Relationships with 'men': crossing the border?

[violetlinda]

I sometimes ask to myself: what does it mean to be a cd ? If I like/want to be a girl, should I do everything girls do ?
I mean, should I be pleased if a man looks at me or is attracted by me ?
On one side I don't like men at all, I don't like their haired bodies and their muscles. But... On the other side , if I am a girl, even if a part time girl, shoud I go on and try to make what girls do when they meet men ?
Being a real girl means, of course, not only dress womenly but attract men's attention on you, on your dresses, on your behaviour.
That is, to be clear, should I let things go on and not refuse a 'contact' with a man who wants to make me his girl?
Is this contrarian to the CD "philosophy" ?
Does it mean being no more a cd, but... whatever else, a crossgender, a transvestite ?
Where is the border, should it be crossed?
What do You think, being obvious that everyone shoud do what she feels as the right thing and makes her comfortable ?

[Denise Robinson]

do you think you are trying in some way to come to terms that you might be Bi or Bi curious ?

[Sarahgurl371]

I think that you are confusing [gender identity with sexual preference.

Not all men like women, not all women like men, and some are attracted to both.

Likewise, not all men are manly men, and not all women are girly girls. Most people fall somewhere in between the lines that most of society lays out as bounderies. Unfortunatley for TG and TS males, and I suppose some females, society seems far more accepting of "gender deviation" in females. Perhaps, that is what is so attractive to us MTF types. The freedom that we suppose females are entitled to in western societies. While most men are consigned to very strict gender identity expectations, and anything less is ridiculed.

Gender and sexuality are two different issues. I do not believe that Just by putting on a dress, I will be sexually attracted to males. I do however think that there may be some rationale to the idea that putting on the dress may allow some TG people to explore thier own sexuality. Maybe it alieviates thier guilt feelings or thier preconcieved expectations of themselves. I have often thought that if I where homosexual, that people would have an easier time accepting the fact that I like to present as female sometimes. But, maybe that is my own preconceived notion.

In the end, I think that we should all do what makes us happy in our heart. Whatever gender identitiy I choose, and whatever sexuallity I choose, doesn't involve anybody but myself and my partner. However, in the real world, we all have to put up with people who want to label everything because "abnormality" and the unknown scare the hell out of alot of people.

Now if I could just live my own life to the code I just described without fear of what others would think!

[violetlinda]

Hi. To Denise: I am neither Bi nor Bi-curious. I am simply thinking about my cding and just wondering what do I want really.
To Tammycd: thank You for your 'skilled' and interesting reply. It is obvious that everyone should do what she likes.
If I ask to the forum what other cds do and think is clearly because I'm confused and don't know what to do.
What others say probably won't change my behavior but helps.
Thanks

[Christina Nicole]

None of the above. I think if I knew as much about GID when I was 20 as I do today that I may have transitioned. That being the case, I probably would have an interest in men. I have heard that HRT changes one's outlook, especially if you start it young. However, since I didn't, I don't. Lesbian all the way, hon!

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Toyah]

I sometimes ask to myself: what does it mean to be a cd ? If I like/want to be a girl, should I do everything girls do ?
I mean, should I be pleased if a man looks at me or is attracted by me ?
On one side I don't like men at all, I don't like their haired bodies and their muscles. But... On the other side , if I am a girl, even if a part time girl, shoud I go on and try to make what girls do when they meet men ?
Being a real girl means, of course, not only dress womenly but attract men's attention on you, on your dresses, on your behaviour.
That is, to be clear, should I let things go on and not refuse a 'contact' with a man who wants to make me his girl?
Is this contrarian to the CD "philosophy" ?
Does it mean being no more a cd, but... whatever else, a crossgender, a transvestite ?
Where is the border, should it be crossed?
What do You think, being obvious that everyone shoud do what she feels as the right thing and makes her comfortable ?

Ewwwwww no way and dont even talk about em like that ick nasty

[Stormgirl]

Im not ok with myself as a CD,maybe its the environment thats surrounding me.I have never thought about physical contact with a man either,just too much of an uncomfortable thought at least for me.

