The Term "SO"

[linda allen]

The term "SO" (my SO, etc.) gets used a lot on this forum and it's a bit confusing at times. We all know what the term "wife" or "Husband" means, but "SO"?

OK, it stands for "Significant Other" but it's a bit evasive. How significant? Have you been living together as husband and wife but just never married? Are you living together at all and if so, is this planned on being permanent? Are you just using the term for your current girl friend or boyfriend?

And is your SO the opposite sex or the same sex as you (a gay relationship)?

Not that I care how other people live, but it's hard to give good answers to questions when we don't understand the relationship.

[Tina B.]

It depends on the question just how relevant the use of the term is. As in my SO just doesn't understand, then we need to know who and why or your right it's hard to offer constructive advice. That's why when talking about me, I always say wife. With others, some prefer not to over identify, just like covering the face when posting a picture.
Tina B.

[Gillian Gigs]

We all live in a world of political correctness, so the term "SO" is just that, politically correct. I use the term, as well as wife, as I see fit within the thread in which I am writing. If I am getting personal about my relationship, it is my wife, general then "SO". Usually refering to another's "SO" it is "SO", as I do not know the depth of the relationship, or gender. Nothing personal, it is just easy for me that way.

[docrobbysherry]

It depends on the thread/post, Linda. I recently posted on a thread where a GG was having problems with her CD SO. I assumed they weren't married. Another poster assumed they were. When folks r having relationship issues, that difference can be important!

However, in many posts the difference between married and dating/living together may not be relevant.

[ElleduSud]

.... some prefer not to over identify, just like covering the face when posting a picture.
Tina B.

Boom! Did that hurt?

[Stephanie47]

If I referred to my wife as my 'significant other,' she'd slap me upside my head. I agree with Linda. On a site like this when opinions are being solicited, it would be a lot better if the poster stated whether or not they are married. It is also helpful to know the length of the relationship.

[Joanne f]

I use the term, SO/ significant other to cover anyone who has a partner or person who plays a significant part in a person's life who is not an actual wife (as in married to that person, so it can cover anyone whether it be male or female .

[Missy]

when I am not dressing my wife is my wife
when I am dressing my wife is my SO but still my wife
and I will always be her Husband no matter how I dress

[Janelle_C]

I don't think it matters whether or not I'm talking about my wife, or my partner. I think it might matter if it someone I'm not living with. I think we have a tendency to want to label everything. I would love to see the day when were just people. Janelle

[Lorileah]

My GF referred to me in her posts on another forum as DH. Most assumed it was dear husband...but I think she meant Dead head. Really she used it as Dear Hubby even though we were not married (which was another whole can of worms later....the state didn't see us as married even though she did.). SO can also be used for everything, every relationship (from romance to just friends), every gender. The most common thing I think is when one or both partners cannot reconcile a CD wearing a dress and being male underneath...hard to call a female presenting person a husband. And since so many men here feel like a woman when dressed it is hard for them to say "wife".

[Beverley Sims]

when I am not dressing my wife is my wife
when I am dressing my wife is my SO but still my wife
and I will always be her Husband no matter how I dress

And this is about how I write it as well.
Thanks for the quote Missy.

[sandra-leigh]

In the province of Canada that I live in, there is not a great deal of legal difference between married vs common-law, and there is no legal difference between same-sex relationships and hetrosexual relationships. Common-law is slightly less legal paperwork in some cases, but the legal obligations here remain very nearly the same, including property rights.

Whether I am legally married or not just doesn't matter when I discuss my 17-year relationship.

[NicoleScott]

The company I once worked for had a banquet for employees, and the person preparing the invitation asked me to read the draft. It said you could bring your "husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or siginificant other". I suggested "bring a date".
When discussing relationship issues, spouse or SO covers it all. There's a big difference., especially when things go sour.

[RADER]

Yes the term SO can be a bit elusive, But by it self it is harmless unless you add a "B" after the SO.
Rader

[Alice B]

I will use the term "SO" only when responding to a post that the poster used the term. All my individual post about my life refer to my "wife", because that is who she is.

[Confetti]

Well said missy, significant to ones life should not be held with gender or martial status.I have always considered an S.O. vip to a persons world.

[AllieSF]

SO is great shorthand. I would hate to be required to type out every word to describe a relationship, mine or others. If one needs to know more details before responding in a thread, then just ask a question.

[Sandra1746]

We do obsess about labels. EG: CD, TG (and Benjamin scale point), TS, etc.
I use either term, mostly depending on the venue. On this forum I use SO/wife/spouse about equally. If I'm introducing her to someone it is usually her name.

The type of label matters far less than the respect accorded by the person using it and that is impossible to judge online.

My $0.02,
Sandra1746

[I Am Paula]

I never reduce my wife to being a significant other. That's demeaning. SO was concieved to disguise gender in our gendermixed world, and make it sound less like same sex relationships. So I'm a woman, and I have a wife. Different sex, same gender, but most important, she's my wife.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Linda' I had a SO 49 years ago then in Feb 1964 I married her, Now we are working toward our 50th anniversary.

[BRANDYJ]

I use the term SO to mean the woman I am committed to. She dislikes the terms boyfriend and girlfriend at our age. We are not married, will never marry, but are as committed as any of you that are married. We don't live together or even in the same state due to family obligations on her part.
To her, the term girlfriend is demeaning. Significant other is just as loving and important as the term wife or husband.

[Cheryl T]

You're SO is the person in your life who is most important to you outside parents and children.

[DAVIDA]

I usually just say Jean.

[Kate Simmons]

The term SO means someone in a close relationship with the poster. I see no reason why we need to know the exact relationship or even the gender of the person unless the poster chooses to tell us that.Closeness is relative in any case. A person I consider being close to myself may not be considered that by someone else.

[linda allen]

The point I am trying to make is that it makes a difference when asking for advice. If you ask "My SO gets mad when I dress and go out, what should I do?", I think it makes a big difference whether this is a wife of 30 years or someone you've been dating for a month.

If you want a response that helps, we need to know more about the relationship. I don't want to have to ask if it's someone you're married to and then wait for your response.