my parents found out...:'(

[Andrea J]

this may not be a very popular reply but an assault is just that, an assault,the police should have been notified and with the evidence of your destroyed clothing charges should have been made.

I don't know about your relationship with your parents but I expect when you calm down you will want your relationship to be okay with them again. And though it may seem impossible now it may well be possible, though difficult, when they too calm down. I know when you're feeling angry you want to get back at them but calling the cops on them may make any reconciliation with them a lot more difficult. I would not recommend burning your bridges now and regretting it in years to come.

[Imeni]

...Holy shit. That's really the best way I can explain what I feel after reading all of that.

I'd like to say that I understand what you're going through but I never had a stash of lady things hidden away in my parents place for just this very reason. I felt that if I really felt the need to explore that part of myself, I'd wait till I lived on my own before I did it. Mostly because any real money I had coming in I needed to move out.

Anything that your parents decided to destroy can be replaced in time, wigs purchased and breast forms invested in. But the memories and feelings associated with them can't be. Not to mention the added mass of hate and pain thrown at you from them. My advice?

Cherish the fact that you don't have to live under a roof that would have those sorts of actions done in. You're on your own now. Time to man up and face the world. It doesn't get easier, it doesn't really get much more fun. But the fact that you were thrown into it like you were and having the support of us here and friends out there... well, if you can thrive in the real world, well, that goes to show just how much of a man you really are, dresses and panties aside.

And if and when your parents do realize just how unbelievably horrible they were to you and try and reconnect, the power will be in your hands. You will be able to say that you made it through, surivived, pushed through and stand tall and proud of who you are. And if you still feel the need to have them in your lives, you do so on your terms. Not thiers.

Buck up. I've heard stories of CD'ers who have had alot worse things happen to them. Take what you can from this and move along. Oh. And keep an eye out for some sales.

[cdlovesy]

One thing I have known is there is someone that is always worse off, which tends to make me better a bit. I started very young, 12ish. My sisters friend left some clothes over in my room when she changed for the pool, and she never asked for them back or anything. It was such an amazing experience.

...Holy shit. That's really the best way I can explain what I feel after reading all of that.

I'd like to say that I understand what you're going through but I never had a stash of lady things hidden away in my parents place for just this very reason. I felt that if I really felt the need to explore that part of myself, I'd wait till I lived on my own before I did it. Mostly because any real money I had coming in I needed to move out.

Anything that your parents decided to destroy can be replaced in time, wigs purchased and breast forms invested in. But the memories and feelings associated with them can't be. Not to mention the added mass of hate and pain thrown at you from them. My advice?

Cherish the fact that you don't have to live under a roof that would have those sorts of actions done in. You're on your own now. Time to man up and face the world. It doesn't get easier, it doesn't really get much more fun. But the fact that you were thrown into it like you were and having the support of us here and friends out there... well, if you can thrive in the real world, well, that goes to show just how much of a man you really are, dresses and panties aside.

And if and when your parents do realize just how unbelievably horrible they were to you and try and reconnect, the power will be in your hands. You will be able to say that you made it through, surivived, pushed through and stand tall and proud of who you are. And if you still feel the need to have them in your lives, you do so on your terms. Not thiers.

Buck up. I've heard stories of CD'ers who have had alot worse things happen to them. Take what you can from this and move along. Oh. And keep an eye out for some sales.

I have never been one to use forums much, but someone reccommended one to me for support, and everything you guys and gals are saying is helping quite a bit, and giving a much better insight on the situation, It feels very comfortable here. Thank you for the kind words <3

And I thought my situation was bad. Wow, this literally took my breath away. Not you nor anyone really deserves that kind of treatment especially over such a delicate issue to begin with. I am so sorry. My deepest condolences go out to you and your heart. Life's tough. Especially with parents and other supporters and non supporters alike. This saddens me in magnitudes that are difficult to explain. Just never forget that you're not entirely alone.
You're among friends and those like yourself here.
We accept you.
Exactly the way you are.
Period.
I wish you all the luck and good fortune in the world.
You deserve it after having gone through that.

