Gays and women can do it, so can we!

[Megan_Renee]

Open Letter to all of my Sisters

Gender roles have become very interesting. Men are not allowed to dress as women, thus forcing us to become somewhat manic-obsessive. Women are allowed to be as masculine as they want and little pain will come to them from it.

Think about this: If a woman were to come up to a bar and ask for a bud-light, something distinctly not feminine, she would be accepted and not think anything of it. If a man were to go to a popular nail salon and ask for a manicure and a pedicure and start talking about, "how simply lovely the weather has been recently." He would probably get his service, but would be remembered as "that guy" and many would think it odd. Getting ones nails done is no less of a gender stretch than buying a cheap beer once was, yet one is accepted and one is not?

Why can a woman have short hair, yet a man is usually harrassed (by someone at least) for having long hair?

Not long ago Gay men were completely ostricized by society. They were forced to live in secret and hide their identities. Their lives were lived in abject horror, and they still face challenges, but are able to live openly (for the most part).

Not long ago, a woman in trousers was considered an oddity. She must have soething wrong with her to do such a thing. Now one will hardly notice a woman in a dress without thinking, "gee... you don't see that every day!"

Why did these things change? These things changed because public awareness was riased and people were made to know that it existed and that social stereotypes were stupid. When is the last time you saw a CD on the news doing something to help the community? When is the last time you saw a TS helping clean up city streets?

You are out there, you who know what you do and how you live. This is a call for the CD/TS/TG (whatever) community to step out of doors and do something with the community. Perhaps you'll do it in drab, but if we let people know who we are and that we're not gang-raping murderers, we'll be more and more accepted.

Ok.

I'm done now.

Megan

PS - this reads better if you imagine a CD in a business suite pounding a podium.

[Katie Ashe]

Here is a though. Your point is made by thousands before you and still will be after. But Society is ignorant and likes the drama they get from picking on us. Society is no different than your average bully. We are part of the soultion not the problem, but whent the problem is ignored by irgnorant people, the only ones at a lose is us. Maybe if we start beating up blonds and slashing tires of red heads, a better message would be sent. A guy was killed here 2 nights ago, by an illegal gun, by 2 teens over something stupid. It's a big deal, no. I legally own guns and dresses. Both can be used against me in a court of law. Think about it. Until we get politicians on our side, not much else matters. Why do you think 80% of the world is still in the closet?

[Megan_Renee]

Gay men didn't wait for politicians. Political power is a myth and public opinion must be changed before politicians will change anything.

The point is this: As long as the news media portrays Transgendered people as being perverted freaks, we will be. Until we are seen doing something good; something for a community, we will be nothing.

Society does not accept us simply because we remain hidden. This is my thesis.

[Tamara Croft]

Think about this: If a woman were to come up to a bar and ask for a bud-light, something distinctly not feminine, she would be accepted and not think anything of it.

You must really live behind the times then, because here, there's no such thing as a 'fem' 'masculine' drink.... men and women drink what they like...

If a man were to go to a popular nail salon and ask for a manicure and a pedicure and start talking about, "how simply lovely the weather has been recently." He would probably get his service, but would be remembered as "that man" and many would think it odd. Getting ones nails done is no less of a gender stretch than buying a cheap beer once was, yet one is accepted and one is not?

And again, it is very popular for a man to get a manicure and pedicure, I did quite a few in the salon I trained in and they most certainly wasn't labelled as 'that man'.

Why can a woman have short hair, yet a man is usually harrassed (by someone at least) for having long hair?

Men have had long hair for generations, where are you getting this information from? It's the most illogical stuff I've ever read!!!! Obviously you live in a country that still lives in the caveman times

[CammyT]

Aloha,
I understand what you're saying Megan Renee. Too bad society as a whole isn't more open minded. Here in Hawaii, it's a little better for the Gay/Lesbian Community. As far as Dressing, well it depends. Since Oahu is a tourist Mecca, you will get looked at, or even "cat-called" if you're out around those spots. Otherwise, if you've "got the balls", you can go out. The cosmetics people at Macy's don't even bat an eyelash. Then again, I wouldn't go to one of the biker or red neck bars.

