Dressed in front of my wife doesn't quite feel right

[Karren J]

Hello Ladies,

I recently took a couple of big (to me) steps and joined the forum and told my wife about dressing which I framed as "playing dress up". Being part of this community is great and my wife is tolerant of my dressing.

I've noticed that it doesn't feel as right dressing with her around as it did sneaking the occasional dress up while she was out. Has anyone else noticed this?

I'm wondering if this is just a habit that will take a little breaking?

She will giggle to her self, and occasional say I'm obsessed which hurts a bit, but I guess I'm lucky after reading about some of you being kicked out of you homes.

Sorry about the venting.

Kelly

[bobbimo]

I have the same feeling!
I feel uncomfortable about putting on my bra when she is around. But I have found that if you ask her to help with make up and hair they actually start to get more into it, and becoming the girl with them around a lot easier.
I get the same response from my wife about becoming obsessed, but its done in fun. If you put yourself in her shoes its got to be pretty funny to watch the man in her life, want to be all soft and femme.
The more fun you have with your wife, the more fun you will have.
Bobbi

[linda allen]

I made it a point to wear my bras and panties in front of my wife when I first started, as much for me to get used to it as for her. Same with my boobs.

So now I wear female clothing all the time at home and my boobs most of the time. I don't "dress up" often because it just doesn't seem right (especially to her) to be walking around the house or watching TV in "dressup" clothes and heels.

[dsmth]

Definitely self-consciousness at work here. I know I feel somewhat similarly. I don't like it either. But when you know that you are being observed you unavoidably end up thinking of yourself (and of the image that you are presenting) differently and "from the outside". It takes you out of your own head (and a small step into the world) and that place is not necessarily as kind, is more uncertain and also is simply less familiar territory (at least for now).

[Crissy Kay]

Yes, I have had the same problem. I still have not gotten over it. I always feel a little strange, while dressed up in frount of my SO!!

[Karren H]

Yes you are lucky and aren't we all obsessed? lol.

[wilt575]

I made it a point to wear my bras and panties in front of my wife when I first started, as much for me to get used to it as for her. Same with my boobs.

So now I wear female clothing all the time at home and my boobs most of the time. I don't "dress up" often because it just doesn't seem right (especially to her) to be walking around the house or watching TV in "dressup" clothes and heels.

I don't like to be dressy dressed up a lot, dress casual fem 90% of the time, same as you with bras and panties openly wore to let her know and accept I was wearing them also forms just to get used to projection. Knowing they are there and can be in the way, "in a good way". Now wife likes my fem side has broached the idea of my getting implants, should I any ideas?

[Wildaboutheels]

I musta missed that part in the CD handbook that says once you inform your SO, one is SUPPOSED to dress in front of them. Could someone please point me to that page?

Or is it one of those "unspoken rule" kinda things?

[kimdl93]

I think its bound to feel a little different the first few times you dress in your wife's presence. And its understandable that she giggles a bit or makes a comment or two. She's adjusting to this, just as you are. All in all, it seems that you're both handling this pretty well. Give yourself time, try to appreciate the humor of the situation and eventually, hopefully, both of you'll feel at ease.

[Roberta Marie]

Hello Ladies,

I recently took a couple of big (to me) steps and joined the forum and told my wife about dressing which I framed as "playing dress up". Being part of this community is great and my wife is tolerant of my dressing.

Your comment that you framed your dressing as "playing dress up". Is this how you see it, a recreational pursuit, or as part of who you are? If it's part of who you are, I can't help but wonder if part of your discomfort is coming from the incongruity between how your wife views your dressing and how you view your dressing. She's giggling at what she sees as you "playing" while you see her giggling at you. That is bound to cause some discomfort.

[Dannigirl]

Yes, I did it a couple of times but felt strange as well because when I am dressed up I like to girl it up as much as possible but don't want to do that in front of my wife. So now I don't dress in front of her anymore - like wildaboutheels says - there is no rule that says you have to. If she asks me to I might but I told her I feel too strange dressing in front of her. She asked why I can do it in front of strangers and not her and I told her because I don't care about what they think at all, just what she thinks - which is true. With my job I perform on stage in front of a thousand people and I don't care what I do on stage unless somebody I know is in the audience, then I feel strange then as well. Oh well. For most of us we have gone from hiding it all of our lives and now that somebody knows, I think we just can't believe that they don't care that we dress up. This winter my wife will be home with me rather than working so I am going to have to suck it up and slap the warpaint on in front of her.

[prettytoes]

I am fine wearing capris or yoga pants around my wife, but neither of us would be comfortable if I was wearing a skirt. I don't mind wearing panties in front of her, or a nightie/girly pajamas, but I choose to not wear a bra around her. I also keep my toenails colorful most of the time without a problem, but I seldom wear any facial makeup. I also shave my legs; I don't think she's crazy about that, but she tolerates it because it makes me happy.
I have a good wife, and I appreciate how well she accepts me. I try not to do anything that would make her uncomfortable.

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="4"]If you know that your wife is only tolerating your crossdressing, then it's going to be very uncomfortable dressing in front of her. It's just like kids doing what they've been told not to do and watching for the parents disapproval. Why play that game when you know she disaproves and might even view you as ridiculous?

If your wife is willing to share the experience with you, then it can be great fun for both of you. If not, you're better off with DADT, which is really just her tolerating your hobby/obsession/perversion.[/SIZE]

[StaceyXOXOX]

this is a fear i have when i do eventually come out to my wife. part of the excitement is the sneaking around.

[Karren J]

Your comment that you framed your dressing as "playing dress up". Is this how you see it, a recreational pursuit, or as part of who you are? If it's part of who you are, I can't help but wonder if part of your discomfort is coming from the incongruity between how your wife views your dressing and how you view your dressing. She's giggling at what she sees as you "playing" while you see her giggling at you. That is bound to cause some discomfort.

