New and confused GG

[Vickie_CDTV]

Miss Muffet, one thing to remember is that being masculine and being a crossdresser are not mutually exclusive. There are plenty of men who live very traditionally masculine lives and also dress. For some like that, they find crossdressing helps bring a needed a sense of balance in their lives, but the crossdressing does not replace their masculine lives, if that makes sense.

As far as him telling you, don't be upset by that alone. He should have told his ex-wife (she had the right to know before marriage), but this time he did the right thing and told you (because you have a right to know.) It took a lot of courage on his part, and the important thing to remember is that by doing so it means he loves you and trusts you so much that he felt comfortable enough to tell you something he is probably ashamed of, and something that he knows could destroy the relationship. If you can, watch this video from Peggy Rudd, author of "My Husband Wears My Clothes". If you want to understand why your boyfriend dresses, get that book, I can't recommend it highly enough.

This explains how her husband told her, and how he felt about his wife when he told her. It explains what I wrote above about trust better than I could ever explain it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pPP6...hannel&list=UL

As a side note, I am in my 30s, and have dated mature women (15-31 years older) so I understand some of the dynamics there. Long down the road you may find issues with the age gap far more significant than the issue of his occasional private dressing; I don't say that in any way to dissuade you from being with a more mature person, but there are issues involved there that, like the crossdressing, need to be discussed before you make any commitments (especially any irrevocable commitments) in the future.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I'm a GG (genetic girl). My husband is a fetish Cd'er and dresses maybe once a week. However, sometimes he gets in a mood and dresses every day for week or two, but that's about once a year or so. there is no set time. It's just when the fancy strikes him. sometimes he'll wear an article of clothing (like panties and/or bra) under his masculine (drab) clothes. We've been together for six years now and this hasn't changed.

When we first got together and I found out he went through a stage called "pink fog" where he dressed almost every day, went out a few times, but for safety's sake he dresses only at home now.

Get your 10 posts and join FAB. You will be able to get the support you need and read other women's stories and perspectives on things that may help you.

Hope to see you there soon ~

[ReineD]

Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!

See? Confused!!

And yes, I'm trying to get my ten posts!!

Hi and welcome to the forum!

If it helps, I tell myself that I am hetero with everyone other than my SO.

It's not something that we can easily classify into nice, neat little boxes since our bfs/husbands themselves don't fit into nice little boxes, and if you can be OK with not having to define things too much right now (for example are you hetero or not) over time it will all fall into place, I promise. And the answers are different for everyone.

Anyway, the Loved Ones section is always a good place for newer GGs to get in their 10 posts before joining FAB. Good luck!

[Rachel Morley]

Of course you'll have to talk to your SO to figure out what he (or she when they are en femme) feels about it, but in my experience, the vast majority of "garden variety crossdressers" are part time dressers, and there are way, way less that dress all or nearly all of the time. So I think you'll probably have nothing to worry about on that score. In fact, in my own particular case I dress even less now than I ever used to. After what we call the "pink fog" set in, and I was OOC on the dressing (this was after I stopped beating myself up about feeling guilty over it) I found that I needed it less and less to make me happy. Now ok, you should know that I have femmed up my boy presentation quite a bit (in comparison to what it was before) but the number of times I dress fully en femme are way less now. Btw .. I am married and my wife knew all about me before we got married, as we met on a CDing forum 11 years ago. She too likes to seem me in boy mode in a classic white tee shirt and blue jeans

[UNDERDRESSER]

Thank you all so much for responding! I'm blown away actually. I imagined maybe one or two comments telling me to go away, I'm ignorant, so this was a great surprise.

You're welcome, always glad to help

Anyway, can't say I'm still not confused. Lol. I haven't drunk or cried this much in a long while. I feel a little sad about the whole thing. My boyfriend is the first decent man I've met in a long while and I finally thought I'd met HIM! You know, the one. And he is perfect for me. I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty, successful, masculine (or so I thought!) and he actually listens to me! For once I'm not just a trophy or someone to have around when convenient. But then he told me about the crossdressing during a night of too much alcohol because he never told his ex wife and that ended horribly. He doesn't want to do that again. I'm not sure if the crossdressing wrecked the marriage or the fact he didn't tell her until three kids later? Guess it doesn't matter.

