OK so like when did you suddenly know????

[TeresaL]

Over compensated to prove I was all man because of social regulations of the 60's and 70's era.
In the 80's-90's I became more aware and started to try to come to and understanding but shoved it back into the back of my mind.
In 2012 (my change date) I said screw it time for me to be me and do some education on my own and ended up here and finally came out which was the best thing I ever did.
I feel free to express myself in any way I desire.

Tracii, I'm able to use most of your background. My difference is that as a toddler, I would get into mommy's stuff and hide it. She would always find the stash. That's because it was only hidden under my bed. LOL

I really, really loved trying on girdles and bras during the fifties and sixties, and would do so whenever I was alone in a female family member's home. It never ended or even stalled for very long. But the guilt and shame caused me to go into overcompensating on the male side during my teens. I did not believe myself to be into transvestism, even though now it's clear that I was. Boy did I ever fight to not give in.

My aha moment came several years after I was married, in the 1980's. Coulda shoulda had it before we were married, but that wasn't meant to be. We were grossly undereducated in gender studies those days. General therapy was poor to the point of using shock treatment on the poor cross dresser who chose to go to them.

[BLUE ORCHID]

I never thought that I was different I always thought that it was the others that were different.

[Sally24]

I don't remember any epiffany. I do remember lying in bed at the age of 13, crying and wishing I was a girl. Then I grew up and life went on. Now here I am, almost 50 years later, and right back at the beginning again.

[Frédérique]

I am not sure that out of extreme confusion in my brain at that time I knew without the doubt that I was a Girl, but I felt that being a Boy wasn't right and being a Girl would had been a fulfillment of desire to be true. Then at age 16 I had a epiphany moment a eureka of self identity when one day, walking from school I KNEW right then and there that I in fact WAS a GIRL!!!!!

[SIZE="2"]I’ve always known that I am a boy. It's obvious. You CAN be a MtF crossdresser and exist as a male, in fact I am living proof of that. To me, wearing the clothing of a girl does not make me a girl, nor does it instill me with the idea that I MUST actually be a girl. I’m just cross-dressing, or wearing clothes I am not supposed to wear, to help me achieve a personal state of heightened existence and enjoy a certain type of pleasure…

When I first dressed up completely, head to toe, actively trying to see how far I could go, pushing the imaginary boundaries (so to say), I looked in the nearby mirror and my new appearance fascinated me. For the briefest of moments I wondered if I was meant to be a girl all along, but this only lasted for a tenth of a second at best. The moment passed, and I smiled and whispered, “This is really COOL!!!”
[/SIZE]

[jamie louise]

I knew by the time I was five or six. Always wanted to be a Girl. I Could not wait until I grew into my mother's cloths. Then Hated it when I could no longer fit into them. Loved it when I bought my own cloths in my early teens. Had a hard time Hiding them.

[Victoria P]

My moment of knowing I was different was as a kid in school in England at about age 12 .I watched in revulsion and horror how so many of the boys were little thugs spitting on others,pushing ,shoving,tripping,throwing stones and beating others,including grabbing girls bags and books etc and throwing them all over. I could not believe that people acted this way.

I knew I had nothing in common with these little rats since I was gentle,sincere,thoughtful and compassionate.I often helped up the beaten children and took them to the office or nurse with other girls who cared. Some of the girls said they admired this about me,I just thought we are supposed to look after each other are we not?

Later on I learned to defend myself out of necessity,I hate fighting but glad that I 'thumped' some of the bullies really well and they stopped picking on me. Even after all of this I am still soft-hearted,feminine and usually gentle though I trust few.
I definitely gravitated and still do towards women,though today I've seen more rough women than ever where I live now,lol. Funny old world isn't it?

I hope I didn't ramble too much and as I age I feel more empowered with my CD TG life.

Hugs Victoria P xoxox

[Marsha Marsh]

Girl? Boy? do I have to choose? I just like being me and apparently that means that sometimes I am comfortable being a boy and other times a girl. Unfortunately society is the one with the problem of me embracing my feminine side. I mean really, do I have to be one or the other?

