Out of the closet. REALITY.

[Wildaboutheels]

FOUR questions. And this thread is not an endorsement to simply throw caution to the wind and leap out of the closet.

This thread has nothing to do with "passing" either.

1] How many months or years have you been going out dressed at least partly in what "Society" would consider "female" clothing items. Underwear of any kind does not count.

2] Any of your friends, relatives or coworkers aware of your proclivities? If so, did your Relationship with them "suffer" in any way or end? Maybe got better?

3] In all the times you have been out in public, how many times would you guess you had a bad or unpleasant experience?

4] Have you ever felt you were in any DANGER from any of those bad experiences? Danger as in possible bodily harm by some means.

[sandra-leigh]

Just under 7 years of going out in public for me. I do not recall now when I started wearing tops to work, but slightly over 5 years ago I started adding bottoms at work.

I have told three of my friends Back Home. I don't really have any friends where I live, except some from the cross-dressing club (I think they've figured things out by now ) Some of my co-workers figured out that I wear women's clothes, but it is not clear to me how many did. My (now ex-) boss never did figure it out as far as I could determine. I told a small number of my co-workers about being TG. My relationship with my co-workers didn't seem to suffer. But possibly my relationship with my boss suffered; it is difficult to say (he was a good scientist but not a good boss.) My relationship with my friends hasn't seemed to change. My relationship with my sister is going fine; my mother worries about me and doesn't really understand.

I've had unpleasant experiences in public, but not nearly as many as one might think. I was threatened twice (perhaps more). When a solitary obese 12-year old starts ranting about wanting to stomp you into the ground and smash your head in, you move along smartly: the best defense in a case like that is to not be there.

Remarks from passers-by such as "that's disgusting" are disappointing, but they'll very likely leave you alone. The occasional one followed me briefly (but not threateningly) saying, "I know your secret!". And Yes, you have to expect the occasional out-loud, "That's a guy!". The fellow who took pictures of me and asked me if I wanted to "work" at his party later was a nuisance, partly because back then I cared about possibly being exposed through pictures.

Even without explicit threats, there are some places you just don't risk unless you absolutely must. Like the men's washroom at a rough bar -- or even a men's washroom in a mall in a rougher part of town. You learn to be strategic about when and where you go to the washroom.

But in some ways the hardest part for me was when I couldn't yet take my dressing home, and I would have to find a place to change. Some of the places included alleyways (and sometimes there were security cameras), or behind rubbish bins, or inside bus shelters... sometimes I had to look for a good 3/4 hour to find a spot Not cool

[Roberta Marie]

I've been going out for about 3 years, getting out anywhere from 1 to 3 times a week. Usually I'm out doing chores like grocery shopping. I've only had one time that I felt threatened. Upon leaving a resturaunt I was followed by 2 guys in an SUV around the parking lot and to the store in the store in the next plaza. I spent a couple hours in the very public, well lit store. When I left, the SUV was no where to be seen.

I do have a few friends that know, as well as my sister-in-law. I don't think that their finding out has changed any of those relationships.

[Leah Lynn]

This response may not count, but anyway... 1) the first three times were in the '70's. Twice for Halloween parties, once for a lawn party. Once stopped to buy pantyhose, twice to pick up a bottle, dressed each time. Much more recently, I've only walked around the neighborhood at night. 2) All the guys I work with are fairly certain that I dress at times. I get along with them very well,and they occasionally give me some ribbing; all good naturedly. 3) Never had a bad experience. The time I stopped for pantyhose, I had a young lady say she found it to be really exciting. 4) I've never felt like I was ever in danger. I earned my black belt on Okinawa. They don't pass them out freely there. I hope this is allowed, I have a permit to defend myself.

[Launa]

FOUR questions. And this thread is not an endorsement to simply throw caution to the wind and leap out of the closet.

This thread has nothing to do with "passing" either.

1] How many months or years have you been going out dressed at least partly in what "Society" would consider "female" clothing items. Underwear of any kind does not count.

I started going out 10 months ago. I haven't been out much though.

2] Any of your friends, relatives or coworkers aware of your proclivities? If so, did your Relationship with them "suffer" in any way or end? Maybe got better?

Nobody I work with has a clue but they are starting to give me "the look" about my waxed arms.

3] In all the times you have been out in public, how many times would you guess you had a bad or unpleasant experience?

Nothing bad, I've had the staring contests with people but no comments.

4] Have you ever felt you were in any DANGER from any of those bad experiences? Danger as in possible bodily harm by some means.

I've never felt physical threat my big fear is going to the police station, court or whatever and have to explain myself if there is a physical altercation. Even if its self defence, I don't want to go to the joint as a guy without body hair, thin eyebrows etc...

[Butterfly Bill]

1. Since October of 1994, so that means approaching 18 years.

2. Everybody who knows me in my current hometown knows; my neighbors, my workplace, my church, the VA hospital, everyplace I shop. My parents are both deceased, my one remaining sister knows.

3. Maybe the worst was when I tried visiting a museum that had several busloads of elementary school kids there at the same time. I also was not invited any more to old time fiddle jams in a circle of private homes in Lawrence, KS, and an Irish jam in a bar in Tulsa. (I made some of the other people "uncomfortable".) But outside of that, maybe once every three or four months someone will holler "faggot" thru the window of a passing car.

