Sexuality

[Kelli<3]

I started to reply to the straight CD vs gay CD thread but I have more on my mind then the scope of that thread.

A little background: I am married CD with two small children. I love my wife and I am very attracted to her. Just this year I began to come to terms with my CDing and gender identity issues. I came out to my wife about all of this and she has been very supportive. I have always told myself I am straight and tried my best to deny that I was a CD or had any gender identity issues. Well I am at the very least a CD and I have always felt to some degree that I should have been born female.

I have been openly discussing all if this with my wife lately and one topic of discussion was my sexuality. The gay vs straight CD thread as well as past similar threads got me thinking. After reading the responses I feel like I am in the minority and don't fit in with most people here. I feel I am definitely not straight, I guess I'm bi or bicurious, however you want to classify me. I love women and I'm very much in love with and attracted to my wife but I am attracted to men as well, although my standards seem to be pretty high.

My attraction to men is primarily sexual and centers around me as a woman. However I don't think this magically goes away and I turn straight when I'm not dressed. I'm one and the same person whether I'm dressed as a man or woman, I just feel that part of me is female. I have had fantasies about men for awhile now, mostly with me dressed, and some are pretty intense. I don't plan on acting on these fantasies since I am married and love my wife and would never to anything to risk my relationship with her or my family.

This is tough for me to deal with and I kind of feel alone in this forum. Every thread I see in this forum discussing sexuality is usually filled with replies professing how straight as an arrow everyone is and I'm left thinking "really, am I that messed up?". Are any of you like me?

[Tiffany Grace]

Thank you Kelli for your honesty and candor. I don't think you are messed up at all for describing who you truly are.

Hugs
Tiffany

[Jana]

You have the guts to admit you are bisexual (or bicurious) and that's good for you. Whether you decide to act on it is your choice, but at least you have a clear picture where you stand within the spectrum. Knowledge is power, and also liberating.

[suzy1]

You are not messed up at all. You are just you.
If pressed I would have to say that if you have a fantasy about being with a man then you are a bit bisexual.
Or maybe when you fantasise about being with a man you are concentrating on the feelings that a women would have when having sex with a man which is not necessarily anything to do with being bisexual. In other words you are being turned on by the feeling of the woman in the sex act.

The subject of sex is not simple, it’s very complicated and there are countless variations within the human experience.

Yes, someone like me is 100% heterosexual and if you are 100% heterosexual then you know it, you really do!

But why think you are messed up? There are lots of men just like you. You’re just another variation in this complex subject that is sexuality.

Accept who you are and move on. [And have fun and enjoy who you are while you’re at it]

[Leann68]

I think you are as normal as most of us, we all have our own thoughts about life, and where we fall in the spectrum of sexually. I too am a married CD who very much loves my wife, I have always considered myself to be straight.
That being said however I do think about what it would be like to be with another CD male.

[Diversity]

Hi Kellie,
You are not messed up at all and I think it's great that you are so honest with yourself and have the courage to share your feelings with this forum. It also says just how great this forum and it's members are. I believe that you are fantasizing about being with a man during love making because you are trying to envision and feel what it would be like to be a female making love to a man. This is something that I am sure many of us have done from time to time. I myself will admit that I have wondered what it would be like also especially when I am dressed 'en femme'. Still, however, I am a 100% straight heterosexual and would not act upon this curiosity. To me there is nothing wrong with fantasizing about any sexual diversity among two consenting adults. Having said that, there is actually nothing wrong with anything two consenting adults do as long as it does not harm either party and anyone else. Enjoy being 'you' and learning about 'you'. This is a good thing. It's a spiritual thing. It's a healthy thing in my view. We are all on a journey in life. Have fun!
Best wishes,
Di

[JennyLynn]

You are fine. I told my wife that a cute customer of mine, a guy, offered to well...do something for me...if you get my drift. She actually said she found it"strangely exciting". I let it happen once and even though we talked about the experience which was intense, he ended up being a jerk afterall, so I distanced myself from him. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to other men, but for me, I would prefer the girl side of a cd.

[Marleena]

Kelli I hate this saying but here goes... "don't worry be happy"! There are plenty of CDers that feel just like you do. For some it's just fantasy for others it becomes reality.