[Tamara Croft]

And anyway..... since when is it ok for Gays to go get their nails done and have long hair.. and blah.... where did you get that info from..... your thesis is flawed!!!!

[kathy gg]

HI,

I am not sure if you live in the midwest or just dont' get many opportunties to visit the 'city', but I live in the surburbs of a major N. American city and men with long hair and earrings, ...not that shocking. more like yawn...Longish hair on guys is not really 'in' right now, but you still see plenty of 80's throwbacks with that style. The drinks a person orders..maybe in the 50's. But I know plenty of guys who drink elaborate cocktails and no one is thinking 'oh he must be gay! or a crossdresser".

As for nail salons , again, not that shocking or stange. I know several women whose husbands (and no they are not cd's) go to a salon to get professional manicures and pedicures. No one is thinking 'gay or tg'...most women think how nice and clean. Again I am not hanging out with farmgirls, but this is not that weird to alot of women in their 30's.

Megan, I know the point you are trying to make. What you are eluding to (I think) is called 'liberation'. And until enough of you get fed of with being stereotyped, in the closet, being the unseen minority and such this will be the way it is.

Women got tired of restrictions placed on them due to their sex a while back. We had restrictions on clothing, our reproduction, our ablity to buy and own property, you name it we had very little rights. Double that if you were a minority. Gays as well had to hide, there were laws in most states and countries forbididng it. They fought and actually are still fighting.

Yes being a woman is not nearly as difficult as it was in say 1910, nor is being gay as difficult as in say 1950. But discrimination, people wanting to hang on to outdated stereotypes, other being raised with narrow minds, those are things that never change. There are still prejudice and sexist pigs and homophobes but mostly they tend to keep their negative thoughts to themselves. I constantly brag on how diverse Canada is and how open minded, but you still still pockets of people who want to judge and use God for their reasons of not approving of a peson's sexuality or gender.

Being 'out' and educating people only works if you have LARGE numbers all wanting the same rights. And that just ain't happening, yet. I do think there will come a time, and it will have to be led by a very 'visible' person, be it a celebrity or a politician or some person which millions admire. And I may not see it in my lifetime. But just like any group or minority or subculture or 'movement' it has to be led by someone who is willing to get the message out. It will take more than a photo-op in some newspaper of a crossdresser helping clean up on Earth Day though. It will take a person who is loved and respected without question.

[CaptLex]

It's the most illogical stuff I've ever read!!!! Obviously you live in a country that still lives in the caveman times

Nah, it's not the whole country (I live in the same country), it must be wherever this member resides - western Pennsylvania, I guess.

I agree, however, that we need more awareness if things are ever to change. I would like to see a television show do for the crossdressing community what Will & Grace has done for the gay community. Sure there are still a lot of people who won't watch it, but it may be able to change attitudes a little bit at a time.

[Maria D]

I think that the fundemental point of the post was
'We should have equality in gender difference and similarity acceptance, and should cause that to happen by standing up and 'being' until we are accepted.'
Do I have that right Megan?

Tamara GG, I agree the examples cited were not very good ones, but the gist of the post makes sense, I think. Maybe a manicure wouldn't cause comment, but when I go to work with pink nails that does, every time. My hair length doesn't get comment, but my style does.
The point about standing up and being accepted is probably valid, if you want equal 'looking like a gender' rights, for want of a better phrase lol.

I'm not sure, it seems to me that acceptance of being crossdressed is by definition exclusive of crossdressing; I'm sure this has been discussed before though.

I hope that made sense.

Take care
Maria
xxx

[Megan_Renee]

I suppose, my extreme gist is, there are several hundreds of members listen, granted most of them are inactive.

Many of the gender studies done state that a large percentage of people have some gender issues. As long as people are under the belief that they are alone, nothing will be done. Why is Tri-Ess so secretive? Why is TransPitt not in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette? Why are there only a handful of CD clubs (as per another thread)?

It's because we're inactive! We need to step forward and do something. There are enough of us here and around, that if we tried, we would probably be able to start something. If we wait for the country to be ready, we'll wait forever.

