Apology for the rambling that is about to begin and for the cliche "Am I the only one?" feeling.
From reading around these forums I see there are lots of people that feel like a different female person. And there are those that are just guys that like to wear women's clothes. For me I really just want my feminine tendencies and my masculine tendencies to blend into one person. Which I am finding kind of hard due to how I feel I need to segregate them due to social pressures of where I live and the state of things with my girlfriend.
Everything is great with the girlfriend but I mentioned something and it got awkward. We were out shopping for some pants for her and she was not finding what she wanted. We had been to several stores and she was on the verge of giving up and she asked if I minded if we went to just one more store.
Of course I didn't mind. I like looking at the clothes too. For those, that don't know, my girlfriend does know about the crossdressing but she isn't thrilled about it. She loves me and doesn't want to loose me and feels bad that she's preventing me from being myself so she says as long as its out of sight out of mind it shouldn't be a problem.
Well I thought I would tell her that she doesn't have to ask if I mind going to another store to look at clothes because I like looking at them too. Should have been a simple comment, but maybe I flubbed it, I don't know but it was awkward.
So I've been a bit bummed the last few days. Almost purged. But I've promised myself that if I do go to purge, everything goes in bags and into the closet. But everything is still hanging up so I think that's good. I ended up going on a shopping spree instead. Payless shoes, target, victoria's secret. Got sandles, some make up, a couple skirts, a few tops. A few of the items from target didn't fit right so that bummed me out a bit more and I did a rubbish job with the make up this evening but I think I know how to make it better. I need to get forms and a wig, at times I really want to look completely like a woman. I worry that I won't be able to achieve that.
Anyways, its not all bad, I really really really like the skirt I got from VS. It's a bit tight but its fun to twirl in.
I want to tell someone about this but the only person I can picture myself telling is a friend of my girlfriend and the girlfriend said no, she wouldn't be comfortable with that when I brought it up when we were talking about all of this to begin with.
This is just difficult right now. Confusing. I know, preaching to the choir.
Thank you all for being here. And as always, any comments are very much appreciated.
Originally Posted by Julie1123
