Psychobabbling

[Megan_Renee]

I read an article during my most recent "purge." It was talking about the psychological reasonings for men who prefer to wander around their own homes in womens clothes. The article (and I know that there is no prooven reason for dressing) stated that we do what we do simply because we feel more nurtured as a woman. The author put forth the idea that we are more comforted by our own "inner mother" than we are by our realy S.O.'s and mothers.

Part of his argument was that there is an abnormally high percentage of us who have some issues with depression and acceptance. (Gee couldn't be because society spurns us and makes us feel worthless?)

So, do you think that you dress to feel more nurtured? Do you think that (as this author put forth) you are a better care-giver to yourself than your SO and that your SO (since so many of us have them) is somewhat deficient in this way?

I personally think that this is hogwash, but I did give it some serious consideration.

Megan

[Holly]

Two votes for hogwash! With as much turmoil as we go through, I just don't understand how the author concludes we are "comforted" by our activities. As for taking better care of myself than my S.O., that is just so far off the mark, it's laughable.

[Missy Anne]

I'll be a little less charitable and just say that the author is full of B.S. Everything he said is so far off the mark in my case that it really is ridiculous.

Missy Anne

[Kimberly]

This topic is interesting, and is to be given some consideration...

Sound true on some level... I'll think about it in the morning.

[Clarissa3d]

I think... nope I know I like Holly!!

With the true reason that at this time eludes us as to why we have a stronger femme feeling than other men.
Everyone has an opinion and I respect that, but that does not mean that everyones opinion is right!

My ex told me it was just in my head and I could stop it if I wanted to. Well Not dressing is one thing but stopping the feelings and emotions is another. How do you tell someone that their emotion that they are having, they can stop it anytime they want.

So who I am is two half's of a whole. male body but female emotions and feelings on the inside.

Just another moment from...

[Jasmine Ellis]

Hi Magan.
Dress 24-7 no depression here....Worthless? No way, thats hogwash alright

[uknowhoo]

I've given this concept a bit of thought previously.
Personally, I cannot say it's all hogwash.
Part of my desire to dress is to nurture myself.
I am very nurturing by nature, and find that I do dress more when my wife is, shall we say, in a less than nurturing mood.
Do the math.

I'm not so sure the depression aspect of the description fits though.

Interesting topic, thanks for the thread, Megan

Hugs,

Tammi

[jo_ann]

I think this is very true in my case. My wife is very tomboyish, and every crossdresser has femminine needs, so it only pushes me into it more.. and the nurture thing, my mom divorced when I was 12, so I missed out on a lot of nurturing from her at an early age, so that's probably what drove me to it.

[Phoebe Reece]

The problem with BS is that there may be some element of truth that applies to some people in the middle of it. What's said in the article does not apply to me and I doubt it could be applied generally to most CD's. It really doesn't matter why we do it anyway. What matters is how we deal with it in our lives.

[Dana]

I believe the cummulative answer lies within all the above, and while all applies, at the same time none of it applies, or only part of it applies at any given moment to any given individual ~ a paradox if you would ~ which at its inner core is what we are ~ a paradox.

My ex-wife was not nurturing to me at all ~ and my last GF, while more nurturing than the ex-wife, still was someone less nurturing than I desired or wnat and needed her to be.

So, in part, on one side of the coin, I for myself personally, and not speaking for any and all crossdressers, would say that that statement was valid for me as an individual. A significant part of my attraction to feminniity and therefroe to crossdressing is the self indulgence, self pampering, and yes even self nurturing.

The problem with the above statement is its "absolutism" ~ in that it attempts to make an absolute statement absoultely about each and every crossdresser.

"Absolutism" is part of the challenges we as crossdressers face, because on its face it argues that each male should be absolute masculine in act, deed and dress, absolutely ~ wherein as that "rule" doesn't apply to your average woman.

Society wants to slam dunk everyone into a catergory, a hole if you would, much like the children's toy you see in kindergarden and preschool. The square peg goes into the squre hole, and the round peg goes into the round hole. This is simplistic bi-polar thinking at its best, and is less than three dimensional at best. Along this train of thought, either something is right or it is wrong. Either its light or dark, either its masculine or femininie.

