Where is this all going?

[Jenny Doolittle]

Let me start by saying I have a loving wife who understands that Jenny is apart of my inner being, and she accepts that as a part of me because she loves me and wants me to be happy. We have been together for decades and both agree that our investment in each other is far to great to not maintain our partnership in life.

She is more of a DADT partner, although I certainly test her limits sometimes by my wanting to experience more as Jenny. Since I have retired and feel my obligations to maintain an income are not tied to how I present to the public I have wanted to express my more feminine side to the world. I guess that is my first question to you as a community, Do others also, for some reason, feel a need allow the rest of the world know that you are feminine in your nature? And a follow up question that my wife has asked me on several occasions.... Where is this all going? Can you answer that question, or if your wife asks, what do you tell her?

[Karren H]

Personally I don't feel the need to let anyone know.... I know and thats all that counts.... and for me.... I don't think its going anywhere..... I mean what's wrong with just staying where you are.... doing what your doing and being happy.... I don't understand this need to go somewhere....

[Elle1946]

I agree with Karren 100 percent.

[Gillian Gigs]

There used to be an expression, " you don't air your dirty laundry in public". Well, with modern day dryers, is there any need to air your clean laundry either. I fail to see why the world needs to know anything about my personal life. I guess you don't feel that way. But why? You said that you have an investment in a relationship with your wife, so why risk the damage just so you can show the world your other side. They probably don't care anyway! If you feel some desire to show the world, then go to a make over service in another city, then go out for the day. At least that way you can keep the harmony with your wife within your own community.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't need to show anyone anything really. I'm happy as is. If we don't move at our own speed and go according to someone else's agenda, we really do not control our own destiny the way I see it.

[AngieStone]

I have to agree with the others, for me I know and I really don't care or see the need for others to be in on my life. I have it on a need to know bases, and for me the world just don't need to know!

[Barbra P]

I too am retired, since 2004, but other than affording me a lot of free time doesn’t have much bearing on my dressing. Since the late sixties I have enjoyed going to Halloween parties, and also as a woman, but the rest of the year I was in the closet. Last year I said to heck with it and started to dress more somewhat to my Wife’s chagrin but she while not real supportive is tolerant . . . up to a point. I ventured out into the neighborhood, walked the dog around the block and talked with some of the neighbors. Three neighborhood women came to house one afternoon, knowing I was Barbra that day, and asked me to go for a walk with them, an offer which I eager accepted. Well to my chagrin my wife informed me that she was not happy with that sort of activities and it embarrassed her.

I generally spend one day a week as Barbra, cloistered in my home (with some time spent in the yard) but with a certain longing to spend some time with others. I see my Therapist once a month and that affords me an opportunity to get out in the world as Barbra. I have mixed feelings walking into a crowded medical center enfemme but the hour I get to spend with Kelly as Barbra is something I look forward to – it’s so much better being Barbra than just talking about Barbra.

So while Karren and Elle are content to stay at home many others on the forum feel the same need as you do to get out into the world and experience as best as we can what it is like to be a woman interacting with others.

I have a therapy session today and I’m sitting here now pondering on whether to go enfemme or in drab. On the one hand I dearly want to go enfemme and show off my new pumps, but on the other hand we are in the grips of a heat wave, which is supposed to peak today with record breaking temperatures.

[JenniferR771]

Cding has become a little more intense since retirement. However I still feel no need to to tell my family, except one brother. And I would not tell my male friends, except for my neighbor. Wife is still opposed, but OK with a DADT situation. And I have been out of the house a few more times, especially with my support groups and my cd girlfriends. Why do I have to go out? No sure, exactly--it is sort of validating to have the general public see me without reading me--and--if I am read--still treating me like a lady. Why? I don't know. Would I go out more in the future if I had the chance--probably. Every day or full time--probably not.

[rachaelsloane]

I also have to agree with Karen. I'm also a believer in that I do not know why I CD or really care that I CD, I just know I enjoy it and am having a great time going out and interacting with others.