Oh, thank you and your advice is quite excellent too!! Once I find a better job I'm going to start looking at the thrift stores. I have gotten luckey and picked up almost all my required furniture I've needed from the clusters of of apartments around me, always cool things people throw out. Even got a brand new couch, I don't think they could get it in the door. I'm glad when your situation happened things worked out, and even more so I wasn't killed It's sad though the world can be so blind, I really don't want to retaliate, I'm going to be the better girl here<3

To CDlovesy: Happy to read much excellent advise being sent your way. Take it to heart and set your priorities. As stated the first one is financial independence which very well may mean that all your CD activity may have to be put on the back burner for months or maybe a few years. Sure there are many kind readers who will donate to a new wardrobe but that may distract some of your energies away from creating a new life so carefully weigh the options and what must be accomplished first! I was fortunate 72 years ago when my stash was found --- folks thought it was just a "phase" and I decided not to run away. For the record what you just went through has happened to tens of thousands of boys not only in our country but all over the world (In fact some parents in other countries had their sons killed so consider yourself lucky.) Eventually, with courage, patience and determination you will achieve all your goals ---luck has nothing to do with it.
Julie

[Sara Jessica]

My goodness, what a series of events.

What makes me especially sad is to think of the parent/child relationship. They brought you into the world. It's a fair assumption to imagine the grace of loving parents with such a precious child in their arms. They nurtured you throughout your life and yet it has come to this, to disown their own blood because of some women's clothing? Seriously, it's not like they discovered you are an axe murderer or anything.

Yes, their action was wrong. Heck, perhaps your reaction helped things to escalate but regardless, I am holding out hope that someday, cooler heads will prevail. Just as it is impossible for me to imagine parents tossing away a relationship with their child, I find it equally difficult to comprehend a child doing the same thing to their parents, all other things being equal of course. Best of luck to you, hope it works out.

[Beverley Sims]

What a shattering situation.
The only way is up now, watch your spending and you will slowly get ahead.
Lonely? In your new surroundings you should build a network of friends.
You may have support from your present friends.
Parents can be incredibly cruel without thinking of the consequences.

[Sandra]

Some people in this thread have offered to donate items to cdlovesy. When she reaches her 10 posts then you can if you wish pm her for sizes etc. Please don't do it through the main forum, and please remember that the forum will not be held responsible for any of this.

[Lorileah]

My father shredded my wig right in front of me and shown me what he did with the forms... It's ridiculous. (

Out west we have a different word for that it is called abuse. Domestic abuse specifically. One step from physical abuse. You are good to get away from a bad situation. If it were me I would let my parents know that they are no longer welcome around me and I would seriously consider getting some sort of protection like a restraining order, if they don't follow that. Typically I am one to say try and work it out but this was a dominance play that can escalate quickly.

And don't anyone tell me "My home my rules" This is plain abuse.

[Marleena]

And don't anyone tell me "My home my rules" This is plain abuse.

Definitely! Talk about over reacting and lashing out. Lovesy was not safe in that house at that point and is better off out of there. To destroy her property and hit her too was way over they top. There is no excuse for that.

[Amy R Lynn]

This really did make me cry to read. I couldn't imagine doing that to any of my children (I have two). You are so much bettr off on your own. I'm so sad for you that it had to happen this way though. I'm not sure what your relationship with your parents was prior to this, but I have to imagine that they will begin to miss you at some point. Hopefully they can calm down enough to understand how horrible they were to do the things that they did. My heart goes out to you hun. As you can see you have many friends here! Though we may not be close by,we can still round up some solid advice.

[Megan70]

Holy cow!! Are you serious? Your Dad punched you and your Mom screamed at you to get out of their house? This is terrible. I can hardly believe it. ......

So don't I, sounds really unusual especially since its your first post. Am dubious as to the reality of this??

[Amy R Lynn]

So don't I, sounds really unusual especially since its your first post. Am dubious as to the reality of this??

While I realize that some people could take advantage of our kindness, shouldn't we still give them the benefit of the doubt. If what CDlovesy says is true and we didn't show that we support her, how would anyone ever really trust any of us? Its the same thing that goes with seeing a homeless person begging for money (This is not to compare CDlovesy or anyone else to a homeless person, mind you!). Do you know if the homeless person really needs the money? Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Its not up to us to judge them. I wouldn't want anyon to judge my honesty, and would feel horrible if they did. This is her first posting, if she is going through this horrile time, why not show her the love and support that we would show everyone else. Sometimes you have to have faith that people aren't just out to take advantage. I for one am willing to help someone out if they say they need it. Its quite another thing if they begin to use my kindness and depend on it. Have faith! Show some love. That's what the woman in me does!

