Changes in your Crossdressing?

[Amy A]

Hi all,

I'm sorry if this topic has been covered a lot before but I'm new here and I have so many questions!

I don't know where I'm going with this at the moment. When I was younger crossdressing was a (very) guilty secret that I found sexually exciting , but rarely dressed for very long. Nowadays in my early 30s, when I'm dressed, it feels more like a stronger part of my personallity coming to the fore, and I get a strange sense of peace from it. I stay dressed for much longer.

Some of the members here are clearly happy to be male with the added fun that comes with dressing. Others seem to be much closer to the transgender end of the scale.

I'm interested in whether your perception of your dressing has changed over the years, whether its purpose or role in your life has changed or grown/receeded?

[Karren H]

nothings really changed..... and it has no purpose..... or useful purpose..... its still something I have to do.... I've just gotten better at it over the years..... I'm not going to force rank myself into some labeled scale...... it really doesn't mater in my life where I fit or how I compare to anyone else except myself....

[alisa63]

Hey Rachel, I can certainly relate to your post. When I was younger, dressing was sexually stimulating. Once I "took care" of my arousal, I almost immediately take the female clothing off and feel perverted and guilty. Now as I grow older, it feels 100% natural to wear female clothing, namely panties on a daily basis. There is still some excitement involved to some degree, but many days I wear them all day, and refrain from any type of sexual release. I wonder the same as you...am I CD/TS/TG????? A few weeks ago, I told my therapist (the first person ever) of my crossdressing and she is working with me to try to decipher (as best a possible) where on the continuum I fit. Where I go with it from there is up to me.

[Roberta Young]

Rachel, Im older than some rock formations. Dressing young was sexually fun, but as i matured dressing has turned into wonderfull retreat, a "melloness". Also the only thing that receeded is my hair line. Luv Roberta

[Wildaboutheels]

There are a number of regulars here who proclaim all CDers will eventually want more and "progress" or something very close to that.

Kinda silly of them to think they can speak for everyone.

I'll call it a "hobby" for me for lack of a better term. Always has been and always will be.

The ONLY thing different for me is that I have more shoes and more time and more opportunity.

[deebra]

Rachel it happened to me exactly as you described and I think it's really cool when we find out other CDers experienced the exact same journey that has transpired with you. As you described when you were first getting into it the guilt and sexual excitement were exzilerating accompanied by guilt and then the overwhelming need to do it again and take it a little further. As more time passed the acceptance and enjoyment that dressing female from the skin out brings and we as CDers are blessed to be the few of the male gender that can experience the joy of feminity and all (including the clothes) that make a woman the beautiful creature she is. It's a shame we are not accepted by a society that accepts so many other things. Be glad this unplanned blessing has taken over you and as many on this site have said, "It Ain't Going Away". Your avatar shows you to be very passable, attractive and young, enjoy the many years ahead to the fulliest as Racheal.

[Amy A]

I'm not going to force rank myself into some labeled scale...... it really doesn't mater in my life where I fit or how I compare to anyone else except myself....

Sorry I really didn't mean to make people label themselves or make comparisons, my question was more whether in other members experience the urge to dress has become something more, or whether it has just stayed as a hobby. I completely agree with what you're saying, I think I just erroneously use the word 'scale' because I couldn't think of a better way of explaining it.

I wonder the same as you...am I CD/TS/TG????? A few weeks ago, I told my therapist (the first person ever) of my crossdressing and she is working with me to try to decipher (as best a possible) where on the continuum I fit. Where I go with it from there is up to me.

Your experiences sound very similar to mine. I've just been referred to a counsellor for my depression, and I will have to tell them I am a CD'er, I am nervous about what conclusions they might draw up from it, and whether I'm opening up a pathway to something that I didn't dare consider before.

[kimdl93]

In my own expereince, CDing was for many years a guilty secret limited to occassional underdressing and bedroom play with my ex. After we divorced, I went into a muti-year hiatus from dressing, then it re-emerged. My present wife knew before we were engaged, and has been very accepting, which in large part has allowed me to expereince a huge upswing. I dress nearly full time now, but don't anticipate transitioning. I guess I'm on a path that is somewhat more towards the transsexual side of the Transgender spectrum.

[Amy A]

Be glad this unplanned blessing has taken over you and as many on this site have said, "It Ain't Going Away". Your avatar shows you to be very passable, attractive and young, enjoy the many years ahead to the fulliest as Racheal.

