Why do we purge and how do you stop it?

[juliecdfl]

Earlier in the year I moved across country with my family who left one week before me. While the purpose was for me to pack up and drive the Uhaul it was a perfect opportunity for me to dress...and dress I did! But right before I put the last box on the truck I tossed everything I owned out of guilt. Literally hundreds of dollars worth of shoes, skirts, tops, dresses, and lingerie.

Why did I feel guilty? While my wife knows I dress she has said before she likes a manly man. She likes me hairy, masculine, and looks to me as her protector. But even with that being known she doesn't pitch a fit when I completely shave or wear panties. She may raise an eyebrow but she has known for a couple of years now and overall our marriage has not changed because of it.

The guilt I feel is with my kids. I am now blessed with two young daughters. My older one is coming to the age of learning what boy clothes are and what girl clothes are. I feel a huge amount of guilt about wanting to be Julie and having all my clothes in the house without them finding out or knowing how to make excuses if they find out.

I say excuses because one thing my wife has made clear is she does not want the girls knowing. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated as the shopping urge is starting to come once again since I haven't dressed since the end of january and no longer have any clothes...

[Aloha Jayne]

My wife insisted I purge. Said she couldn't move past it until I did. I kept asking her what I got out of the deal. Basically I got to keep her I think. So I put it all in a garbage bag and threw it in a dumpster. Guess what? She still hasn't moved past it.

[Kaz]

Purging is forever... do not do it! It always comes back and costs $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Jayne, guilt is in our heads not our souls... purging achieves nothing other than short term relief. The evidence is that it always comes back. Once I accepted this, I stopped purging... now I have too many clothes (a by-product)... it comes back stronger each time....!???

[stacycoral]

Purge. i think most of us have done it at less once, and most more than once, i understand what your wife say about tellling the kids, my wife one rule has been no dressing in front of the kids, And when there home all the time it is hard to find time to be the girl we think we should be, I now have two in college and two in high school, my girls have seen me at halloween, and a couple of them seen me by acticdent, but have said they would not tell there mom, i can believe my girls because we are close, and they don't want anyone to know that i dress as a woman. Hang in there, you are not the only one that has purge for the best of family, but i can tell you if your like alot of us girls, it will not go away, you can put back in the closet while raising your girls, i can is wish you the best, Hugs

[ReluctantDebutant]

I get to a point in a lull where I can believe that I don't need to dress anymore. To purge feels cathardic like a release. Sometimes I do it because I get so paranoid that my stash will be found i get rid of it just to ease my mind and end the unreasonable fear.

[juliecdfl]

I get to a point in a lull where I can believe that I don't need to dress anymore. To purge feels cathardic like a release. Sometimes I do it because I get so paranoid that my stash will be found i get rid of it just to ease my mind and end the unreasonable fear.

Don't you wish sometimes your stash is found so the fear is gone?

[Marcia Blue]

Oh, yes, why we purge?
I believe it comes down to the same reasons, we have a hard time accepting who we are, feel we must keep it a secret, and worrying what others think.

Guilt, Shame, and Fear.
Hiding from others or yourself, makes purges seem needed. The fear of being caught. The shame of them and yourself, not understanding. The guilt that they or you, find it wrong.


Once I, acceptted myself, told my Wife about being a CD, and quit worrying about the outside world thoughts. I quit purging. My Wife also matter a-factly, told me not to purge any more, after she was told of my hobby.

[ReluctantDebutant]

Don't you wish sometimes your stash is found so the fear is gone?

Not really. If I want to come out I'd rather it be because of my decision and not because someone stumbled onto my things.

[StephineUK]

the only time i did that when i moved to spain and had nowere to stash the clothes.

Guilt, Shame, and Fear. yes i have had that like most of us who CD and sometimes its really frustrating as get really jealous that i cant walk out that door and just be accepted

why do we crossdress? why do i need to do it , i have asked myself that question so many times and i dont have a answer.

[NicoleScott]

It's easier to quit purging than to quit crossdressing. Just ask any of us who have purged several times (3 for me, the last and final time 20 years ago). Eventually, we learn the futility of it. Sure wish I had some of that stuff back.

[Cheryl T]

My purges were always out of guilt and fear. The guilt of hiding from my wife and the fear that others would discover this part of me and cause us both to feel shame and ridicule.

It took years of soul searching to realize that this is who I am and denying it is what caused all the fear and guilt. The pressure was self-imposed and now that I have accepted myself I have no desire, no need to purge ever again.

[Slip Affinity]

I don't purge anymore. I keep what I want in the house and my wife is ok with it. Sometimes I wish I still had some of the stuff I've tossed in the past.

[becky77]

I purged once when I was 17ish? Put it all on a fire and burnt it. Never knew what purging was then it just seemed the right thing to do, almost as if I was doing some ancient shaman banishment ritual.
Did it work? Well you all know it didn't lol. But it cost me alot of money and memories, I have never done it since. I can go along time without dressing as long as I know I CAN do it whenever I want, take that away and it just gets unbearable.

