Think I just commited myself.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I have previously mentioned, ( you're all probably sick of me talking about ) a potential SO that I have been pursuing. We went out this evening, and despite me intending to keep everything on a cool level, once again we got into some very deep subjects. Just before we ended the evening, a comment was made, which, to me seemed to be a propitious time for me to say " On that subject, there's something I will have to tell you about me. But this isn't the venue. " ( we were in a bar )

Anyway, the next time we get some privacy, I'm going to come out to her. I've got my infatuation levels down to the point that I'm not going to crack up if she "dumps" me, and things are getting to a very....intense point with her. It will go one way or another very soon. I CANNOT go forward into a relationship with this woman on a false basis, it wouldn't work, and I don't want to anyway, honesty is the only way with this one.

This was a bit...mean, to keep her on tenterhooks, but she has left me hanging a few times, so fair play and all that.

Yes, I know I could come up with some kind of BS when we next sit down to talk, but that ain't gonna fly. She's too smart.

[Lorileah]

Good luck. You know it is the right thing to do

[Elizabeth]

I have previously mentioned, ( you're all probably sick of me talking about ) a potential SO that I have been pursuing. We went out this evening, and despite me intending to keep everything on a cool level, once again we got into some very deep subjects. Just before we ended the evening, a comment was made, which, to me seemed to be a propitious time for me to say " On that subject, there's something I will have to tell you about me. But this isn't the venue. " ( we were in a bar )

Anyway, the next time we get some privacy, I'm going to come out to her. I've got my infatuation levels down to the point that I'm not going to crack up if she "dumps" me, and things are getting to a very....intense point with her. It will go one way or another very soon. I CANNOT go forward into a relationship with this woman on a false basis, it wouldn't work, and I don't want to anyway, honesty is the only way with this one.

This was a bit...mean, to keep her on tenterhooks, but she has left me hanging a few times, so fair play and all that.

Yes, I know I could come up with some kind of BS when we next sit down to talk, but that ain't gonna fly. She's too smart.

Hi Underdresser,

I think you are doing the right thing. If this is someone you could be serious with, she deserves to know. She is either going to be cool with it, or she is not.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[kimdl93]

Relax and just tell her the truth. Although it may be an issue with some people, the truth is that CDing is not a crime and it's not a mental disorder. If its a problem for her...which remains to be seen, it's her problem.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi UD, Why don't you tell her before you both have a lot invested in this relationship.

[Cynthia Anne]

Good for you sister! Here's hoping it works well for you! Hugs!

[UNDERDRESSER]

Thanks for the encouragement friends, yes I DO KNOW this is the right course. I feel confident she's not going to "out" me. I'm slightly less sure that she won't insist on dressing me and sending me into work. ( she's got a thing about confronting ones fears )

Because of scheduling, it may happen today, or may end up waiting 'till next weekend. Talk about mixed emotions!

[Annie D]

One more "you're doing the right thing". From your writing, I think that you have got your stuff together as well; I hope that things work out for the two of you because if she is as sharp as you think she is, the two of you will make a great couple. Good luck!

[PretzelGirl]

Echo, echo, echo..... Good for you. I wish you the best. It takes a lot of backbone to be able to do this because it is just plain tough. But no one ever said doing the right thing was easy. And I think in the long run, you will be glad you did it.

[Diana Bain]

[/QUOTE]"It takes a lot of backbone to be able to do this because it is just plain tough."[/QUOTE]

Well said Sue. Underdresser, you're doing the right thing...good luck to you both.

[UNDERDRESSER]

One more "you're doing the right thing". From your writing, I think that you have got your stuff together as well; I hope that things work out for the two of you because if she is as sharp as you think she is, the two of you will make a great couple. Good luck!

Oh, she is that sharp, her intellect is scary. It's nice you think that we'll make a great couple ( I think we will ) but I do not pretend to be at her level, I hold my own, but she'll keep me on my toes for sure.

Echo, echo, echo..... Good for you. I wish you the best. It takes a lot of backbone to be able to do this because it is just plain tough. But no one ever said doing the right thing was easy. And I think in the long run, you will be glad you did it.

Yes, this is the hardest thing so far, but it's not the first hard thing in this journey. The last 2 months have been the hardest, and most rewarding of my life. The way this has happened.....The scary thing is, the future isn't going to get any easier, If I can face it with her.....It's going to be still be a challenge, but one I look forward to, as I know the rewards are going to be fabulous. If she closes me down. I will still go on the path I see ahead, but the road will get harder, the first bit is going to be metaphorically walking on broken glass.

Thank you for patiently listening to me ramble, If I couldn't let this out, I think I'd burst, there is no-one else I can share this with in this way.

[lingerieLiz]

You are doing the right thing!!! Wish others would do it. I did, it worked out.