[Debra Russell]

I don't remember any epiffany. I do remember lying in bed at the age of 13, crying and wishing I was a girl. Then I grew up and life went on. Now here I am, almost 50 years later, and right back at the beginning again.

Almost exactly my story -- it wasn't possible no matter how hard you wished, so you make do with what you got!; early days of crossdressing were spotty but the urge was always present - Only now has it been possible to take it further ........................Debra

[Alicew]

I honestly cant recall a thing before the age of about 15 had a serious skull injury at about 10 wiped out my entire childhoog but ,ive always had a feeling something wasnt right about me i wasnt like the other boys and i massively over compensated due to it.

But i do recall the eureka moment i worked out what it was partially i was 15ish and went for a bath after my mom had just come out of it leaving her clothes in there and for no apparent reason i just put them on skirt stockings ,garter belt bra the works and just sat there for ages feeling normal, been doing it ever since on and off over the years.

Now after finally getting my life back after 8 years of athritis flare ups its back and this time its brought all the old baggage issues and epic denial with it and its just too much this time im seeking the help i wish id been brave enough to seek when it all started 21 years ago to my perspective.

On talking to family members it turns out i was a strang lil boy too i used to play with my sisters dolls with them and the sindy house and prefered to play house in my grans shed growing up ,but i cant remember it but it somehow feels right.

[suchacutie]

My epiphany was at age 55...sudden and sharp...one minute a guy and literally 3 minutes later my wife is online buying me a dress!!!

Since then my wife and I have looked at my life to find those moments where I was "different" without having a clue as to why. The list is massive (ok, ok, so I can be a bit dense sometimes!). I played the violin from age 8, I preferred to play board games with the neighboring kids who were mostly girls, I had a teddy bear I was very much attached to, and at lunch in high school I always sat with 5 girls! There were also some very conflicted and emotional moments at age 4-5 that I could not understand until Tina arrived and had that perspective.

This is why Tina so fascinates us! She was always there, but only now do we recognize her, and wonder how she will affect our future now that we know she exists!

[lingerieLiz]

I went the other way. When I was young and enjoyed wearing fem clothes I thought that I must want to be a girl. It was drilled into me that wearing womens clothes ment you were gay and a deviant criminal. After having the chance to be accepted as a girl and date guys I found that I didn't want to be a girl and was not attracted to guys. I did like appearing sometimes as a girl, but sexually was only attracted girls. I also liked my guy self and guy world.

I've never understood why we try to put sex and gender into a black white world when we are all so different and accepting of the rest of our characteristics in so many colors.

[Marissa V]

