Wife experience and personal shopping experience

[sweetgal]

Through this group I'm getting some more confidence to wear some things around my wife that maybe I wouldn't. She has been very clear with me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with my crossdressing interests. I purchased some black leggings yesterday to wear around the house and I wanted to give her a heads up so I said "don't freak, but I'm going to wear some leggings around the house because they are comfortable". She said "is there something I should worry about?" which I thought was an odd thing to say. So I told her no I just wanted to let her know. She didn't seem to care, but I know that if she sees me in them she won't like it. It's a real bummer that she's so turned off by it. I resent it.

On another note, I was at Target today and for the first time bought some thong underwear and a jog bra. I went at 10:30 PM at night in an area I don't normally go. I wore a hat and kept my head down so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone. Doing this was very difficult for me and hope it makes it easier in the future....

Thanks for everyone's posts and support.

[Kelli Ca]

I think your doing the right thing by giving her a heads up, it's really sad when those that we love are the ones that don't give the support we need. Hang in there who knows what the future will bring. As far as the store all I can say is way to go,I went shopping for the first time recently, feels good huh? Your inthe right place here keep your head up, take care

[Amanda_P]

I know what you mean about getting more confident because of this site. I went for a drive last week but couldn't bring myself to get out of the car. Baby steps

[WifeofWrenchette]

My hubby gets a lot of things off E-bay. So if it's really hard for you to shop out in the open that might be a good way for you to get your feminine things.

I think if your wife asks you if she has to be worried again you should tell her no. What is there to worry about? You are in your own place doing what you normally do not bothering anybody. Perhaps the more you do it (baby steps) the more she will get used to it. Good luck!

[linda allen]

......... On another note, I was at Target today and for the first time bought some thong underwear and a jog bra. I went at 10:30 PM at night in an area I don't normally go. I wore a hat and kept my head down so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone. Doing this was very difficult for me and hope it makes it easier in the future....
.

No need to wear a hat and keep your head down. It's not illegal to purchase what you purchased. Nobody knows these things aren't for your wife or girlfriend. Walk in there with your head held high, pick out what you want, and take it to the checkout like you owned the place.

Even if someone thinks you are buying them for yourself, who cares? You don't know them and they don't know you.

[Michelle V]

I've found that the more you try not to call attention to yourself while shopping the more you do, just do it and act normal, just like RuPaul says " what other people say or think about you is none of your concern" it's their problem if they want to think the worst, they do not make you happy, you make yourself happy.

[Sara Jessica]

Warning, honesty ahead...

Through this group I'm getting some more confidence to wear some things around my wife that maybe I wouldn't. She has been very clear with me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with my crossdressing interests. I purchased some black leggings yesterday to wear around the house and I wanted to give her a heads up so I said "don't freak, but I'm going to wear some leggings around the house because they are comfortable". She said "is there something I should worry about?" which I thought was an odd thing to say. So I told her no I just wanted to let her know. She didn't seem to care, but I know that if she sees me in them she won't like it. It's a real bummer that she's so turned off by it. I resent it.

So through this group you are gaining the confidence to piss off your wife? You know she doesn't like it but you are putting this in her face by running about the house wearing leggings. It might seem like she's meh about the whole thing but inside, she'll likely be stewing.

On another note, I was at Target today and for the first time bought some thong underwear and a jog bra. I went at 10:30 PM at night in an area I don't normally go. I wore a hat and kept my head down so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone. Doing this was very difficult for me and hope it makes it easier in the future....

You forgot the sunglasses and a hoodie over your hat, zipped up to your chin of course.

It's Target for gosh sakes, do you think they haven't seen a man buying female products before? All the steps you take make you come across as creepy. In Target, not such a big deal but if you were to take that "disguise" to a smaller retailer of women's clothes, you would totally give off all of the wrong signals.

My advice is simple, own it and ditch the creepy guy routine.

[Leslie Langford]

What Sara said...

The more you buy women's clothes - whether in drab or en femme - the easier it gets, and eventually you realize that it is no big deal, nobody cares, and frankly - it is none of their business anyway.

The only thing you need to be aware of is the fact that an SA or a cashier might make some playful comment about how the items might be for you ("I think that you will look really great in this" etc.), accompanied by either a smile or wink. If you are not prepared to admit that the purchases are actually for you, then just have a witty come-back available that you have previously rehearsed as a reply to her. That will usually end the conversation right there in a friendly, non-threatening manner, and no small children or animals will have been hurt in the process.

Coincidentally, I had some errands to run yesterday (in drab), and picked up a few "lady" things while I was out. Among others, I bought a black "Just My Size" Wonderbra bra at Walmart that I'd been meaning to get for some time now since I already have the white version of the same style, and which is super comfy. This is sold as one of those "boxed" bras, and I know from experience that the usual drill is for cashiers to pull them out in full view of everyone to verify that not only does the box contain just the one bra, but that it is also the same one as marked on the outside of the box. I was prepared for this, but not only did it not happen (the cashier must have had a "lazy" day, or else her mind was on her upcoming break), and she just scanned the box without opening it and put it into a bag along with my other, more "mainstream" purchases. Nothing was said, no funny looks, and all that happened was that she wished me a good day at the end of the transaction.

My next stop was at a rival combination grocery/discount department store where I bought a few groceries along with some new lace-trimmed panties that were on special for 3 for $10. Again, no drama at the checkout. As she was scanning them, the cashier brightly informed me that they were on special in case didn't know (I already did), and then asked me if I wanted them bagged separately so that they wouldn't get soiled by the other groceries (I did). All very business-like and no awkwardness - just sweet smiles and good wishes for a nice day as well. Again, the whole transaction transpired as if I was purchasing something as mundane as a bag of cookies or a multi-pack of light bulbs.

