The other side of the coin

[Sarasometimes]

Short of the beard, I can say I would tolerate it. I would not want to be intimate, but then again I don't need to be intimate with her when dressed.
My wife has had very short hair and usually wears pants and very little makeup. She wouldn't be mistaken for a male due to her size and fine features, but she could and does easily move about without any negative responses. This I think is a difference that doesn't apply to males. A guy wears a pink men's shirt and people get all over him in many instances. If a CD wants to go out, they need to blend or else there will be looks and comments made. . How? Generally there is little middle ground. Sure we can underdress or put on women's jeans but if the pocket design is noticed....
Here, in a recent post in shopping, the comment was "I saw a male SA in the women's section and realized he was gay". The OP for this thread may be making a point, but the fact is that gender expression options for females is freer than males in most locals and society groups in NE USA, IMHO!

[Desiree2bababe]

I would love it if she took it all the way, if you know what I mean. My wife would make an awesome man.

[NicoleScott]

Having a wife who is tolerant/accepting/supportive of my crossdressing, it would be hypocritical of me not to be supportive if she wanted to crossdress. She is not attracted to me en femme, and I would not be attracted to her presenting as a man.
But hey, it might be fun to go out, appearing to be a "normal" couple. haha

[AngieStone]

I am with Nicole on this one, it would not be up to me to tell her any different it that is what she would like to do. It would be interesting helping each other out with how to dress. She could help me be more femme and I could help her with the male aspects of it. The idea Nicole of going out dressed together sounds like a lot of fun to me.

[Jenniferathome]

Sorry but I think its very easy to say "yeah I'd be fine with it" when you know there is not a chance in hell its gonna happen - if the boot was really on the other foot I wonder how many people would really be ok with it.

When I found out my sister's guy as a CD'er I was "ok, thats fine, if they are happy" but I was still knocked for six when my OH told he that he was also a CD'er. Generally I am fine with it, but I have times, days when I just dont like it and wish it were not in our lives -

I honestly believe this is one of those issues where, unless it actually happens to you, its all just speculation.

So no one answered ReineD and I think SP here is dead on. There are a lot of "I would be..." comments here but I have to call bull. Your wife puts on a beard and a strap on and says,"let's go out" and you say "cool"?!?! No way. Unless you are gay or bi(ReineD's question) there is nothing more repellant to a man than another man as a partner (except for sports)! We're disgusting. Thank God for genetics and that women can tollerate us as men!

[Tina B.]

She would have to tell me she was crossdressing, otherwise I might not notice it, there wouldn't be that much difference, until the beard went on.
But you ladies keep kicking the can down the road, the original Question was about cross dressing, it was a GG that put sex into it. As was said by another, I'm not the boss of her.
She has not worn a dress or skirt in years, her hair is cut every two weeks or so because she wears it so short, We have never done sex with me cross dressed, and that wouldn't
change if she where to start dressing. Neither of us are gay. If we where going out, and I was wearing a dress and she wanted to wear a mans suit, what's the big deal, as for the strap on, as long as she keeps it her pants, it would complete the look, just like tucking is for me. I've seen my wife with a Fumanchu, style mustache, it was cute, tickled a little when kissing though.
Personally I believe you don't have a right to ask for more than you are willing to give. And I've always given her what ever she wants, it might seem weird at first, just as my wearing a dress must have been to her, but I would adjust.
Tina B.

[VS Fan]

Very interesting topic... it's been discussed before but I think this really does give the CDs amongst us an opportunity to think about this all from our SO's perspective. ReineD points out rightly so that there is so much more to this than "clothes" when you throw in the emotional stuff, particularly the "I'm not happy unless I'm ME" stuff. I love my wife exactly the way she *IS* so it's impossible for me to fathom that she would be unhappy unless she were dressed up as a man! I had one of those HOLY SH*T moments reading this thread and wondered... is that the way she looks at this for me??? I would be DUMBSTRUCK to find out that she liked strapping on a fake beard, a baseball cap and a sock in her jock and hanging out in the basement. Even as the CD that I am, I find it hard to fathom.... Jennfierathome has it right also that as MALES we don't understand why EVERYONE doesn't agree that the female form is more attractive than the male form. Straight men love lesbian scenes, but are repulsed at male interaction. I wonder, do GGs see other females as disgusting as men do other men? If not, i'd say it's a societal acceptance/cultural thing and not a physical thing.

