What is most important

[BWOemerger]

I had chance to go out for the first time in a few years. I have gained some weight and don't think that I look as good as I used to. I was traveling and stopped for gas and a snack and went into this gas station and was totally read. It did get me thinking, what is it that gets us read. My clothes were very nice and classy, my wig isn't bad, my makeup is good, so my conclusion is it must be just actions and attitude. It could also be the 6'4" 220 lbs. I just don't know and it is interesting to speculate. Other than a few snickers it was fun and the rush is just incredible. I still struggle with the idea of passing versus acceptance and I would love to have the courage to go out and not worry about passing but I am not there. Any comments and ideas would be appreciated.

Thanks
Bwoemerger

[Beverley Sims]

Maybe your clothes were too classy, I would work on blending, trying to look inconspicuous.
Actions and a fearful attitude can show up. Try going out with a friend, easier said than done I know.
More walking and look what other tall girls might wear.
I am a great supporter of jeans and flat heeled shoes for such a situation.

[StarrOfDelite]

When I'm not blending into crowds I feel self-conscious by my size, and I'm only 5-11/6-0 and 150/155, so you have my total admiration for going into the station and not just paying for the gas at the pump with a credit card. I would probably have waited until I got to a busy travel center. Plus, just the mention of Idaho brings images of Ruby Ridge and cultists to mind. Brrr! I have the Easterners phobia about southerners and westerners, and am not too happy any time when I'm not east of the Ohio/Indiana state line and north of the Ohio River, even when I'm wearing men's clothes! :-)

[kimdl93]

I do think the key to blending in is a combination of attitude and presentation. I pay close attention to what other women are wearing in the same setting, and try to dress similarly. I conquered the nerves that accompany those first few steps out by reminding myself that other peoples' opinions of me really don't matter much...particularly strangers in a gas station. I've made several cross country trips en femme and stopped at lots of convenience stores and motels along the way. I'm sure I've been read a number of times, but I've also had doors opened for me, been referred to ma'am many times and generally been warmly and courteously received. BTW, I'm 6'2" and about 215 so, I'm not exactly petite.

[PaulaAnn]

Hi;enjoyed reading your post .I'm 6' 3" 235 so I tend to stand out a bit so I can understand your concern. The biggest thing apart from being totally confidant in yourself is to blend in with the "herd".I do lots of "girl watching" to see what most GG's wear.I definately don't wear 3" heels to the grocery store.....
Now I used to be really self conscious when out ,but once I had been out and about a dozen times ,the feeling of being perceived as the object of attention passed.I still get odd looks and smiles but really who gives a damn if YOU feel good about yourself. Most people just are caught up in their daily routines and don't give us a second glance. That being said the biggest snag is a group of young teenaged girls...they can be nasty at times...a smile and /or a wave sorta sets them back .
You'll do fine;just get out there ,the more times the better.It's definately a bonus to have a friend to go out with ...I usually con my sister into going out with me .Besides she'll let me know if I'm doing something incorrectly; you know like walking like a man ......
Good luck,
Paula

[JamieQ]

Blend or pass...just try to blend in some...just go and act as everyone else...who gives a crap if we get funny looks! Enjoy yourself.

[Jenniferathome]

6'4" and 220! That's hard to blend. You will always get a double take based on those proportions. Nothing you can do about that. But you were dressed classy and went to a gas station for a snack. That is not a usual combination as well. And if it was a rural location, even more "outstanding." Some key determiners for blend ability: location, attire, accessories, and mannerisms. Your physical stature is just really unique for a woman. I'll bet you are in the top .01% on the female height scale. You'll just have to expect more scrutiny. have fun

[Jess Marie]

I would say dressing for the situation is the biggest thing, followed by voice. Do you speak naturally or is it forced? people can pick up on that stuff.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think sometimes we tend to overdress; which looks out of place and sometimes we tend not to be comfident enough in ourselves which leads to being read!

[Chickhe]

If you could muster up the courage to do it, ask the people who read you... go over, say 'laugh and say what is it that gave me away?'

I think many times it is body language and facial expressions. The reason I think that is becasue you can spot a guy or girl from a long distance away just by the way they move and secondly, whenever I'm in a really happy mood with a smile plastered across my face, I tend to pass. ...otherwise, I could still be passing as a really angry looking woman...or not.

[noeleena]

Hi,

As most of the others know about myself , they know i dont pass or blend in & never will.

So there are two details going on here, do you wont to pass & blend in or would you rather have acceptance.

