Marriage, GG, Relationships & Crossdressing

[Dana]

Having been married and divorced ~ once, and having co-habituated with another GG for almost six years, etc, I have finally come to the conclusion that I cannot live with a GG, and not long be drawn toward the trappings of femininity ~ that is to say her clothes, jewelry, makeup, etc.

Which then brings in the moral delamina of one not using the personal belongings of another person without their permission ~ which leads to the next logical step of purchasing one’s on belongings.

If you’ve not been up front about your cross-dressing desires/ needs, then once again you’ve crossed a moral line of departure, in that you have not been completely honest about who are as a person.

Having lived my life for just about everyone else, and finding myself single, I have come to the conclusion that I need to be living my life for myself.

Given the devastating mental, emotional, psychological, not to mention financial cost of divorce ~

Brings me to the point of this thread. Is it better to be single and alone ~ and be true to yourself ~ or to be in denial of your true and complete self, for the sake of being in a relationship?

[LaceLuvr's GG]

How about the concept of finding someone that accepts you for who you are?? I know this may not sound easy... but just from the GG response on the site.. you know that it can be done.

There are tons of GG's out there that can love you for who you are. Support your decisions and desires.. and support your need to dress. I know it can be done.. I'm an example of one.

I never in a million years would of thought that the love of my life would end up being a crossdresser.. but he is. The key is honesty. I believe that if you are honest up front then things can happen. I met my honey on the net, which was great for both of us as it gave us a chance to get to know the inside of each other before judging on the outside. He told me upfront that he was a crossdresser, which was a huge shock, but being that he was just a "friend" I was ok with it.

Once we got to know each other better... we feel head over heels (no pun intended ) over each other.

I think that it's best to be alone and be true to yourself.. UNTIL.. you find that special someone that you can be true to yourself with.

Hugs,

Silk.

[Dana]

How about the concept of finding someone that accepts you for who you are?? I know this may not sound easy... but just from the GG response on the site.. you know that it can be done.

There are tons of GG's out there that can love you for who you are. Support your decisions and desires.. and support your need to dress. I know it can be done.. I'm an example of one.

I never in a million years would of thought that the love of my life would end up being a crossdresser.. but he is. The key is honesty. I believe that if you are honest up front then things can happen. I met my honey on the net, which was great for both of us as it gave us a chance to get to know the inside of each other before judging on the outside. He told me upfront that he was a crossdresser, which was a huge shock, but being that he was just a "friend" I was ok with it.

Once we got to know each other better... we feel head over heels (no pun intended ) over each other.

I think that it's best to be alone and be true to yourself.. UNTIL.. you find that special someone that you can be true to yourself with.

Hugs,

Silk.

Un~questionablly if and when entering into a relationship, there is and cannot be anything but complete and total honesty with one anohter. Otherwise it will NEVER work and is always doomed to failure. Thanks for your advice.

Dana

[Dana]

To be more precise ~ I guess what I'm aiming at here ~ is what makes relationships between men, GG, work even before factoring the CDing factor ~ and then what makes them work with factoring in the CDing factor.

What to put in, what to leave out? How to avoid the Big "D"?

Obviously, complete truthfulness and honest are one of the top essentials for most any and all women

[Paula Rae]

Hey Dana

How about living with another male crossdresser?

Ricki B

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Dana

All I can tell you is that after years of sneaking around, I finally told my wife everything, and she has been just great about it all. Not only does she accept me as is, she helps me with my make-up and clothes, plus we go out together when I'm dressed.

I think being honest is the way to go. I know that I feel so much better about myself now that I'm no longer going behind her back. I no longer feel guilty about who I am, and that means so much to me. I think you should try that approach, there are gg's out there who will love you for yourself, no matter what.

GypsyKaren

[Veronica E. Scott]

To thyne own self be true. If you can't be true to yourself how can you be true to someone else, in my own relationship which has lasted 39 yrs. I have been totally honest with my wife except in one area crossdressing,I never told her about it until recently and it has been hell ever since. Sit the woman down and tell her what is on your mind and see where it goes from there,you might be plesently surprised,hope so any way.Hope for the best and expect the worst.

[flatlander_48]

Given the devastating mental, emotional, psychological, not to mention financial cost of divorce ~

Brings me to the point of this thread. Is it better to be single and alone ~ and be true to yourself ~ or to be in denial of your true and complete self, for the sake of being in a relationship?

When we fall into denial mode, we run a very real risk of screwing up Everything. Denying ones true self is tantamount to sitting on a time bomb. It's very likely to blow up but you just don't know when and how. Having an unprepared partner find out about the other facets of your life can be devastating, as we've seen from some of the messages here. Complete honesty can be very painful, although I suspect it is nothing compared to what happens after an accidental outing.

[Joanne_2003]

Your dilemma is real and I struggled with it for a long time until I decided to come clean with my SO. At first she wasn't exstatic about it (she still isn't jumping for joy but she is very understanding). We talked about it for a long time and continue to talk about it. She realizes that I couldn't stop even if I truly wanted to (I don't, I enjoy it too much). When the opportunity to dress doesn't present it for whatever reason she notices that I'm not the same person as I am when I can dress up (wholly or partially). She has come to realize she likes my male side better when I have had the opportunity to indulge my feminine side, even for a brief period of time.

[Shannon]

Dana -- as some others have suggested, you may be limiting yourself to what you think are your options -- either A or B. That seems to be the way a lot of life's choices are presented -- and especially if it is someone else telling or asking us to chose one or the other. I've discovered (the hard way and with a lot of therapy) that rarely are we limited to choosing between A or B -- the trick is generating all the other alternatives.

And to echo Veronica and Shakespeare (I think this is from Hamlet) -- "To thyne own self be true"

[Billijo49504]

Gee, I don't know what to say. I've had 2 wives, the first one died of cancer, and the present one who loves me for who I am, have excepted me as a crossdresser. I guess I have always been honest with the ladies in my life. If they can't handle the real me, I'm sorry but I'm not changing for you..BJ

[Dana]

Dana -- as some others have suggested, you may be limiting yourself to what you think are your options -- either A or B. That seems to be the way a lot of life's choices are presented -- and especially if it is someone else telling or asking us to chose one or the other. I've discovered (the hard way and with a lot of therapy) that rarely are we limited to choosing between A or B -- the trick is generating all the other alternatives.

And to echo Veronica and Shakespeare (I think this is from Hamlet) -- "To thyne own self be true"

Thanks Shannon, (and all the rest).

I quite agree with your assestment. In our Western Culture ~ its is all too easy to become trapped in bi-polar logic, and from my own life experiences, we must look beyond the obvious choices that bi-polar logic offers.

I believe that it is that very mentaility that we as crossdressers almost rebel against. That we as indidividauls refuse to be some square peg pounded into a round hole of conformity. Shall we say, that we tend to think outside of the box.

Obviously, as has been demonstrated time and time again, there are GG that cannot only be tolerant, but accepting. And, I coming to the point of total and complete acceptance of who and what I am as a individual in my "totality. " And, I believe that before you become involved with another person ~ any person ~ you must do that ~ crossdressing, or whatever not withstanding.

Thanks.

Dana