New and confused GG

[MissMuffet]

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

[Soccer21]

I am just an occasinal fetish dresser that it is mostly just sexual. I am not and don't plan on being female 24/7

[Elizabeth]

Hi Missmuffet,

I am not what you are looking for as I am transsexual, however you will find many people like your husband. It is much more common than you might think. Welcome, you are in the right place. You will be treated kindly here.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Soccer21]

I'm not sure what I can do to help but I hope I can. I don't have all the answered to your questions but I would like to try and help you and help you understand better

[RADER]

Hi Missmuffet, and welcome to the forum, We are glad you found us.
I am a 65 year old cross dresser, married for 18+ years to the best girl
in the world. I have no desire to change into a woman or be one full time.
I just enjoy wearing womans clothes.
I am firmly in the closet, (I do not go out) dressed in womans clothes. However
in the rite circumstance, I will under dress and go out of the house.
After you get 10 posts under your belt, you can join FAB club, (Female at Birth),
Then you can talk privately with other girls and get their opinions and ideas.
Rader

[darla_g]

I think I can kind of relate to what your husband is calling a crossdresser. I like to dress up occasionally with my wife's support and assistance. I don't have a need to do it all the time, nor do i take any other substances like hormones or anything like that to make me more female.

This is all I want to do, as in this is my stop on the bus I am getting off here. There are others that wish to go further, dress all the time or maybe go out and meet other CDs or whatever. At the far end of the continuum are people, like Elizabeth and are dressing because they are thinking or maybe further along in the process of changing their biological sex because they have a deepset belief that they were born with an incorrect biological gender.

You had mentioned the notion of a fetish and that goes to the sexual component of it. I would be lying if I told you that I crossdressed and it didn't have a sexual element of excitement to it. Its probably not as strong as when i first started but it is still there. I think after a while we also try to improve our skills and try to look more female, but it is a challenge. So I would almost consider it like a type of art form.

I think if you are just exploring this for the first time there is a common misunderstanging that all CDs are gay. Some may be, or some may express a desire to be with a man when they are dressed which they may or may not ever fulfill. For some that may just be a fantasy. Me I have no desire to be with another man or a CD, but that is just me speaking for me.

So you may come here and be overwhelmed by what you read and its important that you not read too much into it. Talk to your husband about his crossdressing and find out how much or how little he wishes to pursue it. There are times that it seems to control your actions and when this happens the common term that is used here is the "Pink Fog". You may have delusions about how much you want to do this or what you want to do or whatever. Some people may take offense to my characterization but that is the way I see it. My pink fog moment might be something like going into a shoe store and buying like 6 pairs of womens shoes. I have a bunch of shoes already and probably don't have that many male shoes, but the Pink Fog takes over and i have to get those shoes!

The biggest thing is talk to him. My wife is getting to have a good understanding of my dressing, she will not hesitate to tell me when i go to far, but now we have opportunities to go out shopping and she gets stuff for me. It is fun for us. I like making jewelry and have made both of us lots of stuff for us to wear too, Like the necklace in my avatar.

Ask questions of us if you like, but the biggest part as i had said is talk to him.

[AllieSF]

Welcome to the site and, yes, you are definitely in the correct place. If you have done enough reading you will more or less understand that there is a whole spectrum to transgenders (used in the sense that transgender encompasses the complete spectrum, which some disagree with). So you have someone that likes to wear panties, another likes to dress completely with lingerie, some type of false breasts, wigs, makeup, nice out fit and then stay at home and enjoy the moment, sexually or just chilling out, then you have those like me that dress completely and go out and have no sexual satisfaction from do that. From there we are entering the transsexual side where people are from my situation all the way to needing to transition into a life as a full time woman with or without major surgeries. That was all for some basic Transgender 101 education.

