Understand Crossdressing? (For CD's and GG's)

[Tina B.]

Back in the stone age, when I grew up (also known as the fifty's) there was no place to find out anything about the subject. In my teens a magazine did an article about Christine Jorgenson, that was interesting, but it didn't seem to apply to me, I didn't feel like I was in the wrong body, I just liked to dress in my sisters stuff when no one was looking. In my early twenties I heard the work Transvestite, some how in the context it was used I knew it had something to do with what I had done since I was around six years old, but wasn't sure just what it meant, I tried to look it up in an old Websters dictionary, but they didn't have it in there. I had been taught in school, about the root of words, so I broke it down into parts and looked them up, Trans meant to cross over, Vestite, was not there, so I broke it down, Vest, and article of clothing, cross over and clothes, that was as close a I got. So I went in to a dirty book store one evening, and found a magazine about She-males, I was repulsed, that just wasn't me either they called them chicks with d@%ks. I shuddered and didn't look for anymore on it. Then I found a book about a transsexual that had gone to Mexico and had a sex change, The name of the book was Candy, its what she called herself, things didn't go so well for her, but she taught me a lot. I never did learn much more about it, until the INTERNET, and a forum much like this one, except it cost to belong to it. I've really learned as much about crossdressing and crossdresser right here on this site as I did all the rest of my life, but by then I had already accecpted who and what I am for what it is, it's just me, I've done it all my life and will most likly do it all the rest of my life, and I was lucky to find a women that understands my need to do it.

[Sandra]

For SO's or GG's dating/married to a crossdresser (if you care to share): When your SO told you about the crossdressing, what was your initial reaction? Did you assume anything about crossdressers, or have any preconceived notions about it?

My SO was in denial about being TS so at the time she identified as a cder.

I was told 6 months after we got married, I realises later that there had been hints but I didn't think any thing of them. When Nigella told me I was a little shocked I don't know how it came up but we was talking and the subject came up. When she told me she asked if she could put something on and underwear was suggested, I said ok so off she went, when she came back I just looked at her and laughed and then cried. It all looked so wrong I guess because she was trying as a lot do to do the ****ty look and it just wasn't right. I thought if she thinks she looks ok, then she is really delusional. This was 25 and a half years ago...come a long way since then

I was 25/26 when this happened and hadn't even heard of a crossdresser/transvestite boy was I naive, so I didn't have any preconceived notions about any of it.

[Ambergold43]

Thanks for your responses and comments everyone! I really enjoyed reading them and it gave me a lot to think about. I think there is a genuine lack of knowledge when it comes to Crossdressing, at least crossdressing involving non-TS persons (many of you mentioned Christine Jorgenson as the dominant CD figure in your time).

I am really interested in trying to find some academic information on crossdressers and crossdressing culture that they (we) produce who do not fall into the TS category. Your responses/comments have been really helpful in helping me begin a search into this. Thanks!

[ReineD]

I am really interested in trying to find some academic information on crossdressers and crossdressing culture that they (we) produce who do not fall into the TS category. Your responses/comments have been really helpful in helping me begin a search into this. Thanks!

If you do find studies, please let me know. Most of the studies I've seen focus on people who wish to transition, since most others are closeted. You posted a video about the separation of sex, gender identity, sexual & romantic attractions, and sexual behaviors. But the issue is further complicated by the coping mechanisms that non-binary people engage in, in order to fit in a world that accepts only the binary gender. So, sometimes even self-reporting is not consistent or accurate since it depends largely on personality and life circumstances.

[Gena Gurl]

I agree with most of what's been said here. I am also one of the older gals and since a kid I struggled to figure out why I loved to feel femenine. I as a teen struggled and can actualy say that in my boy mode I went out of my way to be as masculine as possible by playing sports, fixing my car, dattting and datting girls. Back in the day I believe tha more so than today if you where a crossdresser or had an affinity for women's clothes you where considered homosexual. I knew that I was not only not attracted to men, but was big time into girls, so the first thing I learned was that I was not gay. The only literature on crossdressing back then where in two places, the library and porn shops. Still struggling with my identity I would buy Female Mimics and other CD mags mainly for the articles LOL!). As I traveled through life things became clearer when the inter net came along. So, now I embrace my femininity and have begun a journey of finaly enjoying my fem side. Hope this helps.

[Ambergold43]

If you do find studies, please let me know. Most of the studies I've seen focus on people who wish to transition, since most others are closeted. You posted a video about the separation of sex, gender identity, sexual & romantic attractions, and sexual behaviors. But the issue is further complicated by the coping mechanisms that non-binary people engage in, in order to fit in a world that accepts only the binary gender. So, sometimes even self-reporting is not consistent or accurate since it depends largely on personality and life circumstances.

I have found a few works of the "Transgender" community in general. One focuses on a specific group of CD'ers during the 1950's through 70's or something (I can't remember the exact timeframe), and another that focuses on how the "Transgender" community as a whole is portrayed on screen, which reflects social attitudes towards the community. I recommend giving these a read... or at least giving them a skim.

The first is a dissertation I found online and can be found here:
http://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstr...2/rshill_3.pdf

The second is a book entitled Transgender On Screen written by John Phillips. I am in the process of reading this book currently and so far I HIGHLY recommend it. It discusses the historical context of all forms of transgender expression and how that history plays a role in how the community is related-to today (in film). Hope this helps!

