GG with CD/SO needs some feedback and advice

[Lady Panda]

Hi Ladies,

I joined a few months ago....and I am wondering if I should tell my SO that I joined here.

I do not know if she is a member ....I did :see at one time she had perused the site...but am still unsure if she is a member.


When My Gal came out I Joined here for support and understanding.
I totally love Her and support her in being CD. I love all parts of her /him.

My other delemma is : When we were talking and she finally came out to me I told her that I wouldn't tell anyone else that it was between us and nobody else.....I am wondering ...Did I violate that confidence? Did I violate that trust?

I mean it is totally annonymous and nobody knows personal identity Info. (real Names etc. ) I think I kept to the spirit ...didn't I?

I joined here to gain understanding for what she is going thru and to get insight also. So I could give the utmost in support for HER.

I also joined for my own peace of mind so to speak...to see how other GG w CDSOs deal with what or GALS go thru and the things that as a couple they face it together. It has really helped me alot. Like I said I am totally supportive and accepting of her / duality. I love that part of her. I encourage her at avery turn.

I got/ and get great support here and some great advice/info here.

i don't want to be hiding stuff( we all know how that goes) but I also dont want to hurt him/her because I may have violated that trust in seeking support here. He/ she is such a private person in regards to all other aspects of his/her life ...I am also a very private person.

Help.....I don't know what to do.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lady P., I don't know the answer but I sure wish that my wife would take that kind of interest in my dressing.

I would sure think that joining this forun would be a positive thing for him.

[STACY B]

Your SO should consider themselves LUCKY that you were smart enough to go an find some EDUCATION instead of running an hiding an pitching a fit about something that is realy no big deal . If they want to stay private tell them not to tell anyone an who will be the wiser ? No body knows yall on here ,, Its not like they have a mailing list ,,lol,,, This is just a forum for CDs an there love ones ,, If ya dont put up a pic who will know ? My SO has gottin on before but she dont care to much about what I do ,, Just dont dress like a HOOKER ,, An no SRS an we will be fine . But I think its great that you suport your partner ,,Most chix on here would give there whole world up for the support you show . Stay around an just read an check out the threads somemore ,, Its all good ,,, We are the same as everyone else ,,We just dress better , LOL,,,,

[Kathi Lake]

I think when your SO said he didn't want you telling anyone else, he probably meant family and friends. I would tell him that you are interested in his feelings, and trying to understand him more, so you searched for a few sites, found this one, and here you are. Say you found the site and the people pretty cool, and that they're helping you to understand. See what he says to that.

Kathi

[RebeccaLynne]

I joined a few months ago....and I am wondering if I should tell my SO that I joined here.

My heavens! You haven't disclosed your efforts to better understand your SO... time's a wasting! I'd suggest you do so immediately, 'cause if she's like me, she'd be flattered and appreciative that you'd endeavored to gain a greater understanding of her state of mind.

My GF joined years ago, yet hasn't logged on in almost as long. She's not interested in learning anything about our relationship that she doesn't hear from me... although I believe she'd benefit from the valuable contributions here.

My other delemma is : When we were talking and she finally came out to me I told her that I wouldn't tell anyone else that it was between us and nobody else.....I am wondering ...Did I violate that confidence? Did I violate that trust?

I mean it is totally annonymous and nobody knows personal identity Info. (real Names etc. ) I think I kept to the spirit ...didn't I?

I agree. Afterall, it is the internet. It's not like you've outed her to friends or family; to do so would be a betrayal of trust. IMO, you've simply reached out to a sympathetic audience in an effort to expand your comfort level.

I also joined for my own peace of mind so to speak...to see how other GG w CDSOs deal with what or GALS go thru and the things that as a couple they face it together. It has really helped me alot. Like I said I am totally supportive and accepting of her / duality. I love that part of her. I encourage her at avery turn.

You're a dream come true. Many CD'ers and supportive SO partners will most likely be applauding your efforts.

I'm certainly a member of that group. Keep up the good work.

