I'ma take it to the grave

[nikki626]

Although I'm having a hard time accepting myself for who I am, I've come to realization that there's a 99% chance my cd habits won't ever go away. Therefore, whether it be my mom, or the girlfriend/wife of my dreams, there's no way I'll ever expose this side of me. Are there any of you out there that are able keep this secret within you, and still be happy? I'm pretty determined to take this secret to the grave with me. I just want to know if there's anyone else that loves their life with their significant other and family, but wont ever expose the girl side of you. I know I'm young and all, but I highly doubt I'll tell this secret to anyone. anyone else have similar mindsets?

[Aloha Jayne]

Good luck Nikki. You've got a long life ahead of you with your SO. It's a lot to keep secret. But let me ask, are you CDing now, do you have a collection and are you adding to it? There are so many arguments for and against coming out, but in the long run it might be better for her to know now, rather than when you have shared a life togethor for 20 or 30 years. And if you aren't doing anything, do you think you can refrain for the rest of your life? These are struggles I am having now after being married for 23 years.

[sissystephanie]

If the wife of your dreams even becomes your wife, what will happen if she finds out aboutt your CD activities? It would be better to tell her now, and let it be in the open. I told my late wife when I proposed to her, and we had almost 50 years together before cancer took her! My crossdressing was never a problem and she was very helpful to me.

Trying to keep it a secret will cause all kinds of problems!!

[crossdressersfriend GG]

My CDing friend felt the same way and he told me. I asked why me and he just said that I seemed really open minded and that I wouldn't judge and he's right I don't. He never thought he'd tell anyone but now he's told 2 more people even.

So I wouldn't say never. I think if you do find a GF or SO you should look for someone you can be honest about this with, your life will be a happier one if you are allowed to just be who you are. I see my friends years of struggling and hiding and it's hard not to be who you are. Now he has to live the life he's chosen when it would have just been easier to be honest from the start.


So don't feel down, or feel like you have to hide. You don't have to be as open as some of the people here, but you don't have to hide from everyone either, just be picky about who you tell.

[Lee Andrews]

The only way to safely take it to the grave is to not partake in crossdressing anymore. If you still dress, it is only a matter of time before you slip up and it doesn't take much.

[Launa]

You can always first tell the girl of your dreams and then you can shovel it under the rug after that if you want to. Its like having free insurance just in case you change your mind later in life.

[windycissy]

I love this question, and the usual "one size fits all" answer of, "Yes! Yes! You must tell!" That's surely good advice for some, but not for everybody, and like you, I for one enjoy having and keeping secrets...

[Barbara Ella]

The only thing that is certain is uncertainty. Only you can or will know whether or not you tell anyone. Situations and feelings change over time. It is best not to make promises in concrete. This can lead to you feeling bad when you begin to question what you decided. Just know, as others have said, if you continue to dress, you will be found out at some time in your life by someone It will be your decision at some future time whether someone close to you would be better off knowing, or having a secret kept from them.

Barbara

[giuseppina]

Hello Nikki

Never is a very long time.

I personally would find it substantially less stressful to disclose this to a potential partner when I see that there is more to the relationship than friendship. If she heads for the hills, it's better for you both, as it will be a point of confict and distrust if she finds out on her own. Both of you will be better served by your partner knowing about your dressing. It's a trust issue.

There is a thread in the Loved Ones section about secrecy and the problems it causes for the other partner in your relationship. The focus is on a GG being the other partner, but it applies equally to a same-sex relationship:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...rom-a-GG-s-POV

If you find someone you think you might want to spend the rest of your life with, this long-closed thread is a good guide to sharing:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ner&highlight=

SissyStephanie and I are from generations that, as a rule, poorly understand and accept kinks like ours. Neither of us had the benefit of freely and anonymously available information on the subject at your age. It's my impression that your generation is more tolerant. While there is the occasional malicious ex-partner that will blab our secret, all you have to say in response to a question of this nature is "Disgruntled Ex" without further responding if you so choose.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I tried living with that mindset during my late teens and early 20's. Even when I came to the realization that I will always be a CD, I still kind of held on the notion I would tell not one soul for the rest of my life, let alone join some CD forum, and start plastering pictures of myself on the site. Of course you can see how well that turned out in my case. All I can say is I wish you the best of luck to you in your endeavor!!

[MsJanessa]

Were I you, I would try to find a "wife of my dreams" who was accepting, even enthusiastic, of my cding---they are not common but they are out there---It's a lot easier to share with someone who you are close to then try to keep it a secret.

[suit]

never is imposable, 5 years from now is uncalucaltable. so is 3.5 years. sme old rules treat others like you would like to be treated, no lies, no deceate no one is perfect, we only live long by having children.

[Lorileah]

So it is 30 years from now. You are no longer around. Your wife of 30 years now has the unpleasant task of going through your things. She finds your stuff. She is already hurt but now she has a new problem. You lied to her. Maybe just this thing but she now builds it into a lot more. She wonders why you didn't trust her. She wonders if there was another woman (or man). She wonders what else you hid. Maybe you had a bank account she doesn't know about...maybe you have children she doesn't know about...maybe you were not he man she thought she knew. Was there some reason you didn't trust her? She trusted YOU. She always went to you for her problems, for things she did. She thought you were her soul mate but now THIS! Yes, she will probably get over MOST of it but there will always be that little voice...he didn't trust you, he didn't have faith in you, he lied, he cheated he kept secrets...