I think purging is almost a rite of passage :P

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes you have to decide what is more important to you, dressing or your family. As far as how to stop purging, you just stop plain and simple although depending on the situation, you may have to be creative.

[Stephanie47]

What Jayne says is basically how non accepting GG's feel about 'their man' in a dress. Once they have that vision everything changes. The cross dressing sword is held above our heads. My wife in the past threw some cross dressing barbs at me when we were arguing about non cross dressing issues. She threatened to tell the world and destroy me. Later, she said she would never do that. That destroyed any trust I had with her on the issue. She knows I have a wardrobe. I don't know if she knows the extent. I never have purged because my collection started with her approval and participation; lingerie for bedroom play. I will NEVER purge my collection of over 350 slips. As a retiree with adequate income I will not accept any ultimatums to purge anything.

Julie, if your wife knows, don't purge. You and your wife have established agreeable limitations on cross dressing. Just live by those rules. Do not modify the rules without your wife's approval. Remember, acquiescence does not indicate approval.

You're still purging because you still have non acceptance of who you are. I think cross dressing is no different than a person with any compulsion. Spend too much modifying your car? Go golfing too many times? Fishing? Moderation is necessary in a marriage. No ultimatums from the wife, and, no throwing it in her face with a take it or leave it attitude.

My wife insisted I purge. Said she couldn't move past it until I did. I kept asking her what I got out of the deal. Basically I got to keep her I think. So I put it all in a garbage bag and threw it in a dumpster. Guess what? She still hasn't moved past it.

[Ressie]

My last purge was when I met my last ex-wife. I'll have to make sure my next partner really loves crossdressing!

[Cynthia Anne]

I found the perfect way to purge! I have no guilt for the last time I purge was my MALE clothes that I purged!!!!!!

[bridgetta]

Yep. Dont throw away things that cost money. It solves nothing. Objects only have the meaning you place on them. When you purge you lose money but you keep your ideas. So. Dont do it.


you cant run away from yourself..

[RADER]

I have a motto.... Do not purge, Store,
Yes, gather up all your things and put in an Attic, Basement, Garage ceiling, Or a storage locker.
Now when you want to go back, It does not cost you buying everything over again.
Rader

[Gillian Gigs]

It's easier to quit purging than to quit crossdressing. Just ask any of us who have purged several times (3 for me, the last and final time 20 years ago). Eventually, we learn the futility of it. Sure wish I had some of that stuff back.

No truer words have ever been written on this site! After my last time, which was about 10 years ago, I swore that I would never to it again. I also swore that I wouldn't dress anymore, but dressing always came back with a vengence. The simple cost of all of the clothes should be enough to not purge anymore. As the drawers and closet gets fuller, there is a need to rid yourself of the items that you no longer wear, but that is not purging!

[Ressie]

I've never built up a wardrobe this big before, so purging again would be a bit devastating.

[Christineblake113]

Last time I was tempted to purge I packed up all my clothes and shoes and put them in an attic where they were unlikely to be discovered by anyone.

Several years later everything is back out again and seems to have survived the extreme temperatures of the attic. Really glad I didn't purge, having been through that before and regretted it later.

Not trying to rub it in here, just suggesting that next time you feel like purging, try putting things in long term storage.

Christine

[Angelofsomekind]

I never understood purging. Sure you might not be dressing, but only because it isn't available at the time. That doesn't mean you have stopped, all it means is that you don't have access to it at the moment. I always felt if you really want to stop you have to have access to all the clothes. If you can keep the clothes around and still not dress, that saying a lot more than not dressing because you don't have the clothes.

[ReineD]

The guilt I feel is with my kids. I am now blessed with two young daughters. My older one is coming to the age of learning what boy clothes are and what girl clothes are. I feel a huge amount of guilt about wanting to be Julie and having all my clothes in the house without them finding out or knowing how to make excuses if they find out.

I say excuses because one thing my wife has made clear is she does not want the girls knowing. Any advice on this is greatly appreciated as the shopping urge is starting to come once again since I haven't dressed since the end of january and no longer have any clothes...

If you have your wife's cooperation, you can find the time and space to dress without your daughters knowing. You could keep your stuff in your room, in a dresser with locking drawers. And your wife can arrange to take the girls out every so often, or you and your wife could get a sitter occasionally to go out of town overnight.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

[Brianna612]

My advise is DON'T DO IT!!!

First time I was forced to purge by my parents. I was forced to watch as my favorite clothes were tossed into the fire. Second time was when I met my X wife. Yes what was I thinking. I should of had my head examined. I knew she would not accept this part of me and I was right. I guess I just needed a good shot in the pocket book. Well all is good now.

DON'T DO IT. Seek a good couples therapist that understands CDing if your wife is willing to try.