[Madam Rose]

Hate to sound mean but listen they apparently don't accept who you are and want you to be what they want. You don't need people like that in your life who will force you to be that which your not. You need to be with someone who will love you for who you are. Do you have any other family you can be with?

[linda allen]

I can't add much. I'm sorry for what you've gone through and I believe your parents were way out of line. Destroying your property won't change the way you are, it just sets you back and causes you to resent them.

I doubt going to the police is going to help. It's your word against theirs and if you didn't keep the remains of your property, they can easily dispose of it and probably have already.

Move out, as far away from them as is practical and don't contact them. If they have a change of heart and want to appologize, they will find you. If they don't, well, they didn't really love you in the first place, they were just raising you.

Start your new life and live it how you want.

[Desiree2bababe]

I wouldn't forsake my parents for the sake of dressing. Mine found out much like yours and my Dad wanted to kick me out but Mom did not let him. Sessions with a therapist helped greatly.

[linda allen]

I wouldn't forsake my parents for the sake of dressing. Mine found out much like yours and my Dad wanted to kick me out but Mom did not let him. Sessions with a therapist helped greatly.

So who was the therapist for, you or your parents? Was the point to change you or to change them?

Again, I suggest cutting contact with the parents until they come around. They are the ones who need to see that they were wrong, not the OP.

Loving parents would accept crossdressing, being gay, whatever. Ignorant parents do not. Rumor is, one of my grand daughters is a lesbian. It hasn't changed my opinion or love for her. I want her to be happy just as long as what she wants is legal and won't harm her.

[Andrea J]

You realise that though your parents were trying to stop you CD'ing, they have had the exact opposite effect. Once you have some new stuff, you can CD all you wish!

[whowhatwhen]

So don't I, sounds really unusual especially since its your first post. Am dubious as to the reality of this??

For all of the homophobic and transphobic people that exist in the world, I don't doubt her story for a second.
There are simply far too many occurrences of this happening.

OP I wish you the best of luck getting back on your feet and having the freedom to express yourself without fear.

[Chickhe]

No one deserves what they did to you. Consider yourself lucky though, at an early age you learned what your parents are really like (my guess is, they have more issues going on than your CDing...you are not to blame). I think sometimes it takes a lifetime of abuse to realize it (sometimes people cling on in a despirate hope that things will change and it never does). Put your desire to CD on the back burner for a while and focus on making money to build up your own resources so that you can be self sufficient. Make friends who enjoy the same things you do to take care of being alone. You did nothing wrong, be proud of who you are!

[KarenCDFL]

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Honestly, if this were me, I would call the police and place a complaint of child abuse against your father. If he is violent with you, it is a very good chance your mother and other family members are also being abused.

Physical violence must never be tolerated under any circumstance

Just my opinion.

[Amy R Lynn]

Your parents over reacted big time. I wouldn't sever ties with them completly. I am sure that is how you feel right now. I would want to sever all ties with them if I were in your shoes. However, I have the perspective of being a father. Parents are not always perfect. Yours made a horrbile mistake. I'm not trying to defend them. Thy owe you a HUGE appology! I would give them some time, maybe six months, a year.... Maybe when the Holiday's come around. I couldn't imagine them not missing you when they haven't heard from you by the Holiday's. But give them some time, and a chance to appologize. If its still an issue then I hate to say it but I would move on and leave them go. It would KILL me if one of my kids left and never contacted me. I can't imagine that in any circumstance.

Don't let this hate spin you out of control either. It would be easy to dwell on this, but you have to let it go as well so you can move on and be the person you want to be. A counselor or therapist would be a good idea too. Sometimes they can help set your thoughts in the right direction. Mine has done wonders for me. Be strong in your time of need! We are here for you.

[Amy Fakley]

what a community this is! just wanted to say that. You're in a good crowd here, kiddo.

Hang in there ... I'd wager your parents already know how bad they F-d up. My only advice is that these types of abusive relationships tend to be cyclical ... there's a huge blow up, then there's the apologies and the trying to make it right, then the build up ... then it happens again ... forever or until someone dies. Only you can know for sure if this describes your situation ... but if it does ...

Do not move back in with your parents. No matter what promises are made, no matter what sort of nice words are said ... no matter what they offer to buy for you. Have none of it. You're on your own two feet now, and you need to stay that way, and if you've gotta flip burgers and clean restrooms at 5 different places to make ends meet, then it's STILL better than living in that scenario. If your parents want to re-connect you have to stand firm and make it be on your (reasonable) terms.

