Shut down with the honest approach.....

[Diversity]

After my last post where I successfully purchased a skirt, I thought I'd take another step and go shopping to purchase a dress. I went to the mall and saw a dress which looked great and which I also thought would look good on me. So, I bravely walked up the the counter and said to the lady clerk (about my age)., " Hi, I know this may sound strange, but I am a crossdresser, and I saw a dress in your window display, and would like to ask if you would give me some assistance. Would you have this in my size?"
She politely replied, "Oh! Well, to each his own. Sir, I don't believe I can help you. While we don't hold anything against men like you, we really are here to serve women. I'm sorry."
Before I could say another word, a lady customer entered the store and the clerk turned away and went to wait on the other customer.
Oh, well, I thanked her politely as I passed by her on my way out. I don't hold this against her, as I am sure it was a bit of a shock. So, I'll just have to continue my journey, as I would like to take this next step and actually purchase a dress in person. It would also be good to find a CD friendly store for future purchases.
In all honesty, it is exhilarating to muster up the courage and forge ahead with a positive attitude. I will do this!!! Stay tuned.......

[Amanda_P]

I would try walmart. I tryed on a couple blouses there and didn't have a problem.

[Diversity]

Thanks Amanda. I appreciate your suggestion and will give Walmart a try in the future!
Di

[Persephone]

What you did is great! Took courage! And you did it!

I'm really surprised at her response. Probably was confused and just didn't know what to do.

You go, girl!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[AllieSF]

I agree with what the others have said. I only recommend that the next time just ask for help and when you have her attention ask her if they have that item in this size. When she shows it to you, then ask where can you try it on. Sometimes a more positive and aggressive (not overly aggressive) approach gets you to a point where the SA has more difficulty saying no. I think she was totally wrong and should have tried to accommodate you. She didn't do anything and that is wrong. By saying you CD right away you gave her an early out. You do not need to overly explain everything. Better muck next time.

[Amanda_Robinson]

No worries. Some other store will be glad to recieve your money :-) ... You also showed great class.

[Joanne f]

Glad to see that you did not get knocked back by her attitude , some are just worried about loosing their regular customers but you will always get the odd anti CDer thankfully I do not think that there are many of those about now .
I have only had this happen to me twice whereas on the other side I have even had them close a changing room to females while I tried a dress on ( I must admit I was a bit (OK a lot) embarrassed when I came out and there was a queue of females waiting to go in but as suggested Walmart (ASDA over here) and other stores where you can just walk in is a good idea, if you can't try it on and you really like it as if you can have a refund if it is not suitable as most will offer this ( if not tell them to stick it ) maybe not as that will be putting us in a bad light

[Antoinette]

Well atleast you tried. It's best if you could get your measurements using body tape (i believe its called that) so that next time you could pick up whatever you need with out the trouble.

[I Am Paula]

Don't take a step back. What you did was fine, only the SA had a problem. Just go to another store, it's their loss. I've shopped in person since the seventies, and never ever had that response.

[kimdl93]

I would contact their owner - it seems to me that they are in business to serve customers of all kinds.

[Tracii G]

Had that happen at Victoria's Secret so I will not shop there EVER.

[carhill2mn]

I think the store manager might like to hear how you were treated by an employee.

[ZeeRay]

Wow, I applaued your courage. And more so on how you handled and very depressing ordeal. Best of luck of your next outing. Keep us informed.

[franlee]

I agree with Kim and Carole 100%, this economy is not the time for a SA to pull such a asinine stunt. The only thing I will say though is you didn't owe her an explaination to begin with. I can respect your candar but it aint none of her buusiness if the dress is or me, my wife or dogs bed. I think my money is just as green regardless and I sure aint looking for her approvial. But then again I'm getting a lot more self opinionated and confident in my old age.

[Stephanie47]

I went back and read you and your wife have been married thirty years. I'd venture to say you're fifty plus. I think I would not have the guts to go up to a SA and tell her I'm a cross dresser. I would recommend checking labels and locating the dress on a website. Most of us can pretty much figure out the sizes. Order it on line. If the store is part of a chain try going to another store.

