Changes in your Crossdressing?

[Meghan]

Without a doubt that is true. I am hitting 42 this year, and honestly crossdressing has been dormant since my mid 30's.

I have always been afraid to take pictures of myself (I know, right) up until now...

But now that wife is in on it, she is encouraging me to come out further than I have ever played before.

I don't describe it as changing so much as it is evolving. I am not worried about what it "means" nearly as much as I used to.

For example, I had my first ever orgasm in a pair of pantyhose. I used to think that was something significant until I realized ANYTIME the recipe for an orgasm was there, I was wearing something girlish.

Let's see...home all to myself: Check
Time before anyone was expected home: Check

Hell, every night I would close and lock my bedroom door and dig out a hidden pair of panties or stockings or something. That was way before I knew what an orgasm was...

Now that I look back, I think the orgasm happened while I was wearing pantyhose because I wore them whenever I had a chance to...

I always thought it was the other way around until just recently!

Meghan

[Amy A]

Thanks everyone for the great replies. I only wish I'd had access to this kind of support when I was 15.

There are lots of things I love doing that could be seen as typically male, eg watching football (US: read soccer), PS3, heavy rock music, riding motorcycles etc. And yet I don't feel that any of that is exclusively male, and I feel like I indentify with the average bloke very little these days. I'm just not sure i belong, like I'm playing out a part that I don't like. And the feeling is getting worse, the days when I'm low are getting darker. Rachel brings me peace, and an escape from all of that.

And yet my life is otherwise where I want it to be; wonderful girlfriend, nice house, dream career, small group of close friends, loving parents and family. I'm not sure that I want to risk all of that. I'm worried that these feelings will get more intense, that there's no way back. I spend too much time fretting about my future when I should just be letting go and enjoying it like some of you are able to.

One day soon I'm going to start a nice light hearted thread, so I don't come across as such a misery guts!!

Again thanks to you all for the fascinating posts.

[Joanne f]

Yes i would say that my perception in why i do it has changed as in the beginning i looked upon it as just clothes and that i was a man that liked to wear skirts , nothing more than that , but now it is quite different , i now know that i have a very strong feminine side and that the clothes and jewelry are all part of that to the extent that i feel much less of a man than i thought i was or tried to be .

[Crissy Kay]

An interesting thread. For myself, my cding seems to remain the same. I am still pretty much a closet fetish cd, in that I still have no interest in wearing regular fem clothes. Even after all the time I have spent reading about the cds who do go out. I do find myself spending more time being dressed then I used to, when I can. I guess in the end, I am still happier in male mode, then fem.

[suchacutie]

Hi Rachel. I'm actually "upside down"! We found Tina when I was 55 and had never dressed before that. Now we (my wife and I) are on the adventure of trying to figure out how the Tina in me has affected my life when we didn't know she existed, and how the now clear duality of my gendered selves will lead us any differently into the future. It's a terrific adventure!!!

[Jordan-NH]

I'm there right now. *sigh* Just in a mood. Hope to be back in good form by the weekend.

[Dragster]

Like you Meghan, I had my first orgasm, also before I knew what an orgasm was, wearing an item of female clothing. In my case it was my mother's incredibly tight hookside girdle and stockings at the age of 12/13, and from that time I was hooked. I've no idea why I was motivated to put them on, but I was so excited I was shaking.

Like many of you, I love my male side and male activities far too much for dressing ever to become more than an occasional activity for me. Unlike most of you, I still, at the age of 68, find dressing up is primarily a sexual thing for me, and my choice of clothing (tight and erotic mainly) reflects that. I have a dream of going out in public too (with more conservative clothing), but my wife would probably divorce me if I did, so unless she has a massive change of heart, it's not going to happen.

Tony

[DavinaJones]

Hi, I had a liking for tight/pantyhose and stockings when I was young and the sexual aspect was certainly a major part of my interest.
As is often the case that aspect of my life left me for many years until about 5 years ago when one evening my wife received a phone call whilst we were in bed, she was on the phone for soooo long I got bored, so I jumped up, grabbed a pair of her suspender tights and put them on right there in front of her. She was talking to her friend and trying not to laugh at me, it was fun.
Later, after her conversation had ended I said that I rather liked the feel of them on my legs, she suggested I wore them to work the next day. This wouldn't be a problem for me as I was self employed and worked from my own studio.
To cut a long story short I wore the tights to work and it became a habit, all my memories came flooding back
About three years ago I tried crossdressing and enjoyed it but I'm getting old and chubby so don't look too good in a dress. I now dress in my own quirky style with baggy girlie jeans, girlie shoes (ballerina's) and a mans shirt, waiscoat with a trilby or fedora hat. If I go for a night out I wear make-up and usually get 'boy George' comments from lots of people.

I'll post a pic if you want.

So for me it's tights/stockings as a child, tights and crossdressing in my late thirties and now tights and girlie clothing in a quirky male style in my early forties.

