Why do I do this to myself?

[RainyNightGirl]

I am sitting in a hotel room, trying to get the courage to go out. I have been out a few times before but every time I do I get ready and hide in my room for hours before I finally go out. Tonight I have wasted most of the evening in this state.

When I am out on the street I actually feel OK and while not confident, at least partially comfortable. But trying to get out of the room, into the elevator and out of the lobby is terrifying for me. I was actually out of the room an hour ago and waiting on the elevator but just as I did I heard a loud voice shout some kind of insult, I am not sure it was directed at me but it was enough to make me retreat back into my room.

Does this ever get any easier? I just do not get opportunities to be in a nice hotel downtown in a city and I just feel I am wasting it.

Sorry for the rant, I just cannot seem to get it together tonight.

[Missy]

This feeling happens to me all the time, ready and dressed but then fear kicks in and I just give in and stay in.

[paulaprimo]

yep, add me to the list also. i thought it only happened to me...

[Beverley Sims]

Yes that used to happen to me also...
You will grow out of it..

[Stephanie Miller]

When times like that hit.... and I'm sure it still does even to a lot of "experienced" girls, I have found it easier to take my outings in phases. Phases that can be aborted at any time.
For instance:
Phase One - The elevator. I will tell myself I am walking to the elevator and turning back.
Phase Two - At the elevator I will either feel O.K. and aim for the lobby or run back to the room.
Phase Three - Elevator doors open and I make it to the exit, or I stand in elevator and push the up button.
Etc. etc.
It's easier if its all looked at as short jaunts rather than a long trip.

Then again there are nights I aim for a distant star and put one heel in front of the other.

What are you waiting for? Pull up those britches and hit Phase One. Whats it going to hurt?

[Shadow_Lady]

Have a drink or a smoke to take the nerve off... if you partake anyway. Always works for me, but maybe I'm cheating?

[Nichola]

When you heard the shout, I don't blame you for going back in your room. Better to be safe, I hope you get more opportunities in the future

[JamieQ]

Well...I say just try keep going out. I think it will just "click" one day and you will realize its okay. Thats how it was for me, but it only took a few times out though. I guess because I knew going out enfemme was the real me! Now I cannot get enough...Oh yeah...put one foot in front of the other and go! As another said, whats it going to hurt?...99.9% nothing!

[ChelseaErtel]

I was also terrified. But with each outing it got so much easier. When I'm traveling, by car only, I leave en femme and stay that way as long as possible. I just don't go out as a man if I can help it now.

My wife now knows, but the kids don't and won't for a while and I can't go out in the community - too may ramification (to friends, politicians etc., lets say they won't elect a TG mayor).

So, as long as your in a good hotel and stay in safe areas, go for it. Shop, SA's just want to sell things. Makeup is heaven because those SA seem to just love what they do and any new canvas is an opportunity for some artistry as well as sales.

[kimdl93]

All you can do is take that first step out, then follow it with a second. Also, maybe try some different environments and times of day. Late night is the time you'll meet the most obnoxious people.

[DAVIDA]

Well, the times that I have been out, I guess that size does matter.
Not to many people will say anything to a "guy in a dress" that tips the scale at 250+.

[linda allen]

If you're in a hotel room, I'm assuming you're away from your neighbors, friends, and anyone else you don't want to be seen by so you're 90% of the way already. All you have to do (easier said than done I know) is to say to yourself "I can do this." and just walk out the door, over to the elevator, down and out.

Now waiting for the elevator and knowing that when the door opens there might be six more people already on it can be frightening so how about using the stairs? Better yet, instead of a hotel, how about a motel with ground floor entrances for each room? You can come and go with little worry of meeting other people and you won't have to walk through a brightly lit lobby full of people.

Each time you venture out, it gets easier and usually you get better at your presentation and comfort in public.

[JohnnieCD]

Elevators are just scary anyway....depending on what floor you are on, the door can open at any floor and no telling who will step in....I an understand your fear as for me, being seen is not as big of worry so much as the possibility of having to interact with someone...

[Ceri Anne]

I travel regularly and dress when I go out. I too have been in the hall, at the elevator and hear a noise and scampered to safety. You can do it, its natural to have fears, to be skiddish and stuff. Just nudge yourself, use the stairs if you have to. I have one hotel where you have to go by the front desk to get to the elevators, just do it. I've never had a problem. Good luck. Linda had it right, they are all strangers, you'll never see them again. It does get easier.

[Jorja]

Going out dressed is a scary endevor for everyone at first. It take a few trips to get over that fright and flight response. From now on just say to hell with it. Go have fun. If anyone says anything to you, muster up you deepest male voice and sing, that's the way I like it, uhuh uhuh! Then skip off down the hallway. Shuts them up every time.

[docrobbysherry]

For many of us closet CDs that can't pass at midnite on the back side of the moon, Rainy, going out dressed just to go out dressed is pointless!

I DO go out dressed to meet other girls. And, while it does get EASIER, it doesn't get any BETTER!

[RainyNightGirl]

Thank you all for your support, I am writing this out en femme in a Starbucks. It's been an interesting day, 2 mins after stepping outside of the hotel I got a compliment on my boots and advised to spray them as they were suede and well it rains here. Next it went downhill for a bit, my boob fell out on Pike Street, literally fell out my bra onto the sidewalk, as I quickly bent down to pick it up a gust of wind - a real gust of wind - blue my wig off. So I just pick it up put it back on and put my boob back in as well. This was downtown on a Saturday afternoon, no one said anything ancon one cared and with 30 secs after realising that I was ok myself. No hotel room to run too. So if as I handled that I can handle anything even the little giggle from the Starbucks barista when I gave her my femme name Natasha after she asked.

But thank you to all for your support, it meant the the difference to me today.

Natasha

[RainyNightGirl]

Also want to apologise for bad grammar and spelling from typing the above on my phone!

[GinaM]

Glad that you were able to make it out. I too just started going out in public and it is quite scary. I try to tell myself that it doesn't really matter because nobody knows who I am as I'm far enough away from home for anyone to know me. Plus, I'm hidden in a wig, makeup, and womens clothing so it would be difficult for anyone to recognize me if they were to see me. Keep at it as it does get easier.

[Noel Chimes]

Girl that's nothing. Try having to repair your car in an Auto Zone parking lot and have the girls come loose in the middle of the store.

[RADER]

Just an Idea: Pick a motel with an outside entrance, and on the ground floor.
Since my wife became Handicapped and needs a wheel chair, I do because it is a lot
easer to get her in and out of the motel.
Rader

[Terri Andrews]

I can understand your fears about going out ,I have been going out for years and their are not many things that I have not experenced.
I think I spend to much time worring about what all the strangers that I encounter may think.

I try to convince my self that I have the same rights that they do , as long as I dress to blend and not draw attention to myself.
We are not second class citizens and we deserve to enjoy our life.

[RainyNightGirl]

So many people have said it on this forum and so I want emphasise how it applied to me. I have often heard people say that you have to own your environment and own where you are. On Friday night I was so afraid of going through the hotel lobby on femme, that last night on my way home from dinner I had a drink in the hotel bar and lobby. When going out this morning it was no problem at all.....I owned that lobby.

Thank you again everyone.

Natasha