Why the need to pass?

[KlaireLarnia]

I am just being nosey here. I am wondering why so many people here feel they have to pass as female rather than just being a man in female clothing?

I understand those who have gender issues, that makes perfect sense as you are just trying to achieve/be what you feel - and rightly so.

But what about those who inside feel they are male, have no desire to have gender realignment? Why do so many feel you must be able to pass as a woman, rather than just being a man wearing feminine clothing? Is it a self defence mechanism to try and stop/limit any staring or possible "issues" when out in public or are some just following a... trend if that is the right word... that says the "normal" for a crossdresser is to try and pass as female? Or is it something else?

I am looking at it from a perspective where I make no effort to hide who I am. I simply wear female clothes to various degrees based on where I am and what I am doing. Example being taking my wife to hospital this week. I wore NO male clothes at all. Everything was female from trainers to jeans, to top to jumper and handbag. My wife was okay with it as I looked decent and just had a "feminine air" to me, but was not trying to disguise that I was male. It did not stop her holding my hand as we walked in and out of the hospital or dealt with the doctors who where seeing her that day. As we drove home, I even had to ask her to go in my bag in the car to get something out and she did without any issue.

I hope that makes sense and I am in no way trying to pick fault or upset/annoy anyone. I am just trying to understand why the majority seem to have a need to pass as female, and why I appear to be in the minority who don't.

[Mythic]

Good question, and I believe it is different with everyone. So I feel I can only speculate. When people(including us) see someone who looks male but is in womens cloths It feels... off?, like something is not right. I Identify as male, but would like to pass when I dress. I think for others it's because in their mind or people looking at them's mind(since you can't get rid of everything society did to you) it feels normal if you look like a woman. It feels normal when women dress in pants cause it was ok in the society you were brought up in. But it's an odd feeling to see what "appears" male and is dressed as a female, because of(again) the society we were brought up in. The more that guy infront of you seems female even though you know he's male the more compfortable it feels. Ofcourse this is a view I see from people who won't freak out.

You can apply all your logic in my opinion an be ok with really wierd things compared to your society, but not everything will feel ok even if they are logically ok with it just because society will always have some long lasting effects. It's not impossible to get rid of, but it can be difficult. And most would think it odd for a cder to feel wierd from seeing a guy dressed as a woman not trying to pass, but I believe that many share that feeling that lots of non cders feel. Not all of this applies to everyone. I just think it does to the majority.

These are just my observations. And mostly guess work. I could be completly wrong lol. I don't mean to be rude these are just random thoughts. I apologize if I offend anyone with my words or horrible grammar :P

[Diane Smith]

I approach crossdressing from a number of different perspectives. One of these is that it's a craft, an art form, a type of theatre that is about achieving an illusion that I am a different person than I appear to be in my everyday life.

In this context, "passing" is, for me, sort of like the "final exam" to prove whether all the money I've spent on clothes, makeup, jewelry, shoes, etc., and the time learning how to use them all effectively and develop feminine habits and mannerisms, have actually paid off in the real world. Some days I pass (pun intended), some days I fail, and often it depends on who is doing the grading and the other circumstances (time of day and year, crowds, weather, who I'm with, etc.) around the event that makes the difference -- pretty much the same as at school, I guess!

But not making the grade is not a fatal problem. You don't have to ace every test to succeed, and some students can get plenty of benefit out of their studies without an A on the final. Or, you can take a failure as a sign that you need to go back and work harder on some aspect of your presentation.

Like I said, though, this is only one of my perspectives on dressing up. I like the "craft" aspect of it as one part of the whole experience, and "passing" is the validation of that -- but it doesn't address the deeper emotional need to be feminine, which has many more facets than what clothes one wears. From that loftier view, I really couldn't care much less whether I "pass" visually -- although it never hurts, of course -- so I realize that it isn't really the ultimate end goal. Maybe like the final grade in one class, but not the diploma.