So, your BF is somewhere in that spectrum and may be just at the level he is comfortable with and has no desire to go further. Actually, this site is also a good place for him too. We are all different so what you read here may or may not be applicable to your BF. Enjoy your stay, ask your questions (please do not be shy), and after you get 10 posts you will be able to join the FAB Section (Female at Birth), which is primarily for the Female SO's of transgenders. It is really a safe haven to rant, rave, support and discuss issues you encounter as you try to come to grips with your new situation. I wish you the best and hope to be able to answer some of your questions in the near future.

[rhonda]

Don't be confused do you want a boyfriend or a boy wanting to wear your clothes?

[AlysonCD]

Don't be confused do you want a boyfriend or a boy wanting to wear your clothes?

What kind of answer is that?

Also want to point out I am just an occasional Cd'er myself. Have been with my girlfriend for almost 9 years. I told her on our first "official" date since at the time I wasn't looking for anything serious. She's never had a problem with it and when we actually have time together she helps me dress and will do my make-up and such.

[AllieSF]

Yes, what exactly do you mean Rhonda?

[Karren H]

you have definitely come to the right place if your confused..... its what we do best here......

[Launa]

I'm a guy that has been married for 20 years and my SO has known about this side of me from the get go. I will never transition to be 100% female although I sure like to do all the things women get to do. I am more than the occasional dresser and quite possibly want to do it more than your boyfriend. I would like to do it 1-2 times per week if I could but I can't for various reasons so it happens every 1-2 months instead. There are lots of people here just like your boyfriend. I think this is the best site for people like yourself. I joined a couple sites about 1 1/2 years ago and they said they were open for discussions with everybody but it was actually just a bunch of women bashing us. When I would try and join in on a conversation I could tell I was not wanted and got short, curt answers from everybody so I bailed from the cranky site.
Most of the GG's here have questions that need to be answered and in turn we CD's have questions that we need honest answers from GG's like you. I think you're at the right place but it seems scary when you first join. Keep asking your questions, we all grow from it.

[RiverdanceGirl]

AllieSF is right on the money. It's a spectrum. People who like the softer silkier fabrics of women's clothing (until recently men's underwear was like sandpaper, chafing and rubbing in all the wrong places. Wearing panties just for a break from that awful feeling is a reason to crossdress in itself), people for whom it is a sexual experience, people who don't like to be told what they can and can't wear and like to decide for themselves, people who have a stronger than usual feminine side that needs to be expressed and clothing helps with that, people who just feel more comfortable in women's clothes, people who have a duality of male and female, and people who are women mistakenly put into male bodies. There are hundreds more reasons that I haven't listed.

Myself, I'm on a journey to discover who and what I am. For many years I repressed the feminine side of me only allowing myself to crossdress for fetish reasons and feeling really guilty about what I had to hide but couldn't live without. There are medical factors to be taken into account in my case too. As it stands I feel that I am half male and half female. Each cannot survive without the other unless I want to go back to living in misery and denial. Do I want to become a woman? That is what I need to find out. It's different for everyone.

Your boyfriend may well just like dressing for the sexual thrill. If it goes deeper than that, then you've probably got a guy who will love you and treat you right since he will be sensitive to how you feel, and it doesn't mean the end of your sex life at all.

[Angelofsomekind]

Every one of us is different. You can ask 100 of us what we want out of this and you can get 100 different responses. I'd say it's a huge step that he told you, and it's a good sign that you came here to find out more about it.
Personally I don't know if I'd say I dress as a fetish, but I guess that's how I started. While I do always have some article of girls clothes on, 99% of the time it's something no one else will ever see, so other than my wife and I knowing about it, everyone else seems to think I'm just another guy. I also have no plans on living full time or transitioning.

The best thing to do is have an honest conversation with him to find out what exactly he might want out of this.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Miss M. There are as many different answers as there are crossdressers I'm almost 70yrs.old
been dressing for about 65yrs. Married about 49yrs. I am just a guy that loves to dress
to look as feminine as possible.

You should scroll down and get on the wifes fourm (Loved ones) Forum to get some more answers
also the ( FAB) (female at birth) forum

[Nikki A.]