[Eryn]

I think that it's important that you tell *why* you are revealing this part of yourself. You care enough about her and your relationship that you don't want to mislead her about yourself. Explain that there are a lot of untrue stereotypes about CDers and that if she has any questions you would love to answer them.

[Barbara Ella]

Lots of very good advice here. You know when it is right to tell or not tell someone. Now is your time. And yes, dont just dump it on her, but add some context as to why this is so important to you and your need to share yourself with this special person.

Good luck.

Barbara

[UNDERDRESSER]

I think that it's important that you tell *why* you are revealing this part of yourself. You care enough about her and your relationship that you don't want to mislead her about yourself. Explain that there are a lot of untrue stereotypes about CDers and that if she has any questions you would love to answer them.

Lots of very good advice here. You know when it is right to tell or not tell someone. Now is your time. And yes, dont just dump it on her, but add some context as to why this is so important to you and your need to share yourself with this special person.

Good luck.

Barbara

Oh yes.

I intend to explain very clearly that I am bringing this up because it's the right thing, in terms of honesty, to do. Full disclosure and all that. We have had some ridiculously intimate conversations already, ( when you consider that we aren't actually, boyfriend girlfriend yet ) and the whole thing from the start has been done of the basis of being straightforward with each other.

[linda allen]

Relax and just tell her the truth. Although it may be an issue with some people, the truth is that CDing is not a crime and it's not a mental disorder.

No it's not, but some folks believe it is (a mental disorder). We have members here who are in therapy over it.

But I agree with you, it's far better to bring the subject up early in a relationship than a few years into it when there may be children and property involved.

On the other hand, there's no point mentioning it if it doesn't look like this will be a serious relationship.

[Ressie]

I've always come clean with anyone I get serious with early in the relationship. Worse that can happen is she'll dump you and tell everyone that you're a cross dresser.

[JenniferR771]

Read through the information above on how to tell your wife. Be prepared to answer the three main questions.
Are you gay? Do you want the surgery? And another I forgot. Be ready to answer a lot of questions. Whatever she asks. Give her time to digest the new info. And to do some research on her own.
Remember homophobia is alive and well--its common.

[Sarasometimes]

I think that Eryn made an excellent point about stressing why you are sharing such an intimate part of yourself to her. If she is one of only a few, maybe the only one you have told you need to let her know this. Be honest but don't go too quick. Good luck and share with us what you wish about this process. If she has at any point till now worn any of your clothes, like a sweatshirt or boxers... keep that in mind as a way to explain things.

[Ressie]

Read through the information above on how to tell your wife. Be prepared to answer the three main questions.
Are you gay? Do you want the surgery? And another I forgot. Be ready to answer a lot of questions. Whatever she asks. Give her time to digest the new info. And to do some research on her own.
Remember homophobia is alive and well--its common.

Could the 3rd be: Are you going out in public dressed like that? That was a concern of one of my exes.

[Stephanie47]

I agree with all the advice given as to revealing this aspect of your personal intimate life when you feel you are ready. Just remember, if she is accepting do not push any agenda you may have. Let her set the pace. And, remember everyone has the right to change their opinion about anything and everything. From your choice of words and phrases, it sound likes she may already know.

[Amy R Lynn]

Good luck! Please keep us informed. My heart goes out to you with this. This is a decision that takes a LOT of courage to make.

[Acastina]

The way you're approaching this might be the best. You've let her know that you have something important to tell her, so important that it has to wait for the right circumstances. Who wouldn't think and wonder a lot about such a heads-up and be ready for the revelation? I don't think it's cruel or duplicitous, and she may well be relieved that it's something quite common and harmless ("That's a relief. I thought you might be an axe murderer or..."), easy to be relatively comfortable with after a small amount of factual education about what CD is and isn't, and particularly with regard to you. A few minutes on this forum should make clear to any newbie that one size definitely does not fit all in this phenomenon. That then puts the two of you in the manageable situation of finding your level of comfort and enthusiasm and, if the relationship goes forward from there, fitting it into your life together. Huge combined experience here to make use of on that journey. Good luck.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I don't think I'll need to explain what crossdressing is, she has a degree in Psychology for Pete's sake! I'm sure she'll understand the differences in the CD spectrum, and I'm pretty sure she she won't be worried that I'll be wanting to transition. However, understanding all that, does not mean she'll be happy to have that as an aspect of her man. I do think she has figured it out, or suspects already. If I could find someone to take the bet, in my mind it's 50/50 that she'll say, "ah, thought so."

I'm not promising, but I think I'll know the answer in a day or so.

[Duana]

I don't think I'll need to explain what crossdressing is, she has a degree in Psychology for Pete's sake! I'm sure she'll understand the differences in the CD spectrum, and I'm pretty sure she she won't be worried that I'll be wanting to transition.

Silly crossdresser, confusing intellect with emotion

Everything's different when it's happening to you.