This is the situation I'm in at the moment, except i'm still nerving myself to tell her. ( and I've never been married )

I do worry about the comments suggesting he might do this all the time? I would rather live with a man occasionally dressing as a woman than a full time thing. I can't help it. I love the way he looks in jeans and tee shirt and when he's shirtless dressing before work. I love his short hair. I even love his smell after he's had a work out. I would miss these things incredibly if he decided to dress all the time. I think it would be too much to live without.

So, do you think you could learn to live without the fulltime thing if you put your mind to it? Or am I showing ignorance again? It's hard for me to understand why you can't just not do this. I sort of understand the basic sexual, even comfort urge, but I'm struggling with why you would need to do it all the time. I had a boyfriend many years ago who was obsessed with a type of music that he listened to, wrote and talked about all day long. That relationship didn't last very long because I couldn't handle his single-mindedness. I need someone who won't obsess like this again. Some of you did say you were occasional dressers even after many years so I assume this is possible?

It's funny, but I'm feeling less scared of the dressing now and more scared of the future! I'm also thinking something very strange that no one mentioned so I wonder if I'm the weird one here. Lol. Everyone was quick to say he's probably not gay, so why do I suddenly think that maybe I am?!!!

I wouldn't worry, in your first post, you said.

But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life.

Given that's he's been honest enough to come out to you, I think you can take his word if he says he's certain he doesn't want anything more.

[Sindee50]

Hi MissMuffet and welcome,
I am also a GG with a CrossDressing S0.
Yes it was a bit of a shock when I was told (several months into our relationship) however for me the shock subsided very quickly as I thought about it and came to the realisation that I had picked up on his femenine side, so, it was not a total surprise.
I have absolutely no problem at all with my wonderful partner being a CD'er.
For her it is a comfortable place to be in, loving the feminine clothes and the feminine feeling given by the wearing of said items --- a calming effect after a hard day at work.
As someone else said, 10 posts and then apply to become a member of FAB, I am well on my way and look forward to joining in chatting with other GG's.

[Butterfly Bill]

I present as a man wearing women's clothes, and I often feel the way you do about this site. It seems the majority here want to learn how to pass.

[Kelli Ca]

I believe you will come to realize that he is still the same man you fell in love with. Just different clothes. I can't remember does he even want to dress full time. My suggestion is communication, talk about it together share your feelings. My wife and I discused some clear boundaries she wanted and I shared mine and we found some middle ground that both of us are comfortable with. Open honest communication.

[TxKimberly]

you have definitely come to the right place if your confused..... its what we do best here......

Damn it! How is it that you are ALWAYS taking the words right outta my mouth?!

Miss Muffet, we run the entire spectrum here. You are going to find those who are in to it only for the fetish end of it and are quite happy and proud to be men, and you also have those who are transsexual (feel that they are women born into a male body), and you will find everything in between the two extremes.

Oh, and welcome to the forum where we are ALL in the state of confusion!

[APRIL0401]

Karen, You have a great sense of humor.

[Marie GG]

Miss Muffet-
I understand how you feel. My husband is a "part-time" crossdresser as well. It is nice that you found this forum so soon after finding out. It took me more than a year to come here. My husband found the site and suggested I visit, but I wasn't ready. I was so blown away at how nice all of them were when I first joined too. It is great to have people to talk to who understand what you are going through. If you are keeping the dressing a secret sometimes it is hard to only have your SO to talk to. Get your 10 posts and join us in the FAB section, the GG's are all really nice.

[CD_blue]

I cross dress pretty much everyday. I don't go "all out" that often. Generally at night I am wearing some kind of leggings, comfy carpi pants of right material, and female top. Also wear nylon panties and female straight leg jeans out. The panties and jeans I just simply like more than mens options and would wear them regardless knowing how much more comfortable they are to me. I found this out along the way.