Anyway, i'm not sure how i'd react frankly - i think the beard thing would be a major killer (some women don't like facial hair either so I think that's at least PARTIALLY fair) - but *AS A CD* I would at least attempt to be ok with it and have fun with it, but if i were *NOT* a CD, I can tell you that I would *BET* that I wouldn't be. I will also say however if my wife wanted to transition or live full time, that would be a deal breaker. (As a CD i'm not after either of these things, personally.)

VS Fan

[Debra Russell]

I think it would be good to hear from any FtM members that are married. I have thought this topic to be a real issue for a long time and I know I wouldn't care for my wife to take it as far as I have and know why she dosen't particapate in public...........................Debra

[Janelle_C]

This question came up in my last therapy appointment with my wife. And I told her that it wouldn't matter to me that I would still love her and still have sex. But after reading your question I believe I was answering that question with a CDer biased based on my understanding the feeling of being transgender. But I never thought of that question from her point of view, her not being transgender. I really can't say but you made me really stop and think!
Thanks Janelle

[Kimberlyfaye]

To the members (so far Kimberly, Cynthia, Binini, Alice, Paige, Outhiking, & Girlyboy) who would be OK with their wives presenting as men, I have a question: are you attracted to men?

Just curious.

I'm not attracted to men. I'm attracted to the idea of being a female in the relationship. And I would have no problem with my SO being the man. Now I have thought about being with a GM but I think that's just curiosity as I'm not turned on in any way when I see a man. Maybe I'm slightly bi. Now where it gets confusing for me is that even though I have considered it, that wont happen as I'm straight. Inside this male body I have, I'm a lesbian. As a lesbian I am attracted to females, I have no desire to be with a man and I will only be with one if it was my bi SO pretending to be one. We have even spoke about going out as a normal couple with the roles reversed.

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="4"]My lovely exSO would do exactly the same thing to me, Nicole. She'd just turn everything around the other way and put me right in my place. Dang she was good for me!
No, you're right, I'd hate it if a lady friend wanted to dress as a boy, or butch. That's exactly why I'm happily living alone. I often miss my exSo, but not the hiding and pain I caused her. That was not one of my better moments.[/SIZE]

[Amy A]

I personally think it all comes down to what you find attractive in a person, what you are looking for in a partner, and how far towards a gender extreme your partner may be. Myself, I like very feminine women. My girlfriend wears skirts and dresses pretty much all of the time, loves make up and takes great care of her appearance. Her femininity is a big part of her personality, and together with her intelligence and sense of humour, is a big reason why I find her attractive. Her suddenly wanting to identify as male would come as a big shock and show a side of her personality that I'd never seen or expected before. Furthermore, she'd be trying to emulate everything I find unnattractive, eg masculinity. If she just wanted to dress as male in private when I wasn't around, and was her usual self the rest of the time, then it's not really a problem for me. But if she wanted me to go out with her/him to the pub, or football or whatever, and wanted to have sex dressed as a man with a beard and padded pants, then it becomes a problem.

It's this that I think people don't consider sometimes. I'm not a very butch man at all, my girlfriend is with me because I am more sensitive and caring than most men, so me saying to her that I have a degree of gender dysphoria didn't come as a huge shock to her and didn't shatter her view of me, as perhaps it would for the partner of a muscle bound fireman who is the embodiment of masculinity. However my GF isn't bisexual, so why would I expect her to find me attractive as a girl? And furthermore, how could I in all fairness hold a grudge against her for not doing so?

This is just my opinion though!

[Ashley D.]

As a hypothetical. My wife doesn't have that in he that's not who I married.
The female part of me is who she fell in love with so. For her to try to Change thing would not work. I didn't fall in love with a manly woman.
I know sounds hypocritical but that's how I feel.
I would still love her I would stay with her but as a he I would not be attracted her/him.

[Amy Fakley]

This is a line of reasoning that's run through my head for years. It's certainly one of the big reasons I've not come out to my wife (and at this point -- moral issues of "rightness" aside -- I'm not sure I ever will, willingly).