[Joan_CD]

Hi and welcome. It's pretty hard to keep a confidence like this inside of you with no one to turn to for advice, venting, or understanding. It seems like you took the best avenue available; a place where you are anonymous, where gg's facing similar experiences can share with you, where cd's and other initials can give some insight to her thinking, and where it is pretty safe to do so. I'm not sure you broke a confidence or breached a trust by trying to learn and understand what you are both addressing. The old saying of ignorance is bliss is not always the right path. What you are doing by being here feels right, yes?

[Babeba]

I think that you are probably in the clear. This is an anonymous site, you haven't posted your husband's name or anything to identify you or him (you haven't even said whether washington means DC or State of) and therefore I think you have lived up to the spirit of your confidence.

If it makes you feel better, though, I definitely would encourage you telling him about this site! I find it really helpful to talk about certain threads with my partner and see how he/she feels about them, and what his/her opinions are. This site has really opened up a lot of dialogue for the two of us, and has helped make our relationship better because we are both on it. There is a lot I would have been unsure about, and unsure how to even bring up to talk about if it ever fully occurred to me, if it wasn't for this site.

[kimdl93]

No you didn't violate a trust. It is anonymous outs and you are here for all the right reasons. Relax.

[giuseppina]

Hello Lady Panda

As I said in another recent thread to another SO, thank you for investigating rather than heading for the hills upon learning of your BF's crossdressing.

What is done is done. You can't change it. I think your motivation is well-intentioned, but, as you say, secrets are not the best thing in a relationship. Perhaps it's time to tell your BF you've investigated CDing and opened an account here. Personally, I would be pleased, as I can only guess what a SO would think and feel when she learns of a rather taboo practice.

The internet is anonymous enough that telling us isn't likely to be a problem. While it is possible to track internet activities by IP and MAC address, this is specialised knowledge most people do not have. Amplifying Babeba's point, there is a Washington County in Oregon and probably other states, so I don't think you've revealed anything about your location.

[Barbara Ella]

LadyPanda. You joined a site to find out more about crossdressing. No one knows who you are. No one knows who your loving SO is. You have become a lot more knowledgeable since February. I hope keeping secrets does not mean stopping the desire to more fully understand a person and what they are about. I hope you two will have discussed how he feels about you knowing more about his feminine side. She may not feel like coming on here to chat with us other girls, but this can be discussed. He brought you into his feminine life, so I assume he is not embarrassed of what she does. I think you can very tactfully bring up your desire to more fully understand crossdressing to help her, you joined a site, and it has helped. If he is interested how this helped you understand her, your door is opened.

I cannot tell you what it would mean to me if my wife had continued her initial interest in she who is now Barbara. Sadly, she has retreated, hopefully for a short time.

Thank you ever so much for your interest.

Barbara

[Lainie]

Lady Panda,

You haven't violated a confidence, you've done a really supportive thing.

[kristinacd55]

Wow, what a difference you are from my wife/ex/separated or whatever it is today....she resented big time being dragged into the closet with me when she found out. Your sweetie's a real lucky CD to have you! Welcome to the forum btw!

[Bonnie J]

I am with the majority..I think you are fine as to the confidentiality thing. No sacred trusts were broken or anything even close. You came here to find a kinship with other gg's who are married to a CD.

I see no problem..enjoy and thanks.

[nvlady]

You have NOT violated that confidence.
I am deep in the closet, I am not out to anyone, but I can come here and talk to other gurls, and still be comfortable in my closet.

[~Joanne~]

I don't think you have either. I would certainly tell her you are here seeking support and a better understanding. If anything it would show that You are accepting and caring.

[Eryn]

What the heck, I'll pile on too.

Joining an anonymous forum for education and support is not a violation of trust. Everything you have done has been to support your SO and there are many CDers here who would do anything to have an SO like you.

If your SO is a member here then she knows the nature of the site and will understand. If your SO isn't a member we will be happy to welcome her and we'll do our best to help her understand.