The women's movement has blown the lid off of this societial and cultural fallacy. Its simply not valid. Any randomly selected man, has the potential to be as feminnine if not more so, than your typically average woman, just as any randomly selectded woman has the potential to be as masculine if not more so than your stereotypical average man.

Statestically, (aka mathematically) if it is a given that you're going to, even expected to find somewhat, more or less "masculine" heterosexual woman (aka TomBoys) it stands to reason that your going to find more or less an equal number of men that are heterosexual men, who possess the need and/or desire to experience/express feminnity.

While there are a percentage of men who "crossdress" who are either bisexual or homosexual, it is no more than the typical percentage found among men who do not crossdress. That is to say, while you may find a bisexual or gay male who crossdresses not all crossdressers are gay. Indeed,
for your stereotypical crossdresser, if you completely took sex out of the equation, regardless of orientation a true crossdresser would still crossdress.

[Dana]

Part of his argument was that there is an abnormally high percentage of us who have some issues with depression and acceptance. (Gee couldn't be because society spurns us and makes us feel worthless?)

Again, back to the square peg, round peg anology. Given the relentless pressure, conditioning, shaming, denial of self, denial of a very intergal part of one's self ~ yea! No doubt we suffer through depression.

Added to this being hetersexual, stubbling and fumbling through relationships with GG, trying to comform to societial, cultural, parential expectations, as well as the expectations of our SO's ~ with a good dose of substance abuse, (adding fuel to the fire) is there any wonder we're not depressed?

[DawnRodgers]

I think that it is all hogwash. I dress because it feels good and it feels more natural. I just love imagining I am a woman. It is sexy. No other reason.
Dawn

[Dana]

The problem with BS is that there may be some element of truth that applies to some people in the middle of it. What's said in the article does not apply to me and I doubt it could be applied generally to most CD's. It really doesn't matter why we do it anyway. What matters is how we deal with it in our lives.

Life is 90% of what happens to you, and 10% of what YOU'RE going to do about it?

[Dana]

I think that it is all hogwash. I dress because it feels good and it feels more natural. I just love imagining I am a woman. It is sexy. No other reason.Dawn

I disagree! For me, there’s feeling sexy, as in “I feel sexy when I wear this dress!”

Then there’s feeling sensuous when I wear women’s clothes!”

And, then there’s sexual, as in just plain horny.

To me at least they are not the same thing!

[Deanna2]

I don't ever think of reasons why I dress up, but I do wander around home in femme gear because I always enjoy wearing it.

[Helana]

As an independent type person who believes everyone should believe in themselves and be independent too I cannot see any merit in this idea for myself. Besides my girlfriend takes much better care of me than I do myself

I do tend to worry about theories discussing the "inner woman" - we are all people with a mix of masculine or feminine characteristics and nobody is 100% male or female. I know I have feminine behaviors and desires but have never felt an "inner woman" inside me. Besides there is no space.

An inner woman infers dual personality. I know there is only one of me and I am what I am

[gina13]

I agree with you Dana that the grey areas are overlooked in an attempt to pigeonhole everyone into a categorical definitive absolute!
So I will just add my own personal feelings on the subject.
After all the beauty of this forum in my mind is the insight into the diverstiy of or commonality.
Yes I feel like my feminine side is more nurturing to my person as it were.
My male side doesnt like to take bubble baths and rub lotion on our body.
He doesn't like to smell nice and be pretty. He's happy to take a quick shower dry off throw on some jeans and be a slob. Gina is caring and soft and gentle to herself. She likes to be comortable and wear soft sexy things.
This makes her feel good. And feeling good and happy and content is good for the soul and body.
As for the neglect of SO's and Mom,
I feel like I have been both fortunate and unfortunate in that regard.
Ultimately, I feel like I realized a long time ago that one must find happiness from inside first. Only then can you increase that happiness in a relationship.
I feel like Only after you learn to love and accept and nurture yourself,
can you love accept and nurture others. And recieve those gifts from others.
Just my opinion. Works for me!!!
xxxooo

[Billijo49504]

I vote for PIG WHIZ, or that's hog wash.

