Crossdressing – YES or NO?

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]“They’ve already said YES to it.” (from The Shock of the New by Robert Hughes)

The world is divided into two camps – the ones who say YES to crossdressing, and the ones who say NO to crossdressing. Needless to say, the latter far outnumber the former, and the ones who say YES to crossdressing are constantly being persuaded to say NO to something they either love or want to love...

Of course, I said YES to crossdressing many years ago, exactly five seconds after I fastened a skirt around my waist and felt the air caress my semi-virgin knees. From that moment on, I have said YES to the physical act of crossdressing, the feelings it provides, and the euphoria I get from just being completely unlike those who say NO. Why be negative when you can be positive? Why say NO to urges that originate deep inside one’s soul? Why say NO to whom you are, or who you want to be, when you can say YES and enjoy life on your own terms? Why, indeed...

I know, it’s not easy to say YES to crossdressing when nearly everyone says NO to it for one reason or another. NO!!! is being screamed at you from all sides 24/7. Other males, otherwise known as your peers, say NO without thinking too much about it. They want you to be as strong as they are, so why are you willfully upsetting masculinity? Females say NO without thinking, too. Do they feel threatened or insulted in some way? Surely you’re joking, right? Once again you’re upsetting the gender-specific boundaries almost everyone has bought in to, reinforced in the media ad nauseum as you struggle to find acceptance in an increasingly hostile world...

Of course, outsiders say YES to crossdressing when it’s served up as entertainment – by laughing at crossdressing they’re saying NO to it, getting a chuckle out of it at your expense. Oh, how hilarious it all is, especially when exaggerated “performances” are put forth as the accepted “face” of crossdressing! Where will it end? You, a minority of a minority, are trying to say YES to your beloved dressing-up, but the whole world is saying NO in no uncertain terms. At times like this it feels like you’re immersed in a water bath, slowly being equalized with your negative surroundings. They want you to say NO, for their benefit, but you are stubborn and determined to say YES all the while...

You find a site like this one, where you can finally find other true individuals who have learned to say YES with aplomb, and somehow keep the NO world at bay. You feel relief, but something is not quite right in more ways than one. Looking around, you find many people who are either trying to say YES consistently, or they are in the process of saying NO and joining normalcy for good. Those who purge are trying to say NO, but they really want to say YES and hang on to their precious crossdressing. The wife, the SO, your friends, your family, and your co-workers all want you to say NO, and they’ll be happy when you do so. Is it worth throwing your “self” away to make everyone else happy? How can you say NO and be truly happy with yourself?

I suppose that many people are stuck between YES and NO, and they would really rather not have to make decisions in line with socially correct polar opposites. Some don’t have a choice, but for a typical CD like me, it’s wonderful to say YES each and every day to the natural urge to crossdress. I survive by simply limiting my exposure to those who insist on saying NO to crossdressing. In my mind, they cannot appreciate something as positive and life-affirming as putting on a dress and getting in touch with things that males are not supposed to experience. In a huge way, crossdressing itself is like saying YES to genuine existence, and NO to a life of drab expectation – if I look into my closet of goodies and say NO, I am effectively saying NO to myself and all that I can be. How can that possibly be a good thing?

Are you saying YES to crossdressing, or are you trying to say NO to it? [/SIZE]

[Mollyanne]

I say ----yes yes yes to my crossdressing because i like it, actually i love it!!!!!! Whenever i am dressed which btw is almost all the time now i feel that i am "giving birth" to the female who lives inside of me.