Thing is with me though and I maybe a minority here (I don't know)... I am very masculine. I can be decked completely out (I don't go as far as breast forms or even a wig... Then again I got hair to pull of femi look. I don't have another name I go buy when dressed up etc etc). When dressed up I remain completely who I am during day to day. Granted yeah I am wearing womens jeans but the ones I pick out nobody would ever know. Most would say I am naturally masculine. That is just my natural way, and I don't try to change that. I am just guy wears womens clothing nothing more. I have no interest in being a woman at all. This could be the case with your man I am not certain. Yes though we are here

[Thera Home]

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

Dearest Muffet
First all I want commend you on your courage for joining us and expressing your feelings. This is a realm that one can get lost in rather quickly. There are many with different stuggles and ideas on where this journey is taking them. I do it because of the euphoria it provides me. I ride the wave, so to speak,WATCH FOR ROCKS and enjoy the feelings it provides. When I get tired of it I just jump off the board.(no pun intended) Your boyfriend should have disscussed this with you beforehand to give you an idea of what to expect instead of letting you run free. Shame on him!! Hopefully you may find comfort among us for we share our feelings and stuggles , and ask away on the questions, dont be shy.

Welcome

Thera

[Jenny Gurl]

Welcome to the forum, you are in the right place. Nowhere on the internet have I found a more educated group on the subject. This site has helped me understand myself more than any other site. I was born with this feminine gender and it will probably always be there. It is part of who we are as a person and is usually a lifelong journey. The fact that he has told you about this part of himself says he trusts you enough to want to be in a relationship. With the hate and criticism out there it is not something many of us share with even close family members for fear of losing the ones we love. For many of us it is a part time enjoyment and no more. Just like regular girls, I like to put on a comfortable pair of jeans some days and others I like to dress to impress. You will have to discover each other in your own world. We are not all the same, and you may find you have a great man when you need him, and a great girlfriend when the situation arises to go shopping etc. Welcome. Lots to read here and lots to learn, but please reserve judgement on him until you get to know him. My girlfriend and I love to go shopping and she always asks for my opinion on outfits she tries on over the salesperson. She also defers to me the next minute on car repairs, home repairs, or personal protection if needed. Many GG (genetic girls) or FAB (female At Birth) girlfriends and wives reside here as well, and have different experiences they will gladly share to help you understand him. I wish you both well, and I hope you can make it work.

[MarinaKirax]

I agree, this site seems ideal for your needs - there is a focus on information sharing, and I think everything else that is inappropriate is pretty much squelched by the moderators .
You should look at "autogynephilia" or AGP. Essentially this group of men fetishizes the image of themselves as female. People can have a fetish about objects (shoes), people, fabrics, images, etc. AGP, as I understand it, is being turned on by the idea of seeing yourself in a woman's position, as a woman. I think thats what best describes me, frankly. I don't feel out of place in my body, or in my marriage. I don't want to grow old as a woman, or to make love to a man. But I'd love to have breasts (that I could have when I want, and remove when I felt like being a male again), and I could walk around in a skirt and heels forever. But if I couldn't see myself clicking by a mirror in my pencil skirt and black pumps, if I couldn't enjoy seeing the curve of my hips and the fall of my hair across my open blouse, well, then, the whole thing just ins't as much fun.
Yes, your BF is telling you a very credible story. No, not everyone here wants to transition. This river is shallow, but astonishingly wide. MK

[Kelly Smith]

...try to imagine how confused I feel. At first there was a definite sexual component to my intense desire to look and feel as feminine as possible, but that aspect of crossdressing is pretty much exhausted for me. And I have no desire to live as a woman for longer than a few days at a time.

The risk may be part of the thrill. Shopping at Nordstrom's en femme feels a little like rappelling out of a helicopter.

[naye]

Hi, Im just one more occasional crossdresser, Im closeted and do it mostly for fun when Im bored or as a great stress relief, although Im living alone and I can dress as much as I want I only do it like once or twice a week, and I have been crossdressing for almost 30 years and I can tell you that I dont want to be a woman or to dress full time, is just a kind of game for me, a great stress relief and a fetish.
BTW Im straight.