No, I absolutely wouldn't be "ok" with it, if I found out my wife was a mirror image of me: depressed, hiding a secret part of herself from me and the world. As others have said, fake ding-dongs and facial hair and the rest.

What I mean by "not ok" with it, is not that I'd be upset with her. If anyone in this world could understand, it'd be me. BUT, I also recognize it would fundamentally change the nature of our relationship. I really wouldn't be interested in seeing her that way, and I wouldn't be turned on by it, and the fact that I'd know she was miserable because she felt the need to hide from me would eventually drive us apart, and that would just tragic for the both of us. More tragic than one of us just sucking it up and staying in the closet.

Which is why maybe it's ok if some personal things just stay personal.
It's hard to expect something of your partner that you know you couldn't really give yourself.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

its threads like this that really make this forum great - ok we've had a mix of replies - but it would seem to have stimulated some real soul searching and hopefully made some see things from a different perspective.

Thanks OP for starting such a thought provoking thread.

[OH - other half - same as SO - I sometimes forget that not everyone understands British terms)

[ReineD]

I'm not attracted to men. I'm attracted to the idea of being a female in the relationship. And I would have no problem with my SO being the man.

That sounds complicated to me. lol

Not putting you down or anything, but honestly I just don't get it. I don't get it because I don't know what it feels like to be trans.

This is what I don't get (bear with me): You are not attracted to men, therefore you are attracted to women (hence your attraction to your SO who is a GG). BUT, you want your SO to be the man.

Is there a difference between saying you want her to be "the" man, vs. "a" man? You don't want her to be "a" man (since you are attracted to GGs), but you want her to play THE PART of a man? Do you want her to play the part so that you can feel more feminine when you are being intimate?

I know I'm getting more into the nitty-gritty of this question than you may like, and I don't mean to single you out or make you feel uncomfortable. But, the situation you describe is a classic when it comes to GGs who have trouble being intimate with their CD SOs in the bedroom, and believe it or not, this situation causes many problems among couples. I dare say it is the fundamental reason that many GGs don't want to have anything to do with their husbands dressed in bed. They want their husbands to love them for who they (the GGs) are which is women, and not as an accessory to a fantasy, if this makes sense. They want to know their husbands are focused on and reach a climax from a real attraction to the wives (you know, like when you're really into someone), as opposed to having the climax be self-focused and the sexual gratification coming from the notion that the husband is a female in bed.

Do you mind if I ask, what's your gender ID, are you TS? If you are, then it's a different story. And are you in love with your SO, or is this a more casual relationship?

Thanks for explaining, and if anyone else reading this has insight I'd love to hear it, as would many GGs who are reading this.

[Lorileah]

Must have been 3 months already.


Maybe this needs to have a sticky somewhere. Doesn't that question come up frequently and the answers remain the same.

Here's mine. If she wanted to, then she should. It would be hypocritical to say otherwise. You cannot have your cake yada yada. Those who would be so self righteous that they would not accept it should stop dressing themselves and look in the mirror once in awhile

[NicoleKent]

Wow, I didn't expect to have so to reply to, thanks for all the great discussion

I wouldn't mind it at all. My partner has even agreed for us to have a mock wedding in the future. Where she will be the groom and I the bride.

This is really fun! I like the idea

Sadly, I would not be nearly as accepting as she is of me. THAT is what truly amazes me. She is better than I.

I have to say that I'm in a similar position to you, It's important to remember how being accepting isn't just something that happens, it's something you have to work at.

Sorry but I think its very easy to say "yeah I'd be fine with it" when you know there is not a chance in hell its gonna happen - if the boot was really on the other foot I wonder how many people would really be ok with it.

I think you're right, it's really easy to say you'd be accepting, it's another thing to cope with it on a day to day basis. I really admire all the GG's who do it. I really imagine it would be hard.

is that the way she looks at this for me??? I would be DUMBSTRUCK to find out that she liked strapping on a fake beard, a baseball cap and a sock in her jock and hanging out in the basement. Even as the CD that I am, I find it hard to fathom..

