The most difficult addiction!

[Darla]

Yeah - I think I picked the wrong word for the subject line - although it does feel like a compulsion at times. I was thinking about how I personally am always around females and female clothing everyday, all the time. And because I am severely limited in how I can dress, it's just some days mentally crippling. It is a need for me, and it's like a hungry man with a plate of food just out of reach. Very Greek tragedy. It's wanting what you can't have and some days it just feels so strong I would hazard its the equivalent of trying to stay sober.

But thankfully as socially unacceptable as it is to be a dude in a dress, it's still okay, it's a lifestyle, it doesn't hurt anyone, it doesn't have a negative impact unless you're dishonest with yourself or loved ones (working on that one) and doesn't involve foreign cartels (unless we're talking European fashion houses - then yes).

And I think the pharmacological aspect would be interesting to examine. Thanks for bringing that up ReluctantDebutant. I bet all my pleasure receptors are all firing off at once while dressed. Reinforcing behavior for sure.

And my apologies to those who are offended by my use of the word, or to those who struggle with real addictions. The depression from being who you aren't takes a lot of different forms and there's so many ways to cry out for help. I'm looking forward to the day society accepts the teenage boy in a skirt as normal, where no religion values it's dogma over his or her health and happiness. Then maybe we'll see some real addictions fade into the background.

[ReineD]

Darla, let me ask you something. This might be the equivalent to asking a woman, "Oh, when are you due?" when she is not pregnant, , since I don't know what you look like, but here goes.

Assuming that you look like the average guy ...

... even if you lived in a milieu where your right to dress as a woman was accepted (if there was no taboo in our society against men who wear makeup and women's clothing), do you think that you would still be envious of the beautiful, more petite women who wear their clothes a certain way or who have a particularly feminine facial bone structure and figure? If you had on your favorite outfit and shoes, and you were in a room with all these lovelies and noticed that the men had eyes only for them and didn't notice you, would you still be as resentful over not looking like them?

In other words, is it only about our society's lack of understanding over men who present as women?

Here is why I ask. I did know a woman once who was sexy, in a Marilyn Munroe way, when she put on the Munroe type of makeup, with corsets, push up bras, & heels. She was rather short (about 5' 1"), and a little pudgy, and without her makeup, body shapers, and clothes she looked good but she didn't get the eye-popping ogles from the guys like she did when she made herself up. This woman hated, and I mean HATED being in the same room with other women whom she felt garnered as much or more attention than she did. She had a fundamental insecurity, which was that she sourced all her self-esteem from her appearance and if she didn't look a certain way she felt she was not "good enough". And even if she looked that way and there was a woman there who was more beautiful than her, she could only see that other woman and she felt a great deal of angst over her presence. It was difficult for her to focus on everything else that was happening around her because she had to always be the prettiest, sexiest, and most spectacular woman there. And this made her an unhappy person, despite all the assets that she did have, which included her inner self, that had nothing to do with her looks.

I'm wondering if it's the same for you, even if it's not as extreme.

[Alice Torn]

Karren, With your "other" addiction, maybe during school, you did not play "Hookie", You played Hockey!!

[susan54]

Ah, once again Reine brings interesting new angles to the debate. Maybe addiction is indeed the wrong word. A compulsion is also something you can't stop doing and do to lengths most people would regard as excessive - happy to call it this.

Not all men regard themselves as the other gender when dressed as that gender. I would be happy to just be me in all these clothes, preferably with no make up or wig (I dislike wearing them but like the visual impact they provide), but I would still have a bust and possibly even perfume if society made it OK. But I also like ACTING as a woman - well, I like acting anyway. I am already happy with it all and would be equally happy in an approving society.

What makes it even better for me than the actual clothes is feedback on my outfits and presentation from women - even negative feedback is better than none (because I act on it next time). I really would like to be able to get this at work, but do not resent not being able to.