Molly

[STACY B]

At first some of us say yes just because the others say no ? Going against the grain ,,A Rebel if you will ? Or maybe just dont care ,, But no longer will I give my POWER to someone else an let them lead me around on a string . There are plenty of others they can do that to ,, But not this ol fat girl , So the more they say No the more I say Yes ,,,,,,,,

[deebra]

Of course I say YES to crossdressing, I have been doing it for so many years it's just normal to step into a pair of nylon bikinni panties every morning and enjoy the feel and look and pleasure of having them on. Pulling on a pair of fairly tight bootcut girl jeans over the panties and wearing them all day gives me that soft feminine feeling and especially when I pass other young women knowing we are both dressed the same way. It almost feels like I am crossdressing when I put on my one pair of male undies when I go to the Doc., as soon as I get home, off they come. What else in your life over a long period of time has brought so much continuing pleasure every time you dress to what ever degree. I know women buy clothes to look pretty, but after doing the routine daily for their entire life I think crossdressers get more pleasure out of dressing in female clothing than gg's do. In one way of looking at crossdressing the cd'er gets more pleasure out of this part of life moreso than the female that has been doing it every day and the male that has never done it. So if you can integrate something in your life that brings you more pleasure than everybody else, it just makes good sense to crossdress, the others don't know what they are missing.

[TeresaL]

Very good thread for me anyway. From adolescence to late twenties, I was in denial, kept it hidden, and manned up. I went into the military, became an MP/SP and had arrest authority over most men in the service. I was a strong arm, and no one would or could suspect that the CD gene was in me. I Said NO, but at the right moment, usually on leave, would say YES.

Four years later came the honorable discharge, then a marriage. I was figuring having a bride would resolve my propensity to dress in lady's attire. I said NO, then yes and repeated that cycle again and again throughout that short marriage. A year later, in 1971, her life was taken in a terrible automobile accident. It was on her birthday, and she was driving into town to pick out some things for the house when a car in the head-on lane crossed the median and killed her instantly. She was six months pregnant, and they tried to save our baby at the scene, but were unsuccessful. She never knew I was saying NO in my mind but would break down and do it.

Still saying NO, I remarried and carried the burden of hiding and denying the idea that I was a cross dresser. As most of the readers here know, marriage does not stop it no matter how much we may say NO. Twenty years later, I got found out when my wife was away on a vacation and left me with our teen age daughter. After she went to bed, I locked my bedroom door and put makeup and clothing on. Unfortunately, she woke up, came downstairs, and knocked on my door while I was dressed and madeup. I couldn't, wouldn't let her in. She got scared and called her grandmother. I admitted to crossdressing. Believing my behavior could be cured, we searched for help to eliminate the transvestite in me. I was saying NO!

All the king's men and all the king's horses could not put the man who had a great fall back together again. Many tried, all failed. Now it's today, and things have changed in the therapy world. Almost gone are the reparative therapists, even the renowned Exodus International has backed away from those tactics. Some churches are becoming inclusive, and young people are almost able to come out of the closet with much less stigma. Hopefully, the day will come when those born with the MtF or FtM proclivity will be able to say yes and be proud.

NOTE: Final word is a YES because the NO's have only set us up to fail and spend a lot of money, time and effort on cures. All the "cure" therapy in the world just plain does not work.

No technology, psychology, religion, or person can unwire the mechanism in our brain that got crossed up in the womb. Ours is not any different than any so-called deformity that society deems not conforming to their norms. We can't help it, we didn't choose it, so YES is all that's left.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Put me down as a YES some 65yrs. ago playing with my mothers heels got me started on a lifetime of crossdressing.

[lucy two]

I say yes and I love every minute that Lucy is out, and just because some say no I will not. They can act would not like it if we imposed out will on them so why should they impose theirs on us take a look at Goths I think they're great they have that right and we have ours so I say yes and always will.

[diannecourtney]

Oh a definite yes - your absolutely right about the breeze over the virgin knees.It took me to about 60 to learn what I was missing. And despite all the no's I look forward to joining the crowds ofmYesers.

[SuzieLod]

IF you are a CD then I hope you solve potential conflicts and say "yes" just for your peace of mind.

Let others debate it, feel menaced or simply dont like it. Its THEIR right and as such OK.