Welcome and be assured that you're in the right place. Like the others said we are a broad spectrum and not all of us are looking to become women. There are some who are occasional dressers and some more so.
I will say this, as time goes on sometimes there is a change in desires. However when there is a commitment on both sides and understanding it can be something special. I would also talk and make sure that there are some boundaries set that you're both comfortable with.

[SoCalCD_Tanya]

Hi there miss muffet, welcome to the forum! I'm sorry about your confusion and hope you find some clarity soon. I would also like to congratulate you on being such an open minded caring SO, your boyfriend is really lucky to have you. To help with your question (hopefully), I can relate to your boyfriend. I dress only occasionally for the thrill of it. I love to feel sexy in my feminine attire, however I equally love everything that comes with being a guy so I wouldnt want to transition full time and lose out on my guy side. it's just like you said, a fetish or as I like to say just another hobby I have. Hopefully I was able to help. Feel free to pm me any more questions you may have

[Marcia Blue]

Miss Muffit,
You have come to the right forum. There is a Forum just for Females At Birth, or the FAB forum for short. Get in ten posts and join the rest of the GGs.

I am a crossdresser, no plans ever to be a women. I am married to the love of my life for 28 years. I really never did this as a fetish though. I started Cding when I was 5 years old. No sexual ideas in my young mind.
We do have members who Cd as a sexual thing.

Your BF must really trust in you, to even tell you about being a CD. Join the FAB forum. The GGs can be more supportive to you, even though we CDs really try.

[Pretty Nails]

There are as many kinds of transgendered people as there are so called "normal" people. One thing to keep in mind is that this type of activity, to some degree or another, is more normal than most any of us thought when we first ventured out to our SO, the web or a trusted confidant. Even to those that choose to remain in the closet. We found that there were far more of us than we ever imagined. I love to dress and I love make-up and girly things but I do not have any plans to transition and this does not seem to create any conflict in me. There are sexual reasons I do this but also I just love to be pretty and girly.

Your boyfriend told you likely because he loves you and does not want this to build up secretly and potentially "explode" in your face. Seems to me he trusts you and wants you to know all of him. I know that I kept it a secret from my wife for many years and it was damaging to both of us when I finally came clean a few years ago. What I found was that after my wife had come to at least acknowledge my crossdressing our lives, both sexually and daily routine stuff, became smoother and we became closer. She does not fully approve of my CD activities but she has surprised me with how much she has let me go on with it. There are rules and I try my best to stick to them.

Don't stop communicating with him. He made a big step and it was probably for you more than him but that why you need to keep talking.

Welcome to the forum and I hope we can help you navigate the new course you are on. It's not all stormy seas as you may fear. The adventure may well be just beginning.

[Tracii G]

Welcome glad to have you here.
I think you can find answers here better than anywhere else or get honest answers from honest people.This site is very clean which is why I am here.
Allie SF is right on the money in my opinion.Its different for everybody so its hard to make any blanket statements or get a definitive answer sometimes but you will get a general understanding of the hows and whys of CDing.
The main question I get is "you crossdress? OK I didn't know you were gay". Well I'm not gay and that confuses them even further.I would say 80% of guys that crossdress are straight.
To some its a fetish and to some its an expression of oneself.No hard lines or rules and thats what makes it hard for people to understand.
Because a guy chooses to crossdress does not make them a pervert or some kind of sexual deviant far from it.
Myself I have done it off and on for years but not for sexual reasons just letting my other side or personality come out.I am 59 BTW.
I have a gruff male side and am all man.I do have a soft and feminine side too and to keep that side bottled up inside me is not healthy.
So I chose to show my female side when I feel like it I have no plans to change sexes physically.
I look at it as being bi gendered or having a "gift" to be able to cross genders and present myself in a way I choose.
I came out to my SO right from the start and told her so there would be no uneasy moments.She was fine with it because she knows I am the same person inside no matter what clothes I am wearing.
Your BF did the right thing and its not an easy thing to explain to a woman trust me.He confided in you and did the honorable thing.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi MissMuffet

Crossdressers (just like everyone else in the world) come in many shapes and sizes and we all have different likes and dislikes about this wonderful thing that we enjoy. Everyone here knows that wearing women's clothes feels nice. They grip you in different places than men's clothes, the styles and textures of silk and lace feel different on your body and that strange different feeling is nice, and we like it .... and that's totally ok.