Though I have passed, they possibly needed glasses. My face is very masculine, especially in profile, but my body and legs look better in womenswear than menswear - and I can move in a very feminine way (good fun but incredibly tiring!). This comes back to Reine's point about the women who transformed herself. By using props you can utterly transform your appearance, so it is crazy for heterosexual men to judge women by their appearance ... but we do, we can't seem to help it - but as long as you judge the real person by real issues that is (I hope) forgivable.

I know there must come a point and probably not all that far away when I will have to stop or seriously restrict my clothes buying because there is really no more room. Though I could devote an entire room to being a walk-in wardrobe = I have the space - even I draw the line at this. At least I have enough sense to avoid throwing out old clothes just to make way for new - I really like my old stuff and get rid of it only if it gets damaged or no longer fits (I got rid of the stuff that was merely awful long ago and rarely buy anything dodgy now). I don't know how the compulsion will adjust to this - it will be interesting to find out.

Lastly on the addiction/compulsion theme: is it a problem? I don't think so. Yes, I could afford all sorts of other things if I didn't to this, but you could say this of any hobby - they often have a compulsive element. Most people would not regard a compulsive, expensive hobby as a problem. An addiction harms you, this doesn't, at least not directly - some other people might harm you as a result, but that is different.

[Darla]

Reine - whew! I'm not too sure how to take that, and I hate to do this, but I'm going to get back to you on this. I feel like I need a little more time to process and ask myself these questions.

Soon
Darla

[Darla]

Oaky - I'm back.

Answer: No.

I think i've posters here enough Reine that you know who I am, but I'll spell it out for the initiated; lifelong dresser since, like, age 7, denied denied denied it was ever anything I couldn't NOt do. 10 years into a relationship with two kids, and I've always presented to my wife that I wasn't interested in dressing and just wanted it out of my life. So now I've come to accept myself, but without the benefit of having a life where I can dress currently. My wife is not accepting, but we're at the place in our lives where we don't feel like there's a need to separate and jump into the dating pool, despite this rather large issue between us. So I'm in a cleverly designed cage of my own making, and I'm ready to lose my mind some days. As I'm sure my wife is.

So I see and I covet, am jealous, but in the existential sense. What you're describing Reine is kind of a primal resentment of females, or other crossdressers. I thInk I envy every other persons freedoms, not their looks or even their clothes per se.

And to be honest - are you drawing a comparison between a rather dislikeable woman and myself?

Darla

[Jenniferathome]

I've never thought of my crossdressing as an addiction. Crossdressing is not something from the outside bombarding me. It is a part of me. Am I addicted to breathing? While I'd like to dress more than I do, I don't lose sleep over it, I don't have withdrawals. I dress at my whim. I control my dressing, not the other way around.

[docrobbysherry]

This in an interesting topic. I wonder if the euphoric feeling I get when dressing isn't a result of endorphins or dopamine or whatever being released, which is similar to others under the influence of other substances. I can honestly say I find the results most pleasurable, and want to relive the feelings again and again. It may be an addiction.

Excellent post, Gina! Many of us experience "dressing euphoria"! I certainly do! Is it possible some of us actually HAVE become "chemically addicted" to dressing!?

[bimini1]

One thing I've noticed is that I can have serious body aches from working out, age, etc. If I have not dressed in a while the aches the pains get worse. If I dress, the physical maladies instantly disappear.

That could speak to some kind of endorphin or cannabinol release in the brain. Same feeling I get at about the 6 mile mark during a run. The celebrated runners high where all pain melts away and you feel like you are floating.

[Darla]

Bimini - I guess my reason to post is also that. I've taken yoga and dance classes, had massages, reiki, all other relaxation inducing experiences - and I get the same long lasting effects from a dressing session. I'm calm and more focused, and just in general happier when I dress or have dressed. When I don't for a long while, boy am I grumpy.

Something I'm trying to impress on my wonderful spouse.