I think I've stretched that analogy about as far as it will go without breaking and hurting somebody!

- Diane

[Eryn]

Some simply want to pass in order to be able to wear the clothes we want in public without bringing ridicule onto ourselves. Others want to participate in female modes of socialization, which demands passing unless you restrict your contact to like-minded CDers and accepting GGs.

[dragdoll]

I couldn't care less. They're going to figure out I'm male sooner or later anyway, so who cares. I refuse to talk in a fake female voice or duct-tape my junk between my legs. However, I have made efforts to make myself more "gender neutral". Like discarding certain male characteristics or behaviors that weren't doing me any good in the first place. I feel my male self and fem persona are starting converge naturally, no need to force anything.

[Wildaboutheels]

ALL CDers are Humans no matter what combination of letters they use to classify themselves.

Most Humans will be more than happy to accept compliments of any type. Very few [IMO] want any type of "confrontation" or negativity or desire or want any type of criticism even IF it is constructive criticism.

CDers who aren't trying to "pass as a FEMALE" have life much easier in this regard I believe.

EDIT: You have to remember, that many here at this Forum spend an awful lot of time, money and effort in "presenting" themselves to the very best of their ability.

[Krystalina]

I am just being nosey here. I am wondering why so many people here feel they have to pass as female rather than just being a man in female clothing?

I understand those who have gender issues, that makes perfect sense as you are just trying to achieve/be what you feel - and rightly so.

But what about those who inside feel they are male, have no desire to have gender realignment? Why do so many feel you must be able to pass as a woman, rather than just being a man wearing feminine clothing? Is it a self defence mechanism to try and stop/limit any staring or possible "issues" when out in public or are some just following a... trend if that is the right word... that says the "normal" for a crossdresser is to try and pass as female? Or is it something else?

I am looking at it from a perspective where I make no effort to hide who I am. I simply wear female clothes to various degrees based on where I am and what I am doing. Example being taking my wife to hospital this week. I wore NO male clothes at all. Everything was female from trainers to jeans, to top to jumper and handbag. My wife was okay with it as I looked decent and just had a "feminine air" to me, but was not trying to disguise that I was male. It did not stop her holding my hand as we walked in and out of the hospital or dealt with the doctors who where seeing her that day. As we drove home, I even had to ask her to go in my bag in the car to get something out and she did without any issue.

I hope that makes sense and I am in no way trying to pick fault or upset/annoy anyone. I am just trying to understand why the majority seem to have a need to pass as female, and why I appear to be in the minority who don't.

In the last year or two, this has been one of the thoughts that have been pondered on constantly in my mind. When I was growing up, I thought I wanted to be a woman/girl, but over the last few years I realized I adored women clothes.

Not love. Adored.

As I mentioned in other threads, I'm now looking for balance, an feminine androgenous appearance, although I might go all the way if there is a chance(hopefully Halloween this year, for example).

[noeleena]

Hi.

Iv heard many reasons why men wont to dress in our clothes seen it & read it . yet why do men wont our clothes makeup shoes & to shape thier body like ours & the list goes on of cause,

Yet we have over 50 men in our group who wear dress's very colourfull tights & not one of them would even think of dressing as women Thats our N Z Renaissance group reinacting that time, these men are ill use your saying mens men total compleatly,

They treat myself as like any other women , yet thier clothes in the main are lovely,of cause the fighters dress a bit different,

why do the men, will say here go to such lengths to be seen dress & ill say it act like woman body shape = breasts seem to be the big detail, then make up to hide behind & wigs,

Yet why is it they dont just wear our clothes like thier male clothes no high heels make up wigs or breasts or forms,

Now some of cause dont wont to be women they say they are allout men. yet they wont both sides to be seen as men & women.& wont to come in to our space, they wont what we have & then some, .....The take over bid,......

...noeleena...

[WifeofWrenchette]

so others won't make fun of them in public and so they won't get beat up or killed.