Let a few meet us , that is nice too

[Launa]

I said no for years because I felt it was wrong. Now I say yes, I'm not doing anything illegal or immoral. Now I think I'm a better person in the world.

[Gillian Gigs]

I say, yes to ice cream, cherry's, peaches, and any good meal. I say yes to what I enjoy, and occasionally have to be moderate about it, or I would go overboard. I say yes to dressing, as I enjoy it, yet all things in moderation. I do not want to be consumed by anything, but to consume what I want, as I am the one who is in control.

Maybe to many say no, because they do not know control and assume that noone else does either!

[Stephanie47]

So far, it appears if we are retired, we can easily "Say Yes to the Dress." I went through those years of doubt and self loathing.

Frederique says, "They want you to be as strong as they are."

Have I not be as strong or stronger than they are? What have my judges done? Have they graduated from college? Have they worked consistently and never drawn an unemployment check? Have they raised kids? Have they sent them to college and paid for it? Have they sent their wives to college and paid for it? Have they bought a house and paid for it? Are they debt free? Have they been totally faithful for forty plus years? Have they killed for their country? Have they earned the right to judge me? For cross dressing? For being myself? No.

However, I also realize my cross dressing, which I choose to be private about, may cause angst for some person I love. I choose not to throw it in their faces. I treat cross dressing like any other aspect of my life. It's me! But, it is also a small part of me! Stephanie and I share this mass of protoplasm. We take turns expressing ourselves, our needs and our responsibilities.

[Veronica27]

This thread brings to mind the famous "to be or not to be" soliloquy of Hamlet. I think that most crossdressers, like Hamlet, waver between yes and no despite what they may say or do. The one inescapeable thing that illustrates this is the proverbial closet. We all erect our own closet, no matter how out and about we may claim to be. There are those we will not tell, places we will not go and situations in which we will remain drab. It is not merely about remaining drab in certain circumstances, but involves our willingness to disclose. An individual could dress only within the confines of their own home and be out of the closet if they can tell anyone and everyone they crossdress should the subject come up. Others who believe they are out, may in fact have just enlarged their closet if the secret still exists in selected instances. Some closets are simply larger than others.

While closeted, we are saying "no" to the world despite the "yes" that exists in our own mind. We are not being truthful, but the question this raises is to whom. Are we lying to ourselves by saying yes, when we have scores of associates who must not find out, or are we lying to those associates by not disclosing what we feel? We can have a myriad of reasons for saying "no" in this sense but do the reasons really matter? Further along in his soliloquy, Hamlet says:

"But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,"

This is a very thought provoking thread. After reading it, I most certainly wanted to say yes, but found myself stuck in between, but not for the reasons Frederique mentioned. I want to make a decision, whether socially correct or not and I do have a choice. It is not conscience, religious belief, guilt, or shame that leaves me undecided. I personally see nothing wrong with crossdressing, having achieved total personal acceptance long ago. In that sense I am "yes". Perhaps I have a regard for the beliefs, thoughts and feelings of others and have no desire to be confrontational about something, that while very personal to me, could possibly make others very uncomfortable. After all, they are a resounding majority and I am defying normalcy in their opinion by my chosen activities. To them I am a "no", which is untruthful to both them and myself.

Veronica

[Marleena]

Always say yes to the dress!! If it feels good do it!

[Kaz]

Hi Freddie,

Great post as usual! I could write reams here but will try to keep it succinct (not easy for me!). In my professional life I often deal with categories... the need to define and compartmentalise. It is a good discipline to help us understand things... Yin and Yang, night and day, black and white, yes and no... etc... dichotomies are a great way of trying to make sense of things. BUT... the world is actually a spectrum. Black and white do not really exist. Night and day are artificial constructs - the real world has dawn and twilight and in some parts of the world it is 'night' for 6 months of the year. Except that it isn't... the people who live there have 'days' - just very dark ones!

Yes and No are similarly artificial. When asked questions that imply an either/or response I always like to say... it depends... because it does! It depends on the context.

