me.

Oh gosh Patti, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, but there are genetic women out there who are ok with this. I'm married to one. I promised myself I would never ever tell a living sole what I really feel about myself as I was sure no one would understand me let alone want to be in a relationship with me. But guess what? If I had kept my promise to myself I would never of met my wife.

I would say that you are more likely to find a partner if you look for one who is empathetic and compassionate, someone who finds it easy to see things from other people’s perspectives, or perhaps someone who is "alternative" in their lifestyle and is somewhat broad-minded in their attitude to life. Someone who knows that there are many ways to live besides what is shown on t.v. Plus, if the chemistry is right between the both of you nothing can stop each other's love toward one another. Good luck and stay happy and confident

[Jacqueline Winona]

Tough times, Patti, and I feel so bad for you. When I read posts like this, my heart breaks. Most women unfortuantely do think like your ex about dressing, but don't give up hope. Patience sucks but keep trying.

[patti1569]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone! I know time will heal my wounds (mostly). Looking forward to brighter days ahead.

[Lyndaloves]

Patti
In time you will find someone new but
if you want to keep Patti a part of your relationship then don't settle for anything less

Lynda

I dont understand why all you ladys are tripping about finding a woman to be with ? There are alot of GGs right here on this very site ,,,,,,,, That LOVE CDs---- TS chix,,, Just holla at them ? They would love to hear from ya Im sure ,,I talk to alot of them all the time ! An I do meen SINGLE ONES !!

Wish there was a special GG here in my home town too.
I have met 3 in my years that have undestood and helped
but all left me for other reasons.

Lynda

[Kaz]

Hi Patti, yeah I really feel for you too. Glad you have accepted the CDing as an integral part of you though as all the evidence suggests that once a CD always a CD. The thing is to find a balance to your life that allows for you to develop all your facets. This may mean time alone as well as time with a partner. When you think about our chances of finding an 'ideal' partner statistically we are all on a loser and so when we do find one that works all round it really is a miracle! Especially as we still don't really know how we are going to develop over time and what challenges we will face in our lives.

But the good news is that there are CD friendly women out there.

[ronda]

Hi Patti she is out there all you have to do is find her just keep looking i have a single GG friend that excepts me as i am and helps me with fem things from time to time so i know they are there we just have to find them don't give up Hugs Ronda

[diannecourtney]

Hi; Girl. with your avatar, you shiuldn't have any problem with mating, just be careful.

[kristinacd55]

Hey Patti,
Yes, sharing always helps ease the pain! And purging isn't the answer because the desire to dress always comes back. Keep looking for that woman, cause she's out there somewhere!

[jillleanne]

Patti, I understand how you feel from having been there so many times in the past. They not just lessened but disappeared for me after I decided I would not hide/lie about who I am anymore and had no problem meeting someone who accepted me, purely by accident. Best thing I ever did for myself in all my years. I'm not saying that is what you need to do but I do believe you will find your inner peace when the time comes, however it comes. There are many women out there that will accept you for who you are and nothing less. Start the dating process again and be upfront with them when the time comes to learn more deeper/intimate secrets about each other.

[RainyNightGirl]

Oh Patti, I am really saddened to hear your story. I really feel heart broken for you. At least you are being true to yourself and that is very important. You will find another girl to be with, she will find you when you least expect it, but you do have to put yourself out there to be found. But you will not be alone for long.

Hang in their sweetie, we all feel for you and are here if you need anyone to talk to.

(((BIG HUGS)))

Natasha
x

[Jill Devine]

Patti never say never. It is possible to find a GG who will accept you and love you. It is possible!

I am married to a wonderful woman who is not only a knock out physically (she really does turn heads) but she also has a heart of gold. It's her kind heart and gentle nature that helped her to learn to accept me.

All things are possible.

[Kassandra56]

Hang in there girl it is possible to find an accepting GG. I've experienced the pain of 2 divorces both of which to some extent where caused by my cross-dressing, my 3rd wife is 100% accepting of Kassandra in fact she chose the name and has bought most of the clothes I now have, we have a wonderful relationship and I know all of the past pain was just a journey towards meeting her. I'm sure you don't believe it now but in the future I'm sure you will look back on these times as part of your journey towards true happiness.

k

[patti1569]

Thanks again everyone!! The kind comments and just knowing that Im not the only one that has been through this is a great comfort. This site and the great people here give me strength to move forward and be the person I am meant to be!! xx Patti.