[Amy R Lynn]

Do not move back in with your parents. No matter what promises are made, no matter what sort of nice words are said ... no matter what they offer to buy for you. Have none of it. You're on your own two feet now, and you need to stay that way, and if you've gotta flip burgers and clean restrooms at 5 different places to make ends meet, then it's STILL better than living in that scenario. If your parents want to re-connect you have to stand firm and make it be on your (reasonable) terms.

this is some solid advice! Stay out on your own. Then no one can ever dictate their rules to you again. You are free to be your own person, and everyone else has to deal with it.

[Barbara_Jean]

Hi
First of all let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Something like this is our worse fear. There are some really great things that have been said so far. Let me add something that may help you understand what your parents are going through.
When we as humans experience something significant in our lives, we go through a process called SARA which is:
Shock
Anger
Readjustment
Acceptance
For example, say a couple has been married for several years and the husband suddenly tells his wife he wants a divorce.
She was no expecting anything like this and probably starts to cry and plead with him Why? This is the Shock
Then she says "Why you #$*(&*& Have you got some little thing on the side??? You #*(($ This is the Anger
Then she thinks, Well I had better get a lawyer and deal with this, I'll have to start dating again This is the Readjustment
Then she says He was right, there hasn't been anything between us for a long time, he did me a favor The Acceptance

Now everyone goes through each stage at their own pace. It sounds like your Father went right from the Shock to the Anger, your Mother may still be in the Shock and overlap to the anger. There is no telling how long they will stay in these parts until they get to the readjustment, but they will eventually. Just remember that, they will get there. It may take a few day, months or even years, but they will get there. You are their Child, they will get there.
Also remember that YOU are going through SARA yourself!!
I wish you all the luck in the world and always remember you have Friends Here!
Barb

[BRANDYJ]

Hi
First of all let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this. Something like this is our worse fear. There are some really great things that have been said so far. Let me add something that may help you understand what your parents are going through.
When we as humans experience something significant in our lives, we go through a process called SARA which is:
Shock
Anger
Readjustment
Acceptance
For example, say a couple has been married for several years and the husband suddenly tells his wife he wants a divorce.
She was no expecting anything like this and probably starts to cry and plead with him Why? This is the Shock
Then she says "Why you #$*(&*& Have you got some little thing on the side??? You #*(($ This is the Anger
Then she thinks, Well I had better get a lawyer and deal with this, I'll have to start dating again This is the Readjustment
Then she says He was right, there hasn't been anything between us for a long time, he did me a favor The Acceptance

Now everyone goes through each stage at their own pace. It sounds like your Father went right from the Shock to the Anger, your Mother may still be in the Shock and overlap to the anger. There is no telling how long they will stay in these parts until they get to the readjustment, but they will eventually. Just remember that, they will get there. It may take a few day, months or even years, but they will get there. You are their Child, they will get there.
Also remember that YOU are going through SARA yourself!!
I wish you all the luck in the world and always remember you have Friends Here!
Barb

This is the very best post to this thread. I was feeling the same way. I understand how we all might react to something coming as a shock like this may have been for the OP's parents. Been there done that. And words that I have spewed in hurt and anger that I can't ever take back. We say things and do things we don't really mean when faced with pain, shock and anger.
I hope the parents will come to realize that their child is still their child and come around as they adjust.

[cdlovesy]

I really do hope my parents come around too, it's quite hard, one thing for sure, I am not going back to their home. I'll never feel right there after all this happened.

This is the very best post to this thread. I was feeling the same way. I understand how we all might react to something coming as a shock like this may have been for the OP's parents. Been there done that. And words that I have spewed in hurt and anger that I can't ever take back. We say things and do things we don't really mean when faced with pain, shock and anger.
I hope the parents will come to realize that their child is still their child and come around as they adjust.

I love being able to not have rules, of course I set some ground rules my self like a bedtime and such, thats just so I would have an easy day at work

this is some solid advice! Stay out on your own. Then no one can ever dictate their rules to you again. You are free to be your own person, and everyone else has to deal with it.

Okay everyone, I finally was able to get on some wifi and use internet to type a bunch! Anyways, I am no longer restricted so you can pm me all you want, emailing me directly goes to my phone though. just fyi. Also, I'm not doing awful anymore, but I feel like I lost touch a bit with my fem side, it's quite sad. I have my brand new place, and nothing to wear in it Does anyone have any suggestions?