[SIZE="3"]I had a long dressing session and phoo and video session last night, and some this morning, then went to a 12 step group, and then went to my father's place, and had dinner with him , my sister who cant talk, and one of the older twin brothers who recently got out of prison. He still takes his marching orders from his twin, still in prison. The kitchen and dinner table have always been battle grounds in this sick family, and today, there were almost blows physically. My older brothers never accepted me, ever, and beat me up , and bullied me growing up. They ridiculed everything i have ever, ever done. They do not know about cding, i hope! Today, was no different. The family from hell, and the hate brothers always deliver. I wrote to my brothers many times in the 1980's and 90's, that if they kept loudly professing their racial hate, and hate against gays, they would either end up in prison, or in a shoot out. I reminded him of that today, and he fired all kinds of shaming remarks about me, and at me. I fired back. And we both were shouting, about to get up and fight. When my older brothers were arrested in 2009, I had compassion on them, and wrote to them at prison many times, and prayed for them. I thought they were done with Nazism, and admitted they were wrong. I gave up my business and life out in the Seattle area, to come back and help my parents. When he got out of prison, he was disrespectful, and insulting, and bringing up what a loser i have been all my life, unable to find a woman, , and other things which hurt. As of today, unless it is the hell of dealing with my fathers eventual passing, I will have nothing to do with my evil, cruel, hypocrite Nazi brothers. I refuse to go see my dad, if the brothers are there. They SOUL MURDERED me since i was born, and have no respect for me, only disdain and deep hate. I supported tem whil they were locked up, and gave them the benefit of the doubt, and it was not respected. I am tempted t turn him in, if i find he is up to illegal activity again. I have been near suiide many times because of their emotional torture. I f they ever found out about Alice, it would be bad. I should have followed my gut feelings, and cut off all ties from them decades ago, but, i always looked for the good, in these monsters, setting myself up for more shaming. They soul murdered me, countless times, and they think they have God on their side! Cruelty, as a million times worse than crossdressing, in my book. I am sorry i am ranting so long. This has gone on for 58 1/2 years, and i am stopping it at last, no matter how much my dad, sister or brother shoot guilt trips at me. I Know, that the crap ahead, after my dad dies will be extreme;y torturous, but after that, I will never communicate with these cruel tyrants again. My life is permanantly damaged emotionally, and mentally, spiritually, and if it kills me, i am changing things now. Thanks for letting me vent my soul's deep sorrow.[/SIZE]