Have you ever been humiliated by female Sales Assistants when shopping?

[DanaR]

Yesterday, I stopped by a Joann Fabric and Craft store to buy a bra extender. I found the extender and walked up to the cashier and laid the extender on the counter. The SA looked at me and asked if my wife sent me up to buy it. I just gave her the money and didn't say anything. If she would have asked again, I would have told her.

[Marleena]

I was just waiting for this thread an didn't even know it ,,,lol,, Trust me they have tried . But never suceeded ,,At the nail salon too ,,, But never made it ,, You let them take control an some people will humilate you . But dont give them your POWER ! The word is Flip the Script ,, Sir can I help you ? Why you most certainly can ! Are you buying this for a freind ? No it for me ! Would you like a dressing room ? Why yes I would ,,, If its not to much trouble ! Do you wear womans clothes ? Yes dont you ! Are you gay ? No are you ! Are you going to have surgery ? No are you ! Does your wife know ? Why dont you ask her ,, She's right behind you ! An on,,,on,,,on,,, POWER ,,,Dont give it away .

I'll third or forth this one. Well said Stacy!

[Launa]

I've been intimidated before. One time I was in an awesome ladies consignment store and a older SA said loud from behind the counter "sir can I help you with anything?" I said no its all good and never bought anything. I went back a year later with my wife and we picked 3 things from the racks. I tried them on in the change room as there were single change room doors off the main floor. Its not like a tight ladies changing room or anything. Anyway we went to the cashier to pay and the same lady was being a bitch and said to my wife are these for you? The wife looked her in the eye and said no they're for him. She then said okayyyyyyyy. As if she didn't know, my wife is small and all these clothes were size 18 tall. What a cow!
I am making strides to never get embarrased again though. If someone gets obnoxious with me again, I am going to give it back to them "politely though" but still take no crap and if they make a scene it will be their problem.

[t-girlxsophie]

Never had a nasty comment,but have had staff make a joke when I'm buying make-up,or clothes in drab.e.g. "are you sure this is your colour" I've gained a lot of confidence up to this point so If a chance like that arises I don't hide the fact the stuff is for me.I 'm not concerned how it makes them feel

[Cynthia Anne]

Years ago a sa called the police on me 'cause she said I was weired! I had no problem with the police! I told her that my money was too good for her anyway and I left!

[DanaR]

I think that if a SA was being disrespectful to me, I would ask if they were the owner and this is the way that they treat their customers. If you aren't doing anything wrong and are just trying to purchase an item, then you should be treated respectfully or go somewhere else.

[SuzanneS]

Oddly enough, the farther South that I have travelled, the nicer the stores seem to be for the most part. Although, I had a better experience dressed enfemme at Kohl's than I did at a Walmart one night in Des Moines.
As far as anyone asking if anything matches your color.... Pull a $20 bill out and ask if that color matches theirs....

Suzanne

[~Joanne~]

So far I have only had two bad experiences one was at a CD specialty shop....go figure the other at Kmart where the male SA asked if "I didn't find any purses to go with my shoes" which I said "oh are there matching purses over there?"

My nicest comment was at targets where the SA said "these are so cute" referring to the heels I was buying but that comment wasn't directed to them being mine in any way.

Most of the time I don't get any comments one way or another.

[Eryn]

Yesterday, I stopped by a Joann Fabric and Craft store to buy a bra extender. I found the extender and walked up to the cashier and laid the extender on the counter. The SA looked at me and asked if my wife sent me up to buy it. I just gave her the money and didn't say anything. If she would have asked again, I would have told her.

I will point out that most people are simply clueless about crossdressers. We're not all that common and most people just don't think about us at all, except as occasional comic relief on TV. Take someone like that, put them in their first day or two on the job at JoAnn Fabrics with minimal customer service training and you're going to end up with unintentionally inane statements or questions when they deal with a man buying items that men normally don't buy. It's just human nature!

If you decide to tell her, how you do it is important. I think that it is better to educate rather than berate.

If you say nicely "I crossdress and most of the nice bras need an extender to fit me" the salesgirl will remember the polite crossdresser that she waited on.

If instead you come up with a snappy putdown the salesgirl will remember how shabbily she was treated by that nasty crossdresser.

If I'm the next crossdresser that enters that store, I know which situation I'd want to walk into!

[DanaR]

I will point out that most people are simply clueless about crossdressers. We're not all that common and most people just don't think about us at all, except as occasional comic relief on TV. Take someone like that, put them in their first day or two on the job at JoAnn Fabrics with minimal customer service training and you're going to end up with unintentionally inane statements or questions when they deal with a man buying items that men normally don't buy. It's just human nature!

I understand, and I'm usually very kind and patient with people. When then SA asked if my wife had sent me to pick them up, just by her tone and the way she said it, I didn't want to get into a discussion with her.

If you decide to tell her, how you do it is important. I think that it is better to educate rather than berate.

If you say nicely "I crossdress and most of the nice bras need an extender to fit me" the salesgirl will remember the polite crossdresser that she waited on.