[Dana921]

Great read!

I think it is far to often in our society to come up with reasons why we cannot, opposed to reasons why/how we can!

For simpler things, the daughter spent more time commenting on how she did not have time to fix a lunch before work today (she woke up later than normal) and my comment at the end of her announcement was if she had just done it, instead of telling us why she could not, she would be out the door and on her way to work with lunch in hand!

Point obviously is, "Just do it" in todays phrases! Now I do realize when it comes to choosing to crossdress or not, when to or when not to, it is a personal choice, and should be! I am only trying to offer a more positive thought of thinking how you can, instead of how you cannot!

Freddie will be able to articulate this better and more fully than I, if she has not already!

Dana

[Allisa]

Crossdressing as in donning the clothing assigned to my opposite gender-yes,crossdressing to express and fill a need-yes,crossdressing for my sanity-Yes,but to crossdress to be folly to the misinformed,uneducated,fearful and ignorant-NO.My life is mine to live no matter who or what may want to dictate my existence,in that way I am a rock causing a ripple in the stream.
Lisa

[carhill2mn]

It is quite evident that I said "YES" to crossdressing many years ago!

[drushin703]

f. inspirational thread. I say an emphatic yes to crossdressing and birds, and trees, and god, and forgiveness, blood, liberty, discovery, flammability, elephants,
privacy, open-mindedness, mothers, corn-dogs, petticoats and five inch heels. I think the world is opening up to the idea of men dressing as women but it has
yet to fully embrace sissification or any attempt at demasculization or any attack against the man as the brave-angry-male defender of the world. (is the notion
of homeland security done from a masculine or feminine persona?)

Masculinity is often seen as the final defensible frontier for the "average" hetro man, yet the final hurtle of true democracy.
I am indeed masculine but masculinity does not define me.....dana

[Jilmac]

I tried to say no for too many years (to no avail), while raising a family. Now with my wife in the great beyond, and my family raising their own, I am saying yes, yes, yes. I will continue saying yes until dirt is covering my remains.

[ReluctantDebutant]

I have said no before and I have said yes before. I will say yes again and I will say no again. I don't think crossdressing should weigh us down with absolutes

[Silmaril]

I've heard it suggested that inner peace is about achieving balance. Some do this by walking the proverbial middle path, but others do it by living in the extremes, spending time at one end of the pendulum's swing, then balancing it with time spent at the other. For me, cross-dressing is more a matter of living in the extremes.

I'm not sure it matters much to me whether I'm saying "Yes or "No" to cross-dressing at any given moment. I think what's important is that I say "yes" to *me*, and I am not static. Sometimes saying "yes" to me means dressing up; other times it means saying "no" to cross-dressing.

I guess I just mean that each of us is more than any single facet of our lives. I'm not sure there's any facet of my life that I say "Yes" to every single time. It's certainly a thought-provoking topic.

[NathalieX66]

I see myself as transgender, and bigendered......I live both sides of the gender spectrum, and I make no bones about it.

[Brittany CD]

[SIZE="2"][I]They want you to be as strong as they are, so why are you willfully upsetting masculinity?

I don't think there's a single person who knows me that would question my masculinity in any manner. A blouse does not make me lose my manhood

Are you saying YES to crossdressing, or are you trying to say NO to it?

[/SIZE]

Interesting question. I think I'm saying yes and no. Yes because I do genuinely enjoy crossdressing but also I sometimes try to say no mainly because of the stigma attached and the possible inevitability that I'll have to give it up someday

[sissystephanie]

At 80 years of age I still say YES to crossdressing!! I have been doing it, in one way or another, most of the time since I was 6 years old and wore my sisters panties. I did make a deal with my late wife that I would not dress in front of our children! They both know that I am a crossdresser, but have never seen me dressed and don't want to! Other than around them, I don't care what other people think of me. How I dress and look is my business and no one else's!