This is why I try not to take crossdressing too seriously. I think there's a lot of people who find crossdressing to be this huge important defining thing, but for me, I am able to recognize at a base level, the idea of big ol' line backer body me putting on a dress and a wig, and feeling like a woman is kind of silly. Doesn't mean I don't like it, or theres anything wrong with it, it's just silly

Thanks OP for starting such a thought provoking thread.

You're welcome

(Note: I edited some of your posts down to make this too long, if you feel I took you out of context, I'm sorry, let me know, and I'll try to be more careful next time)

[Moxie]

I wonder, do GGs see other females as disgusting as men do other men?

This GG does! The very idea of a woman naked, a female body lying next to me, all those wobbly soft bits where there should be hard bits, and all that hair and nails....ick!! That stuff shouldn't be on anyone but me!! My H wearing this stuff is bad enough, and he has the bits I like!

Shudder.

I find it amusing though, that most men, not just crossdressers, really do believe women are all just lesbians in denial and appreciate femininity as much as they do. Here's a newsflash - straight women are as straight as a straight man. We love strong arms and chests, dangly bits in the right places, hard bits in the other right places, and body hair! I can't speak for all women obviously, as there are plenty who are gay or bi, but from a heterosexual persecpective, women are physically disgusting!!

[Erica2Sweet]

There's been a lot of posts here lately of people not understanding their SO's reactions to their crossdressing

For those of you with female SO's, what would you do if she told you she wanted to crossdress? I know, I know, I know, Women can wear some men's clothes already and be ok, but what if she wanted a mens haircut, or never wear makeup, wear things to give her a more masculine body figure, or a false beard.

What boundaries would you set. Could you be intimate with your SO while she was dressed? Would you be ok with her being dressed all the time? Would you be ok with her coming out?

I've suggested it just for the experience for her benefit, but she's yet to take me up on that. I support her 100% in everything she does now and this would be no different.

[Kate Simmons]

I would set no boundaries. What's good for the gander also has to be what's good for the goose. Nuff Said!

[Amy A]

If she wanted to, then she should. It would be hypocritical to say otherwise. You cannot have your cake yada yada. Those who would be so self righteous that they would not accept it should stop dressing themselves and look in the mirror once in awhile

I think this is absolutely right, if my girlfriend wanted to do that then she should absolutely be able to, and I would rather she be herself than live a lie. But would I find her attractive if she presented as male? No, I wouldn't. And if she wanted to present as male the majority of the time, would it have a negative effect on the relationship? Yes, of course it would (for me anyway, due to the reasons stated earlier)

My point is, is that on this forum there's often a lot of talk about SOs being unaccepting of CDing. I think there's a big difference in being bigoted/ignorant and not finding crossdressing attractive. Just as we can't change who we are, our SOs can't magically alter their sexual orientation or what they find desirable in a man. It's well worth talking about this because it does force people to think of their partner's point of view more often and any thread that the GGs find interesting usually brings with it some valuable insights that I certainly learn a lot from.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Is there a difference between saying you want her to be "the" man, vs. "a" man? You don't want her to be "a" man (since you are attracted to GGs), but you want her to play THE PART of a man? Do you want her to play the part so that you can feel more feminine when you are being intimate?

That's pretty much it. I just want to feel as feminine as possible considering I'm genetically male. If she were to play the part I would be happy for her to do so. She is a little Bi and even though she likes me as a man she also likes me as a woman. In fact alot of the time she would rather I be a woman.

Do you mind if I ask, what's your gender ID, are you TS? If you are, then it's a different story. And are you in love with your SO, or is this a more casual relationship?

Definately in love. We've been together for two years. As for the gender ID, I don't know what I am. I should really look into it. Unfortunately I have alot of other issues to deal with right now. Anyway I hope that un-confuses you a little.

This is an interesting topic.

Another point from me is my partner has said she wants to crossdress at some point in the future. She wants to go out as a man. And I would like to go out with 'him'

[Beth Wilde]

It's not often I get to say this..... It is so much easier for me as a gay TV going out with a gay TV! lol

[linda allen]

.........Personally I believe you don't have a right to ask for more than you are willing to give. .........

That's it in a nutshell.