I found out today that my father occasionally has days when he feels extremely suicidal.
He's been disabled for around 6 years now, and he suffers from PTSD. Out of respect for his wishes, I won't discuss what he saw, that which gave him PTSD in the first place.
However, due to his access to pain and psych meds, he's claimed multiple times that he just felt like ending it all. Here's where crossdressing plays in- You see, he wasn't really there that much for me or my brother when we were kids, but not for lack of trying. He worked multiple jobs up until he became disabled. He just wasn't at home that much.
One of the reasons that he is suicidal is because he feels like a ****-up. Not just as a person, but as a father. He said to me that he believes the reason I crossdress is because he just wasn't around, and I ended up identifying with my mom more. He said that every time he sees me dressed up, or just in a pair of high heels, it tears him up inside, because he feels like it's his fault.
He's accepting as all get-out, but it makes him feel uncomfortable. I've tried on multiple occasions to reassure him that it was not his fault in the slightest that I crossdress, but he is adamant in his beliefs.
My crossdressing is adding to his grief, and it's putting his life in danger. Due to this, I feel as though I should stop. But I just don't know what to do.
What should I do? Crossdressing is part of who I am, part of my life.