Missed It By That Much. . .

[Debglam]

Now this is funny. . .

I'm out with my lovely girlfriends Melissa Rose and Tilda last night. We are having dinner at a nice restaurant before a concert and sitting outside enjoying the nice weather.

We are eating and chatting and I look up and see my mother-in-law standing about 10 feet away! Note: I am not out to her. She glances over and for a split second I am speechless! In a second that seemed like an hour, she and HER girlfriends walk out.

Well I let Melissa and Tilda know what just happened, laugh, and go back to my salad.

Bottom line is she probably saw three women sitting at a table. Maybe she saw three transwomen sitting at a table. But she sure as hell didn't see her son-in-law in jeans, a cute lace top and shoulder length brunette hair sitting at that table.

Context is a HUGE part of whether ANYBODY you know would recognize you if they saw you out en femme. Don't worry, be happy (dammit!)!

BTW, concert afterwards was AWESOME!!!! Nick Lowe still rocks that guitar!

Have a nice weekend!

[MarcyRex]

This context sounds wonderful. Kudos.

[rachaelsloane]

Deb,
You live life very well and glad you were able to laugh about it. Did you tell your wife when you got home? You can fill me in when we go out next Friday, I'm assuming a different restaurant?
I'll tell you about my night out last week,
Rachael

[Sara Jessica]

Nick Lowe, very cool!!!

Oh yeah, the mom-in-law. That is an advantage of a wig, it goes very far when it comes to camouflage.

[AllieSF]

Well Debbie, that is one "Close Call" Club that I do not want to join. Seems like you have your emotions well under control. Thanks for sharing.

[Tracii G]

I had a close call with my youngest Daughter and her husband once at Gabriel Bros shopping for shoes.
I was bent over trying some shoes on and I saw her walking up the aisle so I put my head down and let her pass by.*whew*.

[PretzelGirl]

I am with you Deb. People see what they expect to see. Last weekend I went to outlet stores with my daughter. And they were 60 miles from home. The six out of the first seven stores we went into had someone in them that I work with and we weren't just going through consecutive stores. Just dumb luck. I got close to them a couple of times with the closest being one walking by within inches of me while I was bent over cooing at my grandson in a stroller. Not a problem. It was a great day of shopping and fun. So to me the biggest thing is to relax and enjoy (and maybe avoid face to face if you can).

[Debglam]

I don't want to take credit for being too brave about this. My mother-in-law is in her 80's and is an absolute doll! I love her as much as my own mom. We chose not to tell her everything because she has enough going on in her life. The worst possible scenario if she really SAW me would probably be her saying "Oh my!" Beyond that I don't think it would phase her.

Deb

[Rogina B]

Funny story,but I had a sense it would end that way. I think that it takes a couple of "clues" for even family members to figure us out if seen out and about..Wigs and makeup and boobies do wonders,along with girl clothes..Vehicle recognition in a parking lot[as you are getting in or out]or/and being with another person they absolutely recognize spills the clues in their lap. Life is way too short and being paranoid of recognition just spoils the outing..Better to be "conscience of your surroundings" and enjoy yourself.

[Persephone]

Congrats on dodging the bullet!

I almost always travel with my spouse. If someone I wasn't out to saw us they would recognize her.

We've developed a couple of scenarios for that contingency. If we see the person first we move in different directions. Otherwise she stops to chat and I keep moving.

Fortunately, since our immediate family knows and most of our friends know, it isn't an issue.

Once the manager of the women's gym that I belong to ran into my spouse and my boyself in a bookstore. We chatted for a couple of minutes and I thought life as I know it was partially over and that I'd been outed as being a guy. But as Sue said, people see what they expect to see and she saw the woman she usually spoke to. Whew!

Funniest one that ever happened, my best friend in guy mode knows about me but really prefers not to get together with me en femme. But one night we all ended up at the same private club, I was with a bunch of women for a GNO and he was there with out of town business associates. At one point he ended up introducing my girlself to his boss and his boss's wife! I ended up chatting with his boss's wife for a few minutes! They never had a clue to what was going on!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Tina B.]

Great story Debbie, your right people see what they expect, and she didn't expect that she would see you out in female attire. A while back my son and I where looking for a picture on my computer, when a picture of tina popped up, and got off of it quick, but not so fast that he didn't see it, I think I might have stopped breating until he asked, "who was that, someone from your club." luckly I could honest say, yes it was, after all, I'm in the club, even if they don't know about Tina.

[TeriAnn]

As pretty as you are I don't think your mother in law would be able to recognize you. Most likely was jealous of you for being prettier than her. Sounds like you had a good time and even fooled your m-i l.

