I'ma take it to the grave

[STACY B]

Take it to the Grave ? LOL,,,, The young ones ,,, Always get a Kick out of those young an still living in Fantasy Land ,,, Dont get me wrong I love Fantasy Land to wish I could have stayed there ,,With my Sack of pantyhose an my collection of Hooker Heels ,,,, Maybe a skirt or two couple of bra's .. All fit nicely in one bag an could take it out EVERY ONCE in a while maybe just to look or try on an then put them back in there Hiding place for sake keeping next time SHE came along . This thread brings back Memory's of long ago ,, Good ones ,,, But it's not the people you have to worry about after you get older it's YOU ! OHHH YEA YOU ,,, After the new wears off ya Dream Wife ,, An ya see her dressed EVERYDAY an that little sting ya feel time an time again an when she gets all gussied up to go out an YOU CAN'T ... Thats the grave calling ,,, Then try an keep that secrete ?

[Beverley Sims]

I think it will be sad if you NEVER confide in ANYONE.
More than likely you will be found out and then have to explain your actions.
However it happens it will be a release for you and life will get better.
It appears you are just starting out on your adventure and I wish you the best of luck in your explorations.
No, do not ever tell no one.
Sharing it with a support group can be satisfying.
Keep reading for more guidance.

[Renee W]

The title of this thread really struck home with me. After my SO found out a year ago, I confessed to her that one of the biggest worries and stressors I had was how she would feel or what she would think if something happened to me and she found my stuff after I had passed.

Ever since I had my heart attack, that had always been a major thing on my mind. Imagine how you would feel if you found that sort of stuff after your spouse had passed away and you didn't have a chance to get any answers or explaination. Your mind would be just blown away. Imagine your spouse finding your stuff after you pass, not by herself, but with your children or friends helping her.

I'm glad my wife knows, that my stuff is not hidden any more and she loves me for who I am.

[Cheryl T]

I was 99.99% sure I could keep it hidden from everyone. I did a pretty good job for lots and lots of years till I made one simple mistake and forgot to throw out the trimmings of a picture of myself in the trash someplace other than home. Well, that one mistake was all it took and my wife found it. Long story short I had to show her and we talked and talked but the time wasn't right.
Back into the closet and told her I had stopped...Uh Huh...sure....yeah right...
Well years later it was all just too much and I had to be able to be me. So I told her that I still dressed and needed to in order to be me completely. We talked again, came her (she's now a member too) and luckily she has fully accepted me.

We all think we can stop! We all think we can keep it hidden!
Whether it's a subconscious need to be discovered or something else...maybe just bad luck. Someday, somewhere, somehow a mistake will happen. When it does all that 99% will fade away and the 1% will be brought to light.
Secrets just have a way of not being secrets anymore....

[linda allen]

....... Imagine your spouse finding your stuff after you pass, not by herself, but with your children or friends helping her.

As bad as that would be, you would be dead and not have to face them. Suppose you had a heart attack, stroke, or just an accident while dressed and didn't die. Suppose you end up in rehab or a nursing home and your stuff is found because you didn't have a chance to get rid of it.

I feel so much more at ease now with my wife knowing about my dressing even though I haven't told her about the past or the few times I went out in public. It's just such a relief not worrying about getting caught.

[Erica2Sweet]

...It's just such a relief not worrying about getting caught.

Not to mention how good it is to honor our SO by being willing and able to be honest within the relationship, because its not all about us and how we feel.

[Confetti]

Dolls as Ladies:

My two dear cd friends have asked me to be their contact if they pass away. I was first put off to think of losing them, but now I understand.Like my dad he had a few items he would have loved to be buried in. I promised she would be creamated in pantyhose, my other doll's wife saidshe would roll over in her grave if anyone found out. I am his emergency contact and stash keeper.

[Marleena]

So it is 30 years from now. You are no longer around. Your wife of 30 years now has the unpleasant task of going through your things. She finds your stuff. She is already hurt but now she has a new problem. You lied to her. Maybe just this thing but she now builds it into a lot more. She wonders why you didn't trust her. She wonders if there was another woman (or man). She wonders what else you hid. Maybe you had a bank account she doesn't know about...maybe you have children she doesn't know about...maybe you were not he man she thought she knew. Was there some reason you didn't trust her? She trusted YOU. She always went to you for her problems, for things she did. She thought you were her soul mate but now THIS! Yes, she will probably get over MOST of it but there will always be that little voice...he didn't trust you, he didn't have faith in you, he lied, he cheated he kept secrets...

Yeah I'd play it your way. Heck who knows you may go first and find out SHE has children you don't know about....(and yes I speak from experience)

This post by Lorileah should make anybody think twice before trying to keep it a complete secret. Lots to think about there..