[April_Ligeia]

Just take a step back and relax. Funny, but my ex-wife, who told me all about what a freak I was when I came out to her years ago, just told me all about how much she misses me now that we are divorced. No happy ending there, though, she really burned that bridge and I don't trust her. But, she regrets her decision to leave me and that decision was based at least in part on my tendency toward crossdressing. Now she seems to be trying to open a conversation about getting back together but I will not even talk to her about it because she was so unreasonable and just attacked me when I tried to be honest with her, when I was trying myself to figure out what was going through my head. Bottom line is I was honest, I asked for understanding, and I was emotionally assaulted and told to leave my house and my children. I will not ever forgive that. Period. Now she says it was a mistake, and I just agree. It was.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I am currently in a relationship with a woman who encourages me to crossdress, and gets along very well with my sons. I am not gay, am not transitioning into becoming a woman, and actually just express myself the same way that caused the extremely dramatic rejection by my ex-wife. My problem now is that when I talk to my ex, I really don't know how to tell her politely that my life is actually better now. I miss seeing my kids every day, but I spend "quality time" with them every week and they are now never exposed to me fighting with their mother. I know the trend on this site is that many people feel guilty and wrong, but I am not in that camp. Thanks for reading.

[Rebecca Star]

which involves a whole lot more than just playing dress up!

You've openly admitted on these forums, you don't get CD's.

But if you actually took the time to understand "us", instead of taking every opportunity to put "us" down... I think you'd soon realise, for most "CD's" it's a hell of a lot more than "just playing dress up!".

[Sweet Caroline]

Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

[Rebecca Star]

I know the trend on this site is that many people feel guilty and wrong, but I am not in that camp.

No one should feel or be made to feel what they do is wrong with regards to CDing or identifying as Transgender, peroid.

[Beverley Sims]

From the other replies you have recieved I think you have come to the right place.
Don't go away, read on and I think you will gain more understanding.
I suspect that your boyfriend is understanding of you and helpful in many ways that other BFs probably were not.
I think you can have a good relationship with him as long as you understand his so called fetish.
Does he drink, smoke a lot, swear and want to go out with the boys a lot or is he caring towards you?
Think about it and I feel you may have someone with good qualities..
Apart from his cross dressing...And that can be turned into an asset as well.

[Shananigans]

There are plenty of people here all over the spectrum...from fetish dressers to people who identify as the opposite gender. What is nice about this site is that you have a variety of opinions and people here. However, as you see from some of your replies, this is also a strong negative of this site. Much like real life, there isn't a test that one has to pass in order to be deemed a decent human being who is worthy of sharing his/her opinions. You may run into a bit of sexism here and there, but I wouldn't let it put you off for too long. There are a lot of awesome people in the Loved Ones section...probably my favorite section, because there is a lot of love in that area lol. Just know that it is OK to be confused...it's why most people are here anyway. The fact that you're here shows that you want to understand, and it speaks volumes. But, you may find a few people that do not want to be understood, and who don't appreciate people taking the time to show support/understanding. Much like people are selfish and idiotic IRL, they are here too.

So, after all of that. Welcome to this forum. I hope you get the answers that you need so that you are less confused, and find a community of people that want to help you understand.

Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

lol I feel like Freud would be all over this if he were alive. It's pretty classic...dressing and acting like the people that you hold disdain towards... If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it, love.

[SamanthaS]

You are not on the wrong site, maybe the stories you've read led you to believe most of "us" want to be women. Please let me assure you most cd's just love the clothing, and like being out and about in them Good luck with your relationship .

[bobbie c]

many answers,many thoughts.some said you might be overthinking it...perhaps...you're here,and he has told you,what wonderful people you both are,now enjoy it by using it to get to know each other even better....a new level.I see it has a gift most times, as does my wife.I get to see things a bit more as she does.granted,not as a genetic woman, but with a sensitivity most males do not have....we have fun with it. I am a man,will never change, dress once,twice a month,go to a few lbgt clubs ,dance and act silly...it is a release, a time to get away from me and my everyday male thing....love the feel of the clothing, love to shop...so look at it from this stand point...embrace it and have fun with it. I would guess he has reached his balance point....and you......again a wonderful lady!!!