[Jolene Robertson]

Lady P. I am with everyone else here. Don't think you did anything underhanded or that would violate confidence. My wife doesn't come here but fully supports me and we discuss some of the posts, she calls my time here "spending time with my girl friends". As some have indicated if your SO does not already belong she/he might enjoy it and become more comfortable with her/him self.
I commend you for being sensitive on this matter and seeking answers. Thank you for being a member.

Hugs
Jolene

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Hi Lady Panda,
welcome - I dont think anyone could say that you've violated a confidence but U think it's probably a good idea to tell your SO that you've joined and the reasons why - I would be amazed if he/she wasnt delighted you were seeking information, which can only help your relationship.

and why have I never seen you in the FAB forum??? if you're not a member already, do join - we are very supportive of each other.

SP xx

[Mollyanne]

OK Lady Panda, From reading all the responses to your "problem" the first thing is that THERE IS NO PROBLEM!!!!!! Your supportive nature and trust has indicated a level of acceptance that shows no boundaries!!!!!! Sit down w/ the "other half" and explain as to why you came here, IE: Information!!!!!! I think when all this comes out in the open and it's just between the both you there will be no "guilt" but a stronger bond between the both you.

Molly

[Jenniferathome]

Joining this site is a perfectly reasonable thing to do after the disclosure of crossdressing. You have not violated any trust at all. I see no harm in telling him about being a member here. In fact, better to tell then to be found out some day and be accused of spying. You are here for YOU, because HE is something you didn't understand.

[Rondawants]

I think you are fine with this! I also think maybe she would be pleased that your here! I know this site has given me a family of love and understanding. She is a lucky to have you!!!! Loves Ronda!!!!

[Cheryl T]

First of all a big "Thank You" for being one of the very supportive wives. It's something that those of us who are married all either thank God we have or wish that we had. It's such a relief to have someone so close to you that you can share this with as so many of us have hidden it from everyone for many years.

That being said, I would tell your spouse that you are a member and that you are here to gain insight and information in order to better understand and be as supportive as you can be. I'm certain that that would be welcomed.
As for breaking that trust...you didn't!! This is someplace we all come to for support and are comfortable here because it is anonymous for the most part (a little less for those of us that post pictures). I'm certain that your spouse meant family and friends because the fear of those close to us discovering our secret is something we all share. Too many have had those people turn away upon learning about this. We worry about being ostracized and being alone. Here you are free to share your thoughts and concerns without judgement.

I would ask you...have you joined the F.A.B. section (Female At Birth)?
My wife joined here shortly after I came out to her and she found that area quite helpful.

I think if you used this site as a stimulus for discussion to better understand your spouse's feelings and to learn you would both benefit, I know we have.

[Stephanie Michelle]

If anything he/she should be thanking you for learning what others like you two are going through. Although each person in this site have different reasons for what they do. It does open people to the general insights of this community. Good luck in telling her. You have a better start than most of us on the site.

[BRANDYJ]

Hi Lady Panda. I have not seen any of your 43 posts before. Odd that I have missed them or not remember the name.
No, you did not break trust in any way at all. You are not giving his/her name here. You are not using a name he would recognize as being you. So for the life of me I can't think of why anyone would think you are breaking trust. Needless to say, you are here with nothing but good intentions. You want to know more about transgender/crossdressing issues to better cope with and support your SO. That is admirable. I can not imagine him being upset with you for joining to learn more about what he and now you, are dealing with. I don't think you should hide it from him however. Let him know you joined and for what purpose. He should be thankful.

[Tina B.]

Please, no pictures! after all that's the only way you could out her, you didn't give us her name, or where she lives, so we don't know her, and you have not betrayed anyone. But I don't think I would keep it a secret, I would explain that it is anonymous, but it has helped you understand her better, and it's the only place you have to find answers to questions you need to understand. Then share your posting with her, so she see's it's only about support, not exposer. You should be alright if she thinks about it.
We have a lot of girls here that wish they had the support you are giving your SO.
Tina B.