Some advice please

[SweetNikki]

Hi Girls

I am in a difficult situation at the moment & its getting me down .

The problem is since i started dressing i have found myself more & more & have gotten the chance to dress during the day after me & my SO (Billiebabe) told our 19 year old daughter which she was cool with & accepted me.

So i got to dress 9am to 3pm & at night from 10pm until bedtime. Problems started this week when at 3pm when i had to undress (because it was time to pick up out 11 year old from school who doesn't know) i started to feel i was peeling myself off & getting very down about the whole process & started to hate being in Dad mode .

I know i have to be this for my 11 year old daughter but when you have that feeling inside fighting you & you just want to be yourself its getting harder . Its come to a point that i am now questioning myself on what to do like should i explain & tell my 11 year old? Am i being selfish & putting myself first? should i just carry on with the situation & wait until she is older? Is it just pink fog looming over my head?

These are some of the problems i have & any advice would be appreciated & help me deal with me getting down & protecting my daughter at same time Hugs Nikki

[Annie D]

First of all, realize that your cding is your problem and not your 11 year old's. She has done nothing wrong and the fact that you don't want to change back to Dad mode is something you will have to deal with. The reason that I a replying is that I would advise you to keep your dressing to yourself, wife and older daughter. If your youngest is not aware that you cd, I would wait a couple of more years before telling or letting her find out. At her age, she undoubtedly has many questions about her own sexuality and allow her the time to start dealing with her own questions and anxiety about her own self and not clouding her picture with questions about you. Try and remember when you were going thru puberty and how hard it was for you to deal with your growing attraction to girls plus the fact that you may have started experimenting wearing your mom's or sister's things. Be a dad and let your daughter learn to become the person she is bound to become and let her remain in the spotlight, don't take the spotlight away from her.

[Raychel]

I have battling this same thing in my head for a few years. I have 3 boys, 16, 18, & 24.
You have to do what you have to do to protect the children from any undue stresses in their lives,
I have not told my kids yet, not sure when or if I will. I somehow think that know. But never had the talk.

Do what you know is right. You will know when it is time to have the talk with your daughter.

[sometimes_miss]

Nikki, I've been living with that feeling now for over 40 years. I came to accept that, there are some things in life that require special outfits, and special behavior to do, and we all learn how to deal with it, as long as we can come home to being ourselves at some point. Think about it; soldiers, cops, firemen, divers, etc., all have to wear a special outfit and must maintain a certain behavior to survive in their jobs. I look at it like that; I play the role of a genuine issue guy every time I step out of the house. I'm a good actor, too; I've picked out good looking, well fitting men's attire for my 'job'. With my size and heft, I've mastered the behavior that keeps anyone without a death wish from picking on me. I don't know if this will work for you; but it seems you've already learned how to play the role of dad already. Psychologists have determined that males are way better than women at compartmentalizing our lives. I'll bet you can do it too. But just like going to work every day, remember that you can't do whatever you want whenever you want to. That's just what being an adult human being is all about. Not being able to dress as we want to all the time, well, makes those times when we CAN all the more enjoyable. I hope this helps.

[jillleanne]

I know how you feel Nikki. I do not have any children living at home, but the feelings do not need any reason to exist really. There are times I revert back to male mode just because and hate myself for doing it, and I'm out, and still the feelings of resentment find a way into my brain. Right now we are being hit with a heat wave and it bugs me to put on makeup only to see it run all over because of the heat so rather than dress, I just wait out the heatwave and yet, feel crappy for staying in drab. It's just the way it is but I got used to it and simply accept it. What's a girl to do. lol

[Sweet Caroline]

Cross dressing is a beast that lives on itself (LOL), enjoy the time you have and be thankful. Everything changes all the time. There are many hurdles to overcome on the living as a CD. As time goes one we want more and more. The trick is to manage it, keep control. A time will come when you will decide the full way to go. Kids are important, we screw them up enough. The younger child will eventually learn about you and love you the same. The 11 year old will mature into that 19 year old and with the help of the older sister learn about you and still love and respect you. Boys are much harder to deal with on this matter, be glad you have sweet loving girls.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Do the DAD thing FIRST. It's the right thing to do.

[ColleenA]

Do the DAD thing FIRST. It's the right thing to do.

I like how anonymous has stated it quite succinctly. You are the only dad she gets, and you are the adult. It could be asking too much of her at age 11 to deal with what is a very sensitive and emotion-laden topic.

[Flent]

If she is emotionally stable and doing well, then I think eleven is a good age to tell her. As your daughter, she deserves to know the real you. And there’s the possibility that she already knows, as it’s hard to hide that sort of thing and her sister may have told her already.

But don’t just tell her out of convenience to yourself. She still needs her dad and may not be ready to see you dressed yet – or ever. Let her decide on her own if she wants to see you dressed, maybe offer to show her a photo first.

The “sexual awakening” thing is less likely to be an issue than how it affects her socially. Girls that age can be touchy and have definite opinions about how their parents should act around their friends. (And if she’s not quite at that point yet, she will be soon.) Even if she accepts you deep down, she might still be mortified if you picked her up at school dressed. It could also cause problems at school for her if she’s teased about it.

So I think you should tell her, but don’t expect anything to change.

[SweetNikki]

Thank you for the response

I will always be a Dad first for my little girl as i love her with my heart just like i do my 19 & 21 year old. I was looking for a way of coping with the feelings during that time yes its hard but she will come first i would even stop just for her if it came to it .

[Kate T]

Blunt version
Is it pink fog? YES
Is it selfish to tell your 11 year old so you can feel better? YES.
Sorry, I get a little bit ansy over this. You chose to have children. Their needs come first, every time. Suck it up and be a real woman about it!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki, Just think how yoy would've felt at 11yrs. old if that would've been dropped on you.

This is your problem not hers Family First.

[Sandra]

Firstly she comes first..are you being selfish, well if you are then my SO also was as she wanted to be around more, so we told our daughter who at the time was 14. Now If you do tell her just remember it is not fair to ask her to keep it a secret, that is putting to much of a burden on her. Most children know matter what age cope a heck of a lot better than adults when they are told.