Megan

[JoannaDees]

xxx

Gender roles have become very interesting. Men are not allowed to dress as women, thus forcing us to become somewhat manic-obsessive. Women are allowed to be as masculine as they want and little pain will come to them from it.

No, I don't think women can be as masculine as they want. Women dress in T's and Jeans, yes, but definitely not masculine doing so. It's a comfort issue I think. As fun as a skirt is, it is kind of open, cool and windy. Ask the FTM "brothers" about the truth in if women can dress "masculine".

Think about this: If a woman were to come up to a bar and ask for a bud-light, something distinctly not feminine, she would be accepted and not think anything of it. If a man were to go to a popular nail salon and ask for a manicure and a pedicure and start talking about, "how simply lovely the weather has been recently." He would probably get his service, but would be remembered as "that guy" and many would think it odd. Getting ones nails done is no less of a gender stretch than buying a cheap beer once was, yet one is accepted and one is not?

Bud Lite IS a chick drink, isn't it? What guy would order one of those? I've been to a nail salon, and I've had no problem or scene. Not that it cannot happen, there are lots of stupid people in the world. In one salon they did wonder if I was gay, but they gave up on that when I kept staring at her boobs.

Why can a woman have short hair, yet a man is usually harrassed (by someone at least) for having long hair?

I don't know, I thought any length hair was acceptable nowadays, at least in civilized circles.

Not long ago, a woman in trousers was considered an oddity. She must have soething wrong with her to do such a thing. Now one will hardly notice a woman in a dress without thinking, "gee... you don't see that every day!"

Yes, you don't so much. Tis a shame ... but then nothing like a woman's figure in tight jeans! Ooh la la.

Why did these things change? These things changed because public awareness was riased and people were made to know that it existed and that social stereotypes were stupid. When is the last time you saw a CD on the news doing something to help the community? When is the last time you saw a TS helping clean up city streets?

How would we know?

I guess I feel compelled to answer these recurring poor us posts. There are struggles on all fronts. And I do not mean to trivialize all the struggles one has when being "different".

[Amelie]

Tamara, you are wrong, cavemen, living in cavemen times have long hair. lol

[Tamara Croft]

I have one question Megan, just exactly what are you doing personally about this? are you marching down the streets shouting it out from the roof tops, are you setting up meetings? or are you just like most, doing nothing?

[Wendy me]

i have long hair , my nails are long and panted ....no one bothers me ....in my opion i am as normail as i get....

[Amelie]

I have one question Megan, just exactly what are you doing personally about this? are you marching down the streets shouting it out from the roof tops, are you setting up meetings? or are you just like most, doing nothing?

This is the the best response to all of the threads on this forum that complain on how society treats men different from women.

If someone thinks that they are being treated unfairly, then do something about it. Do the same thing that women and gays have done, go out and make your voices heard. Women had to shout to get equal treatment, then Cds should do the same. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

[Tamara Croft]

Amelie

[ChristineRenee]

I have discovered, finally, that I have to be me. Those who accept me and like me...fine...great...I'm very happy. Those who don't...well...then that's their problem isn't it?

It has come to the point for me now that I am getting stares, ogled at, snickered at, and called "lady" in public even when in DRAB!! If that's going to be the case...I might as well give up the pretense of being "male" in public and start to dress as Chrissie full time outwardly...in full makeup and dress. Might as well enjoy being who I feel I really am...and then maybe, finally, after all these years, I can feel like I'm no longer "hiding" who I am from the real world out there!

[Ashley in Virginia]

....and that we're not gang-raping murderers, we'll be more and more accepted.

Speak for yourself. I was out gang raping and murdering this morning.

[Kimberly]

When is the last time you saw a CD on the news doing something to help the community?

Grayson Perry, Turner Prize winner. Also a tranvestite, and turned up to the ceremony in a £2,500 dress.