[uknowhoo]

I'm a good ol' red-blooded American lesbian, and proud of it.
While I'm not a homophobe by any means, the idea of hooking up with a guy almost makes me shudder.
My understanding is that most CDers share this viewpoint, plenty of others do not. I say, whatever floats your boat.
Hugs,
Tammi

btw, Aubrey, I like your new avatar. Also, it's good to see your not shy anymore (after 700 posts).

[AMANDA12]

Your answer to question is outstanding and we all need to know more in depth.
Thnaks

[AMANDA12]

I sometimes ask to myself: what does it mean to be a cd ? If I like/want to be a girl, should I do everything girls do ?
I mean, should I be pleased if a man looks at me or is attracted by me ?
On one side I don't like men at all, I don't like their haired bodies and their muscles. But... On the other side , if I am a girl, even if a part time girl, shoud I go on and try to make what girls do when they meet men ?
Being a real girl means, of course, not only dress womenly but attract men's attention on you, on your dresses, on your behaviour.
That is, to be clear, should I let things go on and not refuse a 'contact' with a man who wants to make me his girl?
Is this contrarian to the CD "philosophy" ?
Does it mean being no more a cd, but... whatever else, a crossgender, a transvestite ?
Where is the border, should it be crossed?
What do You think, being obvious that everyone shoud do what she feels as the right thing and makes her comfortable ?

Your question is great and I think I am not able to answer.I am aCD and alwas wishing to have man on me or HE female (F t M)on me and treat me as a woman of cource i can not offer sex in full scale.
Your question is great only great professional can give answer of it.

[Paula Rae]

Hey Violet,

Can't vote as there is no place for my answer. If there was my vote would be:
I'm OK, would love to have contacts with the right male.

Tammy, A great response, thanks for posting it.

Ricki B

[Karyn]

I'm not even a little bit attracted to men, and have always thought of myself as a lesbian when dressed. I'm sure I even started out of appreciation of what a pretty girl looked like. Lately, though, Karyn's been wondering what would happen if a man...?? Probably a way for her to feel even more feminine, I guess. Fortunately the danger factor will keep her from ever finding out.

[MandyTS]

Oh here we go again, sexual orientation vs gender...

Hmmm...

Well there are studies that the source of gender identity and sexual orienation are at simular parts of the hypothalimus. In my case I have both a female gender and female sexual orientation. I love guys but due to other social pressures I would not date guys right now until I am RLT or later. Could it be that the trueist of true male to female TS are like me and the more median may be TS but have a male sexual identity?

I could never get married to a girl, but to a guy... oh baby!

Maybe this is of topic becasue I am not CD but you get the point. It seems like many CDs are BI though and if that is a choice or brain function is not at issu ehere... slipery slope here. I bet one day though they will find a link between sexual orientation and brain sex...

Mandy

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Well sexual orientation, like gender, is a spectrum that most societies pretend is a duality.

It's also worth remembering the differences between fantasies (things you might think about but never actually want to do), desires (things you'd like to do even if you've never done them) and actual behavior.

Some people -- including "normal" straight guys -- may find the idea of CDs and TSs arousing, since 1) the more sets of sexual symbols, the more exciting; 2) CDs/TSs often in their photos are more femme than many GGs; and 3) it's simply exotic, which makes it erotic.

[Amelie]

Relationships with men,, crossing the border.

Why would anyone go to Mexico for a relationship with men, there are plenty of willing men here in the US.

[Natalie x]

Violet, in our community, there is no border, no definition of what is the "right" way to be a crossdresser. If you want to try it with a man, go ahead, but it's not compulsory; not doing it won't mean you're not a crossdresser, because quite a few of us would be cast out if it was a rule. There are so many reasons for crossdressing, and every one of us here has our own version. I would be flattered if a man fancied me, but that's not the reason I dress, and I would have to tell him (carefully and tactfully) that I only like women.

What others say probably won't change my behavior but helps.