[bridget thronton]

I am not sure it is a need to go out dressed, as much as it is not wanting to change to drab stay to run an errand

[becky77]

Doesn't need to go anywhere however for some it will and that really depends on the individual. When i'm lost in pink fog I may give you a different answer to when i'm wallowing in blue smog lol.

[Cynthia Anne]

The need to dress every day hit me hard a few years back and is still with me today! The desire to show the world has never intered into play for me 'cause I couldn't care less what others think of me! My life is based on my happiness so I'm only tryin' to please myself! Where is it going for me?> I'd say it's going to the end of my time!

[~Joanne~]

I don't have a need for others to see me out dressed but I do have a desire to be out dressed if that makes since. I could walk dressed in a empty park and be besides myself and in a happy place but I have no desires to mingled or blend with the rest of the world.

Where is this going? never been asked that because my GF, kinda knows but not to the extent. I think it goes to different places for different girls for different reasons. I am a CD, I am happy with where it is now and don't feel it has to go any where beyond where it is now. No HRT or Transitioning for me. I am happy to be able to slip between two worlds which both bring me a little joy

[Lorileah]

If I spend x amount of time getting dressed; someone better darn well notice. Otherwise I will just wear slacks and a polo shirt (and they can come from the women's department). I will assume you are referring to dressing as a daily activity which would be just everyday slacks, top, flat shoes. Then why go around yelling "look at me!"? However if you wish to dress up and hit the town once in awhile, you will be seen. I have decided I don't care who sees me.

On a side note, I really don't like comparing this to dirty laundry. One should have the right to wear whatever clothing one wants to wear as long as it conforms to decency. This isn't something that is "wrong" or "Bad". Misinformation and the media's desire for making a big deal out of nothing has made it what society perceives. Being out and doing everyday things is a small way to help dispel that image.

[Marleena]

The most important thing is for MTF's is to accept who they are. Once that is done I think it's just going with the flow as new doors are open. If you have an SO communication is the key so that both of you are on the same page. I have days where I want to come out to everybody but my wife is not comfortable with others knowing. It's not that big of a deal because it's less stress to keep it private for me. I do enjoy going out as Marleena out of town and my wife goes with me. So things are pretty good here.

[Megan Briana]

I dont feel the need to go out dress as much as I thought I would. I would like to be able to go to a friends (GG) house for some beauty tips, and (with luck) a fun day shopping at all the stores and shops she has talked about (she doesnt know I CD yet, but will). I have hinted at coming to her for some help and I am quite sure she has put one and one together, but it appears she is letting me do this at my own pace so far. Once i have come out, then maybe I will be a bit more anxious about getting out but for now... now I am a stay-at-home cd-er.

[Tracii G]

Some just feel the need to tell everybody and that is something I never really felt I had to do.
Acceptance? Maybe so but you run the risk of alienating long time friends which is not what I would call a healthy way to treat your friends.
Family? Yes I can see the need to tell some family members so you don't get caught in an awkward situation.
CDing and dealing with GID are two different things.
I do go out enfemme when I feel the urge, but mix the genders as far as clothes and hair most every day.

[Cheryl T]

I don't feel a need to let others know about myself. When I'm out, if someone notices, then so be it. But I don't go around advertising or announcing to friends and family.

As for where this is going....I have no idea. It's a journey and I'm just exploring and seeing what's out there and where it's going. It's like going to another state and finding an interesting road you've never been on. You have no idea where it's going, but you want to see where it takes you and what there is along the way.

[Beverley Sims]

I don't think I am going anywhere. It has been a slow evolution over a long time and new things just happen.

[heatherdress]

Ditto Karen's sentiments.