[Mollyanne]

I can only speak for myself in that I try to "pass" as a woman for the simple reason because I want to. I have this inner need to feel feminine and to show it. I'm not talking becoming trashy or standing out but just to be able to blend in and not be stared at, laughed at, or ridiculed. We all have our degree of why we do it, when we do it and with whom but it still comes down to the fact that we do it.

Molly

[Carmen]

The word 'Crossdresser'is a general one. It covers a wide spectrum of individuals here that also wear clothes of the opposite gender. This also includes the female to male members of the family.
My interpretation of your post is that you are a male that considers female attire a normal part of his wardrobe, and has no intention or desire to be recognized as a woman whenever you wear them.
I have always liked clothes and shopping for them. Now in my 53 years here on Earth...mens fashions have changed very little. They can only print a shirt in so many ways, it is still a shirt and pants are still pants.
Everyone knows the rest.
Womens fashions are continually changing. The designers have so much more to work with. There are many many more options.

When I am out in the public dressed and presenting as a female, and am being accepted as so, then I feel that I am 'achieving' instead of 'passing'.
I have achieved the level of femininity that I set out to achieve. I know what my favorite style of female attire is and I'm happy with the way my body looks in them.
I style my hair, do my makeup and then go out and enjoy being the girl that I have brought out from within.

[RylieCD]

Wow, I wanted to copy so many replies here and add to them. For me it is that I don't want to be teased or cause any commotion. I know what ever I do I look like a man in a dress so I don't get to go out, there have beena few times where I can say the desire to be dressed in the correct clothes have outweighed the societal impact.

[Karren H]

On a basic level.... passing equals surviving...... not getting hustled.....

[daarleane]

I dress as a woman because I want to, I dress to blend in because I don't wish to create a 'scene". I just want to go about my business and not disturb others or have a confrontational scene in which no body wins.

[Sweet Caroline]

For me passing is a 50/50 thing, it's not a goal. I like to feel pretty and look feminine. Inside me there is a girls heart protected by this man's body.
More than passing physically and beautiful to ward of peoples rude remarks and glances I just give a polite sweet smile in a soft voice or maybe a little wave across the room. Most gawkers are easy to pacify with a "Hello how are you."
Keep in mind now that most of the real women in the world are not all that pretty.
I had one gal tell me I looked better in the dress I Was wearing than she would.
A compliment? Dammed right it was. Once I had the opportunity to dance with my best friend from high school. He remarked that if he knew in high school how pretty I could be , he would have asked me to the prom. Funny thing he still does not know I am a crossdresser, but his sister does. She accompanies me on my girls night out times.

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

Sadly some of of the general public are judgemental and will say nasty stuff and not give a rats a$$ what they say and what they do ..even me a GG got comments as a child for my issues ..untill the world is a tolerant and respectful place the need to pass will always be there xxxx

[linda allen]

We all have our own reasons. The term "crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum of people, from those who might wear panties to bed to those who are planning on SRS and everything in between.

Me, if I go out in public dressed. I am "pretending" (for lack of a better word) to be a female. Why?, honestly, I don't know but it makes me happy and hurts no one so I'm not going to worry about it.

[Jenniferathome]

I think your perspective is just one end of the spectrum. For me, it isn't just about wearing clothes. When I am in "Jen" mode, I want to project the entire female persona. I don't want stares and I don't want to put other out as a result of my decision. I have no gender issues at all. I am male. I like being male. When I am dressed I do not think of myself as a woman. I am a man who happens to enjoy looking like a woman from time to time.

[kimdl93]

there has been more discussion of "passing" in the past few days than I've seen on this site in the past two years. So, its fair to say that passing or whatever term one wishes to use, is something of significance to CDrs.

I have little to add to the responses your question has already elicited. I would put myself in the camp of those who, much of the time, lives and and wish to be preceived as a woman. I don't have any illusions about being able to pass, but I don't frighten too many small children either.