That's what it's all about, girl. We can tell you how we feel, what we like (and there is some good advice up there /\ from everyone) but you are accepted here as yourself, so there's no need to try to conform to some supposed "norm".

[Ashley in Virginia]

Beat me to it Amelie. Though I was thinking about the Canadian men with their flannel shirts cutting down trees.... maybe crossing the border wouldn't be such a bad thing?

[ocxdresser]

AllI know is while in my en femme role and dressed head to toe including makeup and hair Theres nothing I crave more than male attention with the hopes it will lead to male touch and hopefully further (like male sex) ....I feel I actually do 180 degree turn when en-femme and thats just the way I'm wired......conversly when dressed as that guy I am sex with females is the only thing on my mind......usually !

[Adele 2005]

Whoa! There's a "CD Philosophy"? Tell me more! Are there any chants or mantras (apart from "moisturise, moisturise, moisturise")?

It can be scary wondering where life is leading us, but I dare say there are as many mixtures of gender and sexuality here as there are people on this forum.

You've got a big poll and I don't fit on it!

[Rachael R]

To the girls who wish to venture out in public, sooner or later you will have to deal with men coming on to you. That is something we all deal with at one point or another.

I found that my attractions evolved over a period of years. In my 20's I never in a million years would have had anything to do with a man.

In my 30's when I began going out clubbing in the big city I found that I was very much attracted to TS's. I guess it had to do with the "packaging" so to speak. One thing led to another and I had several affairs with TS women, and i even dated one girl as a man.

In my 40's it seemed that I became more receptive to the advances of a couple of men. The only way I could be comfortable with a man was if I was completely in feminine mode, and then it only happened a few times.

My point being that at least in my case it was a matter of evolving mentally.

To this day, I cannot look at a masculine man and look at him as a potential partner. I still love genetic women first and foremost.

I guess if someone has to put a label on it, I'm bi with strong straight leanings for whatever that means!!!

[Julie]

I've kissed men. It's like kissing sandpaper. I don't know what women see in men but I'm glad they do.

NOTE TO THE MALE POPULATION: SHAVE THAT FACE!

As a crossdresser I'm totally uninterested in men. Women are so fascinating to me. They are such special creatures. I would find it hard to believe I would ever get tired of all those curves and that soft skin and..... Okay this might be heading to XXX

[Robyn2006]

No offering in your choices for me either, my choice would be:
I love men and wish nothing more then to be within their arms and making out.

I know many here are in the "just love to become fem" camp and that most are otherwise pretty hetero. Me? Christ, there is NOTHING to compare with my fantasies of making love to a man. Though I must say that I couldn't imaging doing this as a man, I would have to be completely made-up before I'd even consider it. It's a girl-guy thing for me all the way! But to pull a man's lips to mine...? To feel my lipstick peal from his lips...? God, please say this will happen someday!

Robyn

[BrendaChristine]

I enjoy flirting with men when out, and it sometimes ends up in an "event", which I enjoy. My fem side is extremely submissive sexually, the majority of my sexual activity when dressed is with other "girls", and men on occasion. I enjoy encounters with women as well, but only in my male mode. I don't have interest in being with a man when male. Maybe confusing, but it works for me.

[Ruby M]

i went out one night (fully dressed), in Melbourne, at a fab placed called "Pink"'
on guy took a liking to me saying lovely I looked, and gave a peek on the cheek, Of course he knew I was a Cd)

Naturally I was flattered, he wanted to hold my hand, but he was not my type and was starting to get pushy, so i backed away. BUT if he was my type, i think I would have liked to see how it went eg buying me a drink and asking for a dance ummmm

[Jiera]

the majority of my sexual activity when dressed is with other "girls", and men on occasion. I enjoy encounters with women as well, but only in my male mode. I don't have interest in being with a man when male. Maybe confusing, but it works for me.

Ditto, and it's not that confusing, really. It works for me, too, and I imagine there are others here who would agree. If that specific set of preferences requires a label, we should call it "magilicious" or "femtrescent" or something.

Ji