Well bottling it up and trying to repress it really hasn't done me any good!

I do enjoy it and I'm genuinely excited about practising my make-up (might even throw up a few pics!), it doesn't always feel like a blessing though. Thanks for your comments though, you made my day!

[Stephanie47]

Hi Rachel, I think the majority of heterosexual cross dressers start out solely with sexual gratification. To me, that does not seem unusual since most horny guys sought sexual gratification somehow. Of course, donning feminine clothing would appear aberrant. Why? Societal customs and norms that have been established by the group mentality. Times have not changed. There are still people whose sexuality which is 'aberrant;' lesbians, gays, cross dressers, etc.

Every cross dresser tries to figure out the 'why?' I stopped a long time ago. I have just accepted it. The best I've been able to determine for myself is the serenity and peace cross dressing brings me when under stress. Cross dressing is a stress reliever. Basically, cross dressing is so 'unmanly' it expunges any feeling of 'manliness' when en femme. I restrict my cross dressing to 'in home' because it is a stress reliever. To go out into the world and be ridiculed or be on guard would defeat the purpose. I also do not feel the need to interact with others. That also goes for interacting with others dressed as a man. Why? It's a personal thing related to the long term effects of stresses caused by combat.

I do not have a 'split personality.' I am totally aware of what I am doing when I do it. I firmly believe each of us, male and female, have some degree of the other sexes attributes buried in us. How each of us expresses a perceived feminine side may be as simple as cooking as a 'hobby' or being fully en femme.

Just waste too much mental capital trying to figure everything out.

[Karren H]

Sorry I really didn't mean to make people label themselves or make comparisons, my question was more whether in other members experience the urge to dress has become something more, or whether it has just stayed as a hobby. I completely agree with what you're saying, I think I just erroneously use the word 'scale' because I couldn't think of a better way of explaining it.

yeah..... like escalation.... deescalation... lol.

[alisa63]

Your experiences sound very similar to mine. I've just been referred to a counsellor for my depression, and I will have to tell them I am a CD'er, I am nervous about what conclusions they might draw up from it, and whether I'm opening up a pathway to something that I didn't dare consider before.

When I first started seeing my psychologist it wasn't for crossdressing either, but as we continued working on stuff and I gained trust in her I finally decided that if I really wanted to figure myself out, that I had to tell her. Yes, I also have fear about where this "revalation/confession" will take me. Once I told someone else, and subsequently came onto this website, it become something real, that I may be finally be ready to deal with. It's not just my perverted little secret anymore. Which, by the way, my therapist told me there is nothing perverted about it :-)

[Pexetta]

For me it started as a mysterious urge, then became a sexual/fetish thing in my teens and 20s. Then I had a strange 'cisvestite' phase where I got excited by wearing traditional/stereotypical manly clothes, and then cross-dressing came back about two years ago as a largely non-sexual thing.

Which in terms of the original question is an arc from the TG end, to the CD end, over the middle point, then right back again to the starting point.

[Amy A]

Which in terms of the original question is an arc from the TG end, to the CD end, over the middle point, then right back again to the starting point.

More of a Lemniscate than an arc then?

And yes I did use wikipedia to find the proper name for it!

[CandyDarling]

Hi Rachel - don't let it get the best of you. All the veterans here are correct - it will never go away - it is likely to increase. I have found that balance is the key - you need to practice not giving in to the urge to dress every time. It can take you over and become obsessive. Ther is an element of addiction in my opinion.

[Lady Slipper]

Rachel, I have found myself on a similar path, I am just a few years older than you and have recently had my dressing evolve, into what IDK yet. Many members have had similar experiences to ours, its nice to know your not alone. Midlife crisis here I come! Lols!

[Jamie Christopher]

Early on I was happy wearing a bra with breast forms under a T-shirt, and that was exciting. As I grow, I do feel a need to dive deeper into my femininity. I want to start with a nice shower, a close shave, and pick out some pretty lingerie to put on. Next is my makeup, and then the hard choice - what to wear today? I'll try a few different outfits, and settle on what is right for today. Then the accessories, and finally a destination. I do feel falling further into my role each time, and absolutely hate it when it has to end, as it must in my circumstance. Then to dreaming for what my next day will bring.