Legend. Also made a TV show documenting transvestitism - dated it back to late Victorian times.

xx

[TGMarla]

Megan Renee, I'm afraid Tamara is right. Your thesis is a bit flawed. Now let's just take that gay man who is chipping in cleaning up a neighborhood for civic awareness. The other men, and the women as well, might discuss between themselves that "Gee, that guy acts like he might be gay...." He's probably not wearing a sign saying "HEY!! GAY GUY HERE!!!" He's probably not acting like Jack on "Will and Grace", either. He's probably not on the make with the heterosexual men he encounters.

Yet you want me to don a bra and breastforms, high heels and a dress when I go out amongst my community and loudly proclaim "Hey! I'm a crossdresser!" It's just not a good idea. Even were I to show up and start helping with the urban renewal we're using in this example, it simply is not practical to assume that one could show up en femme, clean up the neighborhood, and show to the world what a normal guy he was after all. Think about it.

[Jesse69]

Women get bitched out too for being masculine.

I saw a woman call another woman a faggot for wearing a men's polo shirt. this also happened another time to another woman who was somewhat masculine.

[AMANDA12]

Here it is .
This is a male domonated world so someone from dominated sector go out of comunity it treated as lost of power of entier segment of dominated comunity and that might be the reason why man has to try hard to dress up in public in normal way.
No.2 We all are scattered and never try to meet in friendly manner ;However some organization came forward to help us to get all to gather.
No 3 In most of the clubs we found CD as dancer for entertaintment of others we call professional CD.If you ask them some help (Just to know how to break frustration to get dress up in public)
We always look with some doubts on each other while all gays do not do that.
Some Gay people also harming us they come in our comunity in CD but they are not actually CD but did that just for sex with.
We do have feelings of love sex and other things.
any helping organization should come forward to made contact with each other CD just like other matmoral sites in strick confidential and deciplined manner.
Hope my thoughts may be right ot wrong you are the better judge.All are is my plane opinion only.

[Sharon]

We always look with some doubts on each other while all gays do not do that.
Some Gay people also harming us they come in our comunity in CD but they are not actually CD but did that just for sex with.

Wow! Really? What do you base this opinion on?

[Abraxas]

Okay...
Things are not how we want them. There are not enough out Cds/TVs/TGs/TSs in the world, being out in public, spreading the world, letting people know we are not freaks and that we're not trying to "convert" them, or rape them or hurt their children. We need to let people know that we are people too-- we're just the same as everybody else.

People are out in the public-- celebrities-- Eddie Izzard, Brian Molko (the singer from Placebo), there was the whole glam rock thing (David Bowie, etc.), There are movies like Tootsie, Boys Don't Cry, the Birdcage, All the Queen's Men... But this kind of thing shouldn't have to fall into the hands of celebrities-- this needs to start with us; regular people with regular jobs, regular lives...

I doubt if there will ever be complete acceptance. I mean, there are still gay- related hate crimes, there is still racism, persecution due to religious beliefs-- but we can get closer to our aims. We need to ALL step out of the closet, go out in broad daylight, TALK to people and explain things to them. Being in the closet is hiding who you are. We can't hide. If we hide then we'll never be accepted.

It can happen, but it'll take time. We can't expect change overnight, and we can NEVER expect it if we aren't willing to do something about it, namely just be who we are all the time. No hiding.

I challenge each of you who aren't out to take a small step each month, whether it be outing yourself online, to a loved one, to a complete stranger... Or wearing nail polish or makeup to work, to the movies, to an amusement park... To write and submit an article or letter to the editor to an online journal or a local newspaper, write a letter to a local politician-- SOMETHING to put us more in the public eye. I think if we all did this it would be a huge step toward what we all want: acceptance.
It's a tough challenge but I think you can do it.

So that's my (slightly more than) two cents on this issue.

[Helana]

Before we start talking about going out in public, we have to first out ourselves to our SO, family and close friends. If we cannot even do that then talk of public acceptance is a fantasy.

If we all outed ourself to our closest aquaitances then due to the the large numbers of CDers out there, a lot of the public would get to know about CDing privately. Before long CDing would become a common topic in magazines and talk shows because there would be a lot of people sending in questions like "My husband/boyfriend/brother told me he was a crossdresser. What does that mean and how should I react?".

There is no need for angry protests, matyrs or public displays begging for acceptance.