Some folks get a sexual thrill out of it (to a greater or lesser extent) and others are more serious about it (like me) and have a strong feminine side to their personality and use CDing as kind of like taking a "gender vacation". That somewhat seriousness does not mean we want a sex change. That not a crossdresser, that's a transsexual. IMHO the majority of CDers are usually "part-time girls".

[sterling12]

Certainly you would agree that no two women are exactly alike, and the same is true for Transgendered people. It's a Spectrum of behaviors, (transgendered is the umbrella term we use to be all-inclusive) and it covers everyone from the occasional "fun" crossdresser, to The Post-Op Transexual. The majority here are probably MtoF crossdressers who have pushed beyond "occasional" and have feelings about being "women on the inside." But, I could and maybe should, get argument about saying that!

There are other "Teaching" Sites often promulgated by University Types who don't "talk the talk, and walk the walk. You'll also run into a lot of Pornography, and even some Christian "Hate" Sites whose only aim seems to wish us harm. So my opinion would be: "Why not here?" We have a fair number of women who are participating, many of them are in your shoes, and I think you will get a spectrum of opinion from everyone. What you will also obtain are some "coping skills," for dealing with what you probably perceive as a current problem. Most women want to "understand," and this is as good as any place to learn. Your first move is to seek permission to join The GG Section. Possibly, reading through The Archives in that area will answer a lot of your questions.

One other caveat in passing. Perhaps your boyfriend means exactly what he says, and perhaps not. Most of us have had a lifetime learning to conceal, and "soften the blow." We have often learned to "drib-drab" out our secrets, and things often get told in stages. If he has more to tell you, (and it might not all be bad) don't be surprised. We don't want to lose you BEFORE you start to learn. That way, both of you lose!

You got The Right Place! Now, it will be up to you to make use of it.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jenniferathome]

First, welcome and second, no, the overwhelming number of us do not want to transition. I am sorry that you got that vibe from this site but 99+% of cross dressers are straight and like being men. Crossdressing is weird for sure, but the key is communication. Ask any question you like and he should answer but do know that none of us really understand it. It just is. In all likelihood, he has been this way since a very young age.

Also, there are many women on this site who have come to grips with their husband's or boyfriend's crossdressing. Do reach out to them as well.

[Ressie]

Missmuffet, I would like to hear more about you. How long have you been with him? What is your age group? But I want to let you know that chances are very good that being a CD is his only surprise. If you participate in his fantasies, he won't cheat or lie like many men do. Let's face it, most men are jerks. CDs are much more understanding of women... and I hope the GGs here agree with me. As for me, I'm the fetish type.

This site is the best place to learn from others' experiences. And the culture here seems to be CDs that like to pass in public. But there is much more beneath the surface.

[lingerieLiz]

This is one of the best sites on the net about this subject. Gender, sexuality, and all the other variations of our lives is complex. Because one is a CD has no statistical differences from non-CDs as far as being gay. There are many variations here of lifestyles so don't assume that if your boyfriend is CD he will want to assume other lifestyles.

I grew up in the 50s/60s when not much was known about sexual orientation. I thought I must be gay because I liked to CD. That was the consensus at the time. I found that I was not interested in boys and truly liked girls. I told my wife before we were married and have been married for 40+ years.

I have gone out dressed, but many here have no desire to, and I do wear mostly women's clothes. Why, I have no answer other than it is who I am. Why are people different on so many other things. All I can say is be open about your boyfriend's desires. He cares about you enough to tell you. You will have to spend time learning about your fealings. Some women can not handle the challenge of dealing with this. Only you and he can determin your future.