Prom... should I??

[Kimberly's GG]

kim you know whatever you do ill be there for u!

people wouldnt touch u - their all whimps however i know how this collage works - it would be gossiping/bitching behind your back + snidy comments that no-one else can here thrown at you on random occasions

if u think u can handle it then do it - it may be the best experiance of your life! and i will help u through it - ill try + do ur make up (even tho ur probably better at it that me...) do ur hair + u can borrow one of my dresses if u like - first things first we need to get u new shoes - those ones are RANK!!!

XxXxX

[Lotte L]

Kimberly,

This is the moment, your opportunity to do so. You want to do it so bad. My teacher always said if you really want something "give it a name and it will happen". Beeing CD you allready gave yourself the name Kimberly.

Bon chance,
Hug Lotte L

Okay... College have a prom on... I didn't want to go in the first place, thinking it would be incredibly institutionalised and all that b*llsh*t that I really don't buy into... But then I said something today, well, asked... and the response astounded me:

My english class were talking about the formal, and I'm the only boy... so the talk was about dresses, who's going with who etc. And I said I wasn't going.

Shock horror. I wasn't going... everyone goes!! Truth be told, I'd much rather just go on a night out and get drunk and have a good laugh, but a lot of people are annoyed I'm not going. (Damned peer pressure.) So... people jokingly said that I should take our, male, english teacher. We laughed, so I said, "Who'd wear the dress?" Laughter etc... Then people said I should - my hair is longer and I have a better figure.

So I asked, "What would you seriously do if I actually came in a dress?"
The response: "It would be funny for about half an hour, then the novalty would wear off and we'd all just have a good time!"

Oh my god.... this could be way out of these damned male clothes!! And, I mean... it's a fantasy of many of you girls', isn't it?? To go to your high school/college prom dressed up and dolled up to the nines!

I can't believe it, I'm actually thinking about it, and that night come out about myself to everyone. Should I, girls?? Should I... seriously??

(I'm shaking even thinking about it.) xx

[Miss Vicki]

If you do not go you will look back 5, 10 15 and more years and say, "I cpuld have...." Do it and then say, I LOVED IT

I wish I had that opportunity. Then or now

[JulieNY]

I'd feel out your friends, to be sure of how they feel. If they're encouraging, I'd go for it! I'd try and look nice and be confident. How well you present will have a lot to do with others' perceptions.

It's safe to have an exit and be prepared for all that could happen, but I doubt you'll be harassed during the night. I'd be more concerned about the gossip that would spread on campus. When I've done things like this in the past, I've been teased a bit, but not questioned. They assumed I was just doing it as a ladies man . YMMV.

Good luck . And be sure to get pictures if you choose to go!

[Shelly Preston]

Kimberly
Have you though of asking the english teacher what the reaction might be.

After all i assume someone is in charge of the prom.

[Kimberly]

Okay girls (and guys - possibly,) I think the dream is over.

I talked with a lot a friends, (one of whom joined the site - thanks hunny.) and the general consensus is not to do it. Like my GG friend said, basically they'd all bitch and stuff, but I think that would knock my confidence too much. A friend of mine said to me, "This isn't the place to do it," and I go along with that... there are too many closed-minded people who will be there, who would make my life at college even a lot worse because I came out or dressed in a dress for the formal.

My group of friends, though, I love and adore... and upon coming out to a couple more of them yesterday, (told you all I'd do something for TGs every single day, ) I think no one would be incredibly surprised if I told them all - and would be quite accepting.

This is my plan! To come out to all my friends, so - in their company, I can be who I want to be.

Sorry to all get your hopes up, but I promise that pictures will arrive soon of when I'm out and about with my friends... I can do that at least... I know and believe it.

Thanks for all those replies... but the nays have it. There are just too many negatives to the repercussions.

xxx

[Stephanie Brooks]

Well Kimberly, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you gave it thought on both sides - yes and no. You've also got a cool GG friend!

*BIG WARM HUGGLES* to you.

[HaleyPink2000]

It's totally your choice!

Yes I'd go! No way would anyone make me not do it. I'd have the cutest dress of any of the girls and undies etc. I'd look like a fairy princess. Just the most wonderful person with the biggest smile all night.

But, at around 10:30 or 11 pm I'd leave for home. Let the drunks be what they want to be. I'd be in your dorm, home what ever by 10 or 11pm. Only reason is people get really weird after around 10 ish at parties. Idiots, you know the types. I'd have the biggest Limo and the nicest TG friendly company pick me up at the door. I'd leave word with the Company that they were to send a driver in a wonderful uniform to the door to fetch me from the prom, and escort me all the way to the car. Then GO HOME!

Your security in this is all the people around you and the hired car to there and then home. If He is to be your date then He needs to pick you up and then take you home before people get rowdy. Usually 10 or 11 ish is enough for any night out.

