Need referral to counselor

[mikiSJ]

I have been around the forum for a bit but had a secret I did not want anyone to know - and it was about CDing.

I have been married for 37 years and told my wife before we were married. She is tolerant of my dressing but not totally accepting. I do not dress for the thrill, but truly believe there is a woman I share space with who wants to be acknowledged. I do not want to transition but simply want to be able to share my life wifh Miki.

What I didn't tell my wife (or anyone else) until last weekend was that I was raped by a Sea Scout leader when I was 15 (I am 66 now!) I simply could not hold the anger I had for this individual and what he did to me, and it came out in a letter to my wife that we read together.

My molestation did not occur because I CDed early in my life, and I did not continue to CD because of the rape. My wife thinks otherwise and suggested I get counseling. I am willing to do so, both for her sake and to see if there may be some issues left unresolved.

I am in the San Jose, CA area and would like to get a referral to a counselor who is familiar with both abuse and transgender issues. There are a lot of counselors listing their experience on the internet for San Jose, but I would prefer to have a recommendation from some gal in San Jose before I go disclosing my soul to a stranger.

I have no problem discussing any referrals in a thread on the forum as there may be someone else here in a similar situation.

[Melissa_59]

I can't give you a referral in the San Jose area because I don't live there. The one piece of advice is that when you do start seeing a counselor, you have to remember that not all counselors work for the same personalities and/or situations. If you're talking to a counselor and it's not helping, then you go find another counselor - seriously. This is the best piece of advice my last counselor gave me. She said "If I'm not working for you, fire me. I won't take it personally."

She was great.

[Tamara Croft]

Theres a big list here of councellors in San Jose, CA. Maybe some members have been to one of them and can recommend? or have a read of their profiles and see what you think

http://therapists.psychologytoday.co.../San+Jose.html

[sandra-leigh]

The reading I have done suggests that it is not uncommon for transsexuals to have been abused as children. Sometimes that is being abused by people because the child is transsexual, as a punishment or a supposed "cure", or because "everyone knows that transsexuals are gay so what are you complaining about?"; sometimes it is taking advantage of perceived vulnerability. The portion of transsexual children kicked out onto the streets is heartbreaking.

If I recall correctly, studies have found that abuse does not tend to "cause" transsexualism (though it may trigger recognition of transsexualism); rather that transsexuals are abused at higher rates.

Anyhow, I would expect that anyone who has studied gender issues (rather than just happened to have had a couple of patients with gender issues) would also be aware to deal with abuse issues and to deal with emotions and issues relating the two.

[mikiSJ]

Theres a big list here of councellors in San Jose, CA. Maybe some members have been to one of them and can recommend? or have a read of their profiles and see what you think

http://therapists.psychologytoday.co.../San+Jose.html

Thanks Tamara - I reached out to someone on the list.

Miki

[mikiSJ]

The reading I have done suggests that it is not uncommon for transsexuals to have been abused as children.

Anyhow, I would expect that anyone who has studied gender issues (rather than just happened to have had a couple of patients with gender issues) would also be aware to deal with abuse issues and to deal with emotions and issues relating the two.

Thanks Sandra-leigh

I do not plan to transition but I appreciate your comments.

Miki

[mikiSJ]

I went through all of the lists you girls supplied but it was worse than throwing the proverbial darts trying to pick out who to choose and open up to. Tamara, the individual I reached out to didn't have the courtesy to return my telephone call.

I finally got up the courage to visit Carla's (in drab) in San Jose and talked Aejaie Sellers. It was really nice talking to someone who understands and she gave me the name of a counselor who deals with girls like us.

The name of the counselor is Maureen Johnston in San Jose and she is a good listener and supportive.

[giuseppina]

Hello Miki

Congrats on your decision. The effects of abuse is something that requires a duly qualified and licensed mental health professional to treat sucessfully. One of the recent (in the last 10 years) developments is a causal relationship has been found between abuse and its effects on mental health. This includes post traumatic stress disorder.

Having been through this more than once, I have to warn you that things may get worse before they get better. Memories will return that will be unsettling to say the least, and your wife should see the counsellor at least once on her own. She should know what to expect; it will be hard on her as well as you.

A large part of my dressing is about escapism. I don't know anything about you other than what you've posted here, but I do think your DSW's idea of a connection between the rape and the crossdressing cannot be ruled out.

Your need to dress may or may not change as a result of attending counselling. I would not be surprised if you feel the need to dress more often in the initial stages.

The scars of abuse will be with you for the rest of your life. The only thing you can do is change how you feel about it. The past is not within your power to change. You can only change the present and future.

Good luck. You have a tough road ahead of you, but you will survive.

[mikiSJ]

Thank you Giuseppina for your kind words.