[SnowPrincess]

Rachael80

This is one of the most interesting threads that I have read here. My story is still developing and I am still fighting between shame and where I belong. I was excited by cross dressing about 20 years ago when my wife and I played around with it. However, she made it clear that it turned her off so I went back into the closet and ultimately destroyed all of my clothes. Recently (20 years later) while my wife of 35 years was gone, I purchased another set of clothes and found that wearing them prompted an astonishing feeling of peace and contentment. Unfortunately my wife does not accept the concept and so I am back in the closet and sneaking my dressing when my wife is asleep. I have yet to dress totally and have no idea where I am going with this. My wife asked me how far I would go and I could only tell her where I knew I would not go. I hate the closet at home but my marriage is very precious to me. It is nice to see that others have followed the same road. Not only am I in the closet, but because of my age can never be the beauty that most of you seem to be.

Thank you for asking the question and starting this thread.

[Amy A]

I'm so glad others are finding this thread interesting. It's got me thinking more about my own motives when I dress. I remember when I was young, wishing I had a mini skirt or tight dress, something that would make me feel sexy. As I've grown older and the sexual side of my dressing has receeded, I now want to look like the kind of girls I find to be attractive eg. fashionable, stylish, well dressed, young, feminine. Girls that dress for themselves rather than anyone else, like my girlfriend does. Wearing 'sexy/erotic' clothes doesn't really appeal anymore, but thats just me.

Snow Princess: I hope you find the balance you are looking for and the shame goes away. I have those feelings of shame all the time, except, of course, when I am dressed. There are so many people on here that have embraced it, and seem to be happier for it.

Brittany: Hope you feel better soon!

[Beverley Sims]

Mine has gone from weekends to five or six days a week

[Elle1946]

My dressing has not really changer over the years. I dress because I enjoy it and I am just a CDer at heart, no sex change in mind.

[SnowPrincess]

Rachel80,

Thank you for your kind comments. All I can do is keep reading here as it is my only outlet for discussing cross dressing.

[lauriep]

I think everybody had similar beginings. I too started dressing at a young age, and the feelings have also progressed in the same way. I now feel like I should be able to wear whatever I want, whenever I want. I feel perfectly comfortable in a bra and panties all the time. I am letting my hair grow long, and I have both of my ears pearced. When someone asks me I just tell them, "Becasuse I want to."

I feel more relaxed and confident now, and I have noticed that I am more focused.

Your reasons for dressing, and your feelings are yours, and nobody has the right to make you feel any different.

I am sorry if I got off of the subject. By the way Rachel you look great. You look like a girl I used to date while I was in high school.

[Maria 60]

I would say the same for myself it was purely sexual in my younger years and now I enjoy just getting dressed and relaxing and watching tv when the kids are out and then at a certain time get changed back.I was very confused about it till about five years ago and with the help of my wife and the help of my friends on this site I have made big changes. Five years ago I would have been happy just putting on a pair of pantyhose and a skirt and that was it, I now own a wig, make up, dresses and now I am more complete. When my wife seen I was confused she said to me she didn't know why because it was very simple that I enjoy being a father, husband but have this wild side that has to come out, so just try to have fun with it. The only thing that bothers her and myself is when opportunity doe's not come and I start to get nervous. For example today both kids would go to there part time jobs and I would have 4 or 5 hrs to myself. Well for some reason my son quit his part time job and now I can't dress and I am a little nervous today and my wife has already seen that I am upset and now see feels as if she's stuck with a grump the rest of the weekend. To answer your question my biggest change is I now need more time for Maria to get dressed and like everyone says we always want more.

[Amy A]

I am sorry if I got off of the subject. By the way Rachel you look great. You look like a girl I used to date while I was in high school.

Aw shucks, thanks . And no apologies needed, seemed perfectly on topic to me!

[NathalieX66]

I am kind of unusual. I started cd'ing around age 6 or 7, having no idea what the gender binary meant. Female clothes just simply looked better to me. In reality, girl clothes would have been my default choice. It was the taboo-ness of being male wearing girly clothes that made it sexually stimulating.
I faced this issue late in life , having tried to suppress these feelings during the battle royale of me , and two sides of me came out: the frilly girly-girl, which is fetish in my opinion, and my feminine side which is my social side that I bring out in public. I prefer to be female in my social life, and I want nothing to do with fetish or sexual side. Being a woman in public feels like unlimited freedom.....I like that.

[Jenniferathome]

Yes, there has been a dramatic change. Since coming out to my wife, and with fear and shame gone, dressing is no longer a taboo that can only be dreamt about and taken advantage of at every rare opportunity. The result is a comfort and sense of ease in feeling feminine from time to time. For me, it is not simply about putting on clothes but presenting as feminine in the most complete way possible. This is very different than in my youth and only possible because of my wife and her acceptance of this bizarre sided of me.

- it is likely to increase. It can take you over and become obsessive. Ther is an element of addiction in my opinion.

Candy, this is a comment about you, not crossdressers.

[Tina B.]