4. No, but being taller than average and having a construction worker's physique might have something to do with it.

[Tracii G]

7 years being out to some degree.I wear a piece of womens clothes everyday.Jeans, tops,belts and shoes.
Friends? Well most do not know but a select few do never had anyone comment.
A few bad experiences but 99% are great.

[STACY B]

Maybe 12-or so

No not that I know of no one has ever said much ,, Other than about my hair ,, Asked if that was my wifes hair band ,,Got better with the ones who know thats for sure -- GGs . I can go on forever talking with GGs about all thing female ,, Once they get past the Shock they forget that you are not female an talk to you like any other girl .

Maybe ,,Maybe ,,,Once ,, After he walked away he said something that my wife herd .

Never ,,

[PretzelGirl]

1. Closing in on 3 years now and it all is fully dressed.

2. My wife and 2 out of 3 kids know (one is cross country, so I haven't told him yet). Some friends know and I am now breaking ground on the in-laws knowing. None of the relationships have suffered and I have been out a lot with my wife and 2 daughters. But I wouldn't call that an improvement as I have a good relationship with them anyway. They might know at work as I have run across a couple of people while shopping. But if they do, they aren't letting me know.

3. I haven't had anything I would call unpleasant. About the worst may be a lady that walked past with her jaw on the ground and I just smiled and waved. Or the cashier at a GAP that ran to the other cashier to point at me. I waved and smiled again.

4. Never felt I was in danger. A big part of that is that I don't go in areas where I feel my security could be compromised. I am not a bar person, so staying out late means shopping, being at a friends, movies, or out for coffee.

[AllieSF]

1] How many months or years have you been going out dressed at least partly in what "Society" would consider "female" clothing items. Underwear of any kind does not count.

I have been going out one to two times a week fully dressed presenting as a female, more or less, since I started dressing in 2007

2] Any of your friends, relatives or coworkers aware of your proclivities? If so, did your Relationship with them "suffer" in any way or end? Maybe got better?

I am out to the world of strangers and not out to family, friends and former work acquaintances.

3] In all the times you have been out in public, how many times would you guess you had a bad or unpleasant experience?

In over maybe 300 times out I have never had a really bad experience to speak of. One bartender refused to talk with me as he made change for the parking meter, while the accepting waitress was more than fine with us, a cat call by some younger guys, and really nothing else that I can remember. That does not mean that I am not aware that worse reactions could happen

4] Have you ever felt you were in any DANGER from any of those bad experiences? Danger as in possible bodily harm by some means.

I have never felt in danger. I am normally well aware of what is happening around me. As also stated above, that does not mean I believe that I will never have an unfortunate incident one day. I just accept that the good odds are definitely in my favor.

[Diane Smith]

1) In the public eye since 1997, about 15 years. Walks around the neighborhood after dark in the years before that don't count.

2) Several close friends know. I've had a long talk with one co-worker about it, and I believe most of the other people at work (about 40 of them) are curious or have it more or less figured out.

3) I've had about five bad experiences of being confronted by someone or being seen (or almost seen) by an unknowing friend or co-worker.

4) Only one seemed like it might end in a physical confrontation. I was shopping, in drab, in a thrift store, when another customer started spouting Bible verses and yelling at me, from halfway across the store, that it was wrong for men to dress in women's clothing, and I would be heading for Hell soon. He continued the rant while I checked out and followed me out onto the street. I tried to ignore him as I walked away quickly, hoping he wouldn't follow me to my car and make an even bigger scene. Fortunately, he wasn't in the mood to get more aggressive that day.

- Diane

[Cynthia Anne]

1. Fourty plus years!
2. Yes, many times!
3. Twice!
4. Never!

[jjjjohanne]

1] How many months or years have you been going out dressed at least partly in what "Society" would consider "female" clothing items. Underwear of any kind does not count.

I'll say about seven years. But I do not have frequent outings. I have gone out a few times as a man in all women's clothes including a skirt or dress (including on a plane).

2] Any of your friends, relatives or coworkers aware of your proclivities? If so, did your Relationship with them "suffer" in any way or end? Maybe got better?

Only my wife knows. She does not like it. But our relationship is fine. It has never helped our relationship, but it has occasionally hurt it.

3] In all the times you have been out in public, how many times would you guess you had a bad or unpleasant experience?

I won't count the long stares.
Once I was laughed at openly by two young women (employees standng in a mall store entrance) as I walked by.
Once an older woman said, "I hope you are going to be in a review," while I was trying on some heels in drab.

4] Have you ever felt you were in any DANGER from any of those bad experiences? Danger as in possible bodily harm by some means.

I have never had this kind of experience

[Tricia Lee]

1] How many months or years have you been going out dressed...

My first feeble attempts were 20 years ago (I am mid-40's). My first successful outings were about 12 Years ago.

2] Any of your friends, relatives or coworkers aware of your proclivities? If so, did your Relationship with them "suffer" in any way or end? Maybe got better?

