Crossdressing – YES or NO?

[Barbara Ella]

Eleven months ago, at age 65, I unexpectedly found myself saying yes to crossdressing. At that time it was a conscious yes. Now i do not find that I even think about a yes or no. Sorry world there is no more time for decisions or discussing it. I am a crossdresser, and actually very seriously transgendered with a growing female presence i never knew existed, but is now overwhelming me.

So, for the first 65 years, was I saying no? As I look back, I see the signs that I was enamored with the female side of things, but at no time thought about crossdressing, so did I say no? I watched the girls in their stilettos and miniskirts, and halter tops, but thought it was normal male activity. Was it that or was it the seeds of what i really enjoy, and by just watching, was i saying no?

All food for thought as I try to figure out why the hell it took me so long to realize what it really was that I was meant to do by observing these female activities so closely. As usual dear Freddy has struck the nerve that gets us thinking. So, I feel that while I never crossdressed, I never said no. I was just ambivalent (Some would say too stupid to know better).

No ambivalency today. I AM A CROSSDRESSER. I cannot live without dressing feminine in some form everyday. I have other issues beyond crossdressing, I know this now, and am dealing with them, but nothing will ever take away me recognizing and accepting and embracing the fact that i am a crossdresser first.

Thanks Freddy, Barbara

[Cynthia Anne]

I like being positive! No is so negitive! I guess that's why I wore one of those skirts to the doctor today! Hugs!

[Michelle (Oz)]

Thanks for initiating a most interesting thread Frederique.

I have recently found inner piece by accepting that I am a crossdresser, and enjoying the times that I can dress. That said, I cannot divorce (unfortunately the operative word) myself from those like my wife who say NO! I must therefore live a duplicitous life within the confines of my otherwise very good marriage. I judge that it is the right thing for both of us but do sometimes worry for the future.

Michelle (Oz)

[KellyJameson]

I say yes to it but I try not to complicate other peoples mating rituals by creating confusion in public spaces.

[Lorileah]

Black and white do not really exist.

Well there goes MY wardrobe

Freddy, I say yes....punctuated with a few short moments of "no" that fly away with the morning. Sort of like when you say you will never drink again as you mix the Bloody Mary.

[Mistybtm]

I say yes to crossdressing I have been dressing now 100% when I am home I could not think of any other way to be.

[DebbieL]

Frederique, I know you have struggled with his for a long time now.

I grew up in the southwestern United States, the land of Cowboys, Miners, and wild west towns. What I've observed is that the world seems to say NO to men dressing like women, dressing is feminine garments and clothing.

My father met my mother and was very attracted to her when he saw her in her red pants. My mother's mother risked being tarred and feathered if she wore pants into town without wearing a skirt or dress over it. Women weren't even allowed to show their ankles. In most states, women weren't allowed to own property, and most women were required to marry the men chosen by their families, even if they were brutes. Women were often beaten by drunken husbands, and if they fought back, they were burned at the stake as witches, usually after being tortured into accusing other women of being witches too, usually naming those on a list provided to them.

For me, the magical "flip date" was October of 1968, this was when many schools across the country had a "vote" on whether to allow girls to wear pants to school during the winter, when it was so cold that skirts, even with tights, were uncomfortable and insufficient. The boys were given the consolation of wearing shorts in the spring - if they'd vote for the resolution. The vote was held, pants won, and girls wore pants all winter, and most of the spring. But the boys who wore shorts were brutalized by the jocks, often at the direction of the football coach, athletic coach, or men's gym teacher - who would tell his "pets" to "teach the faggots a lesson".

That was the day that cross-dressing became so acceptable for women, that it wasn't even considered cross-dressing. A woman could wear work boots, baggy jeans, a baggy flannel shirt, and cut their hair shorter than the boys, and yet that was completely acceptable. On the other hand, a boy who wore a tailored shirt, a pink shirt, shoes with any kind of heel, or pants that were too tight - they were "Faggots" who "need to be taught a lesson", and the abuse was done as publicly as possible, and without objection of the rest of the student body. It was the athletic teacher's way of protecting the athletic program as a "program to train young men to be good soldiers immediately after their 18th birthday in the shortest time possible".