[ReineD]

I wonder if the euphoric feeling I get when dressing isn't a result of endorphins or dopamine or whatever being released, which is similar to others under the influence of other substances. I can honestly say I find the results most pleasurable, and want to relive the feelings again and again. It may be an addiction.

One thing I've noticed is that I can have serious body aches from working out, age, etc. If I have not dressed in a while the aches the pains get worse. If I dress, the physical maladies instantly disappear.

That could speak to some kind of endorphin or cannabinol release in the brain. Same feeling I get at about the 6 mile mark during a run. The celebrated runners high where all pain melts away and you feel like you are floating.

This makes sense too. It's true that many members write about the level of euphoria they experience when they dress. To a lesser degree, others refer to it as a calming or a relaxing effect or it provides relief, but it is still something that changes their mood. It would be interesting to compare the CDing frequency to the strength of the release that is felt ... if someone experiences a type of euphoria, would they dress more frequently (and perhaps more furtively) than someone for whom it has a slight calming effect.

I found an interesting video about 'soft' vs. 'hard' addictions. The soft addictions (or compulsions) are emotionally driven as opposed to the physically driven hard addictions (to an ingested substance).

The compulsions aren't bad for you unless they affect relationships, work, and/or finances, and also if there is secretive behavior involved (for example for many CDers, with excessive shopping or seeking sexual thrill in one form or another) even if the spouse is accepting. In other words, engaging in the types of behaviors that produce the chemical pleasure release as opposed to simply expressing a feminine self in the same way that a person might engage in any of a number of day-to-day activities.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/423823...ake-life-hard/

Still, I find it difficult to believe that a need to express an alternative gender than birth is a compulsive behavior. This next video is highly informative. The author discusses the difference between just engaging in a behavior and having developed a behavioral addiction to it.

For example most of us derive pleasure from eating. But only in some of us, does this lead to compulsive eating behaviors.

http://www.videojug.com/interview/be...diction-basics

[Cassandra Lynn]

I found an interesting video about 'soft' vs. 'hard' addictions. The soft addictions (or compulsions) are emotionally driven as opposed to the physically driven hard addictions (to an ingested substance).

The compulsions aren't bad for you unless they affect relationships, work, and/or finances, and also if there is secretive behavior involved (for example for many CDers, with excessive shopping or seeking sexual thrill in one form or another) even if the spouse is accepting. In other words, engaging in the types of behaviors that produce the chemical pleasure release as opposed to simply expressing a feminine self in the same way that a person might engage in any of a number of day-to-day activities.

A couple of things i might mention here and i speak as a recovering alcoholic.

In the first paragraph Reine, i would be remiss if we didn't keep sight of the fact that at it's core addictions are most often emotionally driven, the chemical side of it happens in the brain as we know, but recovery is all about working on the emotional and mental aspects of our lives.

And as for the second paragraph perhaps the easiest way to clarify what you said is to use the first of our 12 steps.....
"We admitted that we were powerless over _______ that our lives had become unmanageable."

This all can be a touchy subject for those of us in recovery but i have to say, that so far, your all doing a decent job of debating this without crossing the lines.
But i disagree with the title, and in the treatment centers i have seen what the real "most difficult addiction" looks like.

My personal take is that 'this' is more closely defined as a compulsion, and yes the body will cease to function without oxygen, without food and water, but it does seem that at some point down the transgender spectrum this becomes more of a life need?

[ReineD]

I meant an compulsion vs. a physical addiction to a substance, such as drugs, where there is a physical withdrawal when it is no longer injected. And yes, I agree that the addictions to drugs and alcohol are also emotionally driven.

In terms of the compulsions that aren't "bad" for us, this includes just about everything we do. We compel ourselves to do a lot of things that are not absolutely necessary for our survival, namely, a lot of different pleasurable activities: hobbies, sports, engaging in talents such as making art, collecting stuff, eating gourmet meals, etc. I mean, something causes an individual to prefer an activity over another and to want to engage in it again, and this is the pleasure they personally derive from it. So the author of the second video uses the term "compulsion" in the most general, benign way, before it has become a problem.