Most of my and my wife's closer relatives know. None of my friends or co-workers know. It hasn't hurt my relationship with any relatives as far as I can tell.

3] In all the times you have been out in public, how many times would you guess you had a bad or unpleasant experience?

I've never had a terrible experience. The worst it's ever gotten is a few negative comments. They weren't said directly to me, but to other people with the intent that I would hear it.

4] Have you ever felt you were in any DANGER ...

Never.

[Cheryl T]

FOUR questions. And this thread is not an endorsement to simply throw caution to the wind and leap out of the closet.

1] How many months or years have you been going out dressed at least partly in what "Society" would consider "female" clothing items. Underwear of any kind does not count.

2] Any of your friends, relatives or coworkers aware of your proclivities? If so, did your Relationship with them "suffer" in any way or end? Maybe got better?

3] In all the times you have been out in public, how many times would you guess you had a bad or unpleasant experience?

4] Have you ever felt you were in any DANGER from any of those bad experiences? Danger as in possible bodily harm by some means.

[SIZE=3]1) For me it's been about 8 years going out fully dressed and in public settings. Before that I would underdress and go out and had only been out once to a Halloween party dressed. 2) No, none of my friends, relatives or co-workers are aware and I plan to keep it that way. I do think that a few neighbors know as I leave the house dressed at all times of day and don't try to hide, but nothing has ever been mentioned.
3)I don't recall ever having a bad or unpleasant experience. I've always been treated well. Of course there have been the stares (I'm 5'12" in stocking feet) and snickers, but never a rude comment or anything.
4)I've never felt I was in danger at any time. I do not place myself in any situations or areas that would lend themselves to being dangerous. Just as any other woman I am aware of my surroundings and avoid settings that may be harmful. In addition, most times I am with another person or persons. I rarely go alone (it's more fun with someone else anyway) and there's always safety in numbers. [/SIZE]

[Wildaboutheels]

Thanks for all the replies ladies. I truly believe that as long as one is dressed appropriately for the occasion or to blend in, there is likely to be less negative reaction. Any of you who have responded, ever go out dressed to "stand out" or do you usually dress pretty conservatively? Not saying people should not dress in whatever pleases them.

And of course, there will always be those few people with "ugly" minds and chips on their shoulders to deal with. But even fully dressed in guy mode, we must sometimes deal with them. In their "defense", it's likely they were raised that way and watched their own parents mistreat people for many years.

[flic]

1.) I started going out about 6 years ago, but very rarely, i've started going out frequently in the last year or so.
2.) I've just started telling my close circle of friends, my family knows, none of my relationships have suffered because of it and most have actually gotten better because people felt they understood me a lot better, having all thought there was 'something different'.
3.) I've never had a bad experience as such, i had an unpleasant experience just a few weeks ago on a night out, a couple read me and gave me pretty filthy looks but not much more than that. I stared until they became so self conscious of the TG staring them down that they had no choice but to abandon their stare!
4.) I've never felt in danger from going out, maybe i'm just naive or completely oblivious, possibly lucky, but i've never felt threatened at all.

x Flic x

[sandra-leigh]

The two times (that I recall) that I have received verbal threats, I was dressed quite conservatively, simple tops and simple skirts and no makeup or wig. The threats were from younger teens in both cases.

[Tricia Lee]

Any of you who have responded, ever go out dressed to "stand out" or do you usually dress pretty conservatively?

*Very* conservatively. This is a typical outfit for me:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post2461924

[Beverley Sims]

Too many years and I have forgotten the bad experiences.

[Amanda22]

(1) Two years.
(2) ~90% of friends and relatives know. If relationships have changed at all, they've become better.
(3) No.
(4) No.

[Jill]

I am fairly new to going out dressed but still very much in the closet. I have only ever told one close/long term friend. One of my best friends I think has an idea, he will make comments from time to time and give me a look. We were room mates once. Sometimes I will spend all day dressed and venture out. The thought will come to me, 'It might be kind of cool or fun to do this full time,' and then I think about what that would really look like and then it becomes astronomically less appealing. Not only because of what it would look like with family and friends, how the dynamics in my profession and career would drastically change but also the thought of putting on makeup everyday is not very appealing. Even though I enjoy wearing it, it's a lot of work and it's not something I would want to do everyday. I can honestly say at this point I am satisfied with my current activity and level of dressing.

I haven't had any negative experiences while out, just people staring. I figure it's inevitable but I have fortunately gotten to a place where I care far less about what others think.

[Jordan-NH]

1.) Hopefully the first time will be within the next couple weeks.
2.) Two GG friends. Not going to even think about approaching the family.
3.) N/A
4.) N/A

[Vanessa Storrs]

I have been going out dressed for over 15 years and have enjoyed most every moment.
I told my brother about my dressing several years ago, he has never commented on my dressing and he seems uncomfortable every time I mention it. Many of my friends know of my dressing.
The worst things that have happened while out have been a few laughs from people on the street, but this is more than made up for by the nice compliments I have received.
Even though I have been in areas where I should not have been I have never felt threatened or in any physical danger.

I can count the negative experiences I have had as a crossdresser but the positive experiences are innumerable.