As Sara intimated, sometimes we are our own worst enemy when it comes to acknowledging our crossdressing. We need to own it by paying it forward and acting as if there is nothing wrong with it in instances like this. In doing so, others will pick up that same vibe and act accordingly. Anything else just comes across as creepy, and doesn't do us any favors.

[MsRenee]

I agree with Linda be yourself and relax does it realy matter whos buying what these days. Most stores should be very happy for any sales. If we werent shopping how would they survive. Plus shopping can be very enjoyable. At least you are letting your wife know in advance so that she cant freak out on you.
Renee

[Tracii G]

Acting like you are doing something wrong with your head down and hat pulled down draws more attention to yourself FYI.
Just go in get what you want or browse the ladies dept nobody is going to think anything trust me.
Speaking of that one of my neighbors is a cashier at Target and I go thru her line sometimes and she never says anything if I buy undies, skinny jeans or oil and a filter.

[Wildaboutheels]

****She has been very clear with me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with my crossdressing interests.****

MY interpretation of that ^^^ is your wife doesn't want to hear/discuss and or SEE anything. Maybe you plan on wearing the black leggings UNDER some long pants? If that is the case, she shouldn't have a problem, otherwise you are trying to FORCE something on her. JMO. She IS entitled to her own view/s just as you are entitled to yours.

As far as shopping? Good for you for getting out. But keep in mind that bank robbers/criminals etc., are the people who normally sport the heads down/eyes down/ballcap look. Confidence will come in time and SAs are trained not to care about WHO hands them money or WHY someone is purchasing something.

[PretzelGirl]

I wonder how many on here have gone out in the past to pick up feminine hygiene products for their wife or daughter and just got it and paid for it without any sneaking around or embarrassment. Then you get something for yourself and you become the Unabomber. Own it! There is less attention given to a person that is doing things like they belong. If you act like you don't belong, all eyes are on you.

[Beverley Sims]

Take the hat off and stand up straight when shopping, otherwise you may be taken for one of those perverted cross dressers.
Around your wife, warning can be helpful but if it is only a little adjustment to your appearance do it and test it on the reaction scale.

[~Joanne~]

I agree with most of the girls here, by walking around head down, hat, and glasses all your doing is looking suspicious and probably drawing more attention to yourself than had you not done it. Last time I went to target, i walked right up to an SA, ask where the mini skirts were and she pointed to a wall (which she probably should have escorted me to them) and I went and looked at them and took my time about doing so.

Granted, this comes in time and i still have fears, here and there but drawing attention to yourself is never good. also pushing things with a wife in a DADT situation isn't ether. You may resent her decision for not wanting anything to do with your dressing but but pushing it isn't going to make her become accepting by any means. This is a dangerous road to travel. You may want to search some of the threads here to see what others have done, what they haven't done, and the results of them also pushing.

[Terri]

I agree with Sara.... Maybe I would be a little nicer about it But she is right, I have been married for 15 years, it takes time. I go out all the time with a nice pair of jeans a tight sweater and a padded bra with a little eye shadow and don't get a second glance when shopping. I know a few people notice, but i don't creep people out.. Also, most sales people in women's stores, as well as thrift stores, are very used to dealing with men and don't think anything of it when you tell them that your'e shopping for yourself. My experience has been, when I now tell them it's for me, they are generally very comforting and helpful.

[outhiking]

Isn't it funny that I'll bet none of our wives or girlfriends ask if it's OK for them to wear one of our shirts or sweats (or even boxers) or skip shaving thier legs when its winter, but when we go the other way it's all "Mother, may I?" Sorry, just stating the obvious double-standard I guess.

[connie23]

Hi!
I agree with everyone who has been encouraging you to proudly buy girls. Things for yourself. Once I started telling SAs that the clothes were for me, it became way easier and less frightening. Many of them really enjoy helping us., especially at places like Nordstrom's Rack and Macy's.
Forget the disguise, just shop a little distance from your house! LOL
Connie

[AlexisRaeMoon]

I've bought almost all of my heels at Target. In guy mode. Walk right up the counter, usually with a few other odd and ends, pay for my stuff, and leave. No one has ever even made the slightest comment. If they're thinking something, I wouldn't know it, and why worry about it? Because we crossdress, we look for signs of it everywhere (at least I do...), but conversely, the rest of world who doesn't crossdress, the idea probably doesn't even occur to them.

Umless you get all creepy and shifty about your purchases...

[CindySTJ]

My advice is to do what is most comfortable for your household. If your wife is uncomfortable then respect that but keep the communication open as to what you are doing and you may be surprised but then again she may never fully accept it. When you do something nice for yourself then go out of the way to do something for her as well.
Leggins are the most comfortable thing I have ever worn and I would love to wear them all the time so good choice.

[Melanie_M]

Well done. I agree that it's good to let the wife know. As for the shopping. That will get easier as others have said and you will get the occasional playful comment. I just go with the flow when that happens. It's almost like flirting ... such fun!

[Eryn]

I went at 10:30 PM at night in an area I don't normally go. I wore a hat and kept my head down so I didn't have to make eye contact with anyone. Doing this was very difficult for me and hope it makes it easier in the future....

It will get easier as you find that nothing bad happens! Skulking about actually draws attention to you from other shoppers and, more importantly, from the Loss Control people. This could lead to an embarrassing situation.

Most of the time I shop en femme, but not long ago I was in my "no fly" zone and found a pair a pantyhose at JCP that was in my size and on sale. At my height you don't let an opportunity like that pass by. I grabbed a couple of pair, went up to the register, pulled out my credit card, and off I went. Not that long ago I would have been soooo nervous doing that, but now it's a non-event.