If instead you come up with a snappy putdown the salesgirl will remember how shabbily she was treated by that nasty crossdresser.

If I'm the next crossdresser that enters that store, I know which situation I'd want to walk into!

Like I said before, this SA wasn't one that I would normally talk to about something like this, she seemed to be serious by the way that she asked. That is why I didn't engage her in a conversation. I usually don't have a problem if the SA makes a comment, because I'll say that they are for me. I used to have a couple of pictures in my wallet that I would show, if it seemed appropriate. I completely agree with you about how you treat people reflects on all of us, so I try to be kind and understanding.

[RainyNightGirl]

I have never had a negative experience (touch wood). I am not sure how I would handle if it I did, but I do not think it would stop me. I do want to say however that I have had nothing but excellent service at Payless when buying women's shoes and that goes with male SAs as female SAs. I laugh at the negative comments on Dollar General because I almost went into one tonight but they were closing.

[dragdoll]

I have a feeling that a store called "Dollar General" doesn't hire the sharpest people to be cashiers and likely doesn't train them at all in customer service.

OMFG...I came to this thread to post about my absolutely infuriating experience at a DG store last year, instigated by this ignorant moron employee who kept following me around the store and heckling me, even as I was leaving. I was in androgynous "drab" and just trying to look at the womens sandals among other things and she was just being way too obnoxious so I had to leave. When I called to complain to the manager I was shocked to find out SHE WAS the manager. So I called the district/corporate office and the guy I talked to was a complete imbecile too, so I got nowhere. Never again.

Another time, at Lane Bryant, I was in drab and looking for a waist cincher, I had to deal with this a-hole of a sales associate who couldn't have been a day older than 20 and who kept making it a point to call me "Sir" as many times (and loudly) as possible. I got so annoyed that I called her a fat pig and walked out. I'll spend my money elsewhere.

I think the most annoying is when they think they are so clever and witty that you're not going to notice their thinly-veiled sarcasm and actually believe they're being "courteous" when in reality they have no work ethic and think its cute to embarrass and play head games with "weird" customers. I've gotten less and less tolerant of it over the years. If they don't care if their store makes money, there are plenty of others that do.

[Eryn]

Well, I'm sure that calling her "a fat pig" taught that SA a valuable lesson and she'll treat the next CDer that comes in with great respect. Not.

[dragdoll]

Well, I'm sure that calling her "a fat pig" taught that SA a valuable lesson and she'll treat the next CDer that comes in with great respect. Not.

I'm not even sure she realized I was a CDer as I was in total male mode. In any case, her parents should have aborted her.

[almisami]

I haven't had genuinely bad service anywhere, although I've had clerks get eyes so wide I was afraid they'd pop out by the time she opened the changing room. I've also had clerks just go full robot mode and just cut off conversation completely with this blank expression.

[Sweet Caroline]

Only once have I been poorly treated by a sales associate, the owner. It was an early Sunday AM. I was only guy in the shop. I told her what I wanted. She seemed annoyed with my presence in her shop. The lady was no help at all, she rushed me in the back of the shop and left me alone with several wigs to try on. There was no help or suggestions. Mind you now I was new at all this and needed all the help I could get. Finally she tried to sell me the most expensive wig in the shop. I did not like the style or cut. I did decide on a cute "bob" and made my purchase. I left her shop knowing I was never coming back. Over the years I have purchased a least 50 wigs and not one from her again. By word of mouth I also discouraged others from going there. She is no longer in business.

The general public is so ignorant and stupid about anything. Sometimes I worry about us as a country. LOL

[Cheryl T]

The closest I came was at a Bradlee's store years ago. I stopped in a found a lovely bustier with matching panty and black stockings set. At the register the young girl looked at it, then at me and said, "You're going to look lovely in this". Without missing a beat I said, "I certainly hope so".
Her jaw dropped and she just bagged it and off I went.

BTW, I did look lovely in it...unfortunately it eventually fell victim to a purge.

[Kathi Lake]

Humiliated? Of course not! It takes two to be humiliated, you know.

Have I had one or two ladies give me the stink-eye? Certainly! I choose to keep smiling, keep trying things on, and not let them ruin my day. In fact, with one I kept talking with her, and asking for things to try on even after I had selected what I wanted, just to remind her of who the customer was.



Kathi

[JackieInPA]

I have had a few experiences...first at a Local payless...there was a change in the shoes for a friends wedding that my wife was in a few days before the wedding, and unfortunatly my wife was a away at a conference so she told me what to get and what color...the male associate was particularly rude to me. I was in full male mode...am obviously not a size 8 shoe but he kept loudly insisting these were custom shoes and i had to try them on because they wouldnt refund colored shoes. I explained the situation to him but he didnt relent insisting i try on the shoes, so i told him to stuff it and went to another local Payless and was treated with respect and curtesy. The other Bad incidents both happened a a local Katherines. I went in was the only customer in the store and the sales associate asked if she could help me...i told her I was just looking...she then proceded to stand int eh middle of the store and blatently stare at me no matter where i went...i got angry not embarrased and left and did not come back for about 6 months to that particular store...at the same store a while after the six months i aasked to try something on and was told no as there was a female customer in the changing rooms...I was ok with that answer and just bought the item...next time i came in as i was leaving the SA says to the ther SA.."The last time he came in he asked to try something on, can you believe it?" This preempted another long boycott of that particular store. I started then travelling an extra 17 miles to go to the next closest Katherines where they have treated me with nothing but fondness and respect even chiding me on being gone for so long lol.