[Brittany CD]

It's definitely changed over the past ten years. It started with giggling while wearing a bra and eventually turned into dressing completely as a girl, with makeup and a wig. Hasn't really made any change in my life

[windycissy]

Rachel, I concur with most everybody's comments - for whatever reason, it starts as a turn-on that can lead to feelings of shame after the inevitable release, but by own theory is when we get a bit older and our testosterone is on the wane, the rush and resistance are replaced by feelings of mellowness and wonder...it gets more complicated when you've got the looks (as you do) to pass as a woman, then the urge to get out there and experience life from the other side of the gender barrier becomes irresistable, at least for me, it's almost like a drug and my endorphins and dopamin levels go through the roof from the amazing natural high of being a pretty woman, Cissy

[GeminaRenee]

Hi Rachel,

I feel like my dressing has followed a similar arc to yours. For the first ten years or so, it was purely sexual. Pantyhose... lipstick... bam! - and that was that. In my early twenties, I was lucky enough to have a person in my life who understood the sexual aspect of it - but also helped me to see that there could be so much more to it. And so began the evolution of Kali into a more polished girl integrated into my personality.

As the course of this river has begun to cut it's own groove, I've come to realize that I do have an interest in being out and about as Kali, and living and having experiences as Kali. And I've also come to accept that this is not going away - and I don't want it to. And like you, I do find a certain peace in it. I don't get to dress all the time, but when I do, it can be such a balanced feeling, that the ship has been righted in some very necessary way.

And so, Kali has become much more of a figure in and an essential part of my life than I could have ever expected. But I'm very excited to be traveling down this path. And being in my early thirties, I feel like I have some potentially wondrous things ahead of me as Kali... we'll see!

Thanks for starting this thread! (:

[Camille15]

Hi -

As evidenced by the posts on this thread, I don't think your experience is unique or unusual in anyway. I too am in my early-mid thirties, and have experience the same change in feelings. It used to be purely a turn-on, but in recent years less so. Now it's more about how I feel when I do it... I get a sense of satisfaction, peace/calm, and relief from stress.

Recently I told my wife, who is very loving and accepting. Because of this I no longer needed to hide this part of myself, and only indulge in what might be in her closet from time to time. Now I'm able to order my own things, which is turning out to be a lot of fun. I'm much more conscious of women's fashion than I used to be, because now I guess I have the option to actually purchase some!

I am not worried about it "progressing" into something more. I view it as one part of myself that's always been there, I'm just now giving it some freedom to breathe. I have no desire to "be" a woman. I enjoy my life as a man and all that comes with it. But it is fun to feel pretty sometimes!

Camille

[Bree Wagner]

Rachel,

Yep, another similar story from me. I really started to make the change around the same time you did. I dressed fully for the first time a few years ago as a 30th birthday present to myself and really started to venture out into the world last year at 32. Now it's an at least once a month activity to get dressed and head out somewhere. With that, I still very much enjoy all the 'male' things I do and there's plenty of balance. If it worked with the family life I may go out a bit more, but where I'm at is great for me and I don't see it changing again anytime soon.

So, to answer your last question, my perception (reality) sure has changed over the years from something almost completely sexual to something that is almost more like a great hobby. The part is has played in my life has certainly increased and hopefully all for the better.

All the best,
Bree

[Amy Fakley]

it's always stunning to me to read these threads, because of the number of people who tell stories that are shockingly similar to my own. Most all of us start hidden in the closet; an island from the world, yet somehow our stories almost seem scripted from the same source. It's spooky! Also reassuring ... I'm not crazy after all! :-)

I've found my femme persona to be like a seed. The more attention I give to her, the more she grows. When I try to ignore her, she withers but she never quite goes away.

[Rachel Morley]

Oh for sure. In the beginning in my 20's it was all about the fantasies and the sexual buzz. Then in my 30's it was more about feeling like I wished I was a girl and wanting to be more feminine, but that's when the rational thinking came in and I told myself that my behavior was not "normal" and I shouldn't "fan the flames". It wasn't until my late 30's and early 40's that I became at peace with myself and realized that my feminine side was the better part of me and that I should openly embrace it. Today, CDing is a cornerstone of my existence and happiness.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Hi Rachel. Like yourself, mine started out as a sexual thing. It was an occasional thing to dress and once it was finished I put the clothes away. Now it's about fifteen years later and it has become part of me. I've embraced my feminine side. I have come to a point where I am considering whether I would need to live as a woman. I would never have though about that all those years ago. I don't know where I fall on the scale but maybe if I see a gender specialist I could find out. That's something I will have to look in to.

Just enjoy being feminine when you can