There are a good many CDrs who don't share that objective, and that's ok too.

[Amanda22]

I'm happy to see this thread. I've wondered the same thing. I am the classic "woman in a man's body." I only understand cross dressing from this perspective. Dressing as a woman minimizes my visible masculine features and makes me feel like "the outside matches the inside." It brings relief and liberation. If I pass, it validates me, and that's important because I've never wanted to be a male. I've always hated my male parts and have gone to sleep thousands of nights hoping I'd wake up, somehow miraculously, with a female body. I still do. Although I respect it 100%, I don't understand why a person who enjoys being a man would want to pass as a woman. I'm not saying that's wrong or less or anything. I don't mean to offend anyone.

[sonna]

most of the time most men are not going to 100% pass. congrats to the one that do
when i realized that changed my life. most places i go, they know im a man (dressed up)
and i just want to say this, i now make it a point to talk to employees of these places i go
in stead of running and hiding when they spot me.

i feel its my obligation to show them that their is nothing wrong with me.
it will make it easier the next time i go and for the next crossdresser
that walks through there door

and to be honest all the places ive been never had a major problem.
alot of gg sales people love to dress you up (added perk)

just be your self.

[melissakozak]

To Pass or Not to Pass, this is THE QUESTION in the world of crossdressing and everyone else who is transgendered. I think the answer for some of us is external validation of internal self-identified gender identity. It is as simple as, a part of me feels female, and if I pass, then these feelings are validated. If not, then the "I feel and look like a man in a dress becomes the next reality." Passing is also a badge of how serious one is about their transgender identity. I, for example, very strongly identify as female inside and always have, but transition for me would, at this point be a complete disaster because I actually enjoy the life I have created as a man...however, I am also a tiny man at 5'9" and 155 pounds with an extremely androgynous body who can look male or female with a a change of clothes. I am lucky. And yes, because I strongly identify as female, passing is extremely important to me. I have never felt like a 'man' in a dress....more like, this is a big part of who I am when I dress. The clothes are a means to an end, not an end in itself.

For some CDers, passing just doesn't matter. The entire goal of passing or not is up to the individual. For some CDers it is less important, and for those who are TS, it is absolutely one of the main goals for transition. Where the line gets blurred is when people are truly living bigendered lives, such as myself.

[Amanda22]

i now make it a point to talk to employees of these places i go
in stead of running and hiding when they spot me.

i feel its my obligation to show them that their wrong with me.
it will make it easier the next time i go and for the next crossdresser
that walks through there door

and to be honest all the places ive been never had a major problem.
alot of gg sales people love to dress you up (added perk)

just be your self.

Thank you for doing that, Sonna. I do the same. People invariably love talking to me and getting to know me. I've never had a bad experience. GG sales people fawn over me. I know they're trying to make sales and I make their effort pay off, but they really like me. Other women shoppers love to see a guy trying hard to be feminine and making no apologies.

[Cynthia Anne]

It's a great feeling being ma-am in public! Plus I was tought know

matter what I do, to do the best I can! knowing you've done that is an award in itself!

[Sarasometimes]

The members here are all different to some degree. Some are post op transexuals others just underdress and some are like me who want to be able to move about undetected and participate in activities appearing as females. For me the motivation is that when I accomplish this I have a better experience while dressed. My most memorable time was when i was getting my wig set in rollers and the client next to me asked " Can you do what she is getting on me?" Now at first I thought the she pronoun was courteous but I later found out that she really thought I was a female until she heard me speak a bit. I have had several similar experiences and they all were great for me.
I believe that on a good day I can blend, which is when I don't notice heads turning or get any obvious double takes. As I said we all are unique and ican't imagine how or why someone would want to wear female clothing in public clearly looking like a male. That doesn't in any way mean doing so is wrong or right. it just isn't my thing.
Great thread, Thx to the OP!