I'm sure there are many CD admirers on this board in hiding too that claim to be straight.

[suchacutie]

Kelli...welcome to normal! The real strength of this forum is that we have people who are strong enough (like you) to talk about the details that show us the full spectrum of transgendered possibilities. It seems to me that the majority of the folks on this forum fall somewhere closer to your feelings about sexuality than my unidirectional feelings. But I think the most important point is that we are a group who appreciate the differences among us and learn from them. I know I've learned a lot on this forum!!!

Be happy!

[Kate Simmons]

These feelings can tend to be like a second nose that we can't really ignore. The feelings need to be addressed and accepted, then at least we can manage them to the point where we control them and not vice versa.

[ChaCha]

Kelli, you are not alone. I feel a lot like you. Thanks for sharing.

[Kati F]

Well Kelli, there are at least two of us here.. (and probably many more)!!! I could have written your post. I'm a bit older that you but I'm married to a great woman have two adult children and love them all to the ends of the earth but...

This whole CD/gender/sexually thing is tough to wrap your head around sometimes... it's really way, way complicated. I don't think cross dressers are any different that the rest of society, some are straight, some are gay and others are bi. You're not 'messed up' at all, you just the way nature made you, just like the rest of us.

You are not 'messed up' at all.

[shellie marie]

well kelli I think you have found that you are not alone here with your feelings there are alot of us that feel the same way you do, being married also you learn to control those feelings always think of your wife before you act.talking openly with your wife will help you both
you are not alone or wierd
Shellie

[Jenniferathome]

So you are bi, so what? Can be bi and not act on that. If marriage is valuable to you, and you clearly indicate it is, then you have no worries.

[docrobbysherry]

Interesting post, Kelli. I think it's all a matter of numbers? I've consistently read threads/posts saying that about 6% of the general population is gay. And, that a similar percentage applies to CDs.

But, what about bi's? Are they included in the 6%? Maybe they should be in another, separate, category?

[ReineD]

I don't think you're messed up. There have been lots of threads about this and many CDers feel the same way you do, as did my own SO. He was, however, single for some years in between his ex and me, and so he did have the freedom to test the waters with men. She discovered that the reality of being two male bodied individuals in bed turned her off big time. She is an independent, open-minded and experimental type of person (as am I), and she has no agenda, no predetermined idea that it is somehow "wrong" to be gay or bi.

I think the determination of whether someone is bi-curious (potentially bi), depends on whether they feel an attraction no matter how they're dressed vs. feeling an attraction ONLY when they're dressed, since their curiosity is not predicated upon anything within themselves that fluctuates. In other words, they are bi-curious if they are attracted to a member of the same sex no matter who they feel they are internally and so the attraction is "other-focused" and not "self-focused".

The difficulty with determining whether a CD is in fact attracted to men is complicated by determining which is greater, an unchanging attraction to a man (which would be there no matter how someone dresses), or an attraction to the self as a woman while using the mental image of a man as a prop because it makes the fantasy more real. If the attraction turns out to only be there when dressed and it does shatter under real-life circumstances, then I propose the attraction is rather to the self as a woman, which is not the same as being bi.

Someone else mentioned an attraction to CD males specifically. If this attraction is there independent of whether the person who feels it is dressed or not, then I'd say that this person is indeed bi-curious.

At any rate, no one is messed up. It is what it is and it's OK, unless the attraction to the self as a woman has a negative impact on a sexual relationship with a SO, if there is a SO.

[Amy Fakley]

... Every thread I see in this forum discussing sexuality is usually filled with replies professing how straight as an arrow everyone is and I'm left thinking "really, am I that messed up?". Are any of you like me?

you are not alone, not by a long shot. There's a quote from an old thread that went something like this "you're wearing a dress, wig and heels dude. you might not be gay, but ya damn sure ain't straight", LOL.

I sometimes wonder if the reason that the "zomg am I teh gay?!!" threads evoke such a powerful and immediate response is perhaps a bit of defensiveness/denial. I'd honestly be surprised if most of us haven't at least fantasized about ourselves as women with a man. I'm married, and straight too (though I'll admit to some adolescent experimentation like 25 years ago -- it just wasn't for me), but ... I guess my point is ... why worry about it?

