Would you rather fully accept yourself as a cd, and love yourself, but be single and lonely forever (you'll still have friends and stuff, just no wife/family). OR would you rather have a loving and caring SO and family, but bury the cd part of you deep down, and never let it come out again. I feel like these are going to end up being my crossroads one day. I just turned 20, but these are the paths I predict in my near future. which road would you take if you were my age with your knowledge now?
If you don't accept your self How in the hell can you accept someone else ? You better read alot more on here girl,,, This is a good place for you . These chix have lived it ,,They know the good the bad an the ugly of all this stuff .Yea alot of um won't own up an say whats realy on there mind cuz there SO reads this stuff DINGBAT !!Read between the lines here ,,, Im not gay !! I dont want to be with a man !! Im bi !! Im a man but I dress like a little girl sometimes !!! Hell I love my wife cuz she is the only person in the world that EVER gave me uncondional LOVE ,,,, Not cuz she is a girl ,,, I am not attracted to men ,, But I am atracted to her HEART an SOLE ,,,I look in her eye an see that not only does she love me she CARES about what happens to me . We make each other whole by being together as one ,,, Chew on that !
Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,
I have had both myself and a loving family. But that isn't the question. The answer to your question is that you are only as lonely as you want to be and if you have friends who love you, you have a family. That is my life right now and I am happy with who I am and my life as it is.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Given the options you presented, I would choose neither road. Instead, I would search out a different path altogether. I would search for a path that allowed for the possibility of actual happiness, personal reward, growth, evolution, and love. Such things as you have described are not mutually exclusive. You do not have to sacrifice one to have the other. As the stories on this site alone prove, all things are possible. Do not sell yourself short . . . .Originally Posted by nikki626
Don't sugar coat it, tell it to him straight Stacy! LOL
Jamie
Well said Anne
Jamie
I think all will agree on this: it was a mistake to not have started CD earlier.
Be in the closet if you want. Let time tell you when you're ready.
It is not the absence of people that causes loneliness but the absence of confidence.
Confront your own inner fears and you will never be lonely.
Confidence comes from knowing your value and your value comes from having values.
The relationship you create with yourself will decide the relationships you have with others
Not bagging but it took time to be able too fully come out to wife and both her family and my family and only two from my side accepts it her side fully excepts it the why I am. remember it took time but for me I might say have dress and wear it and still have family that cares and shows love
WHEN IN STRESS WEAR A DRESS
BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF IT ALL YOU GOT
Accept what you think you are and search out friends with similar interests.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
You have to accept yourself and love yourself. But there are other options. Your dreams and goals should be positive. You can find a loving partner who supports who you are and wants to make you happy.
To me the question here is whether you think you must give up happiness for your crossdressing or vioce versa. I have lived with this for years and have found that if one finds that which brings happinss and fulfillment into their life than they are complete. To most that is a balance of CD and family. I used to live 2500 miles from family so thatbalance was easy. I had friends there who klnew of my CD'ing, some very accepting sme not so much but they were still friends now that I am back close to family I hopefully will find that same balance.
I think what you are saying is you feel that it’s one or the other, you can’t have both and in all probability you are right. That is how it is in this world. [There are exceptions as we see from reading of other members here with a happy family and being able to C.D.]
I have wanted to and did satisfy my female side all my life but buried it for all the years I was married and had a family [two wonderful sons and a daughter that’s to amazing to describe!]
Did I make the best choice for me? Yes. To think of not having my wonderful children [now grown up] is just too horrible to even contemplate. Loneliness would not even begin to describe it.
It’s your choice Nikki. Only you know what’s best for you.
SUZY
Follow your heart and things will fall into place on there own. Be true to yourself, because you will never be without you. If that happens you're really screwwwed! lol
Hi,
Your 20, i was 10 when i know what i was , & i accepted that with out a dought of any sort or kind.
I allso lived life as a person i trained i worked, we have 3 grown up adults & 9 grandkids, & im now 65.
I have many friends ,im well known been oversea's, meet 100's of people, involved with in our groups of over a 1000 people.
Spend time with family each week.
You can decide have a life & be who you are or be miserible for the rest of your life, & have nothing .
my real friends have nothing at all to do with the trans or dresser's community, & my friends accept who i am what i am & with out ?,
Im nether a dresser or trans yet been through hell to be able to live my life as i should & be accepted fully into our community .
Put stumbling blooks in front of your self youll fall or the fear of being who you should be ,
You love your self you attend to your needs first then you live & have a life thats worth more than you may think now,
...noeleena...
Hindsight is 20/20 so ...
I would find the love of your life and be open and honest with her. If she truly love YOU then she will accept all of you.
I came to those crossroads about 8 years ago when I could no longer stay in the closet and told my wife. If it all fell apart then so be it...regrettably, but so be it, because I could no longer take the deceit, the hiding and the denying who I am.
Luckily she accepted all of me...and I have the best of both worlds for sure.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I wouldn't choose either of those. Embracing the fact that you are gender-advanced doesn't mean that you are sentencing yourself to a life of loneliness. It's possible, of course, that things will turn out that way. But it's not impossible. What is more likely impossible is that you will ever be completely happy in a situation where you have buried your desire to CD. For one thing, the desire is a bit like a zombie - you will find that every so often it has clawed its way above-ground and it trying to eat your brain. Some things about your person are just not meant to be denied.