Issues arise, however, when an individual can no longer maintain a balance with the pleasurable activity in his or her life, and it begins to take on epic proportions, eclipsing relationships, jobs, and/or finances ... even if there is no physical addiction to it the way there is with drugs and alcohol. I suppose it is this aspect of a compulsion that most people think of when they hear the word: a compulsion that is out of whack.

And I agree ... if someone realizes that their life is out of balance and they've become inordinately compulsive with any behavior, the first step is to admit there is a problem.

It's not the need to express femininity that is the issue, but the compulsive behaviors and the secrecy that often accompany it even when a wife knows about the CDing. This gets me back to a question I posed earlier. If someone feels a certain "euphoria" when dressing (as opposed to just being happy they can be themselves in the same way that I am happy when I have a massage or have a good meal), would they be more likely to lapse into the more serious compulsive and secretive behaviors?

[Silmaril]

If someone feels a certain "euphoria" when dressing (as opposed to just being happy they can be themselves in the same way that I am happy when I have a massage or have a good meal), would they be more likely to lapse into the more serious compulsive and secretive behaviors?

I think this absolutely has to be true; it's not a certainty that the high results in addiction/compulsion, but "more likely"? Absolutely, I think. Just basic Pavlovian psychology supports that a reward will increase likelihood a behavior will reoccur.

Based on my own experience, I am familiar with a sort of euphoria but also with just gentle happiness related to CDing. During stretches of my life where I could only dabble in dressing as the opportunity arose, I'd say the euphoria dominates more of those times, and also results in some pretty extreme swings in peaking and crashing. I've always been in control though.

In contrast though, during years when I have been alone and been free to do whatever I wanted, I have found the euphoria becomes secondary (possibly due to tolerance building to a degree where there's no longer a significant payofff), and I break through into being able to enjoy just being in synch with myself.

[bridgetta]

I love reading reine posts. I just chopped up my credit card. That will help with compulsion somewhat. The thing is for me is. I needed alot of stuff! And shopping online or in person is difficult. It takes alot to put a complete look together. And you cant really try things on in person. At least i dont. So. In order to do the complete outfit it takes me extra extra shopping. And returns.
Took me years to figure out sizes and such. In other words. It starts to feel like compulsion even before it is because every item carries with it a sense of taboo And all the extra shopping adds up!

[Missy]

it is only an addiction if you have no control of this if it controls you then it maybe an addiction just something to think about

[ReineD]

I love reading reine posts. I just chopped up my credit card. That will help with compulsion somewhat. The thing is for me is. I needed alot of stuff!

LOL. I'm glad you're just chopped up your credit card (if you have an issue controlling your expenses), and NO, you don't NEED a lot of STUFF!

You should go online and look at all the wonderful blogs about taking the pieces you have and adding an accessory, or switching them around, to have new looks. It will be fun and you can save yourself a small fortune.

... and eventually you'll realize that people will think your outfit is just as attractive, whether you got it last year and you wore it a few times, or just got it last week.

[Silmaril]

it is only an addiction if you have no control of this if it controls you then it maybe an addiction just something to think about

I think this is true. But I don't think it's an "all or nothing" proposition. For example, there is a level of alcoholism in which the addict is functional but is in the grip of addiction; they function day to day and it doesn't ruin their life outright, but it is constantly a monkey on their back that compromises the quality of their life.

I'm not prepared to make any bold conclusions after that statement as far as crossdressing goes. I'm no expert on the subject, and like everyone else here, I'm just trying to get my head around the entire reality of what it is that drives me. I'm just saying that there are varying degrees of being in control, and that having some level of control may not signal that there is no addiction going on.

[Beverley Sims]

It is not an addiction and not necessarily compulsive behavior, but if you want to look like a girl you have to wear dresses.