[Kimberlyfaye]

"Secrets have a cost, they're not for free."

Just a line from a movie, but a very true line.

[kimdl93]

Nikki, forever is a long, long time. Part of your determination to keep this a secret is a reflection of the difficulty you're having accepting yourself. Perhaps some day you may accept yourself and stop believing the negative self-talk that goes along with self-loathing. If that day comes, you may no longer want to hide yourself.

I felt very much the same way at one point. My first wife discovered how much I enjoyed CDing when she asked me to dress up as part of a little bedroom play. The cat was out of the bag. But she didn't reject me - but rather embraced it as a unique and fun extra in our marriage. Trouble was, I still had this ingrained self loathing...and wasn't able to break free of it until I got therapy. My therapist finally was able to help me see that ...in her words "this is not a crime. Its nothing to be ashamed of."

Please don't see yourself as flawed or corrupted. Being a CDr is no horrible secret that you must bear in silence.

[Joanne f]

It really depends on how much it is a part of you , if it is just a small part that you like to do every so often for fun or to enjoy the clothes then you might be happy to keep it a secret and in some circumstances even wise to do so and i am sure that when i was your age I felt like that , but (always that but) if it is a big part of you and you feel that you need it to show and feel your feminine side it will be hard to keep it a secret as it will have a controlling effect on you whether you like it or not so it would be wiser to embrace that sooner rather than later as the sooner you know how you stand with people the better it will be for you in the long run .
If it is a big part of you the only thing you will take to the grave is your never ending battle to control it unless you just let it be an open part of you .

[Stephanie47]

I dabbled in cross dressing as a teen and felt like a pervert. That's the way it was in the 1960's. Now, I fully accept myself. However, even though my wife is aware of my cross dressing, I will not throw it in her face. My cross dressing started out a bedroom play (negligee and stockings) with participation with my wife. That ended when she and I realized there was more to my desires, i.e., cross dressing. Would I do things differently, if I was in my twenties and not married? Maybe!

I would not write off a relationship with a woman because of cross dressing. I would recommend, if you're in a very conservative area of the country, you should relocate when possible to a more gender friendly area- San Francisco, Seattle, and there are many others. That may put you more at ease, if your interests are discovered. You cannot hide from everyone for the next sixty years. I would recommend, if you find a woman who you are comfortable with, you should tell her. She has the right to accept or reject or limit participation. If she accepts you because of your basic positive traits, she may accept your cross dressing. You and her could establish boundaries and limitations. Frankly, it is better to have loved and be loved, than to never have loved or been loved at all.

[nikki626]

I understand where everyone is coming from. I'm only 20, and I know that the majority of you have much more experience than me in most areas of life. But this is the situation that I dread and fear. What if one day I find "her". That one dream girl you always pictured. She loves everything about me, and I love everything about her. It's almost like a match made in heaven. Except for the fact that I'm a cd. That's the one thing that she can't accept, and that dream girl disappears from my life forever. Many of you may say "She wasn't your dream girl if she couldn't accept the cd part of you." But in my head, it'll always be what if. What if I never said anything about. What if I had stopped crossdressing. Idk. These thoughts eat away at me daily.

[STACY B]

I understand where everyone is coming from. I'm only 20, and I know that the majority of you have much more experience than me in most areas of life. But this is the situation that I dread and fear. What if one day I find "her". That one dream girl you always pictured. She loves everything about me, and I love everything about her. It's almost like a match made in heaven. Except for the fact that I'm a cd. That's the one thing that she can't accept, and that dream girl disappears from my life forever. Many of you may say "She wasn't your dream girl if she couldn't accept the cd part of you." But in my head, it'll always be what if. What if I never said anything about. What if I had stopped crossdressing. Idk. These thoughts eat away at me daily.

You want to end up like alot of the chix on here ? Maybe you should exsplore your cding more ,,Then decide what ya want ,,Maybe your trans ? Ya never know ,,Your young ,, Dont wake up 30 years from now an find out ?

[Saffron]

My

Don't waste time thinking about the future. Your 30's/40's/etc self will surely think very different.

Focus on the things that make you happy, cause you only live once. You will find your way and maybe a soulmate who loves CDers

[Lorileah]

I'm only 20

hold that thought,

What if one day I find "her". That one dream girl you always pictured. She loves everything about me, and I love everything about her. It's almost like a match made in heaven. Except for the fact that I'm a cd. That's the one thing that she can't accept, and that dream girl disappears from my life forever.

You sum it up in the next line

Many of you may say "She wasn't your dream girl if she couldn't accept the cd part of you."