[KatieZ]

Part of his argument was that there is an abnormally high percentage of us who have some issues with depression and acceptance. (Gee couldn't be because society spurns us and makes us feel worthless?)

Depression huh.

I suffer from depression everytime life throws me a curve ball. Bad day at work, car trouble, bad storm, bad dreams, on and on. If it weren't for that closet full of clothes calling to me it would probably get me down. But slip into a slip and throw on a dress and I'm all over my depression.

Forget your troubles and just get happy
Ya better chase all your cares away
Sing Hallelujah, c'mon get happy
And put on a dress today

Hugs

[Darlene.]

Hi all,

I read an article during my most recent "purge." It was talking about the psychological reasoning's for men who prefer to wander around their own homes in women's clothes. The article (and I know that there is no proven reason for dressing) stated that we do what we do simply because we feel more nurtured as a woman. The author put forth the idea that we are more comforted by our own "inner mother" than we are by our really S.O.'s and mothers.

There is absolutely no BS about that as it applies to me

Part of his argument was that there is an abnormally high percentage of us who have some issues with depression and acceptance. (Gee couldn't be because society spurns us and makes us feel worthless?)

Only in the situation where one is unable realize and claim their own self respect. There are those in society who will spurn and make anyone feel worthless, who is weak enough to accept that evaluation. And this does not just apply to cross dressers.

So, do you think that you dress to feel more nurtured?

Absolutely!!!!

Do you think that (as this author put forth) you are a better care-giver to yourself than your SO

Definitely!!!!

And that your SO (since so many of us have them) is somewhat deficient in this way?

I think the word deficient is not appropriate in this situation. We are all not perfect people, and we all have our times when we are unable to function at 100% capacity in any given situation. As a cross dresser the nourishment is always available 24/7. No head aches, No being sick, No being to tired, etc. I am sure you get the drift.

I personally think that this is hogwash, but I did give it some serious consideration.

Megan

As you can see that is not my experience.

[Deborah_UK]

The thing about such "theories" is that (as someone else has said) there are people who can I identify with it but it doesn't make the theory provable - so it should just be a hypothesis.

My example of this would be:

Deb's Theory

Crossdressers are left handed.


Now clearly that is not true for 100% of crossdressers, but some crossdressers are, therefore going by the argument put by the theorist, I am as much an authority on the subject as he is!

[Megan_Renee]

You've all said a lot of the same things I've been thinking about. I find it very interesting that at some points in time I would rather be nurtured by myself (en-femme) than by my wife. Other times I'd rather be nurtured by my wife. Other times I'm just glad to put on a bra and drink beer. ;-)

I think that this is a standard psychological idea in that it does fit some people while completely ostricizing others. I considered it to be accurate for a while, but then I realized that I was being overly hostile towards my wife. Then I realized that it wouldn't be fair to her to consider myself better at nurturing than her.

Oh well... I'm going to go put dinner on.

Toodles!

Megan

[Lauren_T]

I read an article during my most recent "purge." It was talking about the psychological reasonings for men who prefer to wander around their own homes in womens clothes. The article (and I know that there is no prooven reason for dressing) stated that we do what we do simply because we feel more nurtured as a woman.
...

Megan, do you remember where you saw this? I've been needing a laugh...

Going by your paraphrase, if this guy said "we" do such-and-such or "we" are this-and-that, that's a major red flag... Some of us certainly are this-and-that, but only a fool ascribes a single motivation to such a large, diverse group... That assertion alone - that we all crossdress for the same reason - shows this guy to have no credibility.

Humbug and claptrap.

[michellejean]

there is only one thing to say about this thought B----S .there is no need to say more.

[Darlene.]

there is only one thing to say about this thought B----S .there is no need to say more.

Now that is what I call Psychobabbling. LOL

Cheers.