Let's start off with saying that im quite new to this, only recently discovered the joy of crossdressing. This by no means means that i only started doing it just now. I can't even remember when it started, always been like this. And as any kid i snooped around in my moms closet and so on. I never thought there was anything wrong with me what so ever. That all changed when i was 12. One day i came home and found a very disturbed and angry mother in the living room, tears in her eyes and everything. "How could you do this to me" were her exact first words she used, can still remember it. So i asked what the problem was and she threw 2 foam paddings in front of me. The paddings i used to fill up a bra. Before i go on, you have to know that i used to live in a small country village, katholic to the bone, if you didnt go to church weekly you were not a good person, that kind of town. And my mum went ballistic on me, 'how could you?' and 'there has to be something wrong with you' were the more nice terms i got tossed my way that day. So the secret was out, but it also ment in my situation that my mum started cleaning my room weekly, offcourse cleaning was the excuse she used, poking around in my closets was the real reason, every week my closets got cleaned out and everything put back in place neatly. Went on for years like that. Did that stop me? No it didnt. We had a lesbian couple living in my appartement building that heard the fight with my mom about it and they came to tell me that they never used their cellar, so if i wanted to hide my things there, i could. Wich i did and it kept out of problems with my mom for a long time. Then the first girlfriend appeared. Came from a strict catholic family, not really openminded. But one day she asked me to wear her garterbelt...so i thought YES....but no....she found it horrible, i was not her man anymore, big bummer on my part but i thought it was better to not tell her about my feelings about it. And then came the day she found out anyway...and everything ended. 2 months later we broke up. That was the start of the time i almost got convinced myself that maybe those women, including my mom, were right, and just maybe there was something wrong with me. So i basicly forced myself to stop doing it. But the urge never went away. Needless to say i didnt become a really joyfull person in that period. Then i met the woman that was to become my wife. She was the first one i told about my urge to crossdress, and at first she didnt say anything about it, she even bought me my first corset for example. But after years she started making problems about it, about how she didnt like it and never did and all that bla bla, at wich point i asked her why she bought me a corset if she didnt agree with it. And she replied that she hoped it would pass, that it was only a phase. Obviously she didnt bother to listen to a word i told her. So we ended up in a divorce, and not a pretty one. Once there are kids in play a divorce turns into world war 3 so it seems. This was about a year ago. Ever since the breakup i gave in to my urge to crossdress, but never with makeup, never a wig or something, just the clothes. And then i met my current girlfriend and everything changed. In the beginning of our relationship on a drunken night, i told her about my crossdressing, and she told me she figured that much. She had a peek in my closet and saw some clothes in there that were not mine, and my ex wife would never have fitted into, so she put 2 and 2 together and ended up with the right idea. And she didnt seem to mind. But i never dressed up when i was with her, felt too weird for some reason. But she took it upon herself to find out how far my crossdressing went so she started talking with my about it, hours and hours.... until she said 'well, then show me....get your stuff and show me'. And she didnt laugh at me or anything, wich for me was a plus. If i found the one woman that were to 'look the other way' i was happy enough, but she didnt stop there. Went on for months like that, dressing up every now and then, but never for long periods of time, i always had the idea that it went far enough after an hour or 2 and then id take em off again. But my girlfriend had the feeling something was missing (so she told me a few days ago). So one day she asked me if she could fix me up the proper way, instead of just clothes, if she could do my hair and makeup... I didnt know what i heard. I never thought about makeup in the first place and here was a woman that asked me, the 'weird crossdresser' (wich is what i still thought of myself up to that point), if she could do make up on me.... Took a while for me to get past the point of shame so to speak, eventually i agreed. And what happened then is a moment ill cherish for the rest of my life. The moment she started playing with my hair (yes i have long hair) i started feeling .... 'right' if thats the term to use. I loved it, absolutely loved it. Then came the makeup, and just her putting it on me...i loved it. And then came the moment, when she was all done... she took a few steps back and just smiled at me. 'Gorgeous' was her first word. And then i looked in the mirror...and everything just fell into place. It all felt right. I thought i looked 'silly' at first (so i thought), it felt right. I was complete at last...and thats how it felt. And my girlfriend absolutely loves it aswell. And this forum (yippee for internet anonimity) is the first place i shared my story with anyone. And when i wanted to sign up here...i asked her for a name...'give me a name sweety'....and she called me Myrdin It took 40 years of wondering in dark places in my mind, but finally, 2 months after my 40'th birthday...i feel i am who i wanna be. And im not a 24/7 crossdresser, i dont want to be a woman neither, i feel perfectly fine being a man, yet there is a side of me that just needs to reveal itself (or herself, call it what you like). There are days i walk around dressed all day, and there are days i dont... Either way, the full person being 'me' now for the first time feels complete, all thanks to my wonderful girlfriend, i cant thank her enough.

[ArleneRaquel]

A very moving post, thank you hon for adding it here.

[Kimberlyfaye]

I've always known I was different. I get on better with girls than boys.

I dressed since I was about fourteen or fifteen. But it wasn't until recently that I realised I might be more female than I thought. My GF has brought me to this point. She accepted and encouraged me and it has made me see in the mirror who I want to see. That girl staring back with a smile on her face is me.

That was a lovely story Myrdin. Your GF sounds like a keeper. My GF is like that too. Tell your GF I think she's wonderful hold onto her.

[Inna]

Myrdin you did make me tear up, the good tears though, pain and sorrow seems to go along within the path we all walk towards serenity of being just who we are.

Love, Inna