I'm completely fearful of my neighbors seeing me in anything not "normal". I worry about them saying things and gossiping about me. I'm also fearful of seeing people I work with around where I live in a dense area in the city. I have no idea how to overcome. I don't know how so many of you can transcend beyond the fear....
I know what you mean... it feels like the world might end if people find out about you. The thing is though, some people have the confidence to just go out there and say 'this is me, if you don't like it I honestly don't care'. I wish I had that confidence, but it's never going to happen!
Truth is your neighbours probably take very little notice. I wouldn't be able to tell you what most of my neighbours look like, only the immediate ones.
Welcome to the forum, BTW!
I'm pretty much the opposite. While I don't want my neighbors to recognize me while dressed, I really don't care if they don't see me as "normal". I interact with them very little!
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
If you're worried about being seen by someone you know while out and about, ask yourself this: How often do I see people I know on a daily basis?
For me, the answer was about zilch, and I live in a fairly bustling suburban area. That made it a lot easier to step out the door in some form of gender disregard.
I'd imagine this depends on the neighborhood, of course. I live in a group of townhomes with lots of older, boring whitebread kind of people who alternate between watching TV and looking out their windows all day long. If I was careless, it wouldn't take long before everyone knew. Especially that intolerable little shrew who notices every little thing I do with my landscaping, and proceeds to ask a million questions about it.Originally Posted by Rachel80
When I go out and about, therefore, I get ready about 85% at home. Then I leave, and put the most obvious femme cues in place a bit down the road. Of course, this rarely arises, as I don't often go anywhere in full femme. More often than not, I just go out with subtle stuff, like girl jeans or some makeup. All I have to do then is avoid my neighbors, which is not terribly difficult since that's already Plan A for dealing with the shrew on the daily anyways.
I do wonder what the neighbors on each side make of the frequent click-clacking of my high heel practice, though.
"She ain't waiting 'til she gets older, her feet are makin' tracks in the winter snow.
She got a rainbow that touches her shoulder, she be headed where the thunder rolls."
-Van Halen, "Secrets"
I know EXACTLY how u feel, Sweet! I needed pics of Sherry taking mail out of our mailbox on the street. Within clear view of 3 condos a few feet away. Plus, at any moment someone could have driven by. And, they would see an odd looking woman in a mask stealing my mail! Ha ha!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Someday that fear should subside and if you are anything like me, you accept the fact that your family says "WTF", your friends are saying "WTF", your coworkers are saying "WTF", your neighbors are saying "WTF" and even complete strangers say "WTF". Trust me, you get used to it.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
First thing to remember is that most people are so wrapped up in their lives that they don't see beyond their own noses. Second, when you are in girl mode, no one sees the male you. It is not an easy correlation for others to devine. Walk and move with confidence. You'll be fine.
The first time the neighbors saw me leaving en femme for a Renaissance meeting, I just waved at them and they waved back. As long as these folks don't sign my pay check, I couldn't give two hoots. It's not like we are at each other's house for dinner every night.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Just keep trying,
I've just started to go out in full girl mode and it gets easier each time. I have to watch "my attitude" because I would love to say WTF to the world more often than I do but my wife doesn't want to be outed so I have to respect that and watch my step. If it wasn't for my wife's wishes I would dress and do what I wanted to 100% of the time and say WTF to the neighbors, my coworkers and the people that need to point and laugh at me behind my back.
Also I had something happen to me today that helped me overcome some temporary fear I had when I was shopping earlier today. I'm going to post it on a new thread tonight..... Stay tuned!!!
You could not have said it any better! I do not think any coworkers, neighbours (unless they see you leave the house), or aquaintences would even probably recognize you in girl mode. I have practically zero makeup skills (so I do not wear it much) but I still go out even in daytime, but I am not normally real close to people, just walking a sidewalk or park. I think most when they see me immediately think "girl/woman" and dismiss anything further. Just put one foot in front of the other and go...the fear will quickly subside.
My neighbors have seen me and have said nothing they just figured there was a GF over and she was sitting on the porch.
If people think they are seeing a woman they won't be thinking of you actually being that woman.
That kind of thinking is too far out of the normal box for most neighbors.
I have run into a neighbor several houses down from me at the multi house mail boxes and she said "Hi you are new to the neighbor hood aren't you?"
I said no been here 20 some years then she looked me over with a puzzled gaze and it took a while for her recognize me.
When she did it was OMG you look fabulous you sure fooled me ha ha.
If she told other neighbors I don't care but none have approached me asking questions.
Last edited by Tracii G; 10-12-2012 at 09:06 PM.
I have no fear of being seen...I have a fear of people pointing at me and laughing...although that has never happened.
I totally sympathize.
I can't tell you how many times I've gone out en femme, and had to drive into a quiet business park to do the Clark Kent/Superman routine in my car. It usually involved taking off my jeans, which I stuffed my dress into, and putting on my accessories, switching shoes, and applying lipstick or lip gloss in my car, then put on my wig. I usually left the house in full makeup but wearing guys sunglasses and a baggy shirt.