More than a few times, I was one of the ones who "had to be taught a lesson". When I wore shorts, I was dragged across the black-top, first by my ankles, with my stomach and chest stripped bare, stripping the flesh from the chest and stomach, then dragged by my arms so that the skin was stripped from my thighs. I recovered in a few days, but it was bloody and painful for weeks.

Needless to say, I might have had a cross burning on my lawn, or even given another dragging, whipping, or even have a few bones broken with a baseball bat if they had found out that I was cross-dressing and wanted to be a girl. They knew I couldn't go into the army, I had asthma, hay fever, and emotional issues. When I got to high school, I was misdiagnosed with epilepsy (actually the DTs). But they didn't want anyone else dodging the draft for being transsexual or homosexual.

What was so incredibly amazing, so many of those who were beating the crap out of me and all of my friends for being "faggots", were asking me for sexual favors in high school. I wasn't into it, but I was able to make some nice matches.

Cross-dressing in the United States is loaded with associations - it triggers homophobia, gynophobia, and fears of sexism.

A man in a dress who doesn't pass well - whether as a drag queen, or as an entertainer like Uncle Miltie - is perceived by women as insulting and degrading to women, making fun of women and feminity, and the jokes and snide remarks,

When a man actually DOES pass well, looks so beautiful because he looks like a real beautiful and sexy woman, that's an even bigger problem. Women see them as competition for the available men, and men freak out because they are attracted, making them question their own sexuality. They don't even know what they would want when they find out that the woman of his dreams is a man.

No one sees a woman in a pair of pants and a loose fitting shirt and assumes she's a lesbian. Men don't freak out if they find her attractive and assume that they are gay because they like (or married) a girl who looks like a boy. When my wife had her head shaved, she got COMPLIMENTS on her hair. From the back, she looks like a man (she's size 24/26), she wears baggy pants, and knit tops, and she get compliments.

Yet, when I am wearing a skirt, heels, hose, a nice top, a full wig, earrings, make-up, and looking very nice, if I look too nice, too cute, or too beautiful, then I have to worry about reactions that can range from hysterical laughter (no biggie), to some homophobic ex-jock/ex-marine or some lesbian who wants to beat me senseless, or wants to cut my balls off without anesthesia.

But it's even more subtle than that. A manicure, gets noticed and remarks. A pair of earrings worn at the same time - get's noticed and slurs. A pair of short shorts get's hysterical laughter.or maybe threats of physical violence. A pair of shoes with 2 inch heels can cost a promotion or a proficiency rating, a pair of pink tennis shoes - a reprimand. Even when I can pass, my wife will remind me that I will still get treated with less respect if people think I'm a woman, especially a sexy woman or a "****".

I say YES to cross-dressing, but I am totally aware that about 99.9% of the world is very much saying NO.

I'm a transsexual - a girl trapped in a boy's body. I've known that since I was about 4 years old. I tried to change it, but there was nothing I could do.

I think I was a girl in a previous life, killed at about age 16 or 17, while being a girl was fun, having sex was a great new pleasure with no experiences of the consequences, and pretty enough to have a guy I considered very attractive and wanted sexually.

[AshleyScott]

Frédérique's original post has made a profound impression on me and I find the following observations very encouraging. Thank you.

I am reminded of The Man from Del Monte

[TGMarla]

I said "yes" to it when I was but 12 years old, and I've been saying the same thing all my life. I continue to say "yes" to it on a very regular basis, too.

Yes please! Thank you very much.

Absolutely!

Yes!

[Annaliese2010]

I say neither because (IMO) the question's all wrong. It is now and will forever be a curiosity and non-issue for the overwhelming majority of gender-normal people who are our neighbors, family and coworkers. Our's is the ultra-minority of minorities compared to others. We have no agenda to push, no battle to fight and no social attitudes or values to 'correct'.