If you are retired, however, you might want to experience a bit more if you no longer have the contrains of work. Examples - ears pierced, join a local CD group). But you still don't have to tell the world and it doesn't have to go anyplace different because you are retired. Enjoy yourself, don't worry.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Well, I have this urge to be seen sexually. To be considered a sex object, if you will. These days, I'm thinking I would not enjoy being a female sex object. The problem is, there are far fewer opportunities as a male to dress in a body aware way. ( have I mentioned I love cycling clothes? )

I am becoming more open in my dressing, several people at work have seen me try on female version of pants for fit, I may get my GF to do some alteraions on one pair of shorts that is close to what I want. She doesn't have the slightest objection to my dressing, and has said she will inform anyone that expresses doubt, as to the true nature of my sexual orientation if needed.

The fact that I have, a GF, and she is OK with it, is the biggest thing. It makes me a LOT, less freaked out about others knowing.

Edit: I have a slight problem with my....intentions(?) in this situation, in that I'm getting older. I am overly proud of the fact that I look at least 15 years younger than my true age, but I wish I had come to this self knowledge earlier.

[Tracii G]

As far as going anywhere my question is why does it have to?
Just be yourself and go along for the ride.
Some get too analytical about it IMO.
If I do this then it means "I must do that" and so on.

[ReineD]

Since I have retired and feel my obligations to maintain an income are not tied to how I present to the public I have wanted to express my more feminine side to the world.

Do others also, for some reason, feel a need allow the rest of the world know that you are feminine in your nature?

Two questions.

1. Is "the rest of the world" all your family, friends, and community members, or is it a select group of people in the next town over for example, who do not know the people in your daily life?

2. By "feminine in nature", do you mean that you wish to be known or taken as a man who prefers to present as a woman (to the people who know you well in male mode), or do you want to be perceived as much as possible, as a genetic woman to others (the people who don't know that you are a birth male).

Your wife is likely concerned that even though your livelihood is no longer threatened by an employer finding out, you will still have doors closed in your personal lives, should everyone know about your desire to express or perhaps live full or near full time as a gender different than birth. As much as we like to think that our loved ones and our more distant acquaintances (friends and people in our other social groups) will understand this, in reality, society simply isn't there yet in terms of unconditional acceptance and support of cross-gender expression.

But, this also depends on the milieu in which you live. it is easier in some areas to have parallel lives that do not intersect, than others.

[dallasmann]

Since I have retired and feel my obligations to maintain an income are not tied to how I present to the public I have wanted to express my more feminine side to the world. I guess that is my first question to you as a community, Do others also, for some reason, feel a need allow the rest of the world know that you are feminine in your nature? And a follow up question that my wife has asked me on several occasions.... Where is this all going? Can you answer that question, or if your wife asks, what do you tell her?

It sounds to me like you're seeking a sort of liberation and it is completely understandable. I sometimes have similar feelings myself, that it is not always enough for me to know. There's a strangely sexy feeling I get when someone in the real world outside my circle notices. I like it, it feels good, I'd like more of it, but I know I cannot have it all the time. And since I can't have it all the time, it makes it all the more pleasurable for me when I do get it.

[Persephone]

Hi Jenny!

As is often the case, Reine has posted a gem of an answer.

I do not believe that I "feel a need allow the rest of the world know that you are feminine in your nature," I do feel the need to be myself, to be able to walk into as room and have friends who smile and say "Hi Barbara!" To be me.

Pretty much what Reine defined in section 2B, to be perceived as much as possible as a (genetic) woman.

I am extremely blessed in that I have a spouse who loves and accepts me and who is supportive even when we run through quicksand.

As to your second question, "Where is this all going?" that is a good deal more complex. Once you let the genie out of the bottle and begin going out your femme life can take on the dimension of being real.

Let's say you go to a CD group meeting en femme. You meet some folks and you really enjoy their company. After a few meetings they say "Let's meet for dinner." Now you're going to restaurants en femme. After a while you develop a cadre of friends en femme. Now you are becomming "real." You have a femme identity, you have friends and shared experiences.

Now what are you going to do when you're out to dinner and find "his" (your boyself's) friends sitting at the next table? Maybe better to meet with them and tell them before that happens?

Presto! You're out!

And at least from my perspective I love every moment of my new life. But like the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for, you might get it," you have to be certain of your wish before you make it.

Hugs,
Persephone.