[Beverley Sims]

To people who have never seen you dressed it takes a lot for them to recognize you.
As has been said people see what they see.
Even if it is a man in a dress.
Certainly not anyone related to them would appear in public dressed like that.

[Melissa Rose]

Debby was as cool as the underside of a pillow. She just calmly stated something along the lines of "You won't believe this, but my mother-in-law just walked out of here." There was no panic on her face, just a bemused smile. We were seated on the patio which is surrounded by large trees and an overhead lattice covered with leafy plants. While not dark, we were in the shadows. A fun little twist is Debby had final say on which of three restaurants for dinner so she picked the place.

If you go out enough times in mainstream venues eventually you may run into someone you know. It has happened to me several times in the past three years and no one has ever recognized me including while sitting next to a good acquaintance at a restaurant. One of Debby's first, if not her first, mainstream outings was with me during a weekday at a big mall. I told her the odds of seeing someone we knew was practically zero. We met at the mall food court, and, of course, after ten minutes someone I know walks up and says "Hi Melissa." Made a big liar out of me.

Nick Lowe was great, and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. It was a small venue, the sound was surprisingly good and even from the back you could clearly see all of his facial expressions.

[Alice B]

Good story and a great attitude.

[Stephanie47]

Deb, I agree. If your avatar is a picture of you, then you are truly passable. She and everyone at the eatery probably just saw an attractive woman. If you and your mother-in-law have a good relationship, you know how she would view the disclosure. When you're in your 80's you tend to be less judgmental because you have scene enough in life. If she knows or were to know, I would bet she would just pat your hand and tell you that you make a pretty woman and that you have treated her daughter just right for all the years of marriage.

As pretty as you are I don't think your mother in law would be able to recognize you. Most likely was jealous of you for being prettier than her. Sounds like you had a good time and even fooled your m-i l.

[roy m]

This may be not totally what you want to hear, but I'll tell you anyway- I am known to hundreds of people as a classic car restorer. When I go to an event like the Goodwood Revival, I always wear a '50's suit + tie. Most of my clients do not recognise me. They are used to seeing a guy in coveralls or a dirty shop coat. So, working on this experience there is almost no way Anybody is going to recognise me in a dress! Be lucky, Roy.

[NathalieX66]

Wow! What are the odds of that? !
Nick Lowe/Dave Edmunds.....Girls Talk.....love that song.

[Debglam]

First, thanks for the kind words - that is me in the avatar! I try my best to blend but I'm not delusional on how "passable" I am close up. I'm still flattered though! Thanks!

Melissa and I have spoken about this a lot and I can see from your stories that you get it. In fact, as Roy suggested, it goes beyond this trans stuff. People like to put things and people into boxes. If you step out of that box, by doing, acting, or dressing differently than people expect, their initial reaction is "that can't be X, he/she doesn't . . ." Not fool proof mind you, but I believe the odds of being identified are much less than we tend to think.

Debby

[Joanne.England]

Hi hun. I think you look fantastic. You and anybody else out with you should be proud.
Hugs
Joanne.

[Dealight]

This is so timely..... On my previous posting today, I noted how wonderfull it is to have those moments to appreciate...... Fast forward a few hours......and I am sitting in my hotel room totally en-femme again, really wanting to go and take an evening stroll in the nice resort I am in......and inhibited by the thought of someone I work with recognizing me. I am sure ... In fact I believe fully, that context IS indeed everything, that probably nobody would get the whole picture. BUT, I am still holding back because I know, despite all my hard work, and careful attention, that I am easily recognized as a man in a skirt. A man with impeccable taste and a flair for fashion and makeup that exceeds most GG's I know (LOL).. but still a man. In this particular journey, I still have the need to maintain control over how I am perceived, however much an illusion my feelings of control are (smiling)....
So I may not interact with my professional colleagues tonight while en-femme. But I will continue the journey, and I hope all of you do the same, at whatever stage you are at. The ability to have some in insights into ones own vulnerabilities, as I think DebGlam has demonstrated in this thread, are so valuable....and as for me....knowing when to laugh at my own foibles is becoming more and more a treasured gift.

Oh, and I mention I love lipstick? (LOL...... See previous thread)... And nylons, and high heels, and panties, and dresses, and mascara........ ...... Hugs to all......Dea

[Kayla C]

What a story! I'm so impressed you stayed so calm (at least outwardly).
But you do look so good!
I'm sure if she saw anything it was just three nice looking ladies having lunch.
I sure wish I had your level of self-confidence!
Hugs,
Kayla C

[makin' it real]

I loved Maxwell Smart and Agent 99! And I'm so glad your near miss turned out better than this one did: http://i.imgur.com/Us2Sb.gif

[Davena Doll]

I told my mother in law about this stuff. She is on meds and she still thinks it is funny so I just roll with it.