If the store is part of a chain I would also file a complaint with their headquarters. If the store is independently owned and operated and state and local law does not offer you protection as a cross dresser, there is really nothing you can do about it.

[Jorja]

Brave of you to be honest with the SA. You don't say where you live but if there is a Macy's in your area go there. I have never had a problem with them in 30 years of dress buying.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I think you just startled her, I bet the owner of the store wouldn't approve of her response.

Tracii, i though VS had a policy against that sort of thing? maybe you should complain, if it wasn't too long ago?

[Stephenie S]

So, did you do anything wrong? No, of course you didn't.

BUT, don't ever announce yourself that way. You don't want to ask if you can spend some money in a store. You want to tell them you want to spend some money in their store.

"I want to buy this dress in a size that will fit me."

Wishy-washy crossdressers often get the reaction that you did.

And don't ever be intimidated by another shopper. Your response to the other shopper should have been, "I'm sorry, but she is still helping me."

I know this is a lot of info for a novice to swallow, but I am only pointing out the right way to shop. Remember that you have every right to buy whatever you want to buy, whenever you want, and where ever you want. This is the US after all, right?

That SA was horribly impolite. What a "B", huh? Don't be intimidated. Maybe you should go back and scold her. At the least, call the store owner. But don't ever ask if you can shop somewhere. Of course you can. Just shop.

Stephie

[Amy R Lynn]

Bravo! That did take a lot of courage to do. Be proud. Its the SA that has the problem. I agree they could have handled it much better.

Tracii, I love VS. I have never had a problem there. I have tried on several bra's in their fitting rooms, and even had a SA help adjust them for me. They have a policy just for us. We are supossed to be very welcomed there. I always have been. If it wasn't that long ago, I would write to the company and let them know what store it was and if you remember the SA name. Sounds like they need some diversity training. While I can't imagine we make them lots of money, I'm pretty sure we make them some nice change.

[RADER]

I would contact their owner - it seems to me that they are in business to serve customers of all kinds.

Yes, I would be the first to ask the owner's of the store why my money was no good in their establishment.
I bet you would get a big discount next time you walk in.
Rader

[Diversity]

Wow! Thank you all for your replies. I am very appreciative for the time you all took. My next plan is to refrain from openly stating I am a CD'r. I did this, out of what I thought was a courtesy to the SA, in an attempt to alleviate any uncomfortableness she might have felt. However, this clearly backfired on me. So no more of this. You are quite right that I need to ask for something in my size and then ask where I might try the dress on.
I won't complain about the SA, as this is negative energy and I don't want to waste my time with it. Let them solve their own issues (without my help), and wonder why their sales are down at the end of the year.
Again thank you all. I am going to make this a 'fun' shopping experience for me and will gain another weave of inner strength from it, so I can be more comfortable at future shopping outings.
Also - bra fitting assistance at Victoria's Secret??? Now that takes REAL COURAGE!! I applaud you, Amy! Some day I'll get there, but for now it is one step at a time...
All the best to you all,
Di

[5150 Girl]

I'd write the company. Corrent me if I'm wrong, but I don't think they can leagaly deny you service based on gender

[crunchysoda]

No worries. Some other store will be glad to recieve your money :-) ... You also showed great class.

I agree and wow that took guts!

I think if I was the assistant I would be taken aback but Id help them.
Id be too shocked to do anything else really.

I find her response weird, they are there to sell clothes, it shouldnt matter who or why they are selling them. That's just silly. Money is money!

I never ask for help, I find SA's really annoying myself.

[Karren H]

I'd be sending that store an email so quickly.... letting them know their SAs are turning away customers....

[shayleetv]

You may feel that complaining to management is negative energy, but you are very much wrong. Complaining is how things are changed, you know the squeaky wheel analogy. You are not doing it for yourself but for all of us who may find ourselves in the same situation because it was not rectified. The reason this forum was created was to find help, hope and solace in what we are. If we don't help each other, who is? Like Ben Franklin said "God helps those who help themselves." So get with the helping.