[flatlander_48]

I was 10 years old in 1958. Somewhere at about 8 to 10 years old I would sneak into a back closet when I was supposed to have been in bed. My mother had old clothes, shoes and undergarments packed away in there that were just totally fascinating. I knew that I was doing something well outside what would be considered normal, but I didn't know exactly what it was or what it was called. Being almost caught once ot twice confirmed the idea of being outside of what was thought to be normal. All I knew was that it felt good.

As I kid, I also saw Milton Berle do drag on his TV show. It didn't do much for me as I knew that it wasn't serious. However, my mother and my aunt were great movie fans. We went to see Some Like It Hot. I just checked and it came out in 1959, so my timeline is pretty accurate. Anyway, a brief synopsis of the movie is this: Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon are musicians who inadvertently witness a gangland hit (this is the 20's!). Knowing that the mobster behind the hit will be looking to do the same to them, they dress up as women and get hired by an all-girl orchestra on it's way to Florida. Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon were VERY convincing as women; something I didn't think was possible. At the time I don't think I believed that this was something I was going to emulate, but it was an interesting data point, nonetheless.

By the time I got to high school, I had pretty much suppressed any thoughts about crossdressing and non-heterosexuality. This continued through high school, college and into marriage. In 1990 I got involved in a peer-to-peer counseling methodology and I was able to openly talk about how sexuality looked to me. For a few years I considered myself to be gay and worked towards settling in with that notion. However, what I discovered was that my attraction to women was still as strong as it ever was. At that point I began to see myself as bisexual.

After my first wife and I divorced in 2003, I relaxed a lot about who and what I was. The woman who would eventually become my second wife was much more open about sex and sexuality than my first wife. When I started underdressing she just thought that it was a great thing to be in touch with one's true self. The only time that I went out dressed was at her insistence. We had a great time! Unfortunately that situation hasn't presented itself in more recent times.

Starting in the early 80's I did do some reading about sexuality, but not about crossdressing. While the kids were in the young people's section, I was elsewhere. If our small town library had had any books on crossdressing, I would have read them during those visits, but they didn't. However, I did learn about the various theories about what determines sexuality. Actually, in looking back on it I can see how there might be some possible explanations for crossdressing. However, while I am still curious about the theory and other information about the commuity, I'm not invested in doing heavy reading about it. I align myself with the LGBT community politically. I am a member of our LGBT Affinity Group at work. And, probably most importantly, I try to be comfortable within my own skin. So far, so good.

[Ambergold43]

For those that are interested: Another good work to read (although it is pretty dense) is Imagining Transgender by David Valentine. The book is written by an Anthropologist to analyze and critique the "category" of Transgender - who it includes, who is/feels excluded and why those assumptions and inclusions can be problematic to identification. As "transgender" officially became a category in the 1990s as an umbrella term for any type of gender-variant activity or identity, the book (at least so far that I've read) believes that it doesn't account for the extreme diversity of gender-identity, sexual-identity, sexual-orientation, and essentializes all gender-variant activities.

I recommend it for anyone wanting to do some self-educating about this topic!

[Kate Simmons]

I usually leave the definitions and labels to other folks Hon. I just know what it feels like being myself, accouterments notwithstanding.

[TGMarla]

So much is read into it. Some of it may be true, while some of the other stuff is just so much BS. It's hard to know what to make of it all.

I know that I started by accident. Like so many other crossdressers, I started with hosiery. I was surprised and so delighted at the sensation of wearing it, that it led me to experiment with other articles of feminine clothing. And I always thought, "Really? Girls get to wear this stuff?" I felt it was wonderful, and I was kind of crushed that these things were denied to me simply because I was a guy. Furthermore, this was made even worse by the fact that not only were these things denied to boys, but that even liking this stuff was frowned upon by everyone else in the whole wide world. I was thinking, "You've got to be kidding me! What a raw deal!"

So, like everyone else, I hid it. But the allure of wearing dresses and hosiery, lacy slips and high heels, et al, was so overpowering to me, I simply could not walk away. I didn't sign up to be a transvestite; it just happened. And it never went away. I lived with the shame of it, should anyone ever find out. It crept deep down into my very soul, this overwhelming desire to repeatedly experience this feminine existence. I'd think about women's clothing constantly, all day long, every single day. It gnawed at me that this was such a taboo. I even considered that I might be transexual because I liked "being" a woman so much.

Well, I still do. But I've concluded that the enjoyment of wearing dresses and such isn't enough of a reason to go through transition and chuck every other good thing in my life. I came to grips with my crossdressing, accepted myself as such, and resigned myself to a life as a male, albeit one who enjoys getting all dolled up.

So to me, what it means to be a crossdresser has changed over the years. While once it was a source of great angst, pain, and shame, it is now more of a source of pleasure and temporary escape. We all need an escape now and then, especially when it's a benign and pleasurable one. Now if I can only get my wife on the same page.

Pending.

[Ambergold43]

Yes, it is most important to be true to yourself and do what you feel is right. Labels inform identity though, especially when it comes to "non-gender conformity," and I believe it is important to understand the labels that social scientists, medical professionals, academics, etc. impose on us compared to society in general. I think that if we as "Cross-dressers" wish to form a distinct, and respected, identity, we have to first understand how we are understood.