Back to the first hold that thought thing...life is a series of things that happen, you should never choose to not be who you are and to be happy yourself. Here is the "what if". What if you marry her and you wake up with the ugly step sister who now wants you to be something else you are not? Are going to stay? Would you be miserable because "what if"? Trust those of us who have been around. There are only 5 stories in the universe and the only thing that changes is the players. So many here took the "I don't think I will ever find anyone else I will settle for a few rules". Love does not set limits. Love accepts you for who you are. If you get premarital caveats, then it isn't true love. It is basically you doing what she wants. Would YOU set limits on her? There are hundreds here who took that scenario and now are either cowering in fear of being left or have been left behind because the Princess kept adding and changing the rules.

But in my head, it'll always be what if. What if I never said anything about. What if I had stopped crossdressing. Idk. These thoughts eat away at me daily.

There are two things with each problem. Didn't Yoda say do or don't do? Your what ifs are biased. Think the opposite way. What IF you do take her on? What if you don't like it? What if you try and suppress it and it comes back and now she is ready to dump you? What if? Look up to the hold that thought. You are young, you have the opportunity to live as you feel you should. No regrets later. Do or do not do. But it is YOUR decision. How do you want to remember your life? As living it as others want because you are afraid? Or as saying "hey, there will be another bus soon and maybe it will go where I want to go...if not it will be an adventure anyway" Remember Love doesn't set limits or requirements. If it is love it will be no matter how you dress. Just tell her early so you both don't get trapped. Love does NOT leave

[TVAmanda]

You shouldn't get married or involved in a relationship without telling your SO at the start. It's not fair to deceive them about who you really are. If you want to keep it a secret AND get married then you will need to give up active crossdressing. If you want to keep it a secret but you stay single then no problem.

[Jorja]

My

Don't waste time thinking about the future. Your 30's/40's/etc self will surely think very different.

Focus on the things that make you happy, cause you only live once. You will find your way and maybe a soulmate who loves CDers

Just curious, what happens in your 50/60/70s? Are you not allowed to focus on what makes you happy?

[Amanda_P]

What I'm finding out on here is some women don't really mind us doing this. Some accually enjoy helping and being a part of your dressing. So don't say you will take it to the grave. Open up to the woman you want to spend some time with and go from there. She might just get a kick out of it.

[ReineD]

Nikki, did you by any chance read other threads here about the difficulties in some marriages because the wives don't accept, and did this discourage you?

So now you must read threads about wives who do accept. Maybe it will help you put all of this into perspective. Here are three pages of threads, and there have been many more: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=supportive+so

Try not to project too much into the future, and also, don't limit yourself. When you meet your soul mate, you might be surprised at how your life will unfold.

[Saffron]

Just curious, what happens in your 50/60/70s? Are you not allowed to focus on what makes you happy?

I don't know I haven't been there yet

What I was trying to say is that we change our view of the world based on the experiences, so it's silly to try to organize your whole life when you cannot tell what will you want to do or what your tastes will be in a year from now.

[Cindy_Act]

If I had my time over, I would definately tell my wife to be about my CDing before I married her. I waited for 25 years before I said anything and that was a mistake I very much regret. Your wife to be is entitled to know about the man she marries, not the man she thinks she married. Fortunately for me, my wife is still with me and we have worked through a very difficult 5 years. Most of the issues have been about her not knowing who I am and what to expect. Life is a lot less complicated if you tell the truth in the beginning....Think about it...

[Moxie]

I just wrote in my thread that I would have preferred not to have known of my H's dressing before reading this interesting thread. But now I understand it's probably best he told me as you are right, I might have literally discovered this when he met his grave and when I think back to my discovery some five years ago, I imagine this would be equally distressing only my H is dead and I can't talk to him about it!

Just one small point that hasn't been mentioned (I don't think) and that's the stress I felt when my H finally revealed this side. I'm still anxious and resentful of the time spent keeping his secret. Because that's what telling a SO really means - passing the secret on to someone else and believe me, I felt as much stress as my H did all the years before. Telling a friend has helped, but I'm still anxious around family.

Just another side, for what it's worth. I figure you have all been fantastic at helping me!

[noeleena]

Hi,

If you can accept this & i hope you do.

Im a woman , who's 65, dont ever ever lie to me......

If you wont a partner & that means two that are one in every thing every detail in life to gether, then take my point .

Dont lie about your self .

You can have differences do different hobbys & like different things & yes have times apart. thats not the issue, its dont decive ...ME...

...noeleena...

[Beverley Sims]

If you don't tell someone there are a lot of questions and conjecture for those left behind.
Do they need to suffer the anguish of finding out later?