Yeah I'd play it your way. Heck who knows you may go first and find out SHE has children you don't know about....(and yes I speak from experience)

[Cynthia Anne]

I say if you die young enough then mission accomplished! It would be a long boring and sad life to keep such a thing to yourself for ever! I wouldn't wish that on my worse enemy! [Just the way I see it]

[Jenniferathome]

I thought exactly the same thing right up until I told my wife. There is no greater relief than confiding in the one you love with such a secret

[AnitaH]

Forever is a long time and I would agree with others here. The only way to be certain that this secret goes with you to the grave is to never, never do it. The rest of your life is a long time to take a gamble that you will not be discovered if you do dress. Every time you cross-dress or even look in the woman's clothing section you run the risk of someone finding out. There are members here that never meant to tell anyone but were somehow accidentally found out. But only you can make that decision.

AnitaH

[Elsa Larson]

Does taking it to the grave mean that every bit of evidence of your crossdressing will POOF out of existence when you do? Or will your family discover your secret once you are gone?
A bigger issue than the crossdressing is the violation of honesty and trust when we enter marriage without disclosing our gender issues.

[Lee Andrews]

Law of averages. You will be caught, just a matter of time. I thought that way at one point but finally decided this was part of me that will not go away. I figured whomever I got close to needed to know about this before it went to far. I told my now wife a year into our relationship and was prepared to lose her right there and then. I didn't, she knows and has her ups and downs with it but I don't need to hide from her.

[heatherdress]

Why wouldn't you want to be able to tell your wife? Wouldn't it be terrific if you were able to share your crossdressing with a partner who enjoyed your happiness when dressed? I am fortunate to be married to a woman who fully enjoys my crossdressing. It's different if you fall in love with someone who has problems with your dressing. But make your decisions and commitments when you have to.

[Chickhe]

I do...in some ways. I let some of my female character out sometimes and do some experimenting with gender in private and I have mixed personal feelings which I will never try to explain to anyone close to me...they just would not get it. So, parts of me I don't share and other parts I do, and I feel very comfortable with that and I have accepted who I am and nobody knows what I'm thining, so I can have a fun time just being me in my own mind. I say, don't sweat it, just show others what you are comfortable with and they don't need to know why.

[GeminaRenee]

Glad to hear that you've at least come to accept cd'ing a little more as a part of you. But, like others have said... you might find that you'll change your mind sooner or later about telling someone.

Chances are good that you'll meet someone that's a decent enough, intelligent enough, and reasonable enough human being to share this part of you with. It may be a friend that you get to go shopping for shoes with. Or maybe you'll get lucky and find a lover who's thrilled by it. You just never know what people will come into your life.

When I was your age, I was pretty sure that I would never tell anyone. Except, that sucked. Maybe, just agree to keep it a secret for now, and not worry about making any big [I]lifetime decisions[I] just yet, hey? (:

One thing I would encourage you to reconsider is the idea that you'll never tell your dream-girl/wife... if someone can't accept that part of you, maybe she's not really the right person for you anyhow. And if you keep a secret like that and it gets out -whoo wee! Just look through the many threads in this forum that exist as testament to the damage that such deception can wreak. Besides, you expect to share a house with a woman and just hide something like this? You are just asking to get caught, I'd say. Dishonesty with a life partner is never, never a good option.

(:

[Kimberlyfaye]

Like others have said, sooner or later you will have to tell someone. I've been there, done that, got the crop top. I never told anyone until I met my SO. Now a few people know and I'm close to telling my mother. All this because I've accepted this part of me and I have a partner and friends who accept me too. Everyone has even said I make a better girl than boy. It is your choice whether or not to keep this your secret but it may end up being much worse should your partner ever find out another way. How would you explain the panties or stockings when she finds them?

[linda allen]

I thought I could never tell anyone, especially my wife. Below is a link to how this changed. There are updates and additions if you search on my name:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...old&highlight=

[Karren H]

That's what I thought too.... before my wife found out.... and before I started going out enfemme..... before I discovered this place..... boom.....

[Erica2Sweet]

Hi Nikki. This one comes from both me and my wife who is sitting here next to me as I type...

Often times what happens is that the burden of keeping the secret leads to other emotional issues which manifest within the relationship. I know that it was impossible for me to be in a healthy relationship during those years I was in the closet. The guilt and shame just weighed too heavy on me and it manifested in ways that caused me to not be able to form proper attachments to others and maintain relationships. I drastically undervalued my connections to women because I subconsciously knew I wasn't being fully honest with them about me and who I was.

Let's face it. When you keep large secrets, part of you has its guard up 24/7. Our SOs tend to notice this.

The moral of the story is: While it sounds like a good idea on paper to take your secret to the grave, you're most likely setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary heartache. What's the point in committing to a relationship if you're not even willing to be honest and open?