Oh the trans gender thing! Yeah I'd push that button in a heart beat. So what if you have a tag on you that says your a T person. Following simple rules in college helps. Be in at a reasonable hour at night. Keep your doors locked at home. Only go out when you need to. Gas costs loads of money these days. Go to the things you want to go to. But remember the ways of our culture about en femme men. Try to go to things with your friends in tow.
Other CD's or a GG etc. Even if you have to hire a car and driver its your safty that counts.

College years are to be fun. So don't miss out on things you want to go to.
But plan the trips well.

Haley

[Stephanie Mancini]

Kimberley, i hear your decision but i don't agree with it , your gg is so right when she says no one will touch you, with the support you seem to have i'd be out there giving it my best shot bigtime and to hell with the rest of them , you'll be there with your real friends the people who really matter in your life , so i say put on the dress and go have some fun, life's full of too many ifs, buts and excuses that prevent us from ever acheiving our true potential, so hero or zero the choice is yours?


Steph

[JoAnnDallas]

Here's my two cents. If your GG friends will stay with you durning the evening and you, they do not tell anyone that your a CD, they help with your outfit and makeup, I bet you will pass and have a great time. Then there will not be any gossip or talk afterwards. Unless you want everyone to know that your really a guy. Then all bets are off.

[DonnaT]

Kimberly, I don't agree with your decision either. 10 years from know you'll be regretting it.

Here's the deal. First, you say you don't consider yourself transgendered. Basically, from what I've read, this is because you've made no transitions and are not TS. I am a CD and consider myself to be transgendered. I have no desire to transition. In the UK transgendered legally covers all the range of CD/TV/TS etc.

Second, if you've got your classmates (English) giving you support already and if they are genuinely interested in your well being, if they will ensure you are not given a bad time, and if you really want to go enfemme, then go to the prom.

CDs with nerve do it in the states, even in high school. I imagine that it is also done in the UK, so you wouldn't be the first. Heck, there is probably at least one other TV in your school wanting to do the same and may even do so. If they do, how will you feel if you don't.

BUT, don't feel pressured to go. You initially indicated that you had no plans to go in the first place. So, don't use the excuse of worrying how others will feel/react, use your original excuse if it still holds true.

[susiej]

Kimberly,

It looks like you've already decided against this adventure. I *think* I agree with your decision, but -- it's really a tough call. In the ideal situation, my gawd, wouldn't it be fun !!!

In one of your answers in this thread, you said the college was somewhat right-wing. For me, the atmosphere of the college is the key question. A prom is a major social event, and everybody wants to have a good time. If you could go to the prom en femme and not cause much of a ripple -- "who's that cute girl in pink over there?" -- "oh, that's so-and-so, he's in my Literature class" -- "Oh, cool, he looks really pretty." -- hey, why not?

But, if your presence in a dress is going to be a big deal, unless you want to make a major political statement about rights of TV's to dress as they please, better chalk it up to a sweet fantasy, on a grand scale, as you appeared to have done.

Even if I were your age and had your cheekbones (and your, um, cheek ), I'm not sure I could stay in character that long! Do you know how to dance backwards? In heels? In a floor-length gown?

Thanks for sharing your decision process with us.

Hmmm, does the college have other, less-formal dances later in the year ?

Hugs,
Susie

[Bonnie D]

Yes, it is a very difficult decision to make. You probably won't get another opportuntiy to wear a gown because nothing with change from this prom to any other prom in later years unless there are more cds out by that time.

Next, all the girls in your class will be with dates, their guys may separate the girls from you. And they may not let you go to any after prom parties but then that may not be an issue with you.

Your date would have to be as brave as you and understand the consequences. Hopefully none of the consequences would be physical. Gossip, segregation to some degree are things that can be dealt with as long as you have a few real friends.

Living your life in fear or dictated by fear is not a way to live. You wouldn't be doing anything threatening by going to a prom dressed en femme. You will regret not going but regret can also be dealt with by doing other things such as going to a pub or party en femme. Of course not in a gown but skirts and dresses are fun too.

Your safety is my concern and you are the best one to judge that. If it's just verbal then go for it. I think you have a lot of support with your friends there as well as here.

Bonnie

[HaleyPink2000]

When your 50ish, will you do this?

When you have kids and 3 jobs will you do this?

When your 45 and the grand kids com along will you go do this then?

When your in the high rise will you go do this?

When your in the old folks home and no one but open stage musicians and church groups come see you, will you do this?

Answer, NO way!

Will you always think " Oh I wish I'd a done this or that". Oh yeah!

So Should you do this now. Oh yeah!

Just remember your security issues and things will be fine.

Haley

[Kimberly]

Jeez, you girls are right...

I'll think about this more over the weekend. I never ran from anything before, and I certainly won't run from this issue.

You've made me think twice, ladies... I may even do it.

Okay, it's a "maybe" now - I'll see what I think in the cold light of day. (It's about 1am, and I've had a few beers. )

Thanks for the support xxx

Ps. I'd just like to add - in my world, this is probably the worst place to come out to people about my dressing - so why not do it? If I've done the worst, the rest must be easier, right??

