Thinking I was gay way back in the beginning, I just didn't care, there were many a time I would by stuff with my BF and if we got a weird look I would simply say OH yes I'm gay so what besides my BF wants to take me to dinner do you think this skirt or dress or?? matches these shoes and should I wear my hair up or down.........
it will all get easier once you finnally just admit it to yourself!
Kate
OMG! It's been awhile. It seems that you've already won a major part of the battle that alot of us crossdressers face, going out dressed and passing as a woman. Congrats! I have yet to do either. That said. Crossdressing is not your problem! I would recommend that you think about talking with a professional about whats on your mind and what you are going through. This could help you through your anger among other things. Remember most times we are our own worst enemy. We block ourself from life success. Great Luck to you.
Cary
When I started to get tats back in the late 80s early 90s, my boss made the comment that police could id me by my tats. I am not a criminal.
Walking down the street and having people grab their children and walk across the street to avoid me and my tats...Not a pedo or rapist.
Not in either case did I ever try to deny or explain myself...people will think what they want to think. If they think you or I are gay for wearing women's clothing who cares - for all we know is they like to screw the pooch every Friday night. Am I going to spy to find out, nope have other things to do than to worry about other people's lives.
If a person wants to judge a book by its cover - let them they are more than likely missing out on knowing someone who could be their friend. As momma always said, "when it comes to explanations your friends don''t require them and your enemies will never believe them!"
Oh you might want to rethink the whole thing of people are following you to find out if you are gay, or a cross dresser...that is a bit paranoid. I really do think they have other things to do than to find out if you are doing those things.
Man following - "Yeah honey, going to be late for dinner. Yeah me and the guys have a suspicion this guy might be gay or one of those cross dresser. Yeah I know little Timmy needs help with his homework, but we have to find this out - I mean if he is one of those things he might go Al Qaeda on us and destroy the American way of life...yes hon I am saluting!"
Most crossdressers are in fact heterosexual. When I was identified as a cd I got that as well and now that I am transitioning and identify as a female (ts) with a boyfriend I get it even more but nothing could be furthur from the truth.
When I was married (both times) I bought clothes for my wives and kids all the time. No one ever questioned me about it at all.
Now don't be bringing Anne into this. I'm waiting to see the first entry in the squirrel section. I hope she wears something cute.Originally Posted by KaliBrooke
Yes, 95% of the time, just ask her. Heck, that's much better than "4 out of 5 doctors surveyed...". I'm lucky to pass 5% of the time.
Seriously, what is the point in worrying about what others think? But when it comes to your career Kate, it seems that you are fixated on blaming your unemployment on a perception of being gay. Helllllooooo, we have plenty of employed gay people in our society and they are just like everyone else, hired on their merits. So if you focus on your own merits, the rest (as in a job) should surely follow.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
Great idea, when I'm in the mood to shop my load gets heavy. I could use a spy to hold my girlie things, just send them my way. Imagine big strong manly men in black suits holding a bunch of girlie things for me.
This is all in your head.
Find a good therapist and go to them.
You need a serious amount of self confidence.
Last edited by Brianna612; 09-27-2012 at 07:08 PM.
How about me? Well .. I have bought literally tons of women's clothes in boy mode all my life and I have never felt like people must think I am gay because they are women's ones, let alone actually have someone clearly indicate or tell me that that's what they actually thought about me.
I also agree with some of the other comments, the fact you are making such a big deal out of being perceived as gay probably means you have an issue with that. Are you homophobic?
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I think my entire family just assumes I'm gay, but neither I or they really care too much about it so it's business as usual.
(I'm attracted to guys, but I'm not going into the gay man or straight woman thing over that :P)
Just remember that if someone calls you gay it doesn't mean you need to go out and manbone the first guy you see, just keep moving and don't let strangers assign your sexual orientation.
Other than that gay people in general are pretty cool, it's not like they're lepers or anything.
It is 2012 after all...
When things don't go right for you in life, the easy thing to do is "point the finger" insted of looking at what did I do to get myself to this destination and what good qualities do I bring to the table.
I damn glad I have my gay friends, they helped push me out the door and into public places.
Basically my rep when buying women's clothes in male mode is that I'm gay, and a lot of my friends joke about me being gay, or being a woman. Even though my wife is with me 95% of the time when buying women's clothes I guess I just give off the gay male shoppping friend vibe.
[SIZE="3"]MUSCULAR GIRLS ARE PRETTY!!![/SIZE]
Current Inspirational Song-"Running Free"- Kissin Dynamite
M-E-A-T, M-A-C-H-I-N-E, MEAT MACHINE!, MEAT MACHINE!!!
The Governor for President 2016!!
All I want for Christmas is an Anita Model Synth
Kate,
Are you still interviewing dress en femme? I know you have written about wanting to do it. Now you have every right to do it if you want but you also need to realize that, legal or not, people can discriminate against you when you are applying for a job and no easily get called out for it. So, you have to decide what is more important to you: going to an interview in a skirt suit or being employed.
Most non-defense related companies will not do a background check that will seek to understand your sexual or gender history. Nor will they send out anyone to follow you around to find what kind of clothing you are buying. Their background checks these days look at you credit rating, you employment history, and, maybe your presence on the Internet. That's it. They don't have the time or money to do more.
WRT the gay issue: relax. You have to get comfortable with yourself first. If you need to see a therapist, do so. Employers will detect issues such as being too uptight even if they don't know why. It is hard to work on one's problems without a job so you may be in a circular dilemma - need a job for therapy and need therapy to get a job. With the specific issue about gayness, all of us are different and that difference is going to rub someone the wrong way. However, we (CDs/TSs/TGs) need to be as understanding of other's differences as much as anyone. For all intents and purposes, we are probably at the top of the most misunderstood/disliked minority (save maybe Muslims) in the USA today. We cannot afford for individual and community reasons to be negative about any other group. We need to positive about ourselves and others. Otherwise, people will see us in a negative light, realize that we are unhappy and believe that it is because we are bod people doing bad things.