Roberta I think you might have it, this is a part of me that has been out and pushed down at various times over the years, the "playing" seemed like the best transition to dressing in front of her but perhaps not the most accurate representation of what it is to me. I'm not going to rush but maybe in a little while I'll explain how far this goes back and how it makes me feel. I will definitely take it slow as she's a great girl and I'm blessed that she didn't react terribly.

Thanks everyone!!

I'm sure you all know this already but for me having somewhere to talk about these things instead of chewing them over alone is fantastic!!!

Kelly

[NicoleScott]

My wife is tolerant, accepting, supportive, and sometimes encouraging, but in many ways is indifferent about my crossdressing. It's OK with her if I dress when she's home, and OK if I dress when she's away or I'm away. I've dressed alone and with her around, and I prefer to dress alone. You know, no rules.

[Barbara Ella]

It is hard when something you have developed in private and shared with yourself, even when going out in public, is suddenly shared with another, even a loved one. You have trained yourself to enjoy it alone, so it does not feel natural. And it does go against projecting manly for your wife, which you dont have to do for others. Lots of reasons, and simple answer, do what feels right and good, and if it doesn't feel right, do something else. No harm no foul

Sounds like a sit down talk about it session may be in order to clarify what you do and what feels comfortable for you both.

Barbara

[Stephanie47]

I'm in a DADT marriage. I often think what if my wife was accepting of me being totally en femme. Decades ago before we recognized what cross dressing is, she did buy me nighties and hosiery and garter belts. I told her I liked the feel of the fabric, which I did and still do. When she found I had bought my first bra (Vanity Fair red), she just shutdown about it. She did buy some lingerie fabric to caress my body in bed, but, she was trying to satisfy my craving for the feel. I could tell she was resistant to going any further, which really killed the idea anyway.

At this point in time I prefer to be totally en femme, wig to heels. I know that would turn off my wife. So, if she said let me see you en femme, I really would be reluctant to appear as Stephanie. I do not need to be Stephanie to interact with my wife. I would never be en femme, if I wanted to interact with the scale modelers from this site's Lounge. Even, if she were to suggest being en femme at Halloween, I fear the negative effect that maybe would happen. Right now, if she thinks about me en femme at all, it is just her unrealized fantasy. Also, she would finally realize I have wigs, dresses, heels, the whole deal.

And, I cross dress for the peace and serenity it brings me.

[Megan_Renee]

IMHO, and this will get you as far as nowhere, is that we subconsciously realize the absurdity of wearing 5" heels and evening wear around the house to do chores or surf the internet. I mean, seriously, think about it -- When have you seen any real woman wearing 5" stiletto heels while doing the dishes, like I do? It's absurd. I don't really care that it is, but it is.

When I dress in front of my wife, I want her to take seriously my needs and desires. That's why I talk about it with her, and want her to see what I do. It's kind of hard to take someone seriously when they are wearing a little-black-dress and sparkly silver heels.

To test this out, I did chores in my Mary-Janes (a much more sensible 2 1/2" heel), and I did not feel as silly with her around.

Likewise, I might feel silly if I went out to go dancing in flats and a bulky sweater with loose jeans.

tl;dr -- it's hard to take someone seriously when they are dressed too far out of their intended actions.

[dsmth]

Very interesting. I agree that that is the problem -- the absurdity of things in context... That since we can't wear what we want when we want to we end up wearing inappropriate clothes at inappropriate times not so much because we want to as because there is no other choice. There simply is no other time to do it. If we all could just wear whatever and whenever we wanted then we would seem more normal!

[Tina B.]

I remember way back when I first told my wife, she went out and bought me 2 new outfits, brought them home, and said I want to see you in them. It was strange, I was uncomfortable as all get out, and I think she was too. So I didn't dress for a while, until she noticed, and commented on it. I was still getting moody, because I needed to dress, but was not comfortable doing it now that she knew. She told me, in that case it's on you, because I'm the one that said go put something on.
She was right, so I did, and I kept doing it until it didn't feel strange to dress in front of her anymore, for either of us. This morning on her way out to work her last words to me where, you don't have much do today, why don't you take a bath and put on something pretty, and enjoy yourself. So here I sit, dinner in the oven, me in a skirt and blouse, and 3" inch heels (way to old and tall for those 5" things you Young one's love so much) The wife just got home, and we are about to open the bar, have a cocktail before dinner, and I'll serve her the best dinner I can make, I've had a great day, she gets a great meal and a happy companion for the evening, it's a win, win situation!
Tina B.

[STACY B]

Keep on Trucking ,,You will get past it ,,, Just like 2 little girl friends ,,LOL,,,,

[Marleena]

Kelly you need to feel comfortable with it before she will. I think it's very common for the wife to giggle seeing their man in a dress.

[Abbygirl]

My GF has been supportive, although curious and a bit baffled since the day I told her about Abby. That was years ago. I still a bit weird dressing in front of her. I try to respect the fact that she wants to be with a man, not a woman, so I only dress around her every now and then.

....

All right, I can't believe no one has made a comment on this yet:

If you put yourself in her shoes its got to be pretty funny to watch the man in her life, want to be all soft and femme.
Bobbi

...If you put yourself into her shoes you might decide you want to keep them! Or you might stretch them out or something! Careful! Hee hee hee. But seriously folks, I'm here all week- try the fish!

[Miko Suzui]

My wife of 41 years knows about Miko and like the other posts, I too don't feel good dressed with her around. I feel a lot more comfortable when I'm by myself. She's impressed with my dressed pictures and will buy makeup or whatever I need to make Miko better!