It's not like you're contemplating heading out to a bar, pickin' up dudes, divorcing your wife, turning your whole life upside down etc.
Sounds to me like you're attracted to the idea of yourself as a woman with a man which is by no means uncommon 'round these parts (even if there are a few who will loudly deny it, LOL).

[Badtranny]

you are not alone, not by a long shot. There's a quote from an old thread that went something like this "you're wearing a dress, wig and heels dude. you might not be gay, but ya damn sure ain't straight", LOL..

That quote looks familiar. ;-)

[lingerieLiz]

I think we and for that matter all people are curious about sexual feeling. What I found was that while I liked platonic friendships where I could play the role of a girl/woman with a guy I wasn't sexualy interested. Loved going out, but never to bed.

[flatlander_48]

This is tough for me to deal with and I kind of feel alone in this forum. Every thread I see in this forum discussing sexuality is usually filled with replies professing how straight as an arrow everyone is and I'm left thinking "really, am I that messed up?". Are any of you like me?

No, you are not alone and you are not messed up. Confused a bit, perhaps, but I think that is sort of a natural state as we evolve. The reality is that where ever we are on the continuum from the cradle to the grave is that we have never been here before. It's all new, every moment. The trick is to keep remembering that we are adaptable creatures and if we get stuck, it is possible to get unstuck. Whether we like it or not, we are continually changing. How we think of ourselves today may not be what we think tomorrow. There is no right or wrong regardless of what people might try to tell you. Things have to make sense to you and that's all that matters.

Until I found my way here, I did think that most crossdressers were gay or bi. Perhaps this was due to looking at the world through the eyes of a bisexual person; I don't know. Anyway, realizing that the largest group of crossdressers is straight was a revelation. However, it makes sense to me to support them in the hope that they will support me. Bisexuals have an interesting perspective, I think. Because we are often simultaneously in both the gay and straight worlds, we are forced to understand both. Maybe we will see this more as a blessing rather than a curse as we come to accept ourselves.

However one believes that we were created, we have been given the power of rational thought and the power of faith. We can use these to understand our situation and hopefully move forward. So no, you are not alone. There are many of us scattered along the same path and we're just trying to reconcile who we are with who we need to be. Easier said than done, I know, but we'll get there. That's where the faith comes in...

[kimdl93]

I suspect that most of the people who say I fantasize about men, Sexually, but only when I'm dressed are engaging in just that...a fanciful idea that being with men is part of being female. Honestly, I don't think a genuine attraction to males nor a solely sexual fantasy attraction can be dependent on how you're dressed.

[sandra-leigh]

I am theoretically bi. Theoretically in that I think that some of the acts are potentially of interest to me, but I am only very rarely attracted to actual men. (I can only remember two, total, in my lifetime, who interested me for more than 2 minutes, and those were more or less 30 years ago; not a thing happened with respect to those two.)

I no longer remember how long it has been since being "straight" was important to me; on the other hand, the alternatives are very low priority for me. Sort of like me saying that, "Okay, I admit the possibility that there might be a Brussels' Sprout that I might enjoy, but it does seem rather implausible I would ever find one."

[Michaela51]

You are not alone, Kelli. I too am married, bisexual, and feel sexually female when with a man. We are complex creatures, not messed up. Celebrate the mystery.

[paulaprimo]

twenty years ago, when i was your age i had the exact same feelings. being married at the time i did not act on my feelings and remained faithful to my wife.
we divorced a few years ago, for other reasons, which gave me the perfect opportunity to explore my bi-side. i too, am the same person no matter how i am dressed, but one thing is for certain that i am bi and now only wished i acted on that earlier in life.

[GinaD]

Kelli, you are not alone by any means. It is great that you recognize that you can't cross the line with a man while married. Just a bad idea. I shared many of the same bisexual desires as you when I was married, but didn't engage them during my marriage either. I had sexual experiences with a man before I was married, and have re-visited the experience since I was divorced. I can only enjoy the experience with a man while in my "Gina" persona, but I still prefer women over men.
I might recommend enjoying the other side of the coin with some of the various toys that are available to see if the experience is at all pleasurable to you.