I think growing up an average straight-acting white person warped my social views.
I transitioned in 2010-2011, then went through some real *** and detransitioned, and now I'm in the interesting position of re-transitioning. But it's definitely not a big scary thing that I'm worried about this time.
Yesterday I was out shopping, and just wearing jeans and a tank top and a hoodie, no makeup. And I was in the middle of nowhere between Cincinnati and Dayton, where there's nothing but the outlet mall I was at, some flea markets, and an enormous redneck church with an enormous Jesus statue -- which magnificently got struck by lightning and burned to the ground and was recently rebuilt.
So, I'm out shopping, and I was kinda overcome with anxiety when I got there, you know, just worried about people looking at me. And then I remembered ... Being different is no big deal. Some people give you dirty looks, but the truth is, the more different you are, the more you will also find people drawn to you. And I went around to some different stores, and nobody gave me any funny looks. But when I bought a couple things at the NY&Co outlet, I think it was obvious to the girl ringing me up that I was trans (or gay or who knows what she thought), and she was extra nice and kept talking to me and told me she liked my wallet (I've got a wallet like Samuel L. Jackson's in Pulp Fiction, if you're familiar with that).
And it made me remember how many more nice people I met in my 1.5 years of transition than in the 10 years prior. People are cool. I think of the big guy who played college football who gave me the "I got your back, Quel" vibe all the time. I think of the woman I knew named Raquel who was super nice, which is funny because I actually thought it might offend her that I had the same name. And it made me think of the few people who gave me a hard time who were obviously not the kind of people I would care to make a good impression on regardless. It made me feel being myself made others more likely to be themselves. And I found the extra information useful.
And it makes me think that black people, openly gay people, and people who are clearly different in just about any way really get to know who they're dealing with a lot faster.
But as a straight white dude, I got in some situations coming out to people where it was like, "Wow, all these years I didn't realize you were a bigot who would treat me like I was diseased for being different than you," but then, that's kinda my fault for not showing them who I was.
Anyway, I'm just sort of rambling. My point, though, is that it's really awesome being read by someone who lets you know she's cool. And somehow, one nice smile makes up for several mean looks. But there aren't very many mean looks.
Sure, sometimes people are super-awkward and sort of patronizing, almost like they want to advertise that they're "tolerant" of you being a weirdo. But a lot of people are genuinely accepting.
We miss so much when we're in the closet. Even though some of it's bad, it's good to experience people seeing the real you instead of avoid it.
Like Lana Wachowski said in her HRC acceptance speech last week -- and I'm sure she's the one who added the line to the dialogue in Cloud Atlas -- "To be is to be percieved."
A questionable theory George Berkeley had about the physical universe, but certainly socially meaningful.
Originally Posted by Raquel June
Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