So, Kate, get your act together by stepping back, deciding what is important, relax and go after it with a positive attitude.
Leann
Enjoy who you are but stay safe.
Judging from the types of stuff that continuously happens to you I'd say some more than meets the physical eye is going on. Devils or demons I do not know, but folks throwing panties out of cars at you? That's weird alright. If you believe in Angels then the flip side of the coin could definitely be operating against you. I've followed your posts thru the years and have had similar stuff happen to the point of am I losing a grip on reality. These entities are real and only you can decipher what they are telling you.
I don't really have anything to add because I think you got some good advice here, but I just have to ask one thing:
What's so horrible about being gay? Why is being thought of as gay something to defend yourself against? Does sexual preference make some people lesser than others?
I'm with Bree on this one.
Hell, Gay is alot more accepted than this (cd).
Hey! I resemble that remark.pervert in a dress
Thank you Karen. The web is a bad place to seek counseling, imhoI never went and asked anyone when I was buying women's clothing..... like I give a $h!t what they think!.... ohh did I mention my son is gay..... he doesn't seem to have a problem with it.... from your posts.... it appears that you think your life sucks because you either make it suck or you want it to suck.... or both.... imho.....
Best,
SS
I have been a member here long enough to remember when Kate was on here under another name. At that time, she admitted to being diagnosed as paranoid and was court ordered counselling and treatment.
I guess the paranoia is still present.
Jodi
There is nothing wrong being gay, and people will believ whatever they they want to believe, no matter what the facts are.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Famousunknown - I don’t need to work a burger flipping job because my $1135 monthly SSDI is more than a minimum wage job @ 40 hrs a week
All of you – I’d rather be known as a straight crossdresser, and not called gay. It’s a world of difference in societal esteem that you’re the type that does not have sex with men. So they can’t call you a cocksucker. Being called a nerd is harmless compared to being called gay.
Being called gay in the workplace is deadly, as there still is a lot of discrimination against gays. That’s why my jobs didn’t last long, go perm, or I wasn’t hired despite aceing an interview.
Dee3 – I shop everywhere… Online or in store. Not many mfg employers are gay friendly, as engineering is “a man’s world.”
Karren Hutton – My life simply sucks now because I’m long terms unemployed at 4 years and I faced discrimination in employment simply because I’ve been unemployed so long. So life is on hold, - like I can’t afford dating a pretty girl and now I’m 43 and unmarried still.
Vickie_CDTV – I try to keep cding secret at every workplace, but bad gossip always pops up. As a guy I don’t have any gay or sissy mannerism.
Miss Joanna – I don’t look out for company spies when I shop, but when gossip pops up in the workplace that I’m gay or a nerd or a crossdresser, - this just makes me suspect there were company spies following me.
Kimdl93 – I keep applying for jobs and I’m starting to do some money making ventures.
Brianna612 – I already see a psych to get my meds for schizophrenia, but they don’t offer any good advice about the crossdressing / gay problem. They more just listen to what I say. And I don’t have a self confidence problem much; my only problem is being unemployed and that hurts my confidence in dating a woman.
Rachel Morley – I’m not homophobic but I don’t hang around gay people or have gay friends because their gay karma and influence will spread to you.
LeannL – I only went once to a Job Fair in a skirt suit to show off to the Secret Service that I’m a dual looks capable person. Otherwise, I go to all my interviews in a man’s suit.
Bimini1 – yes, I sense there are people with “the 6th sense” out there, - maybe they’re spiritually gifted or demon possessed to tell if you’re a crossdreesser or not. I’ve gone to places where nobody knows me and yet these people had the 6th sense to read me out, even when I was very passable.
Bree-asaurus – if you are gay then you can’t hang out with the DUDES, because they think you’re a cocksucker. Gays are looked down upon by the “in crowd” of people. Only exceptional gays have a good social life or acceptance because they do something exceptional – like Elton John is famous for singing.
Jodi – It’s kind of a blessing and curse that I’m slightly paranoid schizophrenic. This disability easily got me SSDI and I can retire early or count on SSDI if I have long term unemployment. But I don’t want to rely on SSDI, but at least I also have the free health insurance that comes with it [Medicare].
My paranoid episodes all concerned crossdressing, God, and that crossdressing is a cursed activity. But God doesn’t bless me with the success and wealth in life that I need to be worthy of dating a pretty enough woman.
Umm... you totally just contradicted yourself there.
Umm... yeah... no. Maybe gays are looked down on by the douchebags YOU look up to and want to be friends with.
Totally glad I see your true colors though. You're the first homophobe I've seen in a looooong time.
Um, wow. just wow.
I don't even know where to start on that homophobic statement.
Edit: I do know where to start. don't try to hide behind the "I'm not homophobic" crap. At least have the guts to stand up and own your constant and unending bigoted anti-gay statements.
and as far as you're misogynist crap, nothing needs to be said.
Last edited by Miranda-E; 09-30-2012 at 12:52 AM.
Yeah, it's kinda like cooties?
Notion that crossdressers are necessarily gay is very entrenched in our society. But:
1. All gays I know are not CD - simply they have no interest for women or womens dress they are interesed in man.
2. I always think that CD is in one part fetish of women - so that is my answer for another people - gay have no interest for womens fetish
3. Today there is lot of fridom for gay and lesbian only CD is steel under cover I am asking myself why
Sorry for my english but only one question - do you have a big motor bike are you biker?
I don't wont to hurt anybody. I just wont to enjoy a life.
Posting Permissions
