Gender Stereotypes

[Sapphire]

The guy in the red BMW honking because the car in front does not take off fast enough (testosterone?); the woman who jumps at her husband or employee because of some innocent remark (that time of month?); the transman who can’t wait to be able to throw his weight around; the transwoman who can’t wait to burst into tears without any apparent justification; obsessing on new found “manliness”, feigning hysteria on seeing heels “to die for” - are these not just gender stereotypes that we should be trying to avoid?

At times it seems as if some unworthy gender linked behaviours are elevated to the status of virtues: proofs that we are becoming more like “real” men or “real” women.

While there will always be men and women who excuse bad behaviour on the basis of their chemistry, should we not aspire to remaining in control of our emotions while at the same time exercising our own autonomy? (And by “bad behaviour” in this context I do not mean wearing a dress or binding your breasts – but behaving in ways that take some of the joy out of the lives of people who respect our personhood as much as we respect theirs).

For those of us who regard ourselves as transgendered, is there not an even more pressing case for taking on board the better qualities commonly associated with male and female and doing our best to avoid the stuff that we are better off doing without?

[NicoleScott]

Crossdressers shouldn't be held to a higher or lower standard of behavior [than anyone else].

[Barbara Ella]

Just as there are GG who will do these things, there will be transgendered who do these things. I agree that we should always aspire to take on the better qualities, but if something hurts no one, and does not represent bad behavior like the horn honking does, that activity cannot be deemed unworthy and does not make me think any less of an individual. Bad behavior should never be excused, but innocuous activities that may grate on some peoples nerves is not bad behavior, and is part of the fabric of life.

Face it, the genders do some things very differently, and some not at all, that is part of gender. Pick the best and kick the rest.

Barbara

[the_shark]

The guy in the red BMW honking because the car in front does not take off fast enough (testosterone?); the woman who jumps at her husband or employee because of some innocent remark (that time of month?); the transman who can’t wait to be able to throw his weight around; the transwoman who can’t wait to burst into tears without any apparent justification; obsessing on new found “manliness”, feigning hysteria on seeing heels “to die for” - are these not just gender stereotypes that we should be trying to avoid?

At times it seems as if some unworthy gender linked behaviours are elevated to the status of virtues: proofs that we are becoming more like “real” men or “real” women.

While there will always be men and women who excuse bad behaviour on the basis of their chemistry, should we not aspire to remaining in control of our emotions while at the same time exercising our own autonomy? (And by “bad behaviour” in this context I do not mean wearing a dress or binding your breasts – but behaving in ways that take some of the joy out of the lives of people who respect our personhood as much as we respect theirs).

For those of us who regard ourselves as transgendered, is there not an even more pressing case for taking on board the better qualities commonly associated with male and female and doing our best to avoid the stuff that we are better off doing without?

I agree wholeheartedly. I respect you a great deal for posting this. What a profound statement to make. I believe positive is positive and negative is negative no matter what gender we are. And honestly, we shouldn't blame gender for our own downfalls and idiocracies. It's a scapegoat that is used all too often and frankly unnecessary.

Good job sapphire.

[CarmenSkye]

I've been thinking about this thread all day. Not so much the "downfalls or the idiocracies" that we blame gender for, but just the image we strive to become. I recently saw someone post something about how dumb they were because they were blond or how they wanted to cook, sew, home care etc...pretty much be that stereotypical housewife. I think that stereotype is awful, I feel that it is demeaning, and I personally would hate that. Not saying that I myself haven't fallen victim too, (I actually have a Carmen playlist on my iPod full of "girly" songs), but I guess I just don't like it and I just need to say something. I'm really having a hard time coming up with a response, because the more I write the more problems I see with it all. Great post, more people need to read this.

(Sorry if don't make sense, I'm just confused.)

[Silmaril]

I think it's in human nature to polarize *everything* so that all matters can be divided into one of two camps: this or that, up or down, conservative or progressive, sinner or saint, science or faith, good or bad, ...boy or girl.

People are very uncomfortable with shades of grey. So even we, who you would think would be particularly sensitive to being forced to one end of the spectrum, might tend to express our freedom by swinging all the way to the other end of the spectrum. I agree with Nicole; we're just like everyone else in this.

I like what I see in your message, Sapphire: I think the quality of life for our entire species would improve dramatically if we learned to embrace shades of grey rather than sorting everything into either black or white.

[sometimes_miss]

Pick the best and kick the rest.

I agree. We should all aspire to be the best we can be (taken from I think a USMC commercial).

[Annie D]

If you have to think about it before you attempt to react gender appropriately, you are probably not being true to yourself. If you pre-determine how you should act in certain situations to be gender appropriate, you are falling into the trap of not being yourself. I think in times of stress, we all become our true selves. If you want to react a certain way, do it whether you are presenting as a male or female; there shouldn't be a difference.

[Sophia Claire]

For those of us who regard ourselves as transgendered, is there not an even more pressing case for taking on board the better qualities commonly associated with male and female and doing our best to avoid the stuff that we are better off doing without?

Oh, absolutely. You know, I've always found hysterics and the whole going bananas for shoes thing to be as inelegant a behavior as you can possibly stoop to. Also, having hissy fits because you're "hormonal" is a gigantic load of crap. I think it's primarily a sign of immaturity because that's how that person actually sees the gender they're claiming.

[Sarasometimes]

Proper behavior is being lost in the raising of many children and young adults. Appropriate manners and courtesy are now acts that stand out in a crowd, how sad. We all have our human moments of weakness, but to consciously misbehave is is worse. As far the need for us to surpass the minimum standard, I believe we carry that burden and here is why. A store owner who welcomes us to try things on will remember when we then fail to purchse anything. GG's do this routinely but we will be there as a representative. Should this happen too often they may skipp making the offer in the future. Such is the burden of being a forerunner of sorts. To overcome stereotypes one must act in the contrary!

[Pythos]

I try to avoid such stereotypes. I just don't think it helps when you feed the beast so to say. Now because I avoid them, I do not always make it clear of them, and can let one occur, everyone does. There are times the stereotype of wanting more footwear does happen, but I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. I am sure if men could have a wider range of clothing, and were brought up with that, they would be the same. :P

[docrobbysherry]

What a great post, Sapphire! I'm looking forward to reading many interesting comments on it.

Since I LIVE in the glass houses u so ably describe, I won't throw any stones!