[Jessica S]

I'm with Kathi on this one "Humiliated? Of course not! It takes two to be humiliated, you know." I have also got the stink eye from a couple of prudish SA. But some will make a comment like "sure you have the right size or that color will look good on you." I don't think they are trying to humiliated me just letting me know that they know am a CD. I have no problem with that because I am a CD. So SA get as nervous with me, as I used to get when I first started buying women's clothes(sometimes still do). The young SA at JC Penny's the other day got fluster when I asked where I could try on some dresses I was holding. She said are those for your wife? I just said no they are for me and she turn red and said I could try them on in the mens department. No Problem. She probably has not been asked that question by many men. I have had couple of SA hover around me while I shopped. I just think they are curious. We need to have thick skin and act pleasantly even if they are not, so everyone will get used to us and think of us a good customers. The SA that are real nasty, I think call back to the store and reporting them is better that going down to their level and call them names.

[Tina B.]

Well it was a long time ago, in a JCP far far away! I went in to get a Waist cincher, and there was a middle aged women SA at the cash register, when I laid down my purchase, she looked at me and rolled her eyes at me, I just smiled back at her, until she composed herself, and rung me up. I think it bothered her more than it did me.
Then last year at the market, a young lady checked out my groceries, got to a pair of pantyhose, and said, Oh are you sure this are your color, (they where Suntan), I just came back, with I thought so, would you recommend a different color, she laughed, and went on ringing things up, times have changed.
At Kmart this year I was going thought the checkout line with two pair of womens jeans, at the register was a twenty something young man, I usually avoid men, he rung me up and then said, wow, great price on them uh, I had to agree, yes times they are a changing.
Tina B.

[~Joanne~]

Does anyone really know of a store where the SA/clerks still make commission? I keep hearing this over and over and I can't think of one. JCP, dress barn, Kmart, payless etc,etc, etc, these are all minimum wage (or close to) jobs and I can see why we get treated the way we do and the management is always no better. When you have no stake in the sale then you really don't care if that customer comes back or not.

Just from this thread it shows that though a lot of girls don't think these sales people care and your money is the same as everyone else's, they actually do.

Just a thought.....

[Desiree2bababe]

Never will forget a couple of young sales girls at Macy's who knew and just went on and on how I should try stockings rather than pantyhose. Then there was the girl at Cache who blurted out that she had plenty of styles to fit me. Then the time when the clerk at the makeup counter asked if I was shopping for a big night out. I actually like it when the sales people acknowledge they know it's for me. The only time that mad me mad was when this male manager came to where I was trying on shoes and told the other ladies to let him know if I bothered them.

[SherriePall]

I have, over the years, been well treated at many retail stores and consignment shops. About the only time I really wasn't was at a local high end clothing store. I stopped by after work one day, wearing my work uniform (which was perfectly clean) and started browsing the junior section near the entrance. An older SA came over to me and announced that I was in the junior section after I told her I was looking for a dress.
She proceeded to show me to the more age-appropriate section and picked out a couple of dresses which were on sale. When I asked where I could try them on, she pointed me to a dressing room on the second floor. I tried them on, but none called to me to take them home. Plus the sale price was still considerably more than I was willing to part with for a dress that really didn't strike me.
I later found out from a beauty shop SA friend that she had the same type experience there when she was working in a factory atmosphere and went shopping after work.
We figured the SA was more snooty than anything else.

[Kaz]

Now I have to admit two things... first I am UK based and we DO NOT get the same attitude with regard to customer service as our US cousins! Many of you will have experienced this! Second... I have never ever bought anything while dressed. BUT, I have been buying women's clothes for the last 40 years or so... I remember as an 18 year old trying women's high heeled boots, with my girlfriend encouraging me, for on stage and generally looking like a guitar dude around town! Afghan coat, loon pants... what an era!

I have also consistently bought my wife underwear, outerwear for birthdays, Christmas and just because I wanted to!

It has never been a problem and I have had some great advice.... BUT...

There was once, when I walked into Marks and Spencer in a town 300 miles from home to buy a new thong (I was working away and had the 'urge')... The SA was very young and surrounded by a posse... she told me that there was a deal on - buy one, get three and would I like to find two more? Off I went but heard all the giggles behind me. I fronted them all, but that was classic!

The best was an SA probably in her thirties telling me that she wished her husband would buy her lingerie, and complimented me on my choice! Hey-ho...