[freshfrankie]

Just do it. Do you want to go en femme Kimberly? If the answer is yes go for it. I'm 55 and came out to my wife of 25 years a few months back. I moved her into a condo in october and have never been happier. My kids are away in college,my dad died and my best and only real male friend dropped dead of a heart attck at 52 two months after my dad who I worked with for forty years. The friday before halloween I went about my normal routine dressed. The post office, the bank and delivered to about 7 of my accounts and had a ball. I did it again on Monday(Halloween) and everyone loved it. (differant outfit of course!)I even visited my Aunt Pearl in her Alzheimers unit. I'm sick of living in the closet. I delivered to some of my same customers this week and one man in the receiving department said"You look like ----.Wear that red dress next time. You looked hot". I would much rather be disliked for the person that I am than liked for the person I am not. I don't think you should worry about a college campus because that is the most liberal and accepting place to be. If a rugby player says you look a little too comfortable in those heels just reply "I have great balance" You do not need to explain anything to anyone. It's none of their business. Hold your head up and enjoy yourself. Hugs and kisses. Life is short,play hard! Don't wait until 55 to be yourself. It's no fun.

Love
Jeannie

[Jasmine Ellis]

Oh Kimberly darling. They have told you, this is your time so go for it and enjoy darling and good luck sweetheart, don't forget the pictures.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Kimberly,

I have never been in the exact situation, but after once going to a fancy dress party dressed as a girl, the host of the party a GG girlfriend (of one of my mates) was so thrilled at the way I looked, the next time she had a party she was insistent (as were 3 of her GG friends) that I go to the next party (a non fancy dress party) dressed as a girl.

Phew! let me tell you it was a night I will never forget because I did go and I did dress as a girl. I got lots of attention during the first couple of hours of the party mostly from GGs. My mate's girlfriend wanted to take me around to all of her friends and show me off. It was a fantastic (but nervous and exciting) time for me and I loved all the attention, not to mention the femme clothes and the strong feelings of femininity I was getting.

But be warned, this didn't last that long because as the night progressed I found that all the previously enthusiastic GGs has paired off with their boyfriends or other guys they had hooked up with and no longer "protected me" and also none of the guys I knew wanted to be their regular guy-selves around me, they just kept their distance, and so I found myself in a vulnerable position of being on my own completely dressed as a girl in a someone else's house surrounded by strangers. I couldn't even go home because it was my mate's girlfriend who had collected me from my house and took me to her house. Ok I could of taken a taxi but I didn't want to get into the taxi on my own dressed as a girl either. It would have been obvious I was a guy wearing girls clothes.

I had to stick it out until the end of the party when I got a lift home with some of the GGs who I shared a taxi with.

So my point is, unless you know that your GG friends are always going to be with you throughout the evening to "protect you" I would be careful about doing it. Then again on the other hand, what if you don't get another opportunity in life?....you might end up regretting it so bad.

Tricky decision

[Dayna]

Kimberly,

My first reaction was, "Oh to be in your shoes!" Indeed you have a great opportunity and I hope you decide to take advantage of it. Just remember, though, that you may not be able to put the genie back in the bottle!

Make sure that your girlfriends treat you with dignity and respect and have fun!

[Kimberly]

Okay, it's final.

Thanks to my parents caring comments, this is neither the time or place to come out to people. There's too much at stake to do it; thus it remains a fantasy!

(I'm gonna have a damn CD party anyway!!! woot!!! Bring on the gender bending. ) xx

[Adele 2005]

Oh yeah, I forgot, when it comes to opinions "mother knows best"!

Enjoy your CD party!

[KathrynW]

Have you ever seen the movie "Carrie" where they got this girl to get all dressed and go to the prom? Then the rest of kids proceeded to humiliate her in every way possible. yeah, it's just a movie...but, think about this very carefully before you decide to do it.

[TxKimberly]

Take a deep breath, pause, and think about it. Your current longing, enthusiasm, and excitement are pushing you to do something that you MAY regret later. At one point in my TG growth, I felt very comfortable with who and what I was, and I came out to a few women at work. One of them basically freaked and was never comfortable around me again. I also have very good reason to believe that she shared my secret with many others that I would not have wanted to know. The moral of my story - I so much wanted to be 'one of the girls" that I made a decision that I regretted later.
So, don't know if you should, or should not, but I would encourage you to remember that you have to live with the consequences of what you do that night. While most people these days are a lot more open minded than they used to be (and one would hope a university would have more than the average) but there are still plenty of people out there that will treat you poorly after they find out.

Kim (apparently the heavy here)

[KathrynW]

there are still plenty of people out there that will treat you poorly after they find out.

Kim (apparently the heavy here)

No, you're not the heavy, Kim...
I personally think it's a terrible idea and could have really bad consequences.

[Megan_Renee]

Guys do this sort of thing all the time in the US. I read of one couple who attended a senior balls (prom like thing) cross-dressed in duct-tape clothing... The guy was wearing a duct-tape dress and the gal was wearing a duct-tape tux.

Megan