I am one of those that started dressing at a very young age, around 6 years old, and sex had nothing to do with it, but excitement did. I found it a real thrill wearing my sisters nylon slips and her bra's and panties, her dresses when I could get my hands on one. I don't know why I started wearing them but I know it was fun, and exciting, and some how made me feel good. When I got to my teens, it did become a sexual fetish, but then so dids dads mens magazines, and a lot of other things.
By my late twenties, the sexual part of it was ending, and it became a calming place during hard and scary times, a place to retreat to. Now it is just a clothing choice, I don't find it lifts me up, or pulls me down, unless, I try to not dress, then and only then does it become any kind of problem, While some days I can't make my self even want to dress, on other days I can't resist the urge, and must dress to feel complete, and if I don't, I know I will spiral into a depressed state of mind and it will last until I give in and dress for a few days. So I just don't resist anymore. Oh, and being retired, I have more opportunity so I dress more than I use to, but that's just because I can.
Tina B.

[Tara D. Rose]

I will say that the same thing applies to me as well. I took advantage in wearing my sisters clothes at Halloween, it was such fun to be out like that, while only I knew how good it felt inside while the rest of the gang thought it was just for costume. Yes as the years went by and I was grown, while dressed as they say, I took care of some fires, then when the flames were out, I was overcome with extreme guilty feelings. It's really strange though, for when the next time would come up, the guilt from last time would not be there, until the fires were put out again, then the guilt was back and even stronger than ever. So with that, comes the purges, I threw everything away.

But it does come back stronger than ever after a 13 year shutdown. From the information from this site and cd events,we learn that this is a natural process that so many of us can relate to. For a while my wife and I would indulge putting out fires together, but she now understands that this isn't always about sexual excitement. I do wish that all of this information and internet could have been available to me when I was young. I know I could have avoided so much pain, guilt and thoughts of suicide. Like thousands have said, this isn't going away, it's part of me, best to embrace it than to fight it.

And now with this understanding, (which is way more than I can type), I am now at peace with myself.
Love & Respect.......Tara

[docrobbysherry]

Men by nature, r very sexually oriented. EVERYTHING turns them on until age 30 or so!
So many of u began dressing at an early age think your DRESSING HAS CHANGED. When, in fact, your DESIRE FOR SEX has CHANGED!

By the time I was 50, I had lost ALL INTEREST IN SEX. Which is not very unusual for men that age with prostate issues. Since I didn't dress back then, I simply blamed the changed interest in sex on my dropping testosterone levels. I believe many of u older girls have had the same drop in levels and corresponding interest in sex. But, since u began dressing early, u think your dressing has changed when in fact it's your interest in sex period, that's changed!

As further proof, I began dressing in my early 50's and Sherry restored my interest in sex again.
However, as I continue to age I wish to wear women's things more often. And, it doesn't always have be a sexual thing. Do I think my "dressing is changing"? No! Because my interest and performance of sex is dropping all across the board! And, so it may be with many of u!?

[ArleneRaquel]

I started at the age of eight and now at age 64 I feel so much more comfortable being dressed as a woman as close to 24/7 as possible. The feel of painted lips, face and hose on hairless legs has never lost it's magic on moi., I hope that it never does.

[Amy A]

So many of u began dressing at an early age think your DRESSING HAS CHANGED. When, in fact, your DESIRE FOR SEX has CHANGED!

It's an interesting angle, but speaking for myself only, whilst my dressing isn't sexual anymore, my interest in sex is as, erm... 'healthy' as ever! No doubt hormones are playing a part, I don't know. It's not just the loss of the sexual aspect that concerns me though.

[Noeda]

Hi Rachel80,

Your story is very similar to mine and i think we are at a similar age (i have just turned 32). I also progressed from a sexually oriented desire to something more. The sexual part is still there, but it is not dominant anymore. In the last 3 or 4 years i have expanded my wardrobe quite extensively, from just lingerie to a real woman's wardrobe and since last year i felt a strong urge to go outside into the world as the closet was getting smaller and smaller. I finally did it last month and was an extraordinary experience. But with it came consequences... i am too wandering what my future will bring, as i am thinking if it's not only about clothes and it is something more?
Until recently, i considered myself just a simple crosdresser but now i am afraid that's not all and i am at a point in life when i have to take some decisions which will afect the rest of my life. Hope i will take the right ones

[reb.femme]

When I was younger crossdressing was a (very) guilty secret that I found sexually exciting , but rarely dressed for very long. Nowadays in my early 30s, when I'm dressed, it feels more like a stronger part of my personallity coming to the fore, and I get a strange sense of peace from it. I stay dressed for much longer.

I agree with much of what Karren says but for many here and I include me, the very same guilty secret and sexual motivation played a big part in our lives early on. However, you are who you are and comparisons tend to be difficult to make as we are an extremely diverse group in both personal and sexual preference. For me, I just except who and/or what I am, no real labelling wanted or desired.

Your avatar appears very femme (in fact pretty) and I would suspect (grand assumption coming) that you are settling into both elements of your life.

On the last part of your question though, the sexual element that I experienced in my 20s / 30s has receeded in favour of I love being dressed and I wouldn't change a thing, bar being 25 again.

Reb