As i am finding out things are very different in the U S & depending on where you live ,

Where i live is down under & i have acceptance, okay im a bit different, i dont conform to how a woman looks, my normal day wear is good nice clothes, just like my many friends, who are women , when i say women i mean like myself female / woman apart from a few difference's i have,

I know for many its very different, & its about being seen or known or I D'ed, so i accept that, or should i say not wonting to be known.

Okay, could you allow your self to be known as in tell others about your self , being open about who you are,
Ill take it that your a dresser. so maybe how you think about this will be different, than how i think & do things,

How i look at this is in how im accepted, that for me was very importaint, now im too well known no matter where i go, or what i do.

Jos can tell you that, who's Jos we were married for 35 out of 37 years, & we know the same people, my friends have known me for many years, so acceptance has been given to me,

My secret if you can call it that was / is ,

be your self, dress nicely have an air about your self that says i belong here, have you the confindence in your self ,be self assured in who you are, . if you dought your self or look down or cower= afraid scared or nervious then youll give your self away,

As above ask others what they think of you. how they see you,

For my self my peers well friends do tell me how they see me. oh dear......as a normal woman my manerisms my demeaner how i interact & just get on & talk with any one & every one, its about ...being .... who i should be . & mark my words they dont pull back on what they say, very up front & honist, & Jos will tell me allso,

Yet i fail in my facial features, too male looking... yet thats over looked, hope this helps.

...noeleena...

[Celeste]

I have stopped worrying over it all together.I don't have to place others evaluations on a pedestal,my motivations need to stem from inside and not others affirmation and I don't like allowing someone else's conception of femininity change the way I feel.So they can have their little thumbs up or down party..I will just consider the source and go on with my day.

[Sarasometimes]

I think, unfortunately being 6' 4" makes you draw attention. I have a strong need to blend so that my dressing experience is a pleasant one. I'm not looking for any confrontations or negative feedback (I may get it anyway). I'm 6' 2" but sort of slim which helps and 2 inches is big over 6' but I also always try to dress as the GG's would. Also darker more monochromatic outfits held you blend as does avoiding brighter shades and bold accessories.

[Karren H]

Maybe your clothes were too classy, I would work on blending, trying to look inconspicuous.

I have no problem being the only person wearing a dress or a skirt.... not wearing jeans.... personally I'd rather look like an amazingly dressed crossdresser than a poorly dressed inconspicuous female.....

[Sara Jessica]

We all have our challenges, some of which are absolutely impossible to do anything about (whether height, frame, shoe size, hand size, etc). Best to simply own these and you'll be much happier.

Others have mentioned blending and if this is your thing, all the better. Tailoring your look with consideration to time, place, event & weather often goes far to enhance your outing experience.

[Cheryl T]

If you are dressed appropriately for where you are going then I think that Attitude is the biggest plus. I'm not talking about being cocky, but being confident.
You have to hold your head up and Believe that you belong there as much as anyone. You have to just go about your business and not mind the business of others.
If you are constantly checking to see who's watching...they will notice and watch. If you don't know they are watching then what you don't know won't hurt you.

[BWOemerger]

Thanks everyone for your comments, it is always interesting to get all of different ideas. I really like to blend when it means blending up. I feel that confidence is most important. I would love to not care what others think but I do. I don't know h ow to change that. I have lost alot of confidence in the last few years with age. I really admire all of you that can go out and own it. Maybe someday I will.

Thanks
BWOemerger

[Kerstin]

It could be anything that gets someone read. Their face, their make up, their gait, their voice, anything. Just dress like any other woman would in whatever situation you're in, lay off the blue eye shadow, and act confidently.

I will say that developing a good usable female voice goes a loooong way towards helping with passing.

[Teri Ray]

Blend or not its wonderful that you had a chance to dress and go out. I hope you had a great day.

Huggs Teri

[linda allen]

A 6' 4" 220 lb GG (and there are a few out there) is going to draw attention just as you did. There's nothing you can do about your height (stay out of heels), but losing weight might help.

Apparently, I am shrinking in my old age. I used to be 5' 11" +, close to 6' tall. Now I am about 5' 8". That's a shame for a guy, but not so bad for a crossdresser. Now if I could drop from 175 lb to 155 lb, I would be happy.

My clothes were very nice and classy, my wig isn't bad, my makeup is good, so my conclusion is it must be just actions and attitude.

What were the other women wearing? What time of day was it? Most GGs don't "dress up" or put on makeup to go to the gas station. Granted, some are on their way to or from work at an office or other "dress up" job, but most aren't. They are on their way to pick up their children or go to the store.

[Kate Simmons]

One thing that many don't realize is that we project our energy and feelings when we go out. Some pick up on this, some do not. If we get in touch with ourselves, we find it's kind of intrinsic really and the presence we project to others is largely based on our self image and how we carry ourselves.