To make matters worse, the temperature was always above 80 F (25 C), and super humid, and in my car it would be much hotter, where sweat would be pouring down my face, which would ruin my makeup.
The fall/winter months are awesome because I can exit my front door when it's dark because the sun sets early.
Just preface all of this, my hair is shoulder length (...I gave up the wig finally) , I wear earrings, and my toenails are painted, which my neighbors have seen all of this, but I still haven't let them see me in a dress.
Last edited by NathalieX66; 10-12-2012 at 10:13 PM.
Are you running around naked again Sweetgal? I told you that you would draw a crowd doing that!
What is "normal" anyhow? Maybe dressing as a woman is normal for you. Who are they to say it is not?
Last edited by Jorja; 10-12-2012 at 10:33 PM.
Sweet gal, I have the same reaction and after reading the other posts I am asking myself why I have respond with fear and others have wtf reactions. I am wondering if my fear reflects my insecurity with myself. I don't want to be rejected so I don't want to percieved as different since different is often ostracized. I am encouraged by the posts that say the fear can subside the more you get out. Good luck.
Danielle
In societies where there is prejudice against any particular group, be it a certain race, or homosexuals, or crossdressers, or even women in some circumstances, it is common for members of the oppressed groups to take on the prejudice and internalize it, and engage in self-deprecation or self-hatred and fear of being further stigmatized. You can read about the various forms of it here:
Internalized racism
Internalized homophobia
Internalized transphobia
Internalized oppression
How to heal from internalized oppression (taken from the middle of the page of the fourth link above):
A first-step practical approach for you, would be to join a TG support group even if you attend in guy mode the first few times. You can explain your fears and they will understand. Also, many of the groups have changing rooms available for people who, like you, are overcoming their fears and are not yet ready to go out dressed.How do you help people heal from and overcome internalized oppression?
There are several different ways that people can work together to overcome internalized oppression. Here are some steps you can take. They are first listed, and then elaborated upon one at a time.
1. Become a close friend, ally, or mentor to individuals who are struggling with internalized oppression.
2. Take pride in and celebrate culture. Learn about and celebrate your own culture, and learn about others as well. Placing your own culture in a world context can help you understand its development and value.
3. Meet in groups with people from similar backgrounds, to heal from the emotional hurts of internalized oppression.
4. Take action against injustice and oppression. Taking positive action on your own behalf is the most powerful cure for internalized, as well as external, discrimination and oppression.
5. When you notice internalized oppression operating in groups, point it out, and help the group change direction.
6. Protect young people from the effects of oppression.
Reine
I just tell them that this is my piece of dirt and if you don't like the way I'm livin' you just leave this long haird country girl alone! Works for me!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
If you cannot risk being seen dressed in your area, you could always go out of town sometime and go out dressed to a support group or trans event.
I am not completely free of the fear of being seen. However, it has been greatly reduced after I told my GF. ( we were not GF/BF at the time, but have since ) Now she knows, and is OK with it ( Understatement! ) It matters a lot less to me that others may know. SHE knows who I am attracted to, that's what matters to me.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
If you can get out with friends it all becomes easier.
Try finding a support group and you will change your life and outlook.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
There are legitimate reasons why some do not want their neighbors seeing them enfemme and realizing they are a crossdresser. It is not because we are not normal. Do not be afraid to go out, just go out somewhere else. With time, and as your situation changes, you might not have as much fear of simply going out. When you lose the fear of just going out dressed, you may realize that the neighbors may not be all that big of a deal afterall, and as some here have said, they may surprise you.
Barbara
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
U left out the pointing and, "OMG! That's a guy", comments, Lady! Happens to me every time I go out alone. They don't do that if I'm in a CD pack. Maybe they fear for their lives!?
Oddly, it DOESN'T happen to Sherry. I think most folks that see here r in shock!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I am out to the world, but not to my family, friends, ex work mates and neighbors. They do not need to know and my finishing up on the road is not that big of an inconvenience. So, I totally understand your situation. Sometimes you just need to make compromises and that is pretty typical in life. No big deal to me.
I can well understand your fear as there is a hell of a lot of difference between going to a different town dressed and walking out of your front door dressed so it is best to have a good look at your neighbors and people who might know where you live and what their attitudes might be before you go ahead with a full dress up but you can quite often push the boundaries a bit to start with without to much being noticed or commented on , try a subtle change in style/dress and see what happens first it may relieve some of your fear .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
Sweetgal, some of us never over come that fear, I tried once, and found it very uncomfortable, even when I lived in a large city, where it was easy to get lost among the herd, now I live in a small town, and too many people know both me and the wife, so the fear is even bigger than it was. I've lived this way for 60 years. When I was Young, what we do was considered a mental disorder, I don't think I've every really overcome the feeling, that people are going to point, and say, he's crazy.
Last edited by Tina B.; 10-13-2012 at 09:26 PM.
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
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