My SO told me she is accepting and supportive of my dressing even to the point of helping me with makeup ,this was some time back.
But last night she seemed turned off by the thought of it.
Is this yes and no attitude common with SO's ?
I think at this point DADT would be best for me because she has not forbid me from dressing but is not interested in me doing it at all.
From what I've seen on here and in other places, it can be a sliding scale with SO's and they can be hot and cold with it depending on how they feel at any given time.The fact that circumstances and situations are dynamic probably has something to do with it. Even many of us didn't have the degree of dedication formerly as we do now.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Mine appeared to be accepting for the first few days, until she was done drilling me with questions, even gave me her dress to put on for her see "how ugly I look as a girl", then overnight, switched on me.
HURRY-UP, IN THE BACK SEAT!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Maybe she just wasn't in the mood at the time or had other things on her mind. It is important to communicate, we tend to get ourselves in trouble when we assume what others feel or are thinking. Just ask her.
My spouse has never waivered in her support and has never been critical of me. Perhaps yours was just distracted by other things going on. I know sometimes that happens to me when someone asks for advice and I'm focused on something else...I respond in not the best way at times.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
It may not have had anything to do with you being dressed. Sometimes we females have a million other things going on in our heads and cross dressing may be at the end of the list. I think I am very supportive of my husband, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood to fawn over him. It has nothing to do with him being dressed or not. Usually it has to do with me being stressed or not, which doesn't have anything to do with him. Also, sometimes we women have hormone and mood fluctuations, which again has nothing to do with our SO's.
The best advice I can give you is to talk to your SO and ask if her mood had anything to do with you being dressed. You may be pleasantly surprised at her answer. It may have not been anything you did at all.
If she does run hot and cold about the cross dressing she may have some inner conflict going on about it. Has she mentioned anything?
Define "normal"
Only you and your wife can decide if DADT is the right approach for your relationship. My wife might say that she "accepts" my crossdressing but I would say it is more like she only "tolerates" it. She knows it is a part of me and isn't going away and I occasionally express it but mostly she doesn't want to be involved. This works for us and has the advantage over DADT in that I don't hide anything from her.
Hi Terri, If and when you ever get them figured out PLEASE let the rest of us know.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
I definitely agree that it could just be timing but it could be something else. I'd suggest just talking it over with her to try and better understand the situation.
If I had to put my wife's acceptance on a 1-10 scale over time I think it was about a 6 for the first 3 months we were dating then bouncing between 2 and 4 for the next 12 years until jumping up to a 7 or 8 for the last year. It's amazing what time and circumstance can do.
Good luck Terri and keep communicating.
-Bree
I believe open and honest communication is the best remedy. If you ask her and listen to what she has to say, you won't have to guess what she is feeling, and both of you will be on the same page. It's not usually the easiest route, but it works better, imo.
Take it slow, be ready to answer her questions. On Youtube, a short" My husband Betty" is a good soft starting point.
I guess it really depends on how often you dress in front of her. If you do it every day then yes she is probably thinking a bit more into it other than you are enjoying your freedom of her knowing. Every GG/SO is different though so why she feels this way depends on her outlook and how she truly feels about it all.
This is why, even though my SO is accepting and supportive, I do not push it on her daily. I try not to talk about it as well. I give her the man she loves most of the time. Yes I almost dress daily but it's when she is out. The most she sees of it is my painted toes and she hasn't had a problem with it.
I don't know the full situation on your end but maybe easing back a bit may help. Maybe when she is in this mood you may want to take some time and talk.good luck
Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!
I would take it slowly and when dressing go all the way so as you look attractive, not a man in a dress.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
It could be the Holidays; I found that emotions can get thin during the holidays,
especially Christmas. I herd that it has to do with the Sun not being around as
long as it was in the summer. Longer nights mean more glum I guess.
Just take it real slow, I do, And my wife is totally OK with me dressing.
Rader
Guess I'm lucky my wife has never flip flopped one bit.... she still hates it as bad as on day one!.... just tell her you quit!.... were already renoun liars.... what's one more? lol
[SIZE="4"]It's extremely hard for most women to wrap their heads around their man in a dress. If you expect much more than that, you'll be sorely disappointed. How would you feel if your SO started wearing no makeup, crew cut hair, barn boots, and farmer's overalls?
DADT doesn't work. All it does is leave everything in limbo, nothing agreed to, and an underlying tension in the relationship. She doesn't like it, you do, and she'll put up with it for the sake of the children, the house, the neighbors, the church, her career, etc.[/SIZE]
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
What goes up, comes down and whaat comes down goes up. It's the way of life for many of us. As long as you don't throw it inher face you wil be fine.
Sooo true, and when things are cold, we've got to put on our big girl panties - or big boy boxers - and not be crybabies about it.Originally Posted by Kate Simmons
Cross dressing is an aberration to societal norms and customs-period. A very very very few wives are truly supportive. I suspect out of love for you, your wife has tried to accept that part of you. Maybe, she has tried to understand your desire to cross dress. Maybe she has gone to the extent of viewing you en femme and some participation. In the end she still has the right to reassess her thoughts about this societal aberration. Everyone changes their minds on any particular subject.
I am in a DADT marriage. Initially my wife and I did engage in some bedroom activity which appeared to be some desire to feel the fabric of nightgowns and hosiery. When we both realized there was more to it, then she could not understand. She does not want anything to do with my cross dressing. I have no desire to force anything upon her.
I do not agree with Lynn Marie at all. Each marriage has its own issues. In most DADT marriages, and, think about it. A DADT marriage is still a marriage. It has not been dissolved because of his cross dressing. It survives because the wife has an understanding of what the husband feels and his needs. However, DADT marriages survive because the negotiated boundaries are observed. So, if she does not want to see anything concerning cross dressing, don't wear feminine clothing around her, don't wear makeup and nail polish around her, don't hang your clothes in the closet. And, if she fears societal pressure if your cross dressing becomes general knowledge, don't flaunt it outside the home.
Yes, it sounds like you may be forced deep into the closet. You and others may not be willing to accept those restraints and boundaries, but, that's what a DADT marriage involves. I can live with the boundaries established in my marriage. And, I have been married long enough to know my wife, and, we really do not have to sit down at the kitchen table and hash out limitations and expectations.
You are right Kate ,after reading you post I remembered she had a very stressfull situation concerning her job earlier that day and will have a different attitude later.From what I've seen on here and in other places, it can be a sliding scale with SO's and they can be hot and cold with it depending on how they feel at any given time.The fact that circumstances and situations are dynamic probably has something to do with it. Even many of us didn't have the degree of dedication formerly as we do now.
You are spot-on Kelly .
Thanks
Thanks so much for all of the sweet thoughtful replies on my situation.
I am certain my SO and I will work past this .
Sounds about right. My SO ebbs and flows with the whole dressing thing. Not every SO is like that but it sounds like a good percentage are.
Trying to come to grips with this lovely thing called Crossdressing.
Thankful there is a place to ask for help.
I know for me, being new to all of this that it could be a insecurity about myself. Sometimes we need that emotional connection and do not know how to find it as we do not know which side of you to reach out to. We are not pushing you away or not accepting you we are trying to reach out as well sometimes times we need reassurance of your love and we may be unsure which side of you to reach out to. I know communication is key and by asking how your SO is feeling you will be surprised by the answer and will find she is more accepting and loving than you think. We are here for you.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]----Live....Laugh....Love------SO of Cassandra Lynn.
I think as Irish put it, sometimes a reassurance of love is needed. The rest of it is just fluff mostly in that respect. When two people love one another and work as a team, that is the most important thing.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
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