Weird moods

[chelseababy]

Hey girls,

So while using the search feature on here to see if my question has been answered I noticed something, and I am wondering/hoping that other people get this too.

Most people, when in the pink fog, get moody when they arent dressed, and that makes sense, we like wearing womens clothes so ofc we'll be stressed when that cant happen. My SO however has said that lately, for 1-1.5 weeks per month since June at least I have been distant, moody, snappy and generally a T#@t coinciding with me letting the girly side come out again, sleeping in my womens Pj's, shaving my legs and changing into leggings and a sweater dress after work instead of guy jeans and hoodie. I have not noticed this myself at the time, and I cant think why this would happen, but thinking about it I can kinda see what she's talking about.

Just before December last year I had about 5 sessions with a free councillor through work (whilst I was waiting on an NHS therapist) not a gender specialist, just a kinda generic counciller, this was after I was getting depressive and put on meds by my doctor, I put it down to the crossdressing and thought maybe my want to be a woman was turning into a need, i'm not sure, but my free sessions stopped and I feel like I kinda drew a line under it, my GP and free therapist was asking why I was wanting an NHS appt, did I want to transition, like what do you want from this, and I was never really able to answer.

Now like 7 months after I came off the depression meds and decided nope, I'm a man, I have a family, things are good etc, it seems like these bloody gender issues in my head are starting to return, I hate myself for having baby sensitive skin that means I couldnt shave everyday if I wanted to, and I REALLY do, i've started losing a bit of weight and feel actually sad that my little man boobs that have developed, and they are little, might disappear, like wtf's going on in my head, I feel like theres 2 people in there, a conforming, shy guy, and an angry woman, pissed at the guy for not just saying **** the world i'm gonna at least be andro and I dont care what any of you think!!

Is it normal to get angry when you want to dress up and when the pink fog seems to be descending?? It seems to me like its normally the other way round and its yet another thing for me to feel I'm not normal about, sorry kinda ranted there, not even sure I've put across what I wanted to say lol, but hopefully I can get some advice!

Thanks

Cara x

[Beverley Sims]

I get moody when I can't dress and a little depressed as well.
As soon as I am dressed I feel relaxed and all at home and ready to go.
These days I dress for periods of 3 days or more.
But I still look forward to changing.

[DonnaT]

I think it can go either way. I reckon it seems more prevalent for one to get moody when one can't get dressed, which could be the woman within fighting to get out.

But the opposite can also be true, the man within not liking the lack of control when one surrenders to their fem side.

You didn't say how long you were on depression meds, but coming off them can also be a factor.

Sometimes meds need adjusting or even changing, instead of just stopping.

Question is, which was better for you and your relationship with your wife? Meds or no meds?

[KellyJameson]

Both anxiety (fearful) and frustration (not getting what you want) can be responded to with anger.

Being in a relationship when your gender identity is in flux is scary because the relationship threatens to stop you from moving toward what you need to be so there is a danger you will
blame and resent your S.O for your emotions.

In my opinion wanting your body to be female is very different than wanting to crossdress to emulate the female but stay a male and is driven by deeper needs.

There is no such thing as normal there is only you so I would throw that word away because it will only hurt you and slow down your own search for self understanding.

Feeling not normal is very normal to GID because you live contrary to the rest of the world.

Use your imagination to create an ideal world in your mind that fulfills your emotional needs, how do you imagine yourself? How do you want to be loved and how do you want to show love?

Sometimes our fantasies will point to deeper truths of who we really are.

In my opinion identity and emotions go hand in hand so feelings which belong to the body where identity lives will lead you to the truth, learn to understand your feelings and you will understand yourself.

Protect your S.O by being truthful about your feelings.

[Megan_Renee]

I am looking for a counselor for many of the same issues you are having. Part of me wonders if something is wrong with me. Am I totally wrong? Is something innately broken inside of my head? Is my body wrong?

Hard issues to deal with, especially with a family... I don't want to burden anyone, but I really only feel right when dressed, but that's a stressor for my family (wife).

I have no answers for you, just sympathy and hugs.

[chelseababy]

I get moody when I can't dress and a little depressed as well.

Yeah I get the exact opposite apparently

You didn't say how long you were on depression meds, but coming off them can also be a factor.

Sometimes meds need adjusting or even changing, instead of just stopping.

Question is, which was better for you and your relationship with your wife? Meds or no meds?

I think I was on them for about 3 months-ish, and just snap-stopped really, i'm rubbish at remembering medicine (doesnt bode well for any hormones if that time ever comes lol!) and think I stopped remembering to take them as oppposed to decided to stop. I'm not sure which was better, would have to ask the wife, but at the time I felt like a lot had been cleared in my mind, although the wanting to be a woman remained, like all the anger dissapeared, and that was all that was left going round my head.

Being in a relationship when your gender identity is in flux is scary because the relationship threatens to stop you from moving toward what you need to be so there is a danger you will
blame and resent your S.O for your emotions.

I think the only resentment I feel is the odd bit of jealousy of my SO to be honest, which still isnt good for a relationship, rather than looking admiringly when I see her getting changed in the morning, I sometimes just sit wishing I had the breasts and hips and smooth face. I would never resent her for holding me back etc, I have made my own choices in life, nobody forced me to get married and go down the regular life road, the only person I would ever resent for it in the future is me

In my opinion wanting your body to be female is very different than wanting to crossdress to emulate the female but stay a male and is driven by deeper needs.

I sometimes feel this too, i read an essay on how to know if your trans or not, and the idea was that instead of asking that, you should ask am I cis, as its much easier to answer, normal cis husbands aren't envious of their wifes figure, they arent a teeny bit jealous of their 3 yr old girl because she is a girl and has her whole girl life in front of her, they dont wish they could be re-incarnated as a woman, but, if only for a moment, remember that they were once a man and this was what they wanted, I dont want to say the world normal again, but the thoughts in my head are not those of a regular cis male

There is no such thing as normal there is only you so I would throw that word away because it will only hurt you and slow down your own search for self understanding.

Agreed!

I am looking for a counselor for many of the same issues you are having. Part of me wonders if something is wrong with me. Am I totally wrong? Is something innately broken inside of my head? Is my body wrong?

Hard issues to deal with, especially with a family... I don't want to burden anyone, but I really only feel right when dressed, but that's a stressor for my family (wife).

I have no answers for you, just sympathy and hugs.

Thanks, hopefully you make sense of things with a counselor, rather than thinking something is wrong with me, I know that there is something wrong with a world that wont let someone get on with being themselves, whether they want to marry their horse or be a guy and wear a dress and heels to work, I hate that the world is so cruel and judgemental, and I hate myself even more for not being able to rise above it and be me, what kind of example am I setting to my kids by not having the strength and resolve to proudly strut my stuff not matter what the haters say??