Forgive me but it seems silly to become so impassioned about changing general perceptions regarding an issue that's so far off the radar screen of mainstream society as to be deemed irrelevant. Most of us will always be regarded as 'freaks' of nature or at best, psychologically abnormal or damaged.

Perhaps the best course is to stick with one's own with respect to private social interaction. Relax and enjoy the support and well meaning extended by those with common feelings regarding gender ID instead of battling society at large, expending unnecessary energy and risk the development of an inner cynicism and growing anger that is never a healthy thing.

[Marlane]

Because I chose to keep my crossdressing a secret from almost everyone else, I guess you could say that I was saying "No" to the world, but I never said "No" to myself and to those true friends with whom I shared my crossdressing life. The intensity of my participation in crossdressing surely ebbed and flowed over the years, but I can say that I have known I was a crossdresser from an early age and the older I get the more attention I pay to this relationship of being a transvestite. I went out in public dressed as a woman in my 20's, 30', 40's, 50's, and I am happy to say that I still continue to do so. I'm new here and I hope to meet a lot of new friends and find out a lot of new things.

Marlane

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Even though my response was delayed by a couple of decades, dealing with the whole denial, I will cure myself and be a pure 100% man battles (better late than never), my answer for the present, future and til the end of time is YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lexie89]

Yes. i like make-up skirts and looking pretty

[Delila]

I find myself always saying yes though sometimes i wish i could say no. while it would be a wonderful thing if all of us that feel this way could just openly and honestly say yes. The unfortunate truth is that coworkers can make you uncomfortable without it being harassment and give a hundred reasons why. Many others in society make the push on those of us that want to just say yes. Yes in your society at least relating to CDing is like a 4 letter word. The outspoken gays hate us the vanilla straight people hate us there is little room for most Cders in the standard gay and hetero classifications. I wish I could always say yes but the reality is that being a crossdresser is almost always looked down upon in our society gay or straight unless you are a gay female impersonator. My outlook may seem negative but it accurately reflects my experiences in general.

[Traceyjo]

Once I discovered the joy of crossdressing in my late 30's there has never been an inclination to say NO to it. I had discovered a new pleasure in my life that I didn't know existed and it was a pleasure with an intensity that I was not going to wish away. I've had to keep it a secret until I shared it with my wife not so long ago and hiding it from her was the only regret I had. I just enjoy it so immensely that I say YES to every opportunity I have to dress.

[kimdl93]

I said yes in a confident and irrevocable way a couple of years ago.

I loved Veronica's suggested relationship between this thread and Hamlet's soliloquy. For much of my life, as with others, I feared the undiscovered country. I engaged in CDing furtively, underdressing on occassion, but never allowing myself to imagine that I could go fully into the world en femme.

I did fear that if I crossed over, that I might not return, and I did not. The person who returned is forever changed.

[Glendy]

I say yes to crossdressing even though I don't get to dress up as often as I would like to. When I do I just love the way I feel and look when I'm in women mode.

[sometimes_miss]

I say yes because it's all I have left; suppressing the desire to crossdress and behave and feel as a girl only leaves me upset, short tempered and continuously uncomfortable; without a SO, and without any regular source of physical affection (no, not sex) other than gogo dancers, I barely remain a functional member of society. I"m biding my time until women no longer expect me to be able to perform sexually on demand, and can finally expect to find a mate. NO , I will not tell her of my crossdressing; I have been able to suppress it when in a LTR before, and expect to be able to do it again. As the sexual drive slows down, I'm hoping it will be a non factor in an intimate relationship. It's truly my only hope at this point.

[dsmth]

It was about one and a half years ago that this aspect of my life became non-suppressible in the way that it always was prior to then. For me it was not out-of-nowhere. In the past I'd wished I was a girl. I'd always admired what they got to wear and got to do. But I didn't think there was much of anything to be done about it. I understood as a GIVEN that it was OK for girls to openly want to be boys... to not look girly... and to wear whatever they wanted (short of too-****ty attire that is). And I understood as a GIVEN that it did not work the same way for boys. I was not happy about that. I did not think it was right from an early age. But I figured it is JUST THE WAY THE WORLD IS.