You know, your posts make me think about one of the few things that I regret it my life: I wish that I had embraced and pursued CD'ing when I was in my late teens and early twenties, rather than trying to figure out how I could put it away and get rid of it. I deprived myself of ten years of knowledge and real experiences that I could have had if I had just accepted the person that I am. Luckily, I only missed that boat by about ten years, and I've still got plenty of time ahead of me to enjoy the wonderful weirdness of life.
It's all in what you make it...
(:
"She ain't waiting 'til she gets older, her feet are makin' tracks in the winter snow.
She got a rainbow that touches her shoulder, she be headed where the thunder rolls."
-Van Halen, "Secrets"
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
[size=6]Nikki,[/size]
In life, there are crossroads and this is just one of the many crossroads you will have to pick from. Like What Suzy has said, this is how the world is and yes you may be forced to pick btw a happy marriage/friends and family and our CDing/TGing. We all do the same, crossdressers or not. But the person who walks on with a smile, is the person who keeps looking forward. There is a silver lining in every cloud. When you're in doubt of what to do next, just do something because you stop living when you stagnate. You better not ponder over the same question 30 years down the line because that means you haven't achieved anything! Pick a road, stick to it, look for the silver lining, and keep moving forward. And here's the good news... You can always pick another road if you're not happy. ^_^
love,
Sarah
I am at that crossroads right now. stuck in the intersection and have no idea which way I should go. If I choose to embrace my CD/TG self then I will break my promise to my wife. and that is not fair of me. If I choose to try hiding Keri forever, I will go insane and be miserable on the inside and I believe alot of my anger will resurface. So I am waiting in the crossroad
I wish I had the courage to just be myself and live my life how I want
Nikki, in life we are always faced with choices. Age 20 life looks pretty simple.. A or B. In reality there are C, D, E, F. G etc... we just are not aware of them yet.
I was in the closet most of my life and finally started accepting this side of me as being a permanent feature later in life. I also have a family that I would not trade for anything. The issue you really face is that the overwhelming evidence on this site suggests that 'once a CD always a CD'. That does not preclude SO and a family. The deal is that you need to have a strong relationship with your SO to sustain a nuclear family. Some women are OK with CDs, the majority are not. You have to work through your own path, but your path will bring more choices as you move through it, and as you learn you will make better choices (or at least more rewarding ones)... Life is not black and white - well, not to those who choose to see 'possibilities'...
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
I don't think it is totally a question of either/or. When I was your age (early 70's) things were different then they are now. Your generation is much more accepting of social differences. What I would do at your age Now is go for it. Somewhere out there is a woman that will accept you just the way you are. It is a much better route than hiding it until after marriage and then surprising her with the big secret. I think the time has come for your generation where you stand a good chance of having both.
For old gals like me the choices were not that simple. If my wife passes away I will not get involved romantically with anyone again and yes I will dress when I want to, which would not be full time anyway.
Somtimes the light's all shining on me, Other times I can barely see.
Lately it's occured to me.....What a long strange trip it has been.
Truckin by the Grateful Dead
I would rather be patient and find the right partner who is accepting and will assist and enjoy me sometimes being a lady. I have had 2 marriages both of which never knew because I could tell they would never accept it and telling them would make things worse rather than better. What that did was cause me to deny something that was a part of myself for many many years. I did crossdress in secret on rare occasion but it was never satisfying enough for me. I did bear that burden because I did love the women I was married to. I sacrificed a part of myself for 2 women who sacrificed almost nothing for me. I will not make the same mistake again. Of course I may never find the right one either but I will make sure not to get involved with another woman unless she is fully accepting and enjoys what Ido.
So I guess the answer for me is I would rather accept myself as a transgender and be alone than to get into another relationship that is based on dishonesty.
I'd choose the happy family over any thing in the world..... I'd also change "bury" to leave and never ever come back..... and I'd add... "play ice hockey any time I want".... and there would be a clause about chocolate in the deal.....
Being 20 is a rough age and being part of this generation which is technology/media based and what call the "I want it now culture".
Take your time with relationships and never cut yourself short.You can have a stable relationship with a girl and still CD it happens every day.
You don't have feel its one or the other.
I see a lot of 20 somethings that feel they have to be in a relationship for validation maybe who knows.
The one thing to remember is be yourself ,stay true to yourself and the right person will come along.
When one does tell her you CD and its part of you make no apologies for who you are.
If one tries to tell you that you have to quit CDing to be with her tell her to pack her stuff and leave.
You seem to think that being single is being lonely,I can tell you it is not,I'm 58 and never married or sired children and I am not lonely even when alone.I fully accept my CDing and my femme side it took some time but at 20 yrs. old you have got plenty of time.When I was your age there was no PC'S,so info was hard to come by and CDing was something that was not discussed or even thought of in general public.Like the saying goes "if I knew than what I know now",Since I went down the path I did I cannot comment on any other path to take.Be who you are, there is no shame in that.
(Al)Lisa
"you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.
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