I never thought I could or would dress as a female as a way to address my desire. I just didn't think it was a possibility. Even whenever the subject or crossdressing would come up I would never say anything because I thought that I would be forever stigmatized or worse. One of my early girlfriends even said something to the effect that she was curious how I'd look in women's clothes but I DIDN'T DARE say YES then. I remember at the time I didn't say anything at all and let the topic drop, never to come up again. I was afraid/terrified I guess to admit it to ANYBODY. That I was so afraid to admit it to someone that was so open to it does not make any sense to me now of course.

Currently, privately at least, I find myself saying YES absolutely. And I think I know myself enough to know that there is no way that I would or could ever suppress this part of myself anymore... At least not to the extent that I did before.

But, for me at least, just saying YES (even absolutely) to oneself privately... is not enough. Life is not ideal yet. I wonder when it ever will be? That said, I do feel lucky for what I do have. Even if it makes me unhappy. Because it makes me SO HAPPY at same exact time! And I realize that the reason why it makes me happy is because it is a true expression of myself, of who I am. And I realize that the reason why that it makes me unhappy is because of "everyone else" (not including you guys/girls and some others of course). So why should I let others control me when they don't really care about me as much as I do? I don't mean to say that I don't have people that care about me. I have people that love me in my life (even if they still don't know everything about me). And I have people that I love. I have an SO that I love (except when she drives me nuts ). But the only person that knows what's best for you is YOURSELF.

I really hope and I do expect that my YES to crossdressing that I've recently embraced just keeps getting better and keeps providing more and more novel, fun and enlightening experiences and pleasures. At the same time I hope and expect to grow closer to my SO without alienating her. And I hope that the whole world changes sooner rather than later so that I need not suppress myself to the extent that I still need to now. And if it takes the world too long to change then I'll just have to push things forward myself I guess. Somehow. That's me hope at least!

[neverwasaboy]

I purged only once and that was when I was 22. Since then my entire life has been a non-stop, uninterrupted, uncompromised, undeniable, totally blissful YES!

[Marlana]

I'm going on the yes train.

[aly01]

That's a positive yes for me.

[Angela Campbell]

I have said no most of my life. Off and on I would try on panties, bras and slips, even as young as 5 or 6. I would always be embarrassed and worked very very hard to keep it secret and have succeded well. Only one other person in the whole world knew. After 2 marriages in denial I now am on my own and this week for the first time went all the way. I already had the underclothes so I purchased a skirt, blouse, hose, shoes a wig and cosmetics. I was able for the first time ever to dress completely as a woman and it was wonderful. I know nothing about makeup and just looked up tips on the internet and gave it a try. Eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner, foundation/concealer, and lipstick and press on nails. Wow, I was so nervous because I was not saure if it would ever come off and just what would I do then?

Well except for the nails - which were a bitch to get off - I did ok. Still need to learn how to do the makeup better but when I finally was done I looked in the mirror and was shocked. All my life I was embarrassed even to look at myself in the mirror in the undies, but this time I thought I looked great. I was proud of the lady I saw looking at me.

I was in a hotel room and terrified to even open the door but I was able to dress up 3 nights in a row for the evening. Maybe next time I will work up the nerve to go down the hall to the ice machine.

So for me it is a yes for the rest of my life as often as I can.

[Pexetta]

In retrospect I said 'yes' when I bought the kind of everyday clothes that I'd hang around the house in if I was a woman - and then hung around the house in them. Because then it stopped seeming like 'dressing up' and started seeming like something I wanted to do for real. This makes it sound kind of boring I know, but it really was the dividing line for me.

[Thera Home]

Hello Little Sister

My answer will be yes and no. Yes to when I want to do it and